HopefullyLove Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 Greetings, I am seeing an amazing guy, we met online. Due to the pandemic, we haven't been able to spend much physical time together, we also live in different states. He is in his 40s, I am in my 30s. Assessing our situation, we spend a lot of time together on the phone and FaceTime, so I am not understanding why. The last time I initiated kissing because I found that to be awkward to just start the physical act of intercourse without it. This time, I did not, he did not kiss my lips, he kissed my neck and gave me forehead kisses. I feel like I need to address this, but I am not sure how. Do you think I should speak to him about it? I am a clean woman, I don't see how he could see me as a friend with benefits but talk to me so much, perhaps we aren't on the same page. What advice do you all have? Thank you.
Fox Sake Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 (edited) If you need that certain point of physical intimacy then just tell him ! He can’t read your mind. Grab him by the back of the hair, pull him into you and tell him to kiss you! edit - I wouldn’t be kissing ONS on the forehead. I think it’s more intimate in a caring sense. What to look out for is if he holds you after at all. Edited August 5, 2020 by Fox Sake 4
poppyfields Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 23 minutes ago, Fox Sake said: If you need that certain point of physical intimacy then just tell him ! He can’t read your mind. Grab him by the back of the hair, pull him into you and tell him to kiss you! Hold on, a man shouldn't have to read a woman's mind to know she'd like him to kiss her before f'ing her, should he? And what about him? Shouldn't he want to kiss her, have the desire to kiss her? Something is very off with this. OP, has he ever kissed you? Without you initiating first? 8
Author HopefullyLove Posted August 6, 2020 Author Posted August 6, 2020 9 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Hold on, a man shouldn't have to read a woman's mind to know she'd like him to kiss her before f'ing her, should he? And what about him? Shouldn't he want to kiss her, have the desire to kiss her? Something is very off with this. OP, has he ever kissed you? Without you initiating first? Yes he has, our first time. He is a very eager but I enjoy kissing. I just don't understanding him putting his face in my most intimate regions lol and not kissing my lips on my face.
poppyfields Posted August 6, 2020 Posted August 6, 2020 (edited) 17 minutes ago, HopefullyLove said: I just don't understanding him putting his face in my most intimate regions lol and not kissing my lips on my face. For me that would be a dealbreaker and speaks volumes. Kissing is a very intimate act, more so than f'ing, which is why many prostitutes don't kiss their clients. You said you met online and live in different states? Who made first contact? If he did, be very cautious, men with commitment or intimacy issues love long distance relationships. They intentionally seek them out, on line. It's a built-in, ready-made excuse to maintain distance, not become too emotionally close or "intimately" involved. The fact he doesn't feel comfortable or lacks the desire to kiss you would suggest that also. My advice? When a guy on-line contacts you and he lives a long distance away which would make spending physical time together difficult or challenging, delete him. Waste of time imo, been there. Edited August 6, 2020 by poppyfields 6
Author HopefullyLove Posted August 6, 2020 Author Posted August 6, 2020 13 minutes ago, poppyfields said: For me that would be a dealbreaker and speaks volumes. Kissing is a very intimate act, more so than f'ing, which is why many prostitutes don't kiss their clients. You said you met online and live in different states? Who made first contact? If he did, be very cautious, men with commitment or intimacy issues love long distance relationships. They intentionally seek them out, on line. It's a built-in, ready-made excuse to maintain distance, not become too emotionally close or "intimately" involved. The fact he doesn't feel comfortable or lacks the desire to kiss you would suggest that also. My advice? When a guy on-line contacts you and he lives a long distance away which would make spending physical time together difficult or challenging, delete him. Waste of time imo, been there. He did. That is insightful as I never considered that aspect. Hmmmm, you give me a lot to think about. Another thing too, I don't get all of the constant contact if he is only just interested in FWB. I tell ya, I am going to stay encouraged, the road to love boy lol....
poppyfields Posted August 6, 2020 Posted August 6, 2020 (edited) 46 minutes ago, HopefullyLove said: He did. That is insightful as I never considered that aspect. Hmmmm, you give me a lot to think about. Another thing too, I don't get all of the constant contact if he is only just interested in FWB. I tell ya, I am going to stay encouraged, the road to love boy lol.... He may want more than FWB, but from a distance. A long distance. It feels emotionally safer that way. And he can disappear when he's done without too much fanfare as well. If you are looking for a close intimate relationship with substance, be very careful. Try to not get too caught up in the texting, phone calls or FaceTime, it creates a false intimacy that in the end often leaves a woman (or man) disappointed and heartbroken. Edited August 6, 2020 by poppyfields 4
kendahke Posted August 6, 2020 Posted August 6, 2020 3 hours ago, HopefullyLove said: What advice do you all have? Have you asked him why he won't kiss you but will do everything else with you? 1
Author HopefullyLove Posted August 6, 2020 Author Posted August 6, 2020 32 minutes ago, kendahke said: Have you asked him why he won't kiss you but will do everything else with you? I have not.
