Is it too soon to ask?

[EAM19]

17 hours ago, elaine567 said:

This is what tends to come from being "too busy" to bother seeing each other.

Yep, well both have a busy month ahead. I would've liked to make it work but he thought it was best not to. I am going to miss talking to him everyday and would've liked to spend more time together

[Versacehottie]

Awww sorry it worked out like this.

I will just say that linking back to your original question--"asking him where you stood with each other" wouldn't have changed anything with regards to the outcome, see? 

I think not fighting him on it was the best thing to do.  He would probably have some doubts but be resistant if you were trying to hang on for dear life.  I think even to be willing to work with him would be in his eyes and "not accepting" his decision.  

Guessing probably your gut and intuition was picking up on things where he was not as into it as before and causing your anxiety.  It STILL wouldn't have made much of a difference at all to push (or even ask him what was going on).  All that would do is confuse you and perhaps you would have regret that you pushed him to say answer that he wasn't ready to make, ie not getting your full chance.

I think the pandemic affected a lot of people.  Also that he may have been leaning on you as a crutch in a way while things were basically shut down.  Now if he's going back to a more normal life, there is less of a point. Sad but very possible. Also anything with just 2 dates is fragile (though i'm with you that much talking would indicate something different).  That said, that much talking is almost a familiarity that is a friend zone type thing.  Lastly, if you guys are in college, college guys are notoriously fickle, flakey

Don't think too much about it.  Be sad for the weekend like donnivan said and then focus on yourself. Put yourself first.  College has a lot, if not more, opportunities for you, including with other guys.  Don't let him steal any of your time or fire good luck

*oops I forgot to ask because it might help others as well---did you "ask" him in spite of the advice you were given and approach you kind of settled on taking? Or did he bring it up 100% on his own?

Edited August 9, 2020 by Versacehottie

[EAM19]

22 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

Awww sorry it worked out like this.

I will just say that linking back to your original question--"asking him where you stood with each other" wouldn't have changed anything with regards to the outcome, see? 

I think not fighting him on it was the best thing to do.  He would probably have some doubts but be resistant if you were trying to hang on for dear life.  I think even to be willing to work with him would be in his eyes and "not accepting" his decision.  

Guessing probably your gut and intuition was picking up on things where he was not as into it as before and causing your anxiety.  It STILL wouldn't have made much of a difference at all to push (or even ask him what was going on).  All that would do is confuse you and perhaps you would have regret that you pushed him to say answer that he wasn't ready to make, ie not getting your full chance.

I think the pandemic affected a lot of people.  Also that he may have been leaning on you as a crutch in a way while things were basically shut down.  Now if he's going back to a more normal life, there is less of a point. Sad but very possible. Also anything with just 2 dates is fragile (though i'm with you that much talking would indicate something different).  That said, that much talking is almost a familiarity that is a friend zone type thing.  Lastly, if you guys are in college, college guys are notoriously fickle, flakey

Don't think too much about it.  Be sad for the weekend like donnivan said and then focus on yourself. Put yourself first.  College has a lot, if not more, opportunities for you, including with other guys.  Don't let him steal any of your time or fire good luck

*oops I forgot to ask because it might help others as well---did you "ask" him in spite of the advice you were given and approach you kind of settled on taking? Or did he bring it up 100% on his own?

He had been washy about making plans so I just asked what was going on and he said he'd been thinking about it and it just didn't seem like a good idea to start anything. I didn't fight him on it, I did say I felt a bit led on and i would appreciated a bit more honesty. Especially since he had been messaging me the week before about how much he liked me and wanted to see me again and so I got major mixed messages. I just wished him luck next year for Uni. 

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, EAM19 said:

He had been washy about making plans so I just asked what was going on and he said he'd been thinking about it and it just didn't seem like a good idea to start anything. I didn't fight him on it, I did say I felt a bit led on and i would appreciated a bit more honesty. Especially since he had been messaging me the week before about how much he liked me and wanted to see me again and so I got major mixed messages. I just wished him luck next year for Uni. 

I'm sorry too EAM but this happens a lot from what I've read on forums like this, and witnessed in real life. 

