kendahke Posted August 6, 2020 Posted August 6, 2020 16 hours ago, HopefullyLove said: I have not. Start there. He's the source of all of your frustrations.... all we can do is speculate. 1
elaine567 Posted August 6, 2020 Posted August 6, 2020 Has he been single for a long time? Maybe he has got used to not kissing if he uses escorts... 2
Ruby Slippers Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 Not kissing is what men do with hookers. Not trying to be harsh, but it's true. My clothes would never, ever come off without lots of great kissing first. It doesn't look good to me. But if you want to see him again, I wouldn't let a stitch of clothing come off before some great kisses happen. If he goes for it and asks what's up, just tell him you're not interested in having sex without hot kisses. If he resists that at all, send the dude packing. My lord, you can do a million times better than this, even for just a hookup! Raise the bar, please! 6
poppyfields Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 (edited) Agree with Ruby and the below was taken from another thread which applies here too. >>"When a guy doesn't even want to kiss you before or during sex he is basically just using you to take care of his needs."<< Edited August 9, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Fox Sake Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 (edited) @poppyfields @Ruby Slippers I don’t know if you saw the OPs reply to my first post as it was in the quote and not edited. But have a read , it says quite a lot about this guy that might shine some further light on this. I’m leaning towards thinking you guys are right and maybe I was just naive In trying to stick up for him cos it sounded odd. I don’t get why he would enter into rimming and oral with the OP but not kiss an immaculate mouth tho. He also wasn’t kissing her in sync the first time and it felt like a transaction. I think the reply and then reading your posts has made me more confused, I think this is an issue with him but maybe you guys are right and he just wants fwb. He sounds odd with his conflicting behaviour of daily texting etc edit - after reading @elaine567 poem I think I’m on board with you guys now about fwb. This guy sounds like a bit of a loop I’ve edited her response in bold: Not at all, but maybe he just plain forgot or was caught up in the moment? Maybe one of them had bad breath! Maybe he doesn’t think he’s any good at it? Maybe it was sex first thing in the morning?! Maybe he doesn’t want to go down on her and then kiss her mouth?! There could be many reasons as to why this happened. I think she should ask him about it if she really likes him , or just tell him that she likes to be kissed and see what the outcome is then. Hehe it wasn’t morning sex, the first time we kissed it wasn’t in sync, but it was our first time, we can practice right? I’m wearing my mask right now and my breath is not stinky and I have immaculate dental hygiene. He did not kiss me leading up to the act either or when we parted and I could be overreacting, but I don’t like how that feels. I’m no sex worker, not judging them but it felt transactional. If she asks him and he lies , then you’re 100% correct with him having issues. I don’t think we should jump the gun just yet tho. Some people are honest people and it would be unfair to tar everyone with the dishonesty brush. It doesn’t make sense to me that he would eagerly go down on her but not kiss her if he wasn’t into her. I think she needs to have a conversation with him and find out what the issue is. For some reason I get the feeling he isn’t even aware of what he’s doing it’s is odd to me as well, I’m not a guy but isn’t oral sex and rimming considered intimate? Lol my goodness. I will say he is not a patient person and he can be very eager. Then he always calls and texts me, all through the day so his actions are conflicting. That is time that I can spend doing something else. We are both mature adults so I’m just blown lol, it’s such a bummer. Edited August 9, 2020 by Fox Sake Add an edit then some grammar
Ruby Slippers Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 This guy is in his 40s, near or approaching middle aged. Not kissing her suggests to me he's not feeling any real emotions for her. If she follows my advice above, she'll learn everything she needs to know from how he reacts. Even if he's "differently abled" mentally or something, this should shed a lot of light on the matter. 1
Fox Sake Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 4 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: But if you want to see him again, I wouldn't let a stitch of clothing come off before some great kisses happen. If he goes for it and asks what's up, just tell him you're not interested in having sex without hot kisses. If he resists that at all, send the dude packing. My lord, you can do a million times better than this, even for just a hookup! Raise the bar, please! I would say that’s solid advice and actually very fair. Agree she should do this, if she wants to see him again 1
Realitysux Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 Why even ask him though? If a man doesn't kiss you during sex, or before, then why even bother? 1
Ruby Slippers Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 Yeah, on second thought, it's better to have a conversation about it from afar. That will tell her enough to know whether she even wants to see him again.
