BaileyB Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 6 minutes ago, avalon_guy said: I was in counseling...I feel they are getting paid to pretend to care...and honestly if GF would have moved closer and taken HRT, none of this would have happened. GF and I had a great sex life, but once I had custody of my son, it all stopped...not due to her, due to my son needing me...but I cannot be blamed for that. Most guys in my profession, have their house paid off by this age...they are set..but they also have sexless lives...some days I wish I just would have used a sex worker for the intercourse, and stayed with GF...there was some type of sex life... my father really upset me when I turned 55, mocking me about being an AARP candidate... Well, if you can not be blamed for your son needing you, surely she can not be blamed for not moving closer or taking HRT. Seriously, it is her body. It’s pretty entitled for you to expect her to take HRT if that was not her choice. There are risks to HRT, are you aware of that? One of my best friends mother’s had a life threatening and permanently disabling stroke because of HRT... I can see now that you don’t need counselling, you have all the answers already... Let’s just say, I can appreciate more now why the sex dried up and why your girlfriend is not returning your calls anymore... Good luck to you. 3
Author avalon_guy Posted August 2, 2020 Author Posted August 2, 2020 RedHead14- He is in his early 20’s. It is not the best relationship. I am not a disciplinarian and he could have used it while in high school. I felt bad for him about his mom, so just let everything be fine. you are correct, I am not a grown up...part of me thinks it is part of my charm, part of me thinks it is a major issue. my friendship with GF was almost 11 years...you are correct again, she will never speak to me... I have been on this phone all day. Thank you everyone for responding
chillii Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 (edited) Tbh , sounds like neither are right for you, they both have goods and bads which we all do but you've gotta be able to live with those and love her and love your thing and hopefully they don't even matter. But there's big issues with either that trouble you equally . Don't think you'd be happy with ex because the same things will still be there and just lead to the same place again eventually. The new one , wth is she even doing carrying on on social media at that age anyway, but at any rate she sounds very shallow and not only but also just not right for you anyway. Your ex has far more soul and depth , real ,she's a keeper for someone for sure but not for you though. Rock and a hard place man. Edited August 2, 2020 by chillii 2
Acacia98 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 5 minutes ago, avalon_guy said: I do not know why sex was painful for GF, my new woman is older and it is not painful. This is what I find strange. Did the two of you not talk about it ? Did you not try to find out what was causing the pain and see if it could be treated? Didn't she? Is it possible that she knew but didn't tell you? It sounds like you're pining for her and wishing you could reconnect, but you know full well that, even if you reconciled with her, she still wouldn't be able to have sex with you. What would the point be of reconciling if the problem that made you walk away continued to exist?
Redhead14 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 3 minutes ago, Acacia98 said: This is what I find strange. Did the two of you not talk about it ? Did you not try to find out what was causing the pain and see if it could be treated? Didn't she? Is it possible that she knew but didn't tell you? It sounds like you're pining for her and wishing you could reconnect, but you know full well that, even if you reconciled with her, she still wouldn't be able to have sex with you. What would the point be of reconciling if the problem that made you walk away continued to exist? Intercourse is often painful for women over 50 and sometimes younger. And, it takes a loving, caring, understanding, gentle and tender partner to help work through it. This guy doesn't sound like the type who would accommodate that. I suspect that she was only using that as an excuse as it appears that there are other reasons she would not want to have sex with him . . . resentment would be on the top of the list. He claims that now he is realizing some of her non-sexual value albeit too late. 3 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 It almost seems like you never processed your wife's death. Also that you have a lot of guilt. This anonymous format seems to be more like a confessional. You tried counselling, but now it's all catching up with you. t some level you know all this has nothing to do with GF1 or GF2. They are collateral damage in your careening through life to numb yourself. 1
schlumpy Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 Why are you ruminating on this now? It seems you've gone out of your way to burn all your bridges. Is this nostalgia or green grass syndrome? Something going on with your new squeeze that is making you look to the past instead of the future? 2
Redhead14 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: It almost seems like you never processed your wife's death. Also that you have a lot of guilt. Read his description of the relationship with his wife. I don't think this is the issue at all. He is the same person he was then as he has been with either of these two women now. Edited August 2, 2020 by Redhead14 2 1