People truly believing they want a RL, meeting someone they like a lot, initially become excited, even making future plans. 

But then as things start to become more real, they start feeling vulnerable, they start over-thinking what being in a relationship actually means - the expectations and responsibilities, etc -  and suddenly a relationship doesn't look quite so appealing anymore.

So they run from it telling themselves (and the person they've been dating) they're not ready, or not the right time, or whatever.

I think much of it is about fear, but that's for another thread.

I recently read a thread on this forum from a woman who experienced this, so it's not gender related. 

Anyway, again I'm sorry.  Easier said than done, but try to not take it personally. 

Jmo from reading, but it sounds like he may have some issues surrounding relationships and commitment to sort out.

Edited August 10, 2020 by poppyfields

[Versacehottie]

10 hours ago, EAM19 said:

He had been washy about making plans so I just asked what was going on and he said he'd been thinking about it and it just didn't seem like a good idea to start anything. I didn't fight him on it, I did say I felt a bit led on and i would appreciated a bit more honesty. Especially since he had been messaging me the week before about how much he liked me and wanted to see me again and so I got major mixed messages. I just wished him luck next year for Uni. 

While your tone with it sounds harmless enough & there always is the fact that you need to weigh advocating for yourself with playing the game, I would just caution you in the future to not bow down to your anxiety too much (not saying you did or that you didn't handle asking the question in a decent way).  The thing is that sometimes you just need to ride out someone's pulling away because it might have little to do with you and asking just forces a premature (or maybe never to be) NO.  Also it will teach you not to give into your anxious feelings all the time.  They are kind of tricky because it becomes a 'loop" where exactly what you "worried" about comes true, which your anxious mind attributes to "being correct" where it's possible often that you weren't correct but forcing the issue causes the other person to call it off because of the pressure or feeling like they can't just let things evolve or go at a decent pace.  It's kind of bad conditioning for your own anxiety.  Not saying that is exactly what went on here but you should check yourself next time as well to make sure that you are being even-keeled.

My biggest thing I would say is probably going on is he's a college guy--just historically, those are about the flakiest guys in general as far as committing to a relationship.  A big majority don't want to be locked down into a relationship, especially a long distance one (ie if you don't go to the same school which it sounds like you didn't ).  Or maybe you go to the same school but if it's going to be distanced learning this next semester back and one or both of you will be doing it from your hometown, he doesn't see a point.  I think it helps to always factor in the MOST LIKELY answer of what went wrong and to me, it's that he's a college guy. Nothing more, nothing less.  Which btw, when pressed, the majority of college guys I know also when they were tried to be pinned into a relationship, bolted. 

Ok onto the next good luck

Edited August 10, 2020 by Versacehottie

[EAM19]

22 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

While your tone with it sounds harmless enough & there always is the fact that you need to weigh advocating for yourself with playing the game, I would just caution you in the future to not bow down to your anxiety too much (not saying you did or that you didn't handle asking the question in a decent way).  The thing is that sometimes you just need to ride out someone's pulling away because it might have little to do with you and asking just forces a premature (or maybe never to be) NO.  Also it will teach you not to give into your anxious feelings all the time.  They are kind of tricky because it becomes a 'loop" where exactly what you "worried" about comes true, which your anxious mind attributes to "being correct" where it's possible often that you weren't correct but forcing the issue causes the other person to call it off because of the pressure or feeling like they can't just let things evolve or go at a decent pace.  It's kind of bad conditioning for your own anxiety.  Not saying that is exactly what went on here but you should check yourself next time as well to make sure that you are being even-keeled.

My biggest thing I would say is probably going on is he's a college guy--just historically, those are about the flakiest guys in general as far as committing to a relationship.  A big majority don't want to be locked down into a relationship, especially a long distance one (ie if you don't go to the same school which it sounds like you didn't ).  Or maybe you go to the same school but if it's going to be distanced learning this next semester back and one or both of you will be doing it from your hometown, he doesn't see a point.  I think it helps to always factor in the MOST LIKELY answer of what went wrong and to me, it's that he's a college guy. Nothing more, nothing less.  Which btw, when pressed, the majority of college guys I know also when they were tried to be pinned into a relationship, bolted. 

