Guy I met online wanted sex on the first date

[Ruby Slippers]

4 hours ago, MissPinkEyes said:

As soon as he met me outside, he asked if I wanted to go to this swimming pool instead of the beach, to which I said no thanks, I want to go to the beach as agreed.

We stayed there for a while and he asked again if I wanted to go to his swimming pool, to which again I said no.

Then he said he wants me to go to his place and make dinner for me. I said to him maybe some other time as I have to go back home (to mine). We went back to my car and he insisted again in me going in to his house, to which I said no again and I drove back home.

We didn't talk about what happened, but I think he only wanted sex that day and I believe he thought I wanted it too and that's why I met him. It was not, I only wanted to meet him and go on a date, it was never my intention to have sex with him that day.

I do find him very attractive and I am looking forward to see him tomorrow to be honest, but I don't know if I should talk about what happened with him? Maybe he's just a f***boy that doesn't really care, and now he is just focused on the house sale? 

Within A FEW HOURS of meeting for the FIRST TIME, this guy tried to get her alone in his place FOUR TIMES.

Her intuition is obviously right that his guy expected to bang a woman he just met, and him trying over and over and over to make it happen gives me a super creepy feeling. He was relying on her finding him "very attractive" and rolling with it. This is not the behavior of a man who has any serious intentions or respect for the woman. I think she'll end up regretting it if she goes any further with him. You'd be just another conquest for him.

Edited August 4, 2020 by Ruby Slippers

[JTSW]

2 hours ago, introverted1 said:

What? Nothing happened on the date. He invited you to his house.  You didn't accept.  Done.  I can already see many pages debating his presumed motives but the fact is, we don't know and neither do you. 

This ^^^^

At the moment everything is just assumptions.

You have no idea what his motives were.

Maybe he did just want sex.

Maybe he didn't and he just doesn't like crowds. 

Talk to him about it. Dont just throw him under the bus without solid facts.

[Ruby Slippers]

The only fact that matters is that she got the crystal clear impression he wanted to bang within 30 seconds of meeting her. This is barely a step up from how he might treat a hooker.

Edited August 4, 2020 by Ruby Slippers

[curlygirl40]

So as is sometimes my pattern, I didn't read the entire thread before I want to chime in on some things.

For one, as a realtor, or even as a citizen, if you buy a house even not using him, he could find out where you live.  It's public record. 

I think he was very pushy about going back to his place.   To me, it shows bad character.  Not that he was hoping to get you alone and hoping you wanted to have sex, that happens often, but just that once you said no once or even twice, he should have dropped it but he kept making suggestions.   This is what bothers me out of this whole thing.   

To be honest, about using him as a realtor, bad idea.   You don't know this guy.      If you are not interested in dating him for any reason, if you feel unsafe or have questions about his ethics or his character, entering a business deal with him could put you into a lot of uncomfortable situations.  Remember if you do decide to put an offer on a house using him as a realtor, you are tied to him for 6-8 weeks (typically) until the closing.   

This house which he found for you which is so great, ANY local realtor can show it to you.   Just because he sent it to you and put it under your radar does not mean you have to have him show you the house.   You could call any other local realtor, give them the address, tell them you don't have an agent representing you and you'd like to see the house and they can show it to you.  Even if it's HIS listing.  ANY agent can show you that house.     But once you look at the house with him, especially if you sign paperwork stating you are working with him if you do buy this house, many states will not let you then use another realtor for the purchase.  Let's say you LOVE the house but you are not comfortable working with him, it will be difficult to switch realtors (if not impossible) and depending on local real estate practices.  If you do want to break ties with him as a realtor and use another realtor to buy the same house, you could owe him a commission if you sign something the day he shows you a house saying he's representing you. 

PM me if you need to.  

All states are different with their buyer representation agreements so some of what I'm saying might not be true.    

My advice is this.  If you think he's a reasonable guy and even though you think he expected sex was on the table (not unusual), you still think he's a good person and got a good vibe from him,  but you don't want to date him, just tell him you're not interested in dating but if he is comfortable with still representing you as a buyer then you are o.k with that.  

If you have a bad feeling in your gut about him for any reason, pull out of the appointment to look at the house.   Call another realtor and have them show it to you.    It could save you a huge headache later.  

[smackie9]

My experience...every guy that had asked me over to his place, even if it was me giving them a ride home (not from a date), they wanted sex. The last time was a guy I gave a ride home. He was no stranger to me, and we never dated. He was a regular at the club I worked at. I knew him and his friends for sometime. I go out with people after work all the time, so it wasn't unusual to decided to grab something to eat with him. He then offered to make me an omelette at his house...being 24 and gave people the benefit of a doubt back then, I went. We ate, I thanked him and started to leave. Here he was begging me to stay all the way out the door, to the driveway. I got in my car as quickly as possible and drove off. From that day forward, it's better to "assume" than not. I never accepted another invite from anyone after that.

[JTSW]

Again, she was just assuming.

[curlygirl40]

3 hours ago, MissPinkEyes said:

 

That's a good question, he sent me a really nice house exactly in the place I want and for a very good price, so I don't want to let it pass to visit as there aren't many available houses like this around where I live. That doesn't mean I am going to buy it and make business with him, I'm just going to visit. 

 

This part here is what I was talking about in my last post.    In some states, if you look at a house with a realtor and then want to buy that house, it will be difficult to then shift gears and say "I like the house but I am not going to use this realtor" because entering the house with the realtor who made the appointment for you shows intent to use that realtor for the purchase.   Even if you don't sign anything.    Of course, you're not obligated to anything, but he could fight for commission if you decide to buy that exact house but use someone else and this would make things challenging for you.    He might not win the case, but he could fight for it and who needs that?

If you feel comfortable enough to use him as a realtor, I'm not saying don't, I just want to be sure you knew this.    And bring a friend or family member with you for the showing

[Ruby Slippers]

I agree this guy is shady as hell and I'd find another realtor.

Him repeatedly trying to steer you back to his place over and over and over is pushy, disrespectful, and creepy.

[d0nnivain]

Maybe it's because I am so not into people / public places right now to me the invitation to the pool may have been a desire to avoid the crowds & possible exposure of the beach.   Then again if that was a real issue for this guy he probably wouldn't have agreed to go to the beach with her. 

Similarly, an offer for dinner at his place when restaurants aren't open for lingering & again there is a Covid risk, it may not have been all about sex.  In another summer he may have asked for a drink to extend the time together but with limited options, it may have been more innocent then it seemed. 

Still because the OP was upset by his suggestions she should steer clear of him.  Her inner voice is telling her that he is not the right guy for her.  She should listen.  

[schlumpy]

If you do like the house he shows you and you buy it.

Consider changing out all the locks.

[kendahke]

5 hours ago, MissPinkEyes said:

What do you think about this?

I think you need to be extremely direct with him and tell him his trying to get you into his house felt like he was trying to have sex with you and he made you feel very uncomfortable... and then forget about him and his house hunting--because he'll get you in the house and have sex with you.

Take a pass on him is what I think.  If you still want the house, take a guy friend with you to see it and if you like it, buy it.

Edited August 4, 2020 by kendahke

[princessaurora]

14 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Maybe it's because I am so not into people / public places right now to me the invitation to the pool may have been a desire to avoid the crowds & possible exposure of the beach.   Then again if that was a real issue for this guy he probably wouldn't have agreed to go to the beach with her. 

Similarly, an offer for dinner at his place when restaurants aren't open for lingering & again there is a Covid risk, it may not have been all about sex.  In another summer he may have asked for a drink to extend the time together but with limited options, it may have been more innocent then it seemed. 

Still because the OP was upset by his suggestions she should steer clear of him.  Her inner voice is telling her that he is not the right guy for her.  She should listen.  