poppyfields Posted August 10, 2020 Posted August 10, 2020 (edited) Fox, fair points but I don't agree oral is considered as intimate an act as kissing. For some it would be, but for most, oral is sex, giving and receiving sexual pleasure. Kissing is emotional, it's "intimate," it conveys feelings and emotions, it's not about sex. Not always. Which is why many prostitutes have a rule - "no kissing." So if this guy hasn't the desire to kiss the OP, before, during or after engaging in sexual activity with her, then yeah that's a problem! Either he has a fear of intimacy or some other issue with emotional closeness, OR he is simply not into her. If he has dental issues, then he should see a dentist. As we all know, a man doesn't need to be into a woman to have sex with her including oral or rimming, many women don't either. The OP said her feelings are hurt and I don't blame her. For me, it would be a dealbreaker. xx Edited August 10, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 17, 2020 Posted August 17, 2020 2 minutes ago, Scott98 said: When I go to for example, I do not expect anything, but just enjoy the process. How often are you on the hooker site you're advertising? 1
ssm617 Posted August 19, 2020 Posted August 19, 2020 On 8/6/2020 at 4:04 PM, elaine567 said: Has he been single for a long time? Maybe he has got used to not kissing if he uses escorts... Or maybe he attends sex/swinger clubs. Some people at these places only kiss their spouse/significant other. I think communication is key. Ask him about kissing and if he refuses to kiss her (regardless of why or if he is being honest or not), then they are not sexually compatible. 1
Els Posted August 19, 2020 Posted August 19, 2020 Ask him? There's no way any of us can know his reasons. I'll be honest, as a woman, I'm personally not hugely into kissing during sex. We do a ton of foreplay and the sex is fantastic, but it doesn't usually involve a lot of tongue-mingling. To me, kissing is like candlelit dinners - it's romantic but it isn't exactly something that I want to do when I'm aroused. If a guy needed kissing to enjoy sex, we probably wouldn't be compatible. In your case, I don't know if the reason is simply different preferences (and thus incompatibility), or it just didn't occur to him to do it, or he didn't know that you wanted it, etc. You'll find out when you ask. 1
poppyfields Posted August 19, 2020 Posted August 19, 2020 (edited) I could be mistaken, but the OP posted there is no kissing before or after sex either. Edited August 19, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Gaeta Posted August 19, 2020 Posted August 19, 2020 It happened to me once during my dating years. The guy didn't like to kiss he never did, people like that exists, I was not up for playing shrink so I stopped seeing him after 3 dates. 2 1
HadMeOverABarrel Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 (edited) On 8/6/2020 at 4:04 PM, elaine567 said: Has he been single for a long time? Maybe he has got used to not kissing if he uses escorts... Edited to add: Edited August 20, 2020 by HadMeOverABarrel 1
mortensorchid Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 I will share this story as it's an oddity in this arena... I was with a guy for a few years on and off (at the moment off), a FWB situation. After we had had sex many times I asked him why it was when we were doing IT that he never touched my breasts during it. He said his ex wife was hypersensitive to it and he had to condition himself not to touch mine (or anyone else's) if and when. But kissing? That's strange, I would ask him. There's got to be a reason. 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 3 hours ago, mortensorchid said: I was with a guy for a few years on and off (at the moment off), a FWB situation. Why is it off at the moment?
Maldives Posted August 20, 2020 Posted August 20, 2020 He could be concerned about catching coviid lol 1
kismetkismet Posted August 22, 2020 Posted August 22, 2020 On 8/6/2020 at 3:51 AM, HopefullyLove said: He even asked me do you like to kiss and I told him yes. That's a pretty unusual question to ask someone. This makes me think that he just doesn't like kissing, I don't think it's personal. 1
Author HopefullyLove Posted August 22, 2020 Author Posted August 22, 2020 Hey everyone. I apologize for not following up sooner. I did put on my big girl g string and I asked him. I did express to him it made me feel like a sex worker and my feelings were hurt. He said he doesn’t want me to feel that way, that we can kiss more, basically he mentioned the first time we kissed our styles differed. My thought is we are new to each other so we can work on that, that’s how I look at it. Basically he said we will kiss more. He also mentioned it takes two so I could have kissed him, he wouldn’t have turned me down.
Author HopefullyLove Posted August 22, 2020 Author Posted August 22, 2020 On 8/20/2020 at 9:24 AM, Goodguy05 said: He could be concerned about catching coviid lol Haha I did read that the experts suggest people wear masks during intimacy.
Author HopefullyLove Posted August 22, 2020 Author Posted August 22, 2020 On 8/19/2020 at 11:53 PM, HadMeOverABarrel said: Edited to add: Hey lol. Anything is possible. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted August 22, 2020 Posted August 22, 2020 Good job to speak up ... I have to say, I think he is b-s-ing you. Not kissing is an insult. No ifs or buts about it. A total insult, totally treating you like a sex object. He could get a sex balloon and do what he did with you. Kissing the basic sign of connection--even for a fwb. Keep being assertive ... you got to develop your voice. Don't sit there is silence when this kind of thing happens. Nothing good--not one bit--comes from being silent. Doesn't matter how awkward it is to speak up, speak! It is the only way to get treated with respect and to treat ourselves with respect. In order to be willing to speak up, you got to know somewhere in your heart that it's OK if this guy doesn't like what you say ... and it's OK for you to walk out the room. You gotta know that you're fine without this person and certainly fine without this one encounter. And definitely tune into your body and the bad feeling you had. Don't talk yourself out of a bad feeling. That feeling is an alarm telling you that something didn't feel good, something didn't feel safe, that you didn't feel appreciated. Always heed that feeling and vocalize it ... If there is a good reason for the other person's behavior, they will express it and you'll FEEL reassured. You won't have to talk yourself or think yourself into being reassured and feeling good. You'll feel it! 2
Author HopefullyLove Posted August 23, 2020 Author Posted August 23, 2020 5 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said: Good job to speak up ... I have to say, I think he is b-s-ing you. Not kissing is an insult. No ifs or buts about it. A total insult, totally treating you like a sex object. He could get a sex balloon and do what he did with you. Kissing the basic sign of connection--even for a fwb. Keep being assertive ... you got to develop your voice. Don't sit there is silence when this kind of thing happens. Nothing good--not one bit--comes from being silent. Doesn't matter how awkward it is to speak up, speak! It is the only way to get treated with respect and to treat ourselves with respect. In order to be willing to speak up, you got to know somewhere in your heart that it's OK if this guy doesn't like what you say ... and it's OK for you to walk out the room. You gotta know that you're fine without this person and certainly fine without this one encounter. And definitely tune into your body and the bad feeling you had. Don't talk yourself out of a bad feeling. That feeling is an alarm telling you that something didn't feel good, something didn't feel safe, that you didn't feel appreciated. Always heed that feeling and vocalize it ... If there is a good reason for the other person's behavior, they will express it and you'll FEEL reassured. You won't have to talk yourself or think yourself into being reassured and feeling good. You'll feel it! Thank you! Thank you so much! I will definitely continue to speak up for myself. I will say I have lived most of my life not speaking up for myself, so it was difficult, but I can't continue to live like that, it is so painful just holding stuff in. Ever since a child, I have just sat by and not advocated for myself and I am so over it. I typically suffer in silence or hold it in until I explode and by that point I am so angry.... You just don't know how helpful this post was, I so appreciate you, and everyone....this forum is amazing. 2 1
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