Interested in Two Woman

August 4, 2020

I'm 24 and I know at this stage in life this shouldn't be an issue but it is.
Long story, short, I'm interested in two women.

There was a girl I met in late 2018(will call her Girl A), we talked and hung out regularly (we were exclusively only having sex with one another but never in an official relationship) for almost six months before I moved away for a job and eventually our conversation drifted but I always told her if I ever move back I'd be open to dating her in the future. She agreed. After a few months after I moved, I got seriously injured in a car accident. After six months of intense physical therapy, I returned back to work, only to get laid off a few weeks later because of the pandemic. I eventually moved back to my hometown in May.

I started talking with Girl A a week after returning. We hit things off. I've seen her 4/5 times since, it'd be more if she didn't live an hour away at this time. At the same time I befriended a new girl (Girl B) at a new job I started last month and it seems there is a mutual interest.

My dilemma is that they are both interested in me and I'm interested in both for different reasons. Girl A I felt like from the beginning that there was a strong sexual chemistry, she is easy going and we have many great, deep conversations. I always look forward to talk to her. If she didn't move an hour away from where we first met, I think I would have started a relationship with her. But then there is Girl B. We work together, she is funny, and we share a lot of great interests. We both like video games, hiking, the same cuisine and bonus we both live within 5 minutes of each other. I've hung out with her at least 2 times a week the last month. They have both hinted at wanting something more, and I really like them both. Girl B has said she won't have sex until she is in a relationship with someone, so I can't judge how our sexual chemistry will be like.

I feel like if I choose Girl B, I'll really really miss Girl A. I'll miss the great conversations, the great sexual chemistry and just hanging out wither. On the other hand I feel like if I go with Girl A is that I'll be letting go of someone I share a lot of interests with, who I genuinely enjoy her company.

Edited August 4, 2020 by Grunge99

August 4, 2020

Are you looking for a relationship?

You've previously been 'unofficial' with girl A for 6 months. If she was what you wanted, you'd know it by now and you wouldn't be interested in girl B.

Girl B wants a relationship. Only go there if you're definitely open to that being a real possibility.

August 4, 2020

With Girl A I would have totally dated her if I hadn't planned on moving in six months. I did think about her and we had a few great discussion during the time we were distance. I just didn't expect to be interested in Girl B. I thought we'd just be friends, but now that I have two women, who I like for different reasons, that both want a relationship. I guess I've kind of enjoyed the stats quo, and I think in the end I have more to lose if I don't go with Girl A.

August 4, 2020

End things with girl A. Don't string anyone along when you already know your sights are set elsewhere.

Simply tell girl A you just want to be friends. Have integrity and your life will be happier and have less unnecessary drama.

August 4, 2020

3 hours ago, Grunge99 said:

in the end I have more to lose if I don't go with Girl A.

Then stop the hanging out with Girl B and put her back into the coworker/friend pile asap, because as soon as the proverbial hits the fan then you will be left with no-one.
Cheating ruins stuff forever. Whether they decide to stick around or not, it will never be the same again.
Trust once lost is never really regained.

August 4, 2020

Correct me if I'm wrong but Girl A is having sex with you without the stipulation of "relationship first"?

If that is true, then comparing them to one another is very skewed.

Make a list of Girl A column and Girl B column.

Leave sex out of the mix and put down the qualities that each woman has that you appreciate plus the logistics of dating either one.

Then make a third list of what you are looking for in a relationship.

The choice should be obvious.

August 4, 2020

1 hour ago, schlumpy said:

Make a list of Girl A column and Girl B column.

Agree. You need to decide if you want the sweet and sour pork or the kung pao chicken

August 4, 2020

It's funny how you kind of are leading yourself to girl A the more you write about it, OP. Reading between the lines that's what I thought for you as well.

I think girl B is fine, but maybe more a factor of convenience and being in your here and now. I think you should choose who you have more of an emotional tug to. Good luck

August 4, 2020

Pros and Cons

Girl A:

Pros:

-easy going and able to talk through issues
-open-minded and very mature (much more than me IMO)
-have great deep conversations (many which lead into late night)
-smart and very knowledgeable (always wanting to learn new facts, and she'd be an ideal contestant for Jeopardy)
-strong sexual and emotional chemistry
-always look forward to seeing her

Cons:

-not a lot of similar interests
-prefers to stay home then go out (not always a bad thing, but going out would never be her first choice)
-more serious than witty (she will laugh at jokes, but not one to be sarcastic or crack jokes)
-there is a distance between the two of is and wouldn't see her as often as I'd like

Girl B:

Pros:

-a lot of similar interests so there would always be something to do
-she is adventurous and outgoing and willing to try new things
-be able to hang out with other people and not always prefer to stay at home
-has an amazing sense of humor
-she lives close by so can see her more often

Cons:

- I'd lose my friendship with Girl A if I choose Girl B
- She can be immature and uses sarcasm to change the subject when there is an issue (notice this at work mainly)

- She is four years younger than me where Girl A is closer to my age
- It's an all in risk to dating her, and won't know emotional or physical compatible

Edited August 4, 2020 by Grunge99

August 4, 2020

43 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

It's funny how you kind of are leading yourself to girl A the more you write about it, OP. Reading between the lines that's what I thought for you as well.

