MissPinkEyes Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 I met this guy on an OLD app (not the most known one), we chat for a bit and last weekend he asked me what I was doing and I said I am going to the beach, and he asked if I want to go with him to a beach near where he lives, which is just a 10 minute drive for me. I said ok let's have a beach date. When I got there, it was all full to park near the beach, so he told me to park near his house which is a 5 minute walk to the beach, so I did. As soon as he met me outside, he asked if I wanted to go to this swimming pool instead of the beach, to which I said no thanks, I want to go to the beach as agreed. So as we got to the beach it was full of people and we decided to go for a drink at the beach bar. We stayed there for a while and he asked again if I wanted to go to his swimming pool, to which again I said no. Then he said he wants me to go to his place and make dinner for me. I said to him maybe some other time as I have to go back home (to mine). We went back to my car and he insisted again in me going in to his house, to which I said no again and I drove back home. He is also a real estate agent and I have told him before we met I am looking for a house to buy and he said he can help me on that. So the next day he contacted me and sent me some houses for sale for me to see, and I really liked one of them which I am seeing tomorrow with him. We didn't talk about what happened, but I think he only wanted sex that day and I believe he thought I wanted it too and that's why I met him. It was not, I only wanted to meet him and go on a date, it was never my intention to have sex with him that day. I do find him very attractive and I am looking forward to see him tomorrow to be honest, but I don't know if I should talk about what happened with him? Maybe he's just a f***boy that doesn't really care, and now he is just focused on the house sale? What do you think about this? Thank you.
Wiseman2 Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 Drop it. You already said no thanks to a hookup so no need to repeat yourself. Are you sure you want to mix business with dating? 2
elaine567 Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 You may have said no to his house, but you have said yes to being alone with him in this other house... 4 2
Author MissPinkEyes Posted August 4, 2020 Author Posted August 4, 2020 14 minutes ago, elaine567 said: You may have said no to his house, but you have said yes to being alone with him in this other house... It's not the same thing is it!?
Author MissPinkEyes Posted August 4, 2020 Author Posted August 4, 2020 19 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Drop it. You already said no thanks to a hookup so no need to repeat yourself. Are you sure you want to mix business with dating? Well after what happened I don't think we are still dating.
schlumpy Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 I think you read the situation correctly and took the appropriate stance to defend yourself. He was too insistent.
Wiseman2 Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 14 minutes ago, MissPinkEyes said: I don't think we are still dating. Be honest then. Tell him you simply want it to be a business proposition. You are the one who decided to switch horses from dating to realtor so you need to tell him you were only interested in house hunting
snowboy91 Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 It does seem like he wanted sex, but it doesn't necessarily mean he only wants sex. Perhaps he wanted to work out sexual compatibility in a potential relationship as soon as possible. But of course, you're just as entitled to wait until you feel comfortable. I think he went about it a bit abrasively - if things were going to lead to sex they would naturally, but he tried to force the idea a little. 1
Author MissPinkEyes Posted August 4, 2020 Author Posted August 4, 2020 7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Be honest then. Tell him you simply want it to be a business proposition. You are the one who decided to switch horses from dating to realtor so you need to tell him you were only interested in house hunting It wasn't me who "switched horses", but him. He didn't say anything else after our date, and the next contact he had with me was sending me houses for sale. So it was him switching abruptly without any conversation, not me. I don't think I need to tell him anything.
Author MissPinkEyes Posted August 4, 2020 Author Posted August 4, 2020 4 minutes ago, snowboy91 said: It does seem like he wanted sex, but it doesn't necessarily mean he only wants sex. Perhaps he wanted to work out sexual compatibility in a potential relationship as soon as possible. But of course, you're just as entitled to wait until you feel comfortable. I think he went about it a bit abrasively - if things were going to lead to sex they would naturally, but he tried to force the idea a little. Exactly. I was very attracted to him, and maybe if we have had a nice day at the beach, just having fun together and talking (we were having really nice conversations at the beach bar), then naturally maybe we would want to spend more time together and end up at his place... naturally. His forcing things and pushing was what put me off. 4
Wiseman2 Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 How did he know what kind of house you were looking for and that you were in the market for a new house. If you distrust his motives, why do business with someone like that? 1
Author MissPinkEyes Posted August 4, 2020 Author Posted August 4, 2020 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: How did he know what kind of house you were looking for and that you were in the market for a new house. If you distrust his motives, why do business with someone like that? We talked about it briefly online before we met and also at the date when we met he asked me about it and said he can help me on that. That's a good question, he sent me a really nice house exactly in the place I want and for a very good price, so I don't want to let it pass to visit as there aren't many available houses like this around where I live. That doesn't mean I am going to buy it and make business with him, I'm just going to visit. One thing Iam thinking about now is that if I buy a house with him, he'll know where I live... Anyway I feel like we should have a conversation about what happened on the date. Edited August 4, 2020 by MissPinkEyes
introverted1 Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 13 minutes ago, MissPinkEyes said: Anyway I feel like we should have a conversation about what happened on the date. What? Nothing happened on the date. He invited you to his house. You didn't accept. Done. I can already see many pages debating his presumed motives but the fact is, we don't know and neither do you. Either stop dating him or keep dating him and remain firm in your boundaries. If you decide to keep dating, you can certainly have a "what are you looking for" conversation, but a deep analysis of your ONE date is way OTT. As for him having your address were you to buy the house he showed you... now you're implying he's a stalker. If that's really the vibe you have, then just pass on the house. it's not worth the risk. But it seems like this concern is pulled out of the air. Nothing you wrote about the date suggests crazy behavior on his part. 3
Wiseman2 Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 Stop talking to people you distrust either as wolves or stalkers. So far he's done neither. It seems like you are simply not ready to date. Focus on your co-parenting and recovering from your divorce. Don't date if you are not ready or if someone gives you the creeps. 3
Author MissPinkEyes Posted August 4, 2020 Author Posted August 4, 2020 4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Stop talking to people you distrust either as wolves or stalkers. So far he's done neither. It seems like you are simply not ready to date. Focus on your co-parenting and recovering from your divorce. Don't date if you are not ready or if someone gives you the creeps. I am not ready to date because I didn't accept to go to his house on the first date and have sex with him? Are you joking? 1
Author MissPinkEyes Posted August 4, 2020 Author Posted August 4, 2020 (edited) 14 minutes ago, introverted1 said: What? Nothing happened on the date. He invited you to his house. You didn't accept. Done. I can already see many pages debating his presumed motives but the fact is, we don't know and neither do you. Either stop dating him or keep dating him and remain firm in your boundaries. If you decide to keep dating, you can certainly have a "what are you looking for" conversation, but a deep analysis of your ONE date is way OTT. As for him having your address were you to buy the house he showed you... now you're implying he's a stalker. If that's really the vibe you have, then just pass on the house. it's not worth the risk. But it seems like this concern is pulled out of the air. Nothing you wrote about the date suggests crazy behavior on his part. I didn't get bad vibes from him that's true. I was actually very attracted to him and already am. I just didn't like the pushing and forcing to go to his house, it was a bit too much. To be honest, I want to see this house because it looks really good, but this is also an opportunity for me to see him again in a different scenario and see how I feel about him and if I want to keep dating him. At this point I don't know if he wants it either. If it happens to continue dating him, I think we need an open conversation about what both are looking for. Edited August 4, 2020 by MissPinkEyes 2
d0nnivain Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 I don't really see a request for sex in here. I see a guy who push some boundaries but that is what salespeople do. They don't take no for an answer. Despite my differing view, he made you uncomfortable & it's your life. It was one date. You didn't like how he behaved so stop communicating with him. If he presses tell him you found him to be too pushy & he made you uncomfortable. Then stop talking to him. Do not worry about hurting his feelings. You don't even know each other. You are not the first woman who said no -- either in a personal or a business context -- nor will you be the last. You need to be more clear in your communications. When he asked you in for dinner & you said maybe some other time you led him on. He had no idea that you thought he was being pushy. What you said made him think you had other plans but you would come in next time. Instead you should have said something like "it's too early for me to be alone with you in your house. Let's keep things public for a while longer." I suspect that this guy has no idea that you thought he was asking for sex. or that you were upset by the request. 3
Wiseman2 Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 If things turn out well, maybe he'll help you christen the new house when you buy it.