Acacia98 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 3 minutes ago, Redhead14 said: Intercourse is often painful for women over 50 and sometimes younger. And, it takes a loving, caring, understanding, gentle and tender partner to help work through it. This guy doesn't sound like the type who would accommodate that. I suspect that she was only using that as an excuse as it appears that there are other reasons she would not want to have sex with him . . . resentment would be on the top of the list. He claims that now he is realizing some of her non-sexual value albeit too late. That makes sense. Just to clarify: what I find strange is the fact that there doesn't seem to have been any attempt to discuss the painful sex. It's like it wasn't a subject worth investigating further and yet he indicates that it is the reason their relationship deteriorated. 1
Redhead14 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Acacia98 said: That makes sense. Just to clarify: what I find strange is the fact that there doesn't seem to have been any attempt to discuss the painful sex. It's like it wasn't a subject worth investigating further and yet he indicates that it is the reason their relationship deteriorated. I'd put down money that it was her problem to figure out in order to please him . . . no discussion would be entertained by him. Fix it and do what I want or I'm out. Edited August 2, 2020 by Redhead14 5 1 1
Author avalon_guy Posted August 2, 2020 Author Posted August 2, 2020 Acacia98- I do not how open I am permitted to be on this forum...she was not very intercourse experienced when we met...she also never had a child...but we used lubricant and it was great..she was 90-95 lbs when we met, and I guess at one point went down to 80 lbs which threw her into menopause. So she did go to the GYN and spoke with her. She was prescribed a medication and the physician stated, “the FDA does not allow me to prescribe for a breast cancer survivor, I wonder how many lawsuits we will eventually get from other women”. Ex is a nurse, I am a pharmacist. She asked me to find her a compounding pharmacy for bio identical hormones...I did not...I was just angry at that point. To be fair I think she tried to find a doctor who would prescribe them, and it would have been easier for me to find the pharmacy and ask the pharmacist who was the major prescriber. I had orgasms...but I was very resentful. Even taking a shower with her I could orgasm... Redhead 14, yes we discussed it and I was angry....I think because wife & I had sexual issues, she stopped as soon as she gave birth...GF1 was open to almost anything but HRT..she is an only child/ no kids,and thought an estrogen related cancer, while being very bad for anyone, who was going to take care of her if she ever presented with it. Unfortunately this is all true, and there is a part about my wife I am leaving out...which turns this into a 5 ring circus. Yes, current gf wants everyone to know she has a man...I am not into social media, and I knew it would really hurt ex to see my profile pic. She was not into hurting anyone...she posted something after she found out about the cheating, which would have hurt new gf, and before I could ask her to take it down, she did... I do think I lost the person who loved me the most and wanted only kindness & honesty from me....
BaileyB Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 So, let’s be honest here... a woman who weighs 80 pounds is not a healthy woman. 90-95 pounds is also not a healthy weight for most women. And, am I reading this correctly, that she is also a breast cancer survivor? Because, I’m not a doctor but that could be reason enough not to do HRT. You are a pharmacist. You should have a good understanding of this... 4
Artdeco Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 (edited) Why are you so shallow!? You constantly talk about exGF’s weight and her “tiny” body, which literally makes me cringe. And you point that out in every single post of yours, along with the no intercourse whining. And the current GF - ok she’s a sex monster, but she wants you to pay for everything? And weighs more (but dresses sexier) —— And now because of that you want “tiny” GF back, bc she has a nice income, wears a size 0, and weighs 90 pounds? Omg. Self absorbed, much? It’s all about you you you, and YOU playing the victim. I don’t blame GF1. I don’t think she’d take you back ever. She sounds like someone who’s got a healthy amount of self-respect and is a low-drama woman.....doesn’t seem to match you all too well.......It’s all about you and your dick. Yikes. Edited August 2, 2020 by Artdeco 6
Author avalon_guy Posted August 2, 2020 Author Posted August 2, 2020 BailyB—95 lbs was her normal weight....she is short..We do not know why she weighed 80 lbs...she never diets & the physicians were unsure either.. The GYN Mentioned Estrace is not FDA cleared for breast cancer survivors and Did not know if it was actually safe long term for others...So being an RN she did not want it...looking back I should have helped her find the pharmacy...it was a back door way of finding a physician. She never complained when I gained 40 lbs, never complained about my clothing....and to think of it, why would I have wanted her to go to Trader Joe’s with cut off shorts and her butt hanging out...yet I was angry she would not. I married my wife because she was hot & sexy & I thought my friends would be jealous...& now I have an 57 yr old dressing overtly sexual, which at first I was hot for and now I am not....she is not JLo. I messed it all up