Ok onto the next good luck

I don't think I forced a premature no, he wasn't able to commit to anything and I deserved to know that instead of us just carrying on messaging without me knowing he had no plans to see me again. Better to know and end it on good terms than it be dragged on not knowing what was going on. I didn't want to suffer in silence whilst he 'slowly pulled away' and have things end with just being ghosted. I'm a big believer in taking action for yourself especially where other people have involved your feelings

[EAM19]

9 hours ago, poppyfields said:

I'm sorry too EAM but this happens a lot from what I've read on forums like this, and witnessed in real life. 

People truly believing they want a RL, meeting someone they like a lot, initially become excited, even making future plans. 

But then as things start to become more real, they start feeling vulnerable, they start over-thinking what being in a relationship actually means - the expectations and responsibilities, etc -  and suddenly a relationship doesn't look quite so appealing anymore.

So they run from it telling themselves (and the person they've been dating) they're not ready, or not the right time, or whatever.

I think much of it is about fear, but that's for another thread.

I recently read a thread on this forum from a woman who experienced this, so it's not gender related. 

Anyway, again I'm sorry.  Easier said than done, but try to not take it personally. 

Jmo from reading, but it sounds like he may have some issues surrounding relationships and commitment to sort out.

Thank you, hes not a bad guy and we're both young so uni definitely is the most important thing right now given that its both our last year. Better to know now than try it and it not work and end much worse where someone hates the other 

[curlygirl40]

1 hour ago, EAM19 said:

I don't think I forced a premature no, he wasn't able to commit to anything and I deserved to know that instead of us just carrying on messaging without me knowing he had no plans to see me again. Better to know and end it on good terms than it be dragged on not knowing what was going on. I didn't want to suffer in silence whilst he 'slowly pulled away' and have things end with just being ghosted. I'm a big believer in taking action for yourself especially where other people have involved your feelings

I'm sorry this worked out this way.  I don't remember seeing the thread when you first posted and then I was reading tonight and was going to chime in before I saw your update.   

I wanted to comment on this part tho, and maybe give you a different perspective.   I sometimes wonder if I should be giving any advice as I was pretty single for 7 years after my divorce, lol, but dating in my 40's and starting all over again with dating taught me some things.   

The way you word this particular post makes it seem like you felt like you had no options, that he was deciding your fate, as a couple so to speak.   Remember that you always have a say.  So you say 'Carrying on messaging without me knowing he had no plans to see me again....' and 'Dragged on not knowing", "Suffer in silence".     I get that, I was there myself so many times and remember how brutal it was.   

But there is more than one way to play this remember.    You are not at his disposal.  Men often show you their intentions with their actions.   What they do between dates is more important than the date itself.    If he is not making future plans with you but is messaging you a ton, you can pull back and stop replying and see if he asks you out or just goes away.  If what you want is someone to date and see where it goes vs a penpal, then stop being a penpal.    You can step back and see if he steps up and if he doesn't, then you have your answer.  If he knows, for sure, that you are interested in seeing him again but he's not making concrete plans with you each week then he's not really interested.       

Remember that you have a say in some things as well.  You're not just sitting around waiting for him to call/text.  He doesn't get a say in everything.    If he's not acting accordingly and doing things a potential boyfriend would do to court you, then you have the right to just walk away.    from him without letting him know also, you know.   

I'm not trying to be mean and all 'girl power!' on you.    I'm just saying a lot of times men tell us what they are thinking just by their actions, so you don't need to ask the question, you just need to pay attention and 'listen' to their actions.   Silence says more than words do in these situations.  

Best of luck at Uni!     And go ahead and cry but get it out of your system and move along to someone more deserving of your time

[EAM19]

6 hours ago, curlygirl40 said:

I'm sorry this worked out this way.  I don't remember seeing the thread when you first posted and then I was reading tonight and was going to chime in before I saw your update.   

I wanted to comment on this part tho, and maybe give you a different perspective.   I sometimes wonder if I should be giving any advice as I was pretty single for 7 years after my divorce, lol, but dating in my 40's and starting all over again with dating taught me some things.   

