lana-banana Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 1 hour ago, DCGurly said: Also, deep down I don’t really feel like he’s right for me. I just thought I’d give it a chance. You have, twice. If you don't break it odd tonight then you're just furthering this.
Uptown182 Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 1 hour ago, DCGurly said: I’m really starting to think this might be a reason. We haven’t slept together. He knows I won’t unless he can stay the night. You haven’t slept together, and he’s professing his love for you? No I’m sorry that doesn’t add up. I really believe you need to rethink this relationship. 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 2 hours ago, DCGurly said: We haven’t slept together. He knows I won’t unless he can stay the night. Excellent. back away from him. he seems too odd to date all the way around.
Author DCGurly Posted August 4, 2020 Author Posted August 4, 2020 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: Is it possible he could be on the spectrum? Something sounds very off about this man. I mean I don’t think so at one point he was a police officer in California. He doesn’t seem much different than my ex-husband. He was very quick about things also. To be honest even my first serious boyfriend he’s really quick about getting together. like I said before we’ve been talking since March. Around the time quarantine started. Just FaceTime and then we moved to dating
Author DCGurly Posted August 4, 2020 Author Posted August 4, 2020 2 hours ago, Crazelnut said: So what are you going to do? I’m not really sure at this point.
Versacehottie Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 4 hours ago, DCGurly said: His father was and is still very abusive. I also notice when I try to directly talk to him about something he feels is confrontational. He totally closes up, and seems confused about how to deal with me. Which I find strange because I’m a very easy going person. His sister in laws behavior is very dominant like his father’s. Also the reason he moved in with them is because he moved to California without hardly knowing a girl he met at a convention. He was with her for two years and very mentally abusive towards him. He caught her in the backseat of her ex boyfriend’s car having sex, and moved back to the east coast. Moving in with his brother. So while it's true that he probably gets stuck with some bad or domineering people around him and that's part of what is going on, the other truth is right there in the bolded: He jumps in with both feet, maybe not a lot of thinking, perhaps too soon or impulsively. It's what he did with the CA girl and looks like what he is doing with you. He might need a leader or latches on quickly so someone can guide him through life & probably why he gets really excited about someone very soon, like trading one person he is following and that is oppressive for another that he might not know much about but the idea seems hopeful to him & thus exciting. Like someone said above (sorry I forgot who said it!) it's not necessarily love even if it seems like it to him. Probably just infatuation that's mixed up with the other oppressive things going on in his life--like there is an urgency or a lot of motivation because of those things so he THINKS he's in love but he probably doesn't know you well enough yet to know that; you don't feel the same quite; and it's hard to tell without a more level and mature type groundwork from which to kind of evaluate that. Or if it's just like he's running from one type of life to escape to another one (with you) that he thinks would be better (though obviously premature and he doesn't really know). It's kind of worrisome all this co-dependence. Not that he's bad or incapacitated in some way but it's all really TBD until you see how he is under more independent circumstances. I think it should be. Goodluck 2
ExpatInItaly Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 16 hours ago, poppyfields said: Is it possible he could be on the spectrum? Something sounds very off about this man. I was wondering about something similar. The combination of moving very quickly, having a child-like relationship with other adults in his life, not really knowing how to respond to OP when she brings up certain things...all of it leads me to wonder if there's a lot more underlying all of this.
kendahke Posted August 5, 2020 Posted August 5, 2020 16 hours ago, Uptown182 said: You haven’t slept together, and he’s professing his love for you? to be fair, this is how it went down with our great grandparents and grandparents... 2
Author DCGurly Posted September 1, 2020 Author Posted September 1, 2020 I guess this is a bit of a update. We’ve been officially a couple for awhile. Things are going really well. He’s very loving and romantic. I didn’t expect things to go this well since he freaked me out at the beginning. He’s moved out of his brothers place into his own place. We are working on him not liking to deal with confrontation. I’m a very open person.and he’s learned that we will just talk things through in a safe and respectful way. We are taking things slow because of his past with jumping into things with his ex. Hence, we opted not to moved in together after only knowing each other for 3 months ( we wanted to though) We decided to wait a year. Because we both want this to work out long term. on the fun side of things.. He least me drive his mustang and he takes me on motorcycle rides 4 or 4 times a week. He bought me a cute black and pink helmet. I'm just content He makes me so calm unlike anyone else I’ve ever met. I went though ya very bad divorce. Dating sucked, and I never would have though I’d meet such a sweet man that treats me so well. 2
Author DCGurly Posted September 1, 2020 Author Posted September 1, 2020 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Has he invited you to his new place? Yes. I’m with him now. I’m here pretty much here all week most of the time. I have my own place also. We’re 25 mins apart so it’s easier to sleep over since he works such long days. I work remotely now until our offices open back up. So I work from his place.
kendahke Posted September 1, 2020 Posted September 1, 2020 (edited) 14 hours ago, DCGurly said: I guess this is a bit of a update. We’ve been officially a couple for awhile. Things are going really well. He’s very loving and romantic. I didn’t expect things to go this well since he freaked me out at the beginning. He’s moved out of his brothers place into his own place. I'm just content He makes me so calm unlike anyone else I’ve ever met. I went though ya very bad divorce. Dating sucked, and I never would have though I’d meet such a sweet man that treats me so well. I'm so happy to hear this. Glad things are working out for you!! Is his SIL giving you two any problems? Edited September 1, 2020 by kendahke 1
Author DCGurly Posted September 4, 2020 Author Posted September 4, 2020 On 9/1/2020 at 7:08 PM, kendahke said: I'm so happy to hear this. Glad things are working out for you!! Is his SIL giving you two any problems? Not anymore. Thankfully. 1
dangerous Posted September 5, 2020 Posted September 5, 2020 OP the update sounds good. Keep on enjoying and be honest with yourself as well as with him.