Redhead14 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 (edited) 18 minutes ago, Artdeco said: Why are you so shallow!? You constantly talk about exGF’s weight and her “tiny” body, which literally makes me cringe. And you point that out in every single post of yours, along with the no intercourse whining. And the current GF - ok she’s a sex monster, but she wants you to pay for everything? And weighs more (but dresses sexier) —— And now because of that you want “tiny” GF back, bc she has a nice income, wears a size 0, and weighs 90 pounds? Omg. Self absorbed, much? It’s all about you you you, and YOU playing the victim. I don’t blame GF1. I don’t think she’d take you back ever. She sounds like someone who’s got a healthy amount of self-respect and is a low-drama woman.....doesn’t seem to match you all too well.......It’s all about you and your dick. Yikes. It sounds like his exes could have had a more loving and satisfying relationship with a vibrator. The vibrator, at least, could never actually be a dick. Edited August 2, 2020 by Redhead14 3 3
Maldives Posted August 3, 2020 Posted August 3, 2020 Sorry but I don't have one iota of sympathy for your plight I been cheated on and it's a horrible experience. 1
Author avalon_guy Posted August 3, 2020 Author Posted August 3, 2020 Goodguy05- I know I crushed her & it was selfish.... I always thought I could win her back...not now...not after the Facebook pic breakup....why did I listen to this new woman 1
BaileyB Posted August 3, 2020 Posted August 3, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, avalon_guy said: I married my wife because she was hot & sexy & I thought my friends would be jealous...& now I have an 57 yr old dressing overtly sexual, which at first I was hot for and now I am not....she is not JLo. No, she is not. Nothing screams immature and is more unattractive than a woman old enough to be a grandmother dressing like a teenager... Edited August 3, 2020 by BaileyB 5
snowcones Posted August 3, 2020 Posted August 3, 2020 (edited) Man, I feel really sorry for the ex-GF. She got cheated on, took him back, then got ghosted and found out she was dumped through FB. Edited August 3, 2020 by snowcones
snowcones Posted August 3, 2020 Posted August 3, 2020 I'm sorry but I'm having trouble understanding why you can't be happy with your new gf? You need to try, she's what you wanted.
Uptown182 Posted August 3, 2020 Posted August 3, 2020 1 hour ago, avalon_guy said: BailyB—95 lbs was her normal weight....she is short..We do not know why she weighed 80 lbs...she never diets & the physicians were unsure either.. The GYN Mentioned Estrace is not FDA cleared for breast cancer survivors and Did not know if it was actually safe long term for others...So being an RN she did not want it...looking back I should have helped her find the pharmacy...it was a back door way of finding a physician. She never complained when I gained 40 lbs, never complained about my clothing....and to think of it, why would I have wanted her to go to Trader Joe’s with cut off shorts and her butt hanging out...yet I was angry she would not. I married my wife because she was hot & sexy & I thought my friends would be jealous...& now I have an 57 yr old dressing overtly sexual, which at first I was hot for and now I am not....she is not JLo. I messed it all up Ok is this even for real!?! Who marries someone so there friends can be jealous of them??? You definitely exhibit signs of a full on narcissist and you should be in therapy. Your issue is you’re looking for someone everyone else will think is hot or sexy so that they can be jealous of you. I remember when my ex and I first started dating, whenever we would bump into one of his friends and they would pay me a compliment, he he would take my face in his hand and point it towards them and say “look, look how pretty she is! Isn’t she so pretty” I hated that! But that was my first sign that he may be a narcissist, since he wanted everyone around him to know how pretty I was. It was like “look what I got!” 2
balletomane Posted August 3, 2020 Posted August 3, 2020 4 hours ago, balletomane said: This sounds too over the top to be real. 42 minutes ago, Uptown182 said: Ok is this even for real!?! Who marries someone so there friends can be jealous of them??? I think we are being drip-fed increasingly outrageous things. In the next post OP will mention how he once broke his wife's arm and how she was so selfish she didn't ask the doctor for a plaster cast in his favourite colour. 2 2
healing light Posted August 3, 2020 Posted August 3, 2020 This is super odd to me. I'm a Chinese medical doctor, not a Western MD (though I had to take years of classes in Western medicine for my doctorate and one of my undergraduate degrees), and I know it would be irresponsible to prescribe hormone replacement therapy to a patient with a history of estrogen-dependent cancer. How did you not know this as a pharmacist? Did you really not care if she had a return of cancer in order for your sex life to improve? Kind of hard to maintain your pleasure when your partner is dying. The more you write, the more appalling this thread becomes. Why did this woman have to pay for the sins of your first wife in every way? Financially, sexually, emotionally.... You need to work out your anger or whatever issues you have around the dissolution of that marriage so you aren't taking them out on women who would be viable partners. Also, you really, really need to move beyond having relationships just so you can look good in the eyes of other people. This thread reads like a pre-pubescent saga before a boy matures into a man and discovers who he is and what is important in life. Otherwise, if sex and the physical aspect is all you really care about, then just be upfront with women and have FWB arrangements. 5
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