Kengne Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 Question folks of LS.org: Just been wondering what does compatibility mean to you? Does it mean similar interests? Common goals? Physical chemistry? All of the above, none of the above? And is it possible to find someone nearly or 100% compatible with you, or should we just strive for the next best thing? I ask bcuz in discussions with several ppl it's something that mystifies me. To me, compatibility is that 'click' you feel with someone To me, it has little to do with life goals, interestst etc...Those are all important factors, but they are not the most important ones TO ME. I ask the question bcuz my current guy is big on this 'compatibility' thing and has mentioned before how him & some of his past ex's were very 'compatible' but things just didn't work out for various reasons. It bugs me at times I guess because alot of the qualities they had, I don't e.g. timeliness. And they agreed on things, we don't e.g. having a large vs small wedding etc.. It's all small stuff now I guess but it makes me wonder at times why be with someone you're not 'compatible' with? Btw - I havnt asked him recently if he thinks we're compatible or not. He stated to me in the beginning that he tht we were, for other reasons *more along the lines of what I believe compatibility is*. But since certain 'incompatibilities' have arisen lately, I dunno what he thinks now! . But I'm def not worried about it, as I believe it's still early in the rel'ship to be gettingand I just wanna take things slow. And btw, IMO -> I don't view our disagreements as 'incompatibilites'. I view them as disagreements, cased closed. For ex. I can say definitely with my ex, M, that we just were not 'compatible', period. We disagreed on life goals, but those were things I could compromise or work with. The main reason we weren't compatible (aside from the cheating! lol) is that how we interacted with one another, our personalities, our way of relating to one another just DID NOT WORK. We just did not 'click' or gel well together. Does that make any sense? So I wanna know, what do y'all think? What is compatibility to you, and how much is reasonable to expect in a partner? K.
eazy_b Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 This sounds like an essay question my mental health professor might ask. How much do you want to overanalyze the question? Being compatible is nothing more than having somewhat similar views on the issues you find most important. That's it. I can tell your female, though!
basscatcher Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 So I wanna know, what do y'all think? What is compatibility to you, and how much is reasonable to expect in a partner? For me personally: Total compatibility would be: we share similar values, morals, ethics, parenting styles, similar interests, relationship expectations. We are able to compromise where we have differences. We have physical attraction. We are able to communicate respectfully with one another. We both need to understand that we are two different people and will have differences but we are mature enough to be able to work through them without walking all over the other person..
Topper Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 This isa good question. What is true compatibility? Being attracted to each other might bea good reason to get together but That isn't a strong bond that will last in the long run. If you have similar values and some interest that you share. Those are things that would help make a relationship stronger. But what might be missing is the the other side of the coin is the things we need that the other person provides. The differences can be as important as the the things we have in common.
Author Kengne Posted October 11, 2005 Author Posted October 11, 2005 This sounds like an essay question my mental health professor might ask. How much do you want to overanalyze the question? Being compatible is nothing more than having somewhat similar views on the issues you find most important. That's it. I can tell your female, though! I'm sorry you found my question too mentally taxing. That's ok hun. I could tell you are a male, tho! K.
Author Kengne Posted October 11, 2005 Author Posted October 11, 2005 For me personally: Total compatibility would be: we share similar values, morals, ethics, parenting styles, similar interests, relationship expectations. We are able to compromise where we have differences. We have physical attraction. We are able to communicate respectfully with one another. We both need to understand that we are two different people and will have differences but we are mature enough to be able to work through them without walking all over the other person.. Good response Padameckla *not to say that there's a bad response * I totally agree with you in that to me compatibility is MORE than just similar interests/ethics. It's more than just the things we have in common. K.
Author Kengne Posted October 11, 2005 Author Posted October 11, 2005 This isa good question. What is true compatibility? Being attracted to each other might bea good reason to get together but That isn't a strong bond that will last in the long run. If you have similar values and some interest that you share. Those are things that would help make a relationship stronger. But what might be missing is the the other side of the coin is the things we need that the other person provides. The differences can be as important as the the things we have in common. OMG this is exactly how I feel! I'm so glad someone was able to verbalize it! Alot of time I've heard ppl complain in their rel'ships that their SO is nothing like them, doesn't do things the way they tho, doesn't see things eye to eye... etc... and thus they're 'incompatible' I think the differences is what draws me to a person. I personally, could not see myself with someone who shared my exact same views, outlook on life, personality, ambitions, goals etc... eww! Like talking to myself. I thrive on the differences (as long as they aren't TOOO great), and I think that's what I view as compatibility: that 'click' with someone who keeps me balanced and/or grounded. The things/attributes I lack, they have & VICE VERSA. We complement each other. K.
Topper Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 There has to be a balance there some glue to hold you together a glue besides great sex. Then just the right balance of differences to keep things interesting and alive.
Outcast Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 It's important to be compatible in some respects; if you don't agree on money, religion, and children, you'll have a miserable life. Go find The Idiot's Guide to Relationships - it's a great book listing the areas of compatibility that make the difference between good and bad relationships. It's easy to say 'we just click - nothing else is important' in the early heady days of a relationship, but when you are living together and fighting about everything that you don't agree on you realize that compatibility is indeed critical.
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