The way you word this particular post makes it seem like you felt like you had no options, that he was deciding your fate, as a couple so to speak.   Remember that you always have a say.  So you say 'Carrying on messaging without me knowing he had no plans to see me again....' and 'Dragged on not knowing", "Suffer in silence".     I get that, I was there myself so many times and remember how brutal it was.   

But there is more than one way to play this remember.    You are not at his disposal.  Men often show you their intentions with their actions.   What they do between dates is more important than the date itself.    If he is not making future plans with you but is messaging you a ton, you can pull back and stop replying and see if he asks you out or just goes away.  If what you want is someone to date and see where it goes vs a penpal, then stop being a penpal.    You can step back and see if he steps up and if he doesn't, then you have your answer.  If he knows, for sure, that you are interested in seeing him again but he's not making concrete plans with you each week then he's not really interested.       

Remember that you have a say in some things as well.  You're not just sitting around waiting for him to call/text.  He doesn't get a say in everything.    If he's not acting accordingly and doing things a potential boyfriend would do to court you, then you have the right to just walk away.    from him without letting him know also, you know.   

I'm not trying to be mean and all 'girl power!' on you.    I'm just saying a lot of times men tell us what they are thinking just by their actions, so you don't need to ask the question, you just need to pay attention and 'listen' to their actions.   Silence says more than words do in these situations.  

Best of luck at Uni!     And go ahead and cry but get it out of your system and move along to someone more deserving of your time

Thank you. That's why I was so confused. He had said about making plans to see one another again but then when it came to actually sorting it that's when he got washy about it. Was hard because I almost didn't want to pull back from messaging because I did and do really like him and enjoyed speaking to him. I'm now unsure as to whether he even meant what he said when he said he liked me and had nice times with me and was interested in me, as it seemed to have gone south very quickly 

[EAM19]

6 hours ago, curlygirl40 said:

I'm sorry this worked out this way.  I don't remember seeing the thread when you first posted and then I was reading tonight and was going to chime in before I saw your update.   

I wanted to comment on this part tho, and maybe give you a different perspective.   I sometimes wonder if I should be giving any advice as I was pretty single for 7 years after my divorce, lol, but dating in my 40's and starting all over again with dating taught me some things.   

The way you word this particular post makes it seem like you felt like you had no options, that he was deciding your fate, as a couple so to speak.   Remember that you always have a say.  So you say 'Carrying on messaging without me knowing he had no plans to see me again....' and 'Dragged on not knowing", "Suffer in silence".     I get that, I was there myself so many times and remember how brutal it was.   

But there is more than one way to play this remember.    You are not at his disposal.  Men often show you their intentions with their actions.   What they do between dates is more important than the date itself.    If he is not making future plans with you but is messaging you a ton, you can pull back and stop replying and see if he asks you out or just goes away.  If what you want is someone to date and see where it goes vs a penpal, then stop being a penpal.    You can step back and see if he steps up and if he doesn't, then you have your answer.  If he knows, for sure, that you are interested in seeing him again but he's not making concrete plans with you each week then he's not really interested.       

Remember that you have a say in some things as well.  You're not just sitting around waiting for him to call/text.  He doesn't get a say in everything.    If he's not acting accordingly and doing things a potential boyfriend would do to court you, then you have the right to just walk away.    from him without letting him know also, you know.   

I'm not trying to be mean and all 'girl power!' on you.    I'm just saying a lot of times men tell us what they are thinking just by their actions, so you don't need to ask the question, you just need to pay attention and 'listen' to their actions.   Silence says more than words do in these situations.  

Best of luck at Uni!     And go ahead and cry but get it out of your system and move along to someone more deserving of your time

Thank you. That's why I was so confused. He had said about making plans to see one another again but then when it came to actually sorting it that's when he got washy about it. Was hard because I almost didn't want to pull back from messaging because I did and do really like him and enjoyed speaking to him. I'm now unsure as to whether he even meant what he said when he said he liked me and had nice times with me and was interested in me, as it seemed to have gone south very quickly 

[EAM19]

It's just upsetting for me. We have known each other a while and right now i don't want anyone else. Just seems to be the case that I am suddenly dumped (happened with my ex) and then just forgotten about and easy to get over. I'm not the girl who is missed by boys after it ends, I just seems to be the one who is upset and feeling embarrassed whilst they get to carry on as if I never existed. Really makes me doubt if their feelings were genuine for me at all

[d0nnivain]

EAM19 

Part of it is you get attached too easily.  Yes, Covid played a role in keeping you apart but hon, you need to learn to keep your emotions in check.  You aren't missed because there was not much there with this latest guy. 