I think girl B is fine, but maybe more a factor of convenience and being in your here and now. I think you should choose who you have more of an emotional tug to. Good luck

I definitely feel an emotional tug to Girl A. I really really like her, and have strong feelings. But I guess I wish there was some attributes that a relationship with Girl B would bring in a relationship with Girl A. Girl A is adaptable so she'd be open to anything, which I appreciate, but it'd be my idea and not something she'd go out and try.

August 4, 2020

The way I see it, you had your chance to be with girl A. But instead you had a casual, unofficial thing with her for 6 months. I think if she was the "love of your life", it would have turned into an official relationship in that time.

August 4, 2020

5 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

The way I see it, you had your chance to be with girl A. But instead you had a casual, unofficial thing with her for 6 months. I think if she was the "love of your life", it would have turned into an official relationship in that time.

We had talked about it back in late 2018 but agreed to keep it casual because I was moving away and wouldn't work out at that time. Neither of us really thought we'd make our way back to one another, but I've never forgotten her and as soon as I knew I was moving home, that was the first person outside my family and close friends who knew.

But I get what you're saying. So right now she is wants a relationship and has told me that she isn't happy with just being friends, and wants something with more commitment because she is ready to settle down. She is a month away from being 25.

Edited August 4, 2020 by Grunge99

August 4, 2020

Go with girl A. You won't lose anything with girl B you only hung out a few times. Girl B isn't going anywhere, she works with you. You can still have some kind of friendship with her because there has been very little time invested with her, but with girl A you have. You miss girl A, you already know her in bed and out of bed, and you both are ready to take things to the next level. Give it a shot. If things don't work out with girl A, girl B is still around.

Edited August 4, 2020 by smackie9

August 4, 2020

Neither of them.

August 4, 2020

2 hours ago, Grunge99 said:

I definitely feel an emotional tug to Girl A. I really really like her, and have strong feelings. But I guess I wish there was some attributes that a relationship with Girl B would bring in a relationship with Girl A. Girl A is adaptable so she'd be open to anything, which I appreciate, but it'd be my idea and not something she'd go out and try.

Hmmm, well is anything happening with girl A right now? I mean is it the time where it is absolutely the time where you need to choose. Perhaps you can gather more info.

I think you deserve to give a chance to girl A right away or you will keep thinking of it which won't be good for your relationship with girl B anyway.

I totally get it not being the right timing before with girl A. Very often that's how things happen--they don't happen in a perfect little box.

Have you ever had a chance to explore the fun things that you do/activities with girl A or have you basically always been long distance where it really wasn't a possibility? Is it possible that she would be open to trying them. You can be a leader with what you like and maybe she also would follow along. If you've never had a proper relationship that might have been playing into why it never has come up.

Also on the other hand is there a chance that you romanticize the relationship with girl A?

It's a hard decision to make for sure.

August 4, 2020

The first six months Girl A and I weren't long distance. We talked every day, and hung out 3 to 4 times a week, had at least one sleep over a week. It was intense and I had a great time. There was a great chemistry. I considered her one of my best female friends. I never gotten into a relationship with her at the time, because neither of us wanted a long distance relationship.

I know the year we spent apart I grew a lot. I explored new things, met new people and even dated a few women briefly, but I have never found someone who I felt that emotional intimacy with or who I could sit down and have a great conversation with. Then I met Girl B, and I just realized just how much I missed exploring things, that thing that was just missing. I know that there will be a compromise either way.

Edited August 4, 2020 by Grunge99

August 4, 2020

40 minutes ago, Grunge99 said:

Then I met Girl B, and I just realized just how much I missed exploring things, that thing that was just missing. I know that there will be a compromise either way.

Go with the B- kung pao chicken in that case, since you are choosing from columns A or B. If you drag it out with A you'll be kicking yourself for the what ifs.

August 4, 2020

13 hours ago, Grunge99 said:

I'm 24 and I know at this stage in life this shouldn't be an issue but it is.
Long story, short, I'm interested in two women.

There was a girl I met in late 2018(will call her Girl A), we talked and hung out regularly (we were exclusively only having sex with one another but never in an official relationship) for almost six months before I moved away for a job and eventually our conversation drifted but I always told her if I ever move back I'd be open to dating her in the future. She agreed. After a few months after I moved, I got seriously injured in a car accident. After six months of intense physical therapy, I returned back to work, only to get laid off a few weeks later because of the pandemic. I eventually moved back to my hometown in May.

I started talking with Girl A a week after returning. We hit things off. I've seen her 4/5 times since, it'd be more if she didn't live an hour away at this time. At the same time I befriended a new girl (Girl B) at a new job I started last month and it seems there is a mutual interest.