poppyfields Posted August 6, 2020 Posted August 6, 2020 24 minutes ago, HopefullyLove said: I have not. If you asked, do you think he would be honest about it? I wouldn't expect him to be. It's like asking a man to spend more time with you. Oh he'll give you a few BS reasons, when there is really only one reason. He doesn't want to. I'm sorry I don't mean to sound like such a negative Nellie, but the no kissing combined with the long distance, I don't see this going anywhere. I think he's got "issues." Lol That said, if you're up for some fun (sexy) cyber chatting and an occasional hook up, then go for it. I just got the sense you were looking for and wanting more than that. Your call. 1
Author HopefullyLove Posted August 6, 2020 Author Posted August 6, 2020 5 minutes ago, poppyfields said: If you asked, do you think he would be honest about it? I wouldn't expect him to be. It's like asking a man to spend more time with you. Oh he'll give you a few BS reasons, when there is really only one reason. He doesn't want to. I'm sorry I don't mean to sound like such a negative Nellie, but the no kissing combined with the long distance, I don't see this going anywhere. I think he's got "issues." Lol That said, if you're up for some fun (sexy) cyber chatting and an occasional hook up, then go for it. I just got the sense you were looking for and wanting more than that. Your call. That is a good point. What do you mean by "issues". I will be honest, my feelings are hurt.
Erik30 Posted August 6, 2020 Posted August 6, 2020 Maybe he has bad teeth, or there's some other medical (oral) issue that he might be ashamed of. Also there are some people out there who don't like kissing. They are intimate with their partners and have sex, but for some reason they're not into kissing. Kind of like someone who's asexual, but here it only applies to kissing. 1
Fox Sake Posted August 6, 2020 Posted August 6, 2020 8 hours ago, poppyfields said: Hold on, a man shouldn't have to read a woman's mind to know she'd like him to kiss her before f'ing her, should he? And what about him? Shouldn't he want to kiss her, have the desire to kiss her? Something is very off with this. OP, has he ever kissed you? Without you initiating first? Not at all, but maybe he just plain forgot or was caught up in the moment? Maybe one of them had bad breath! Maybe he doesn’t think he’s any good at it? Maybe it was sex first thing in the morning?! Maybe he doesn’t want to go down on her and then kiss her mouth?! There could be many reasons as to why this happened. I think she should ask him about it if she really likes him , or just tell him that she likes to be kissed and see what the outcome is then. 5 hours ago, poppyfields said: If you asked, do you think he would be honest about it? I wouldn't expect him to be. It's like asking a man to spend more time with you. Oh he'll give you a few BS reasons, when there is really only one reason. He doesn't want to. I'm sorry I don't mean to sound like such a negative Nellie, but the no kissing combined with the long distance, I don't see this going anywhere. I think he's got "issues." Lol That said, if you're up for some fun (sexy) cyber chatting and an occasional hook up, then go for it. I just got the sense you were looking for and wanting more than that. Your call. Popps are you okay <3? this isn’t your usual style of post... If she asks him and he lies , then you’re 100% correct with him having issues. I don’t think we should jump the gun just yet tho. Some people are honest people and it would be unfair to tar everyone with the dishonesty brush. It doesn’t make sense to me that he would eagerly go down on her but not kiss her if he wasn’t into her. I think she needs to have a conversation with him and find out what the issue is. For some reason I get the feeling he isn’t even aware of what he’s doing 1
schlumpy Posted August 6, 2020 Posted August 6, 2020 You like to kiss and he doesn't. I don't think it matters why. It's a deal breaker for youi. 1 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 6, 2020 Posted August 6, 2020 The long distance is more of an issue. It seems like you're sexually incompatible, but it's hidden in rarely seeing each other. 2
poppyfields Posted August 6, 2020 Posted August 6, 2020 (edited) 10 hours ago, poppyfields said: For me that would be a dealbreaker and speaks volumes. Kissing is a very intimate act, more so than f'ing, which is why many prostitutes don't kiss their clients. You said you met online and live in different states? Who made first contact? If he did, be very cautious, men with commitment or intimacy issues love long distance relationships. They intentionally seek them out, on line. It's a built-in, ready-made excuse to maintain distance, not become too emotionally close or "intimately" involved. The fact he doesn't feel comfortable or lacks the desire to kiss you would suggest that also. My advice? When a guy on-line contacts you and he lives a long distance away which would make spending physical time together difficult or challenging, delete him. Waste of time imo, been there. HL, you asked what "issues" I thought he has? Pls see my above post. I agree with Wiseman about the distance, and again jmo but when a man reaches out to you on line who lives a good distance away, either ignore or delete. There are hundreds of local women he could reach out to, there is a reason he contacts women long distance and it's rarely good. His not wanting to kiss you (prior to sex, during foreplay, during sex or after) is a symptom of a larger issue - fear of intimacy and commitment. I highly doubt it's about his teeth or breath, etc. @ Fox, I'm good! Thnx for checking and hope you are as well!! xo Edited August 6, 2020 by poppyfields 2 1
Author HopefullyLove Posted August 6, 2020 Author Posted August 6, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Fox Sake said: Not at all, but maybe he just plain forgot or was caught up in the moment? Maybe one of them had bad breath! Maybe he doesn’t think he’s any good at it? Maybe it was sex first thing in the morning?! Maybe he doesn’t want to go down on her and then kiss her mouth?! There could be many reasons as to why this happened. I think she should ask him about it if she really likes him , or just tell him that she likes to be kissed and see what the outcome is then. Hehe it wasn’t morning sex, the first time we kissed it wasn’t in sync, but it was our first time, we can practice right? I’m wearing my mask right now and my breath is not stinky and I have immaculate dental hygiene. He did not kiss me leading up to the act either or when we parted and I could be overreacting, but I don’t like how that feels. I’m no sex worker, not judging them but it felt transactional. Popps are you okay <3? this isn’t your usual style of post... If she asks him and he lies , then you’re 100% correct with him having issues. I don’t think we should jump the gun just yet tho. Some people are honest people and it would be unfair to tar everyone with the dishonesty brush. It doesn’t make sense to me that he would eagerly go down on her but not kiss her if he wasn’t into her. I think she needs to have a conversation with him and find out what the issue is. For some reason I get the feeling he isn’t even aware of what he’s doing it’s is odd to me as well, I’m not a guy but isn’t oral sex and rimming considered intimate? Lol my goodness. I will say he is not a patient person and he can be very eager. Then he always calls and texts me, all through the day so his actions are conflicting. That is time that I can spend doing something else. We are both mature adults so I’m just blown lol, it’s such a bummer. Edited August 6, 2020 by HopefullyLove 1
poppyfields Posted August 6, 2020 Posted August 6, 2020 Conflicting emotions and actions (i.e. those dreaded mixed messages) are part and parcel of men (and women) with intimacy and commitment fears/issues. If you choose to continue on with him, I wish you luck, sincerely. 2
Author HopefullyLove Posted August 6, 2020 Author Posted August 6, 2020 54 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: The long distance is more of an issue. It seems like you're sexually incompatible, but it's hidden in rarely seeing each other. :( 10 minutes ago, poppyfields said: HL, you asked what "issues" I thought he has? Pls see my above post. I agree with Wiseman about the distance, and again jmo but when a man reaches out to you on line who lives a good distance away, either ignore or delete. There are hundreds of local women he could reach out to, there is a reason he contacts women long distance and it's rarely good. His not wanting to kiss you (prior to sex, during foreplay, during sex or after) is a symptom of a larger issue - fear of intimacy and commitment. I highly doubt it's about his teeth or breath, etc. @ Fox, I'm good! Thnx for checking and hope you are as well!! xo That is interesting. I did not meet him on a dating app but we interacted a lot online. Since the distance isn’t terribly far I said why not. Then with what is going on in the world, I figured we could take time to get to know each other. He even asked me do you like to kiss and I told him yes. I’m here thinking we are building a connection. I’m not perfect, but I find this downright disrespectful, it may sound crazy but this is absurd to me.
Wiseman2 Posted August 6, 2020 Posted August 6, 2020 Is he afraid of getting covid? Maybe his last GF had bad breath or gum disease Either way, he seems to be too much of a cold fish 1
elaine567 Posted August 6, 2020 Posted August 6, 2020 Does he love me, I want to know How can I tell if he loves me so Is it in his eyes, oh no you'll be deceived Is it in his eyes, oh no you'll make believe If you want to know, if he loves you so It's in his kiss That's where it is, oh yeah Or is it in his face, oh no it's just his charm In his warm embrace, oh no that's just his arm If you want to know, if he loves you so It's in his kiss That's where it is, oh it's in his kiss That's where it is, oh-ohhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_kUVuZp95Hs - Cher - The Shoop Shoop Song (It's in His Kiss) .I agree with Poppy.No kissing = bad news. Oral sex and rimming = sex. Kissing = intimacy and intent. 5
Author HopefullyLove Posted August 6, 2020 Author Posted August 6, 2020 5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Is he afraid of getting covid? Maybe his last GF had bad breath or gum disease Either way, he seems to be too much of a cold fish No he isn’t anxious about covid. I played myself.
d0nnivain Posted August 6, 2020 Posted August 6, 2020 Next time you see him kiss him then segue into this discussion by praising how much you enjoy kissing him. 1
smackie9 Posted August 6, 2020 Posted August 6, 2020 (edited) This doesn't need to be a long thread...just ask him. If it's an answer you don't like then dump him. Tell him it's too much of a deal breaker...there done. Me personally I would have stopped everything and asked right then and there. Edited August 6, 2020 by smackie9 3
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