As for your EX you don't know that he doesn't miss you.  Presumably you are not in contact so you have no knowledge of what he's feeling.  Missing somebody is also no reason to go back to a dysfunctional relationship.  

My grad school EX's father died last week.  I find myself thinking about the EX & the whole family a lot since I read the obit.  I miss some of the good times & I'm sad about the dad's passing but in the end I know my EX was a bad match for me & it's good that we ended things even though I was devastated at the time.  Before you think I'm a hypocrite, telling you to have no contact while I know about a death in my EX's family, my EX's dad was a public figure.  His death was front page news.  I couldn't miss it.  

[curlygirl40]

6 hours ago, EAM19 said:

 then just forgotten about and easy to get over. I'm not the girl who is missed by boys after it ends, I just seems to be the one who is upset and feeling embarrassed whilst they get to carry on as if I never existed. Really makes me doubt if their feelings were genuine for me at all

You don't really know that to be true.  You are telling yourself that story, so keep that in mind.     When I find myself ruminating about something like that, I will say those words to myself (It's a Brene Brown thing).   'The story I'm telling myself is that men don't miss me once it's over'.      It makes you realize that what you're telling yourself might not be true.    And also remember that nobody else can make you feel embarrassed about something like that, you are doing that to yourself.    

This is the challenge to dating,  not only do you need to find mutual attraction, chemistry, friendship, political beliefs (maybe), etc., etc, but you also need to find those things with someone who is in the same place as you are, as far as wanting the same things.  It's tough.   Don't spend a lot of time putting a square peg in a round hole, these things don't work out for a reason.    And it doesn't mean that he didn't like you or maybe even still likes you.      Those things aren't mutually exclusive.     Don't assume he was lying when he said those things.    Something shifted possibly, he decided he should concentrate more on school, etc.    Just be happy it wasn't dragged out more, brush yourself off and go about your way with your head up.   Don't be embarrassed.      There is always a risk to love

[EAM19]

16 minutes ago, curlygirl40 said:

You don't really know that to be true.  You are telling yourself that story, so keep that in mind.     When I find myself ruminating about something like that, I will say those words to myself (It's a Brene Brown thing).   'The story I'm telling myself is that men don't miss me once it's over'.      It makes you realize that what you're telling yourself might not be true.    And also remember that nobody else can make you feel embarrassed about something like that, you are doing that to yourself.    

This is the challenge to dating,  not only do you need to find mutual attraction, chemistry, friendship, political beliefs (maybe), etc., etc, but you also need to find those things with someone who is in the same place as you are, as far as wanting the same things.  It's tough.   Don't spend a lot of time putting a square peg in a round hole, these things don't work out for a reason.    And it doesn't mean that he didn't like you or maybe even still likes you.      Those things aren't mutually exclusive.     Don't assume he was lying when he said those things.    Something shifted possibly, he decided he should concentrate more on school, etc.    Just be happy it wasn't dragged out more, brush yourself off and go about your way with your head up.   Don't be embarrassed.      There is always a risk to love

Thank you! I find that I feel particularly vulnerable in the mornings which is when I have these negative feelings and realistically it isn't true. 

[Versacehottie]

On 8/10/2020 at 4:32 PM, EAM19 said:

I don't think I forced a premature no, he wasn't able to commit to anything and I deserved to know that instead of us just carrying on messaging without me knowing he had no plans to see me again. Better to know and end it on good terms than it be dragged on not knowing what was going on. I didn't want to suffer in silence whilst he 'slowly pulled away' and have things end with just being ghosted. I'm a big believer in taking action for yourself especially where other people have involved your feelings

Well, I just want to say that your anxiety (even if you did it with a soft touch) caused you to do what people on the thread recommend against and you got a NO. Now you have doubt and regret.  There is something to be said for just letting things unfold which is why you were getting lots of the same advice that it was too soon.  