I was thinking the same thing. Maybe he really wanted to meet with you, op, but when he saw how crowded the beach was he wanted to go somewhere a little less crowded. When guys invite you to their home, sometimes they have an ulterior motive, but not always. I have had guys invite me over for dinner with varying results. I've had some that clearly wanted sex, some that just wanted a quieter place to get to know each other and one that made an amazing meal for me and that escalated into sex  I don't think he was expecting. lol

But he could easily be the most common type and you should definitely keep your guard up with him if you decide to give him another chancor use him as your realtor. .But right now, with covid, alot of guys are recommending more private settings, and I'm sure some are using that reason to their advantage as well, so it's hard to say which type he is at this point. 

Just trust your instincts. You've stood you ground once  and if you feel the need to do so, you can do it again. 

 

[Azincourt]

6 hours ago, MissPinkEyes said:

I met this guy on an OLD app (not the most known one), we chat for a bit and last weekend he asked me what I was doing and I said I am going to the beach, and he asked if I want to go with him to a beach near where he lives, which is just a 10 minute drive for me. I said ok let's have a beach date.

 

Maybe meeting with a guy from OLD while we're in the middle of a pandemic is not a good idea? Were the two of you judicious of the established rules to maintain safety? 

Did the two of you wear a mask? Did you stay away from each other by at least 3 meters?

 

6 hours ago, MissPinkEyes said:

When I got there, it was all full to park near the beach, so he told me to park near his house which is a 5 minute walk to the beach, so I did. As soon as he met me outside, he asked if I wanted to go to this swimming pool instead of the beach, to which I said no thanks, I want to go to the beach as agreed.

So the beach was filled with people? and you guys still went?

 

6 hours ago, MissPinkEyes said:

So as we got to the beach it was full of people and we decided to go for a drink at the beach bar. We stayed there for a while and he asked again if I wanted to go to his swimming pool, to which again I said no.

Then he said he wants me to go to his place and make dinner for me. I said to him maybe some other time as I have to go back home (to mine). We went back to my car and he insisted again in me going in to his house, to which I said no again and I drove back home.

He is also a real estate agent and I have told him before we met I am looking for a house to buy and he said he can help me on that. So the next day he contacted me and sent me some houses for sale for me to see, and I really liked one of them which I am seeing tomorrow with him. 

We didn't talk about what happened, but I think he only wanted sex that day and I believe he thought I wanted it too and that's why I met him. It was not, I only wanted to meet him and go on a date, it was never my intention to have sex with him that day.

I do find him very attractive and I am looking forward to see him tomorrow to be honest, but I don't know if I should talk about what happened with him? Maybe he's just a f***boy that doesn't really care, and now he is just focused on the house sale? What do you think about this? Thank you.

 

He's not a fboy for wanting to sleep with you on the first date. Heck, I want to sleep with every woman I go out with, on the first date. Wanna know if she's attracted to me or if she's wasting my time because she feels lonely, or because her first option wasn't around and I was decent enough I guess. If you think he's hot, you should sleep with you. What's wrong with you having some fun? Although if I was you I'd rather wait for the pandemic that has killed 125 000 people in the US alone and has infected 5 million people, and gotten half the population without a job, to be dealt and solved.

I dunno, but the corona virus is a bit scary.

[MissPinkEyes]

50 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

 

Maybe meeting with a guy from OLD while we're in the middle of a pandemic is not a good idea? Were the two of you judicious of the established rules to maintain safety? 

Did the two of you wear a mask? Did you stay away from each other by at least 3 meters?

 

So the beach was filled with people? and you guys still went?

 

He's not a fboy for wanting to sleep with you on the first date. Heck, I want to sleep with every woman I go out with, on the first date. Wanna know if she's attracted to me or if she's wasting my time because she feels lonely, or because her first option wasn't around and I was decent enough I guess. If you think he's hot, you should sleep with you. What's wrong with you having some fun? Although if I was you I'd rather wait for the pandemic that has killed 125 000 people in the US alone and has infected 5 million people, and gotten half the population without a job, to be dealt and solved.

I dunno, but the corona virus is a bit scary.

We did not wear a mask or stayed away from each other 3 meters. How would we have a drink at the beach bar staying away 3 meters!?

We stayed at the beach bar instead of going to the beach.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to have sex with me on the first date and that's even a bit flattering since it shows he's attracted to me. There's nothing wrong with having some "fun" either. As I said in another reply, it would have been a different story if we had a good time together, lots of banter, chemistry, etc, and then NATURALLY he would invite me to his place and I felt good enough to go, and could end up in sex.

But to me what put me off was the pushing and forcing, not respecting my no and my boundaries. 

Edited August 4, 2020 by MissPinkEyes

[MissPinkEyes]

3 hours ago, curlygirl40 said:

This part here is what I was talking about in my last post.    In some states, if you look at a house with a realtor and then want to buy that house, it will be difficult to then shift gears and say "I like the house but I am not going to use this realtor" because entering the house with the realtor who made the appointment for you shows intent to use that realtor for the purchase.   Even if you don't sign anything.    Of course, you're not obligated to anything, but he could fight for commission if you decide to buy that exact house but use someone else and this would make things challenging for you.    He might not win the case, but he could fight for it and who needs that?

If you feel comfortable enough to use him as a realtor, I'm not saying don't, I just want to be sure you knew this.    And bring a friend or family member with you for the showing

Thank you for your advice, so so helpful! I didn't know that about having a realtor and that is very useful to know.

[MissPinkEyes]

Ok, just an update, I went to see the house today with him, but it wasn't just me and him, there was the owner of the house present as well. I liked the house but it was too small for me since I have two dogs so I need a bigger place.

After the visit I talked to him a little outside on the street and tomorrow I am seeing another house with him at lunch time. He was professional and polite. He also said that in this moment now I am his client (as in nothing can happen between us during this period) but that he would like to have a coffee tomorrow after the house visit if I want too.

Anyway, I just knew today as well that the house I am currently renting is for sale and I am so happy as I have been saying so many times I wish this house was for sale as I love it so much!! So I am still seeing the house tomorrow because it looks really nice too (it's got a sea view) but I guess I am going to end up making an offer for the one I am currently living.

As for this guy, I'll take a coffee tomorrow with him after the house visit (at a coffee shop, not at his house), and see how it goes. I did feel VERY attracted to him today not gonna lie, but what he did on the first date is still very much present.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

8 hours ago, MissPinkEyes said:

 

His forcing things and pushing was what put me off.

 

45 minutes ago, MissPinkEyes said:

 

But to me what put me off was the pushing and forcing, not respecting my no and my boundaries. 

 

I read all of your posts on this thread, and you reported exactly nothing to corroborate your description of his forcing  anything upon you.

Nor have you written anything connected to his not respecting (by overstepping) your boundaries.

 

Precisely what did he force  you to do?

 

 

The thread title says that you met him online...  and nothing you've written implies much passed time between your first shared contact online and the time when you agreed  to race right out and meet him.

Once you agreed  to race right out and meet him...   the "online"  aspect of your meeting became irrelevant  (other than as a potential electronic trail if one of you never returned from the meeting).

Upon your hasty agreement to race right out and meet him, it was very much  (the norm, at least...  even IF not entirely 'fair' ) that he might expect that you'd want to have sex with him.

 

And you implicitly agreed to be alone with him (on a second or third meeting) before you ever laid eyes upon him in person  (by virtue of the real estate topic).   That was still another implication from which he was not exactly off-base in envisioning the two of you having wild sex at or near his pool on that first meeting.

 

So I would suggest that this man did not "force" anything upon you at all...    and that you yourself had a much greater hand in the end result than you are admitting to yourself.

 

 

[Ruby Slippers]

1 hour ago, MissPinkEyes said:

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to have sex with me on the first date and that's even a bit flattering since it shows he's attracted to me. There's nothing wrong with having some "fun" either.

If you wanna go for that, it's your business, of course. But many, many men have written on this forum that they don't even have to be all that attracted to a woman to go for fast, easy sex. And generally, the more attracted they are, assuming they have their head on straight, the more careful they'll be so as not to risk putting her off. So I don't see his behavior as flattering in any way. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, MissPinkEyes said:

tomorrow I am seeing another house with him. He also said that in this moment now I am his client but that he would like to have a coffee tomorrow after the house visit if I want too.

I did feel VERY attracted to him 

Do either of you consider this a date or just coffee after a business meeting?

[Ruby Slippers]

5 minutes ago, S2B said:

Make HIM invite you OUT on a date that he makes plans for. 
 

he made NO effort to see you - BIG mistake.

And now he's taking her on the infamous coffee date. Coffee? For a second date? Again, next to zero effort on his part. Why do I get the feeling this guy is barely going to have to lift a pinky to get her into bed? But if that's what she wants, it's her business. 

[endlessabyss]

Yea, you met him online.  What'd you expect? 

[MissPinkEyes]

1 hour ago, Ruby Slippers said:

And now he's taking her on the infamous coffee date. Coffee? For a second date? Again, next to zero effort on his part. Why do I get the feeling this guy is barely going to have to lift a pinky to get her into bed? But if that's what she wants, it's her business. 

I am not planning in sleeping with him after having coffee tomorrow. At this point I am going with the flow and with how I feel.

[MissPinkEyes]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do either of you consider this a date or just coffee after a business meeting?

It is not a business meeting for sure as there’s no need to do that after a house visit.

It’s not a date either as it was our first date because as he said, in the meantime I am his client.

I think is a good opportunity to casually chat and see how I feel about him.

Edited August 4, 2020 by MissPinkEyes

[MissPinkEyes]

1 hour ago, Ruby Slippers said:

If you wanna go for that, it's your business, of course. But many, many men have written on this forum that they don't even have to be all that attracted to a woman to go for fast, easy sex. And generally, the more attracted they are, assuming they have their head on straight, the more careful they'll be so as not to risk putting her off. So I don't see his behavior as flattering in any way. 

Yes you are right. As soon as he saw me last weekend he immediately asked if I wanted to go to his swimming pool.

He didn’t wait to get to know me for a while, see if we click, etc. It made me feel like any woman could be in my place and he would do the same.

So yes, not flattering.

 

[Azincourt]

Quote

If you wanna go for that, it's your business, of course. But many, many men have written on this forum that they don't even have to be all that attracted to a woman to go for fast, easy sex. And generally, the more attracted they are, assuming they have their head on straight, the more careful they'll be so as not to risk putting her off. So I don't see his behavior as flattering in any way. 

There's no such thing as easy sex. If a woman sleeps with me because she likes my shoulders, or my eyes, or my hair or whatever it is, I still had to pay for the sex with my physical characteristics.  Without them, there wouldn't be ''easy'' sex because it wouldn't happen.

I've noticed that many women are the same way. If they've gone without sex for long, they'll also lower their standards, and they won't require a date before they sleep with the guy, and they're probably lowering their standards even further these days considering how men haven't exactly been going to nightclubs and bars and musical festivals and other meat markets to find women for sex, considering we're in the middle of a world pandemic and no one wants to die.

Yeah, I dunno about that. There have been women I was very attracted to, and I pretty much went all in and told them I wanted to have sex with them.  I didn't bother going through a convulted Hollywood plot device  to get her to go on a date with them, and then trying to get her to go home with him. I just go ahead and say what I want to save time.

Both my time and their time, as I reckon, if they're attracted to me,  they'll sleep with me no matter what I say,  but if they aren't into me, I could be the next Shakespeare and the chances I have of bedding them are way too low to bother.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.