Andy_K Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 If he's that attractive he's used to being able to get his way when he pushes for sex early on. If not date #1, then date #2. No real way to tell if he's looking for just sex or something more from what you've said so far. Trying to be as impartial as I can with this response, but I wouldn't trust most estate agents as far as I could throw them 2
poppyfields Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 (edited) Let's get real here. No, he didn't overtly ask for sex but any man who asks, in his case pushes, for a woman (you) to go to his on the first date wants sex, or hoping for sex. In my experience, many men have pushed boundaries like that, and it was up to ME to maintain my boundaries and say no. Men are not stupid, I never had to explain that it was too early or have a conversation about what we are both looking for, way WAY too early for that, it was the first date! A simple no sufficed, and they got the message. That said, I don't think it is necessarily a bad or negative thing that he wanted sex. It means he is attracted to you, and when men are attracted they want to have sex with you! Some men will push and some will be more patient and polite but don't kid yourself, they are attracted to you and want sex. I never faulted men for this, I simply defined boundaries by saying no, and gauged responses. If they asked me out again, they knew the score, respected boundaries and planned an outdoor date. So instead of jumping to all these negative scenarios like all he wanted was sex, why not wait and see if he contacts you and asks you out on a proper date outdoors? If he doesn't, ok chances are sex is all he wanted, so next. But you don't know that yet, just stay busy, try to not overthink, continue chatting and meeting other men, and wait and see if he contacts you again. Try to not read so much into things, and jump to the negative. A more positive attitude will render more positive results. Try to relax, dating should be fun! Edited August 4, 2020 by poppyfields 4
Redhead14 Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, MissPinkEyes said: I met this guy on an OLD app (not the most known one), we chat for a bit and last weekend he asked me what I was doing and I said I am going to the beach, and he asked if I want to go with him to a beach near where he lives, which is just a 10 minute drive for me. I said ok let's have a beach date. When I got there, it was all full to park near the beach, so he told me to park near his house which is a 5 minute walk to the beach, so I did. As soon as he met me outside, he asked if I wanted to go to this swimming pool instead of the beach, to which I said no thanks, I want to go to the beach as agreed. So as we got to the beach it was full of people and we decided to go for a drink at the beach bar. We stayed there for a while and he asked again if I wanted to go to his swimming pool, to which again I said no. Then he said he wants me to go to his place and make dinner for me. I said to him maybe some other time as I have to go back home (to mine). We went back to my car and he insisted again in me going in to his house, to which I said no again and I drove back home. He is also a real estate agent and I have told him before we met I am looking for a house to buy and he said he can help me on that. So the next day he contacted me and sent me some houses for sale for me to see, and I really liked one of them which I am seeing tomorrow with him. We didn't talk about what happened, but I think he only wanted sex that day and I believe he thought I wanted it too and that's why I met him. It was not, I only wanted to meet him and go on a date, it was never my intention to have sex with him that day. I do find him very attractive and I am looking forward to see him tomorrow to be honest, but I don't know if I should talk about what happened with him? Maybe he's just a f***boy that doesn't really care, and now he is just focused on the house sale? What do you think about this? Thank you. Nothing happened. He asked you in, you declined. Why all the mental gymnastics? Tomorrow is about business for now. If he wants to take you out again, take it from there. Even if he wants sex, you don't have to give it to him and he's not doing anything wrong for asking or indicating that he wants that. You don't have to go along with it. If he continues to be pushing for it and you don't want that for yourself, decline and wait to find a guy who dates you the way you want to be dated. You're doing a lot of mind-reading here. Take it a day at a time. Even if he wants sex, he isn't doing anything wrong. There are women out there who would have slept with him on the first date and they aren't doing anything wrong either. So, he tries. Edited August 4, 2020 by Redhead14 5
poppyfields Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 3 minutes ago, Redhead14 said: Nothing happened. He asked you in, you declined. Why all the mental gymnastics? Tomorrow is about business for now. If he wants to take you out again, take it from there. Even if he wants sex, you don't have to give it to him and he's not doing anything wrong for asking or indicating that he wants that. You don't have to go along with it. If he continues to be pushing for it and you don't want that for yourself, decline and wait to find a guy who dates you the way you want to be dated. You're doing a lot of mind-reading here. Take it a day at a time. Very well said!
Ruby Slippers Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 This guy strikes me as a creep. Don't be blinded by his good looks. Be very careful with this guy. 1
smackie9 Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 (edited) No I do get it, he asked MORE THAN ONCE to be alone at his place in one evening. He was trying to lure you in a situation, that he could further work on getting you into his bed. He tried the swim in his pool thing twice, that didn't work, so he tried the dinner invite, and that didn't work. So he's gonna go at it on a different angle, show a few houses, and possibly ask you over to his place again for drinks/dinner. That's his game, your gut is telling you it's his game, and he's gonna keep working it until you block/delete him. He's no gentleman IMO. Well what I see as a gentleman would be. If he was he would have backed off and acted like one, and possibly ask you out on another date. First impressions count, and my gut tells me, sex is all he's looking for. Met guys like him before. He's no dummy, he knows what he is doing, you know you are no dummy, and you see what his focus is. Walk away. He plays it carefully. He is a real estate agent, and he has to uphold his reputation, that's why he wasn't physical or verbally blunt about having sex. I'm sure he's gotten his way many times. He's a Jack Tripper...gets them at his place, drink a few bottles of wine, make a few appies, start making out, and boom boom out go the lights. Edited August 4, 2020 by smackie9 4
poppyfields Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 2 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: This guy strikes me as a creep. Don't be blinded by his good looks. Be very careful with this guy. Lol, my advice is be careful with all guys until you date for awhile and get to know them better. This guy is really no different from any other guy who is attracted to you. Some men cover their desires up by acting "nice" and "polite," but I have found in many instances their motives were less than genuine, in some cases downright devious. I always liked the more direct approach, it was honest and genuine which made it easier to trust him. Just say no if it's too soon. Easy peasy. 2
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