You can justify it all you want to now to  say you just needed to know and he was acting wishy washy etc.  On one hand you do need to realize that you gave into your own anxious feelings and it's possible they played a part in the answer you got.  They are not entirely unrelated, that's for sure. 

In addition, I'm not saying you are totally wrong for doing what you do.  There is a thing in psychology where you have to decide if the goal is for the OBJECTIVE or the more of a SELF-RESPECT one. For the objective, ie having a relationship with this guy--yeah you didn't follow the advice given and probably pushed it to a NO.  It might have gone there for his own reasons unrelated to you but probably it was too soon and spooked him.  Anxiety has a tendency to be unreasonable in things like this & will justify whatever it wants to do (ie ruminating prior and afterward is a sign).  Then there is also a SELF-RESPECT goal, which is kind of how you posed it when you told us that he broke it off (leaving out the part that you in fact asked him what was going on).  So for self-respect, even if the impetus to ask was born out of anxiety, it seems like you did the right thing for you--and it may STILL have been the right thing overall because there is no guarantee of what he would have chosen to do or how this relationship would have turned out.  You just need to make peace that you gave up on the OBJECTIVE (like a certain outcome you want) for an outcome that was more in line with one for your self-respect happiness. Sometimes they are not align objective & self-respect in trying to get an outcome will be at odds and you have to chose one path or the other or you are in conflict internally. AND/OR sometimes a person's anxiety gets in the way and they cannot be true to either or comfortable, ie non-ruminating and settled, with their decision.  

Hope you have better luck on the next one

Edited August 15, 2020 by Versacehottie

[FMW]

I'm sorry you were disappointed with how things turned out, it's happened to most of us, don't let it make you feel bad about yourself.

As has been noted, what a guy DOES is a big part of the communication to pay attention to.  If he's being inconsistent and wishy-washy, that's telling you clearly, for whatever reason, he's not ready to focus on you.  Any mixed messages should be interpreted in that way.  It's hard when you really want more from the relationship, but it's a clear sign that he's not ready to give any more than he's currently giving you.  For now, or maybe ever.  If you're willing to just go with the flow things might change in the way you want. If you have to have your answer immediately, you most likely already have it through his actions. 

  

[poppyfields]

On 8/10/2020 at 7:26 AM, poppyfields said:

I'm sorry too EAM but this happens a lot from what I've read on forums like this, and witnessed in real life. 

People truly believing they want a RL, meeting someone they like a lot, initially become excited, even making future plans. 

But then as things start to become more real, they start feeling vulnerable, they start over-thinking what being in a relationship actually means - the expectations and responsibilities, etc -  and suddenly a relationship doesn't look quite so appealing anymore.

So they run from it telling themselves (and the person they've been dating) they're not ready, or not the right time, or whatever.

I think much of it is about fear, but that's for another thread.

I recently read a thread on this forum from a woman who experienced this, so it's not gender related. 

Anyway, again I'm sorry.  Easier said than done, but try to not take it personally. 

Jmo from reading, but it sounds like he may have some issues surrounding relationships and commitment to sort out.

EAM, I'm re-posting this^, because I've read all the posts and more than anything else, I still think this is what happened.  

Imo you did nothing wrong by asking him what's going on.

After 5 months talking every day and 2 in person dates, you sensed a major pull back so you asked, good for you!

You saved yourself days, weeks, months, of wondering about it, feeling anxious about it.

That kind of inconsistent "wishy-washy" (your phrasing) behaviour from a man, even the most secure woman would get anxious about so stop beating yourself up about that, okay?  

Him ending things was not because of anything you did or didn't do, or your anxiety (which you apparently hid quite well from him anyway).

Guy got caught up in the fantasy of chatting on line/texting for 5 months, but after meeting in person, twice, reality hit and he realized he didn't wish to move forward.  As I said, this happens so much, I've lost count. 

Or perhaps after meeting in person, for him, the physical energy didn't match the mental energy you had developed on line for 5 months. 

With respect to anxiety, I like to ask, which came first?

Are you a naturally anxious person with regard to everything in your life? 

Or do you only start getting anxious when dating a guy and things seem off and you sense him pulling back?

If it's the former, seek help.  Because like others have said, general anxiety will have a negative impact on every aspect of your life, including relationships.

However if it's the latter, if I have any advice, it's to stay away from men who contact you and live a long distance away, or who attempt to pull you in via protracted text messaging for weeks or months, or who are hesitant to meet in person, and/or who after they do meet you, within a short time, you sense a shift in behavior,  wishy-washy or pulling away . 

Those things WILL cause anxiety, I guarantee you that.

Save your mental energy for other more productive things, nothing good or positive will ever come from getting emotionally involved with a man like that.

BTDT, a few times.  I learned.  

I'm sorry things didn't work out but better now than after weeks or months of inconsistent wishy-washy behaviour and high anxiety stressing about what's going on, which is precisely what would have happened had you not asked. 

You did good imo, head high okay?  

Better things for you lay ahead!  

 

Edited August 15, 2020 by poppyfields

[EAM19]

JUST AN UPDATE TO EVERYONE 

After 2 months he messaged me saying he regrets ending things and wants to try again and so we saw each other recently. Not sure if I am feeling it BUT I did the right thing by asking him at the time because i saved myself lots of uncertainty.

Always trust your gut instinct and do what you feel, everything figures itself put in the end

[Mystery4u]

2 hours ago, EAM19 said:

JUST AN UPDATE TO EVERYONE 

After 2 months he messaged me saying he regrets ending things and wants to try again and so we saw each other recently. Not sure if I am feeling it BUT I did the right thing by asking him at the time because i saved myself lots of uncertainty.

Always trust your gut instinct and do what you feel, everything figures itself put in the end

So basically whatever girl(s) he was seeing/pursuing for the last 2 months, it didn't work out, now he is feeling lonely and knows you are the easy option to fall back on.

If you are happy being 2nd choice, the backup, something to keep him entertained until someone else better comes along, sure go for it.

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, Mystery4u said:

 

EAM, did he give you a reason for his earlier behavior?  Did you ask? 

He sounds conflicted to me, but that's only speculation.  I've posted before about this, but my brother is a huge anxious-avoidant/"commitmentphobe" and does stuff like this all the time, or used to.  

If you choose to see him again, stay aware and lower expectations. 

Don't be afraid to ask the hard questions, it's your heart and your life.

Best of luck!  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 11, 2020 by poppyfields

[EAM19]

10 hours ago, Mystery4u said:

So basically whatever girl(s) he was seeing/pursuing for the last 2 months, it didn't work out, now he is feeling lonely and knows you are the easy option to fall back on.

If you are happy being 2nd choice, the backup, something to keep him entertained until someone else better comes along, sure go for it.

Excellent way to make me feel bad about myself. People can change their minds. I was really unsure about him at the beginning of the year and kept blowing him off then. He's an honest guy and I have no reason not to believe him. There's zero evidence of someone else and I'll believe that instead of making things up. Sounds like your own insecurities and bad experiences, there's nothing to say it's applicable to me

[EAM19]

9 hours ago, poppyfields said:

EAM, did he give you a reason for his earlier behavior?  Did you ask? 

He sounds conflicted to me, but that's only speculation.  I've posted before about this, but my brother is a huge anxious-avoidant/"commitmentphobe" and does stuff like this all the time, or used to.  

If you choose to see him again, stay aware and lower expectations. 

Don't be afraid to ask the hard questions, it's your heart and your life.

Best of luck!  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you, I am being extra careful and just trying to decide how I feel. It's difficult with all the rules at the minute and my own anxiousness but I've gotten over things like this before so I'll be fine 

[Fletch Lives]

Why go back to someone who dropped you before? It will likely happen again. Stop it! Find another man.

[d0nnivain]

EAM19 

Normally I would be encouraging you to not go backwards but you two are university students.  Everything is fluid at the age.  Go slow.  Ask Qs.  Keep your eyes open. 

Hope it works out this time.