Author DCGurly Posted October 9, 2020 Author Posted October 9, 2020 On 6/30/2020 at 1:14 AM, DCGurly said: He’s so super intense He’s so super intense, and he seems to be way more into me then I am into him. I’m stating to just have feelings for him. Which is not his fault. I am 26, and I was married for five years, and I’m a lot jaded. So some of how he comes across makes me feel guarded at times. We met off of OkCupid. He’s a really super sweet/kind person. We’ve talked/FaceTime during quarantine almost everyday for two months. We are just about to go on our third date this weekend. We get along really well. He’s a very kind person, but he puts me on a pedestal, and I don’t know how to feel about that. He’s a family guy very close to his family. I can tell from the conversations that we have he’s ready for a family. He’s ready to get married. He said he would like to travel a little bit with his partner before having children. Like for three years. He’s a family guy very close to his family. I can tell from the conversations that we have he’s ready for a family. He’s ready to get married. He said he would like to travel a little bit with his partner for two years before having children. Just a little background on him. His first serious girlfriend cheated on him. His second serious girlfriend (Who he planned on marrying) he’s (31) He Moved from the East Coast to the West Coast for her. Then he caught her having sex with her ex in a car. So he moved back to the east coast. A little background on me . I was actually cheated on by my ex-husband. It was a hard situation to deal with but we just weren’t right for each other. Come to find out that my ex-husband had PTSD from being in the military. And he committed suicide two years after our divorce . There are things about him that seem too good to be true. He is an absolute gentleman, but also there are things about him that aren’t perfect of course. When he gets tired he’s a little grumpy. That’s literally the only thing about that isn’t sweet. He’s always telling me that I am perfect. When I tell him that I am not perfect he always says ” you’re perfect to me" he says that he appreciates that I’m not trying to change him and that I’m so easy to talk to you and then I accept him for who he is. Personally I’m this way with everyone. I’m very open person, and I believe that people should be able to be themselves. I grew up in a very judgemental family where I was not allowed to be myself. Anyway, He sent me flowers for my birthday during quarantine. Our last two dates he always has gifts for me. He’s always asking me what my favorite perfume is what my favorite stores or what my favorite things are. And he really listens. Because I always get those things from him And he told me he has another gift for me when he sees me on our next date Saturday. Sorry if this is very long-winded. Small update, things are still going really good. We’ve fallen in love. He said it first. but I came around to feeling the same way. My boyfriend has moved out of his brother and sister in law’s home. He has his own condo now. I helped him move.I spend my weekends there. He’s at my place 3 nights during the week. My apartment is closer to his job. We’ve been enjoying our time together. He’s my best friend We want to be together long term, and we’ve made some long term plans. Like.. moving in together in a year. Getting a dog when we do. We are trying to take things slow to avoid mistakes made in past relationships. I’ve dated other (nice) guys, but my boyfriend is extremely sweet. I would say more romantic and emotional than me. Which is interesting because he’s 6’4 210 pounds and works a dangerous job high security job. I’m still getting use to it all the syrupy sweetness. Him constantly needed to hold my hand. Even when driving. I’m not allowed to open my own car door when we’re together. Lol After spending more time with him. Meeting his friends and coworkers. FaceTime with his parents. I’m trusting that he’s not crazy lol. I really thought he was. Why, because he’s extremely sweet. Seemed almost fake because I wasn’t familiar with being treated so well. It’s just how he is. People around him really like him. He’s a good person. Anyway, we’re going on a getaway this weekend. We’ve done some staycations, but this is our first road trip. Just 3 hours away. it should be fun. 1 1
kendahke Posted October 9, 2020 Posted October 9, 2020 So happy for you!!! Glad things are progressing well for you two! 1
poppyfields Posted October 9, 2020 Posted October 9, 2020 (edited) I love this thread, it's got so many twists and turns, with a happy ending! You've both fallen in love, things are working out great, can't get any happier than that! However, I wonder what the takeaway is. I mean you started out not being attracted to him, posters brought up huge red flags, many advised to run, even I suspected he might be on the spectrum, so you took the advice and ran. You began dating other guys but none treated you as nicely, so you ran back admittedly because you were lonely and bored. And now three months later, you have fallen in love with him! I believe you too! But what does this teach us? That even when we're not attracted, if they treat us nicely, buy us gifts, shower us with attention, and we're lonely enough, we should keep dating them because hey you never know, three months down the line you may fall in love? Sorry DC, I'm just thinking out loud, shaking my head a bit about all of it. Of how it all played out from beginning til now. But seriously thank you for the update and good for you! It made my day. And am very happy for you and hope it continues remaining so positive! Edited October 9, 2020 by poppyfields
Author DCGurly Posted October 14, 2020 Author Posted October 14, 2020 On 10/9/2020 at 2:51 PM, kendahke said: So happy for you!!! Glad things are progressing well for you two! Thank you.
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