ExpatInItaly Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 Stay single. Ask yourself why, at this point in your life, you still haven't learned how to treat people well. 3
Author avalon_guy Posted August 2, 2020 Author Posted August 2, 2020 I do think I treat people well. I made a few mistakes...and I honestly think the cheating came about because I was lonely and depressed. My GF was never supposed to find out...but she did last August. She was very angry and was swearing at me, so cruel. It took me several months to face her, because I was so depressed.
poppyfields Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 (edited) 10 minutes ago, avalon_guy said: I do think I treat people well. I made a few mistakes...and I honestly think the cheating came about because I was lonely and depressed. My GF was never supposed to find out...but she did last August. She was very angry and was swearing at me, so cruel. It took me several months to face her, because I was so depressed. And what you did to her was not cruel? I think it might benefit you to take a good look within to determine what motivates you to make the choices you make. You posted earlier you penis ruled you or rules you. This suggests a sex addiction and if you don't get a handle on it, it will damage, possibly destroy every relationship you have for the rest of your days. Edited August 2, 2020 by poppyfields 2 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 20 minutes ago, avalon_guy said: I do think I treat people well. You sure didn’t treat your ex well. You’re old enough to know better. 2 1
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 21 minutes ago, avalon_guy said: I do think I treat people well. I made a few mistakes...and I honestly think the cheating came about because I was lonely and depressed. My GF was never supposed to find out...but she did last August. She was very angry and was swearing at me, so cruel. It took me several months to face her, because I was so depressed. This is the narcissistic approach/excuse for everything. Place blame on everything else but yourself. 2
Redhead14 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 A friend of my SO's actually said "If it weren't for sex, I have no use for relationships". I don't speak to that guy anymore. 1
Redhead14 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 5 hours ago, avalon_guy said: 1) New GF is great, sex is ok, and she is affectionate in public. She takes a lot of pics & posts them on Facebook. We are in our mid 50’s. I do miss previous GF in a way. 2) New GF wants a man...and I happen to be there...I am better than her two previous husbands & the other man she had a child with.. 3) plus I am paying for EVERYTHING. 1) You are a very superficial man. 2) She doesn't really know you yet. 3) You are getting your just desserts with the new girl. She is taking advantage of you much the same way you did your EX. You are probably seeing/experiencing the reason she has 2 EX husbands. 1
Author avalon_guy Posted August 2, 2020 Author Posted August 2, 2020 I do not think I am portraying what occurred clearly, this is new to me, typing in a forum. I had a horrible marriage, and I had a son with my wife. She died. I was a single father, with no relatives around. I contacted GF after the death and she was tentative as we had dated before.... The problem was, I originally told her I was married but really separated. After about two years, I lost my job, owed my wife a lot of spousal support and she approached me to get back together, and she would contact domestic relations. So I did, I never broke up with GF then...I just let it fade away. GF went out to dinner, it was so easy to fall back together. She did ask me to never “not break up” with her again..she told me how horrible it felt...then I was a single dad and GF lived 2 hours away. So I had demands of a 13 year old...I did not have the money to treat both GF and son very well, so I defaulted to son. I thought all of my problems with son would end when he went to college. In fact our first weekend together after he left felt like it did year one....but sex was “painful to her”. She thought I treated her poorly in the past and brought it up...to be honest, there were times I was an a**h***...not buying birthday gifts or dinners, she paid for dinners a lot...but I had her in her cellphone bill. At 55, I felt defeated....no intercourse, no money, she refused to go out to dinner with me unless we each paid for our own meal. I wanted it to be like it was in my 20’s. I had gained weight and had some health issues...and she was naturally tiny...it made me sick in a way...she could eat ice cream & junk, and remained the same size..95-100 lbs. there was a point when I looked at my friends’ or peers’ wives and thought “I am lucky to have her...her appearance, she would bail me out, she had my back”. But she did argue with me when she thought I was being mean. Then last year I met GF2, and I found her sexy...she wore different clothing...she would go out drinking...so we started a relationship. My two world were separated. GF wanted me to have a “fun summer”, and never had an issue when I went out with my friends. So I started to date GF2 who really did not know about the other, plus she was 15 minutes from my work...we spent weekends in the same spot....we went out dancing, etc. 3 months in, GF randomly guesses. I was not answering her texts. Because I did not know what to do nor did I know what was happening. GF confronted me, I was stunned an could not recover, she knew. I told her all we did was kiss. She declined to believe this. Then she went on the Internet and told me if I wanted her, I had to block the summer woman, unfriend her, unfollow her, etc...or she was done with me...so I rashly picked her, GF..I was going through a depression due to money and she wanted me to go to her house to apologize. She wanted all of the details. It was a disaster. I told summer woman I had to pay attention to GF, she was very upset. I was still in contact with her even though GF wanted zero contact. I just did not have it in me to see GF...she told me I stabbed her in the back, I was disloyal, I was similar to a close relative who cheated, etc. she did say “as long as there was no sex, we can chalk it up to a mistake”, so I went along with it. But she was demanding STD tests. fFinally after a month I admitted to the sexual activity, she lost it. She demanded I unfriend summer woman, and said she would contact her if I did not...so I did...I tried to explain it to summer woman... I finally saw GF after a few months, which she was livid about. She informed me I had to gain her trust again...how was I going to do that? I would speak with summer girl from time to time...and of course, GF barely kissed me....then COVID hit, I was even more depressed and thought why am I not with a sexy woman 20 minutes away....so we resumed... I really burned my bridges when I ended it with a Facebook pic. GF1 is very honest, and does not care for lies...so I knew she would just cause tension. I spoke with my father & sister and they both said life was too short.. Now here I am... I wish I could have a combo of both...I loved her tiny body....but she would never dress sexy when we went out.
Redhead14 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 This expanded portrayal doesn't excuse your attitude and behaviors. Its verbal diarrhea. What you did was wrong and you are only making excuses, trying to justify instead of being repentant and remorseful. I think you should spend some time alone so you can do some self-reflection and mature before you start dating again. You're up there in age, so you should get cracking on that because you are likely to be alone for the rest of your life if you don't. Even this new woman will eventually kick you to the curb at some point even if you are her sugar daddy. That gets old too. 2 1
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 Then dump the idea of both and find yourself your dream girl.
elaine567 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 3 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Then dump the idea of both and find yourself your dream girl. OK but what dream women will want to be treated that badly? He has treated both women like dirt. 5
Redhead14 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 11 minutes ago, smackie9 said: well everyone deserves happiness no? Whomever he finds that makes him happy will not likely be having the same experience -- at least, not for very long. 2
healing light Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 (edited) This whole post reads like you are 15, not 56. All I see is ME, ME, ME and you victimizing yourself over your own behavior when you have actually played both of these women dirty. You ghosted on your last girlfriend not once, but twice after you knew how much it hurt her the first time around. She couldn't even get birthday dinners or a birthday gift from you? Even if you're broke, there's a way to thoughtfully put plans together so the person you're with feels loved and cared for. But, alas, it appears that even after this disasterous mistake of girlfriend # 2, you're still just focusing on the superficial of girlfriend # 1's body. When your first girlfriend dares to address your cruelty and disrespect, you're the victim??? Did you expect her to take months of cheating and lies with a smile? What you did, flipping this narrative around to how you're the victim, is called DARVO. Deny Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. It is a favorite technique of narcissists and people who are emotionally manipulative, and in this case I'm not sure if you're just using it because you're genuinely immature or somehow think you've been wronged here. Almost anyone would have laid into you at this point. So, onto girlfriend number 2--she matches your vibe. You wanted superficial, you got superficial. Use this as a learning opportunity that people have more to offer beyond their bodies and sometimes that means more, especially as you head into your twilight years, than a warm hole next to you in bed. Edited August 2, 2020 by healing light 3 4
Uptown182 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 (edited) Basically from your posts you’re saying you want GF1 back because she looks better than GF2 and she has your back (whatever that means), but GF2 dresses sexier so it’s a tough decision to make. I am shocked to learn you’re in your 50’s saying things like this and thinking this is what makes a relationship. I personally don’t think you should be dating anyone, you should be working on yourