mortensorchid Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 He was just looking for sex. I went out with someone about a year ago where it was clear he was looking for sex. He asked me to come to his house nearby but I said no (for the sake of safety, plus I was on my period that night). Never heard from him again after that. I'd just blow this guy off, that's all he was after. 1
5x5 Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 7 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: Why do I get the feeling this guy is barely going to have to lift a pinky to get her into bed? And if that's the case good for both of them, since sharing sex can be terrific fun.
Author MissPinkEyes Posted August 5, 2020 Author Posted August 5, 2020 1 hour ago, S2B said: He definitely isn’t investing in you. He shows very minimal effort and minimal planning. have coffee and leave. Tell him if he wants to PLAN a real date then he can call you! a standard is set at the beginning of any relationship - and this standard shows “low effort/money/interest”. my kids (30 and 28 year old men) - when they are interested -really interested - they take their date OUT for a meal, a sporting event or fun activity... by planning it out and spending money to show they have definite interest in who they are taking out. if you don’t EXPECT more - this is as good as it’s going to be - and you can blame no one but yourself for bowing down to a low standard for any man to date you. Yes you are right. The thing is, I am looking to date and for a relationship, and the way a guy acts in the beginning of dating tells me if he is a good man for dating and potentially a relationship. This guy didn’t show me that. He showed me he is only looking for some fun. There’s nothing wrong in it, but if I get involved with him I already know this is all it is and probably won’t see him again after that. So his efforts and interest level is reduced to getting physically involved (for whatever reason he has), and that’s fine. He is not dating ‘material’. So it’s up to me to decide if I want to have a ONS with him or not and that’s the whole story. 1
Author MissPinkEyes Posted August 5, 2020 Author Posted August 5, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, 5x5 said: And if that's the case good for both of them, since sharing sex can be terrific fun. Well I believe that if sex is all there is on the table and nothing else, then spending a lot of time getting to know each other and dating doesn’t make sense anyway. Yes it can be fun, especially after being celibate for a very long time like I have been. Edited August 5, 2020 by MissPinkEyes
elaine567 Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 If the OP was only looking for fun she would have accepted his offer to swim in the pool at his place and there would be no thread. She is in fact looking to "make a silk purse out of a sow's ear". She wants this guy to be a good guy, a guy suitable to have a relationship with, despite his actions which point to the contrary. He is pushy and has now inveigled himself into "helping" the OP look for a house... This is bad situation for the OP, as "lust" and wanting to please on her part will cloud judgement. Realtors are good salesmen. good manipulators, good at getting their own way, good at making money, good at exploiting situations and people... She is up against an expert here. Putty in his hands... Once he gets what he needs, sex, and a nice commission I guess she won't see him for dust. 2 1
Author MissPinkEyes Posted August 5, 2020 Author Posted August 5, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, elaine567 said: If the OP was only looking for fun she would have accepted his offer to swim in the pool at his place and there would be no thread. She is in fact looking to "make a silk purse out of a sow's ear". She wants this guy to be a good guy, a guy suitable to have a relationship with, despite his actions which point to the contrary. He is pushy and has now inveigled himself into "helping" the OP look for a house... This is bad situation for the OP, as "lust" and wanting to please on her part will cloud judgement. Realtors are good salesmen. good manipulators, good at getting their own way, good at making money, good at exploiting situations and people... She is up against an expert here. Putty in his hands... Once he gets what he needs, sex, and a nice commission I guess she won't see him for dust. I agree with what you say, but no I am not trying to ‘make a silk purse out of a sow's ear’. The purpose of this thread was to ask your opinions about his behaviour on our first date and if my perception that he only wanted sex was right, as I think that’s only what he is after (and a sales commission now). I already decided he is not the person for me to be in a relationship with and I can see his intentions. He can be an ‘expert’ as you put it but I am no idiot and I know his intentions and that he will ghost after getting what he wants. If I end up being involved with him it’s really just for a ONS, casual one-off sex or whatever you want to call it, and nothing else. Edited August 5, 2020 by MissPinkEyes 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 Perhaps you could rename the thread "Guy I met online wanted to sell me a house on the first date"? The sex never happened. 1
Azincourt Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 It never happened because he wasn't smart about it. 1
Author MissPinkEyes Posted August 5, 2020 Author Posted August 5, 2020 2 hours ago, Azincourt said: It never happened because he wasn't smart about it. Exactly.
Velvet teddy Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 (edited) 10 minutes ago, MissPinkEyes said: Exactly. Its pretty obvious he wanted one thing. He tried multiple times and in many ways to get you back to his. And yeah now he may be trying another approach to get what he wants. Also a guy who is that pushy and is only caring about his wants and needs vs yours, isn't someone worth the mind space anyway. Edited August 5, 2020 by Velvet teddy
OatsAndHall Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 (edited) My suggestion would be just to stay away from the guy. From the very beginning of your date, he was being manipulative (i.e. setting up beach date five minutes from his house..) and pushy. That behavior seems obnoxious on the surface but it can boil over into something dangerous if you're not careful. There's plenty of real-estate agents; I'd find another one and cut this guy loose. You didn't want to be alone with him in his home so I don't think it's advisable to be alone with him in any environment. Edited August 5, 2020 by OatsAndHall 3
stillafool Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 4 hours ago, MissPinkEyes said: If I end up being involved with him it’s really just for a ONS, casual one-off sex or whatever you want to call it, and nothing else. So you are actually thinking about having sex with him? If so, why this thread? He's a normal guy who wants sex and pushed for it. Nothing new there as that is what guys do. It's up to you if you want to go with it or not. Whatever he did you weren't too put off or you wouldn't have made the statement above. 4 1
poppyfields Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 7 minutes ago, stillafool said: So you are actually thinking about having sex with him? If so, why this thread? He's a normal guy who wants sex and pushed for it. Nothing new there as that is what guys do. It's up to you if you want to go with it or not. Whatever he did you weren't too put off or you wouldn't have made the statement above. Agree and I wish folks would get over this very false assumption that because a guy wants sex or "pushes" for sex, that is *all* he wants. That is simply not true in every case. For some guys it's true, others not. I have dated guys in the "not" category. Pushed for early sex, I said NO, and we continued to date. For many months even! It eventually ended but they were good guys, despite the fact they "pushed" for early sex. So please guys, can we stop with the black and white thinking? There is a huge gray area, let's give each other a chance! OP, there is zero evidence sex is "all" this man wanted. Granted, he was a bit of a boob the way he handled things, but if you like him, why not play it out? Maintain boundaries, say no, heck say YES if you want to! Just stop assuming, no wonder dating is so difficult these days. Forget the past! "The past is history, the future is a mystery, and the present is a gift, which is why it's called the "present." ~The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success - Deepak Chopra. Embrace the present. Enjoy! Stay aware, remain cautious, and have fun! If he continues pushing and being obnoxious after you said no, then next him, but hell give him a chance. Assuming you like him. Things are very rarely, if ever, what they appear to be, at first blush. Take care of you! 1
Redhead14 Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 (edited) 36 minutes ago, stillafool said: So you are actually thinking about having sex with him? If so, why this thread? He's a normal guy who wants sex and pushed for it. Nothing new there as that is what guys do. It's up to you if you want to go with it or not. Whatever he did you weren't too put off or you wouldn't have made the statement above. I'd say that was actually his plan for her, an ONS. So what's up with the double-standard and questioning motives, etc. Again, there isn't anything wrong with doing it if both want that. This thread doesn't make any sense. And, if she was "nervous" about him but still wanted to see the house, she could bring a friend. I think it was a bad idea to mix a very early dating scenario with a possible business deal anyway. But, they are "separate" events as far as I'm concerned and I don't think its fair to assume he will behave the same way when he is doing his job. People can and do separate their lives that way. Edited August 5, 2020 by Redhead14 2
stillafool Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 1 minute ago, Redhead14 said: This thread doesn't make any sense. I agree but I don't know OP's age.
poppyfields Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 8 minutes ago, Redhead14 said: I'd say that was actually his plan for her, an ONS. RH, referencing my last post, I am genuinely curious how you know this. What am I missing? Please enlighten me, I'm open! And if actual evidence shows sex, a ONS, is *all* he wanted, I will happily change my stance.
Redhead14 Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 (edited) 8 minutes ago, poppyfields said: RH, referencing my last post, I am genuinely curious how you know this. What am I missing? Please enlighten me, I'm open! And if actual evidence shows sex, a ONS, is *all* he wanted, I will happily change my stance. We don't know for sure, of course. I'm not arguing that really and my posts up to now said it didn't really matter if he wanted sex or what his motives were. She did the right thing by not putting herself in a position she didn't want to be in with a stranger. The guy is a stranger, she didn't trust him and, well she shouldn't, and didn't take a chance. It's possible the guy might have called her again after having sex with her within hours of meeting for the first time, but age, experience and reading and participating on these boards for many years gives a heads up about likelihood at least. Its an odds thing really. Edited August 5, 2020 by Redhead14 1
smackie9 Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 No one is saying it wrong or bad that a guy wants sex, wants sex on a first date, wants NSA sex, or whatever. The real issue here is he didn't take NO for an answer. The message was pretty clear, she didn't want to go to his place...even after a few drinks. To a lot of women, including myself, is a sure sign of a jacka$$. 6
Ruby Slippers Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 7 minutes ago, smackie9 said: No one is saying it wrong or bad that a guy wants sex, wants sex on a first date, wants NSA sex, or whatever. The real issue here is he didn't take NO for an answer. The message was pretty clear, she didn't want to go to his place...even after a few drinks. To a lot of women, including myself, is a sure sign of a jacka$$. Sign of a bad lover, too. It's all about him. Why bother? Self-love is safer and more satisfying. 4
OnlyHonesty Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 Quote ...he asked if I want to go with him to a beach near where he lives He was looking to get laid. The logistics thing stood out like a sore thumb...way too obvious to anyone that knows of the tricks! You are also continuing to entertain this because of the attraction. This is the point where many women continue, then later complain about men only wanting one thing. It would be easy for you to find a house via another person and in the process, keep it strictly professional. But instead, you are going to see the house with him...again, as you will discover, it's just a variation of the original logistics trick. This has little to do with selling a house. 2 1
Velvet teddy Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: RH, referencing my last post, I am genuinely curious how you know this. What am I missing? Please enlighten me, I'm open! And if actual evidence shows sex, a ONS, is *all* he wanted, I will happily change my stance. Someone who wants more with a woman, surely isn't going to make it all about himself the whole time from the get go. Unless he's a selfish person, in which case she should avoid anyway. He wants his needs met and that is all.
stillafool Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 1 hour ago, smackie9 said: To a lot of women, including myself, is a sure sign of a jacka$$. I agree but I doubt those women would think about a hook up with him after those actions either. 1
smackie9 Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 Hey you are right. If he didn't act like a creepo, he could have gotten some. Women just want to be treated with respect, and with thoughtfulness, not a piece of meat. 1
schlumpy Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 I think people do what works for them. I will have to assume that his approach is more successful than not. 1
smackie9 Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 I wouldn't call it "success" but was hitting up women that were looking for the same thing.
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