My dilemma is that they are both interested in me and I'm interested in both for different reasons. Girl A I felt like from the beginning that there was a strong sexual chemistry, she is easy going and we have many great, deep conversations. I always look forward to talk to her. If she didn't move an hour away from where we first met, I think I would have started a relationship with her. But then there is Girl B. We work together, she is funny, and we share a lot of great interests. We both like video games, hiking, the same cuisine and bonus we both live within 5 minutes of each other. I've hung out with her at least 2 times a week the last month. They have both hinted at wanting something more, and I really like them both. Girl B has said she won't have sex until she is in a relationship with someone, so I can't judge how our sexual chemistry will be like.

I feel like if I choose Girl B, I'll really really miss Girl A. I'll miss the great conversations, the great sexual chemistry and just hanging out wither. On the other hand I feel like if I go with Girl A is that I'll be letting go of someone I share a lot of interests with, who I genuinely enjoy her company.

Ever considered the possibility of dating both of the women at the same time? It's hard work, and you will feel exhausted just from the effort that a single relationship is, let alone having two relationships going on at the same time, but it can be fun, especially if you are young, which you are, quite, and you don't have any obligation to either of them. Get into a relationship with girl A, see how good she is in bed. If you're happy with her, and if she's adventurous with her, forget about woman B.

Then if things aren't going on well with woman A, tell her you want some time apart to deal with some issues from work, date woman B, sleep with her, and then compare how good she is in bed with woman A, and if she's better than woman A: PICK B

Edited August 4, 2020 by Azincourt

August 4, 2020

6 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

Get into a relationship with girl A, see how good she is in bed. If you're happy with her, and if she's adventurous with her, forget about woman B.

I've been sort of dating both. I've been talking to both, hanging out with both and having sex with Girl A, every time I see her. Girl B doesn't want to be intimate with someone unless they are committed to her. I don't want to play her, or make her feel like I'm using her just because I can't make up my mind.

August 4, 2020

25 minutes ago, Grunge99 said:

I've been sort of dating both. I've been talking to both, hanging out with both and having sex with Girl A, every time I see her. Girl B doesn't want to be intimate with someone unless they are committed to her. I don't want to play her, or make her feel like I'm using her just because I can't make up my mind.

B has a point. Don't toy with people. Also do not sleep around and compare "who's better in bed" . It's sleazy, immature and will backfire.

August 4, 2020

Quote

B has a point. Don't toy with people. Also do not sleep around and compare "who's better in bed" . It's sleazy, immature and will backfire.

It's not sleeping around. Note I said, ''have you considered dating them both at the same time?''

if that's out of the question, then getting into a relationship with one, say Woman A,, and seeing if the two of them are emotionally, romantically, intellectually, and sexually compatible, and if they aren't, end the relationship with A by claiming he wants some time out to deal with some work related issues that are taking all of his time and making unable to give her the time and attention she deserves.

Then he dates woman B and compares woman B with woman A in every regard of what makes a romantic relationship, a romantic relationship, and from there he can figure out what he wants and which woman he actually wants to keep as his girlfriend.

Quote

I've been sort of dating both. I've been talking to both, hanging out with both and having sex with Girl A, every time I see her. Girl B doesn't want to be intimate with someone unless they are committed to her. I don't want to play her, or make her feel like I'm using her just because I can't make up my mind.

Then stick with woman A.

I've had women tell me that they would only have sex with me if I got into a romantic relationship with them first, and even then they expected me to wait months before they'd have sex with me.

So, I'm here thinking. Either she has a low sex drive, and if I get into a romantic relationship I'll be lucky to have like 2 or 3 times sex a week, and even then it will be months before she sleeps with me, and then what if she's bad in bed, or she thinks I'm bad in bed?

Or, she's not physically attracted to me but she thinks I have boyfriend qualities and she wants that in her life, except having sex with me?

I'd rather start a romantic relationship with the woman who has sex with me as soon as we start seeing each other.

August 4, 2020

I'm seeing Girl A tonight to talk about us, where we both want to go with this relationship and go from there. I'll bring up the concern of the distance because I'd like to see her more often then we are now.

Edited August 4, 2020 by Grunge99

August 5, 2020

That's great. Good luck, stay safe and have fun.

August 5, 2020

14 hours ago, Grunge99 said:

I'm seeing Girl A tonight to talk about us, where we both want to go with this relationship and go from there. I'll bring up the concern of the distance because I'd like to see her more often then we are now.

Just go with girl A for now and see what happens.

If it doesnt work, then at least you'll know you gave it a shot.

You're going to confuse yourself by comparing the two 24/7. Make a decision and stick with it.

August 5, 2020

There's no urgency to choose either at your age - wait and date some more before deciding on such a major relationship (assuming either would be long term). So, date B since A wants commitment now, date neither and look for someone who combines the best of both, or introduce them to each other and see if you can ethically date both of them with knowledge and consent (that was my preference when I had the option).

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