Girl I'm seeing called me out for living with parents....

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

7 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

If any woman dares to question it, she gets gaslighted

Yep.  He said as much in his first post: "I then brought up (in a nice way) how it's obvious that she has trust issues..."

[Ruby Slippers]

Good point. Maybe we're being too judgmental. His girlfriend seems pretty accepting of it. Hey, if it makes you happy. Just own who you are, dude. Confidence in living your way is very attractive, and feels great. 

[major_merrick]

7 hours ago, UrbanCamo said:

Man there's a lot of bitter people on here. Holy s***! Thanks for all the bad advice anyways I guess--even the guy telling me to preemptively dump her

Yeah, I know I'm a snarky girl.  Damn proud of it too.  But since I'm female and I've had relationships with other females, I know a little something about what is possible in a relationship with a female.  Sorry you didn't like the advice I gave....I know it isn't a pretty picture.  But humanity isn't pretty, and since your relationship has begun with an element of deceit and manipulation, such measures will continue to be necessary.  The sooner you learn to deal with life as it is instead of how you want it to be, the better things will be for you. 

Whatever you choose to do, I'll be interested to find out what happens. 

[poppyfields]

To the OP if you're still reading, putting myself in your girlfriend's shoes, it's not even the living with your mom part that's so bad, there are men your age choosing to live with parents for awhile saving to buy their own home for example, and that's fine.

It's the cover-up, your insecurity about it, not owning it, telling her you live with a roommate. 

There was a male poster on this forum a while back, early 30s, living with his "old beleaguered mum" as he referred to her, who was quite successful at pulling women despite living with mum.

Why? Because he owned it, wasn't ashamed or embarrassed about it.

I liken it to a man I had met at a party and had a date with several years ago who was on the shorter side, around 5'7" or so I figured.  Very close to my own height, maybe shorter even.

On our date, he had lifts on his heels to make himself appear taller. Ugh.

I was so turned off, NOT because he was shorter, but because he was so insecure about it that he needed to "cover up" his shorter stature by wearing silly lifts on his heels!

Had he worn regular shoes, and felt proud of his height, had that confidence, it would have made a world of difference in how I perceived him and my attraction to him.

Probably too late with your gf, but next time, just own it man, be honest about it.  Be proud of it!  

Your mum needs help, it's nothing to be ashamed about. 

Have that confidence.  

I can't speak for your gf but that could very well be her issue as well. 

 

 

Edited August 8, 2020 by poppyfields

[Blind-Sided]

17 hours ago, UrbanCamo said:

Man there's a lot of bitter people on here. Holy s***! Thanks for all the bad advice anyways I guess--even the guy telling me to preemptively dump her

Bitter?  Bad advice?? Dude.... pull your head out of your butt, and grow up. You just don't want to hear the truth.  You lied, and tried to put the blame back on her.  PERIOD.

[Veronica73]

Wow. If your girlfriend was on here asking for advice I’d tell her to dump your ass ASAP. You are a liar and a gaslighter. Even here, when just about everyone has the same opinion, you say we are all bitter. You lie, you gaslight, you can’t admit you are wrong. You are a horrible partner for most people. Get some help.

Edited August 8, 2020 by Veronica73

[Wiseman2]

21 hours ago, UrbanCamo said:

Man there's a lot of bitter people on here. Holy s***! Thanks for all the bad advice

Frankly you are too old to still be breast-feeding.

[smackie9]

Yes I understand that there can be a stigma about living at home, but TBH it's is so common these days, and not just because of Covid, it's not an issue to many. Plenty do it for financial reasons, in between houses, jobs, take care of an ill parent, etc. There is nothing to be ashamed of, and if your date is judgey then you dodged a bullet, plain and simple. You see, in order to build a solid foundation for a relaitonship, you need honesty, from both parties of course. With honesty you build trust. Not being forthcoming on your living arrangement, which is an important piece of information,  is no different than lying. Your use of this tactic says something about your character, that is why you have ruffled quite a few feathers on the thread here lol. I for one don't like those who protray themselves as something else, with hold info, lie, etc. They are judging my character as someone who isn't empathic/understanding, and can't trust me. Well you just did that with your GF. I'm sure she felt offended because you didn't trust her, that you automatically judged her when you first started dating. And I have to point out your passive aggressive behavior when you countered the conversation by pointing out a sensitive subject about her sister. To me, and I'm sure when she thinks about it, that's being hurtful. You don't have to pass on your bitterness ( Hey I'm just taking a guess here ) just because one or some have rejected you in the past over it. Relax! This can be fixed.

Learn to be humble! and OWN IT! I suggest you apologize for not being honest with her, and for judging her character, that she would reject you over something like that. Also apologize for bringing up her sister. Tell her it wasn't your place to bring it up, that you were being insensitive and when she is ready, you will be ready to listen.

She may have clammed down about it, but I bet money on it she's having a very serious think what she is getting into with you. Take my advice, make it right and go forward building that foundation. I wish you all the luck and happiness.

Edited August 8, 2020 by smackie9

[sothereiwas]

4 hours ago, Veronica73 said:

You are a liar and a gaslighter.

That sort of thing is a problem. Taking care of mom, not so much IMO. 

[sothereiwas]

23 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Not being forthcoming on your living arrangement, which is an important piece of information,  is no different than lying.

Saying something that's not true is a tool in the liars toolbox, but it's not the only one. It's possible to say something untrue and not be lying, and it's possible to lie without resorting to saying something untrue. Lying is to intentionally deceive someone by any means, outside some very narrow exceptions. Saying one lives with a roommate while actually living with mom is lying. There's no way to realistically sugar coat it. 

[CLS63AMG]

On 8/5/2020 at 7:47 PM, UrbanCamo said:

She's 29 and I'm 30.

Been seeing her for ~3 months and we just (officially) went exclusive, as in had the DTR talk and decided to see only each other, about a week ago. We were watching a movie last night at her place and she randomly paused it and asked me if I live with my parents. I told her I moved in with my mom a year ago to help support her since she's over 60, alone, and is also now on unemployment due to COVID. I give her money every month and help her with different stuff (I'm an only child and my parents are divorced).

She then started asking me where I used to live before I moved back in with my mom (trying to catch me in a lie I'm guessing) and I was just like what? Why does that matter?

She said she "knew right away" when she came over the first time (which was the first time we ever hungout), but wanted to wait for me to tell her, but I never did. She said what mainly bothered her was that I never told her and that the first time she came over I told her I lived with a "roommate". I said I didn't bring it up because I don't think it effects our relationship in any way and also don't think it matters (aside from the dates/trips we go on, we've hungout at her place 99.5% of the time anyways, and kind of have to because she has two dogs that need to be taken out several times a day), and also told her I said "roommate" because I didn't want her to judge me on my living situation right off the bat before even getting to know me. I also told her it has nothing to do with (my) finances--and that I make 105k/year and have 215k+ saved, and if I wanted to could even buy a house (not to brag, just to make a point).

I didn't tell her this, but even if I DID have my own place, I feel like I'd barely be there. Unless I was having guests over, I'd probably visit my parents most of the time anyways. And before I met her the only reason I ever felt the need/want to have my own place was for having dates over.

I then brought up (in a nice way) how it's obvious that she has trust issues, and she said it has to do with her older sister, then immediately started getting emotional and I told her we didn't have to talk about it and she could tell me when she's ready.

After all that, the rest of the night was good and she texted me a meme after I had left.

I'm just slightly worried she could build this up in her head to be a big deal even though it shouldn't be... Truth is, if we got into a serious relationship where we wanted to live together, I could easily get a place where we could do that.

Excuse, excuse, excuse, excuse , lie, lie, lie - your days are numbered with this girl, she wants a mature man with responsibilities and his own living arrangements, not a red flag guy living with mommy.