Velvet teddy Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 13 hours ago, Lewana said: But he spent already a lot of money and doesn't want to get in argument with her. Its nice you want to help him. But after the way he disrespected you this time around and all the previous times, if i was you, i'd show him the door. You were doing HIM a favour and he had the balls to take that tone with you. Seriously DON'T lend him a penny. It may not be returned to you if you do and you are not in the best circumstances yourself to be giving anything away. 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 You are long distance now? What is he doing with the money? Did he finance wining and dining you with borrowed money from the girl before you?
Author Lewana Posted August 8, 2020 Author Posted August 8, 2020 7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Did he finance wining and dining you with borrowed money from the girl before you? Of course not, not even from his family.
Blind-Sided Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 21 hours ago, Lewana said: It is not a big amount of money and I don't care that much for that because he has always paid for us and never let me do it........ If it's not a big amount... why not just give him the cash? But... as said above... don't lend him money. Especially if he has been over spending on "Dumb" stuff. What I mean is... if he's buying video games, collectibles, or other hobby related items, and then doesn't have money for rent... he needs to learn that it's not OK. If you give him money, then doesn't teach him responsibility. I only assume this is the case, since his sister has to control his money for him. With that said... there absolutely nothing wrong with hobby, and spending money on them... but LIFE has to be paid for first. And finally... you may like this guy... but maybe you need to take a BIG step back, and give this some thought. If you get serious with him... and get married... are you going to have to worry about money?? Is he going to get mad every time you tell him he can't spend? Is he going to hide is spending from you? 1
Gaeta Posted August 8, 2020 Posted August 8, 2020 Each time you send him money you help him continue being an irresponsible spender. If you stop sending him money he will have no other choice but to budget himself and stop paying rounds of beer to his friends. Now, think long terms here. One day you'll live together maybe married and you'll have a joint account. He'll blow your rent money, and he'll probably blow the milk & diapers money. This is not a man you'll ever be able to rely on. The facts are all there, don't be blind to them. 4
kendahke Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 On 8/7/2020 at 8:16 PM, Lewana said: I'm complaining about the way he spoke to me especially while I'm doing him a favor . Just deal with it and hand him the money.. or put him on the phone if the bank isn't acting right. A person who didn't need this kind of relationship would have had this sorted out by now. 1
smackie9 Posted August 10, 2020 Posted August 10, 2020 This is a big red flag....he doesn't have his spending under control...and accepting these wonderful dates/gifts or whatever, that responsibility falls partially on you. He admits he spends too much....take the initiative to tell him to cut back, and suggest low budget alternatives. Don't be a part of the problem by giving him money and let him carry on with his issue, be a part of the solution and help him not spend beyond what he can afford. 1 1
Author Lewana Posted August 11, 2020 Author Posted August 11, 2020 (edited) 22 hours ago, smackie9 said: This is a big red flag....he doesn't have his spending under control...and accepting these wonderful dates/gifts or whatever, that responsibility falls partially on you. He admits he spends too much....take the initiative to tell him to cut back, and suggest low budget alternatives. Don't be a part of the problem by giving him money and let him carry on with his issue, be a part of the solution and help him not spend beyond what he can afford. What makes this worse is that I went there many times, 4 times and they couldn't do it and he got angry at me and started yelling and insulting me. I feel terrible. How can someone try to help you and sacrifice her own things to help you and just because they couldn't do it, not because of her fault, you blame it on her and yell at her and even doubt that she went so many times there. At least, I would be thankful just because she went so many times and because she was willing to help even though she is a student and doesn't work. Edited August 11, 2020 by Lewana
d0nnivain Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 If you went 4 times & your bank couldn't access your money, you need a new bank. However if this was some scholarship that can only be used for certain expenses that explains why you couldn't get the money to give to your BF. But think this through. You made 4 attempts to help a guy who is bad with money. Instead of being grateful he got mad at you. You have to recognize that he cares more about the cash then you. He's using you & you are letting him. Get a solvent financial responsible BF. 1
JRabbit Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 Honestly if he doesn't have $150 to his name and supposedly makes good money, he has money issues. This isn't a one time emergency either since he is cut off from his own earnings by his sister who manages the money. You haven't answered what the money is for though? Or where all his money goes? Surely if he can ask you for money you can ask the hard questions about where is spending all his money? And yes, he treated you badly. Is this what you want in a relationship? 2
Author Lewana Posted August 11, 2020 Author Posted August 11, 2020 1 minute ago, JRabbit said: Honestly if he doesn't have $150 to his name and supposedly makes good money, he has money issues. This isn't a one time emergency either since he is cut off from his own earnings by his sister who manages the money. You haven't answered what the money is for though? Or where all his money goes? Surely if he can ask you for money you can ask the hard questions about where is spending all his money? And yes, he treated you badly. Is this what you want in a relationship? It is money to live. He said he spent already to much and didn't want to ask his sister because she knew he had X amount of money. Where he spent it, I don't know. But knowing him, he doesn't see how much is left or what is the price of something. I know this is an issue and I'm not defending him. 1
smackie9 Posted August 11, 2020 Posted August 11, 2020 (edited) You see the real him.....when are you going to realize this guy needs to be kicked to the curb....where's your self worth? I believe in fate.....that bank withdrawal didn't work 4 times for a reason....a higher power is watching out for you. You need that money for your survival...how dare he expect you to jeopardize your well being. He's selfish/rude/entitled. And he treats you like a piece of dirt. Edited August 11, 2020 by smackie9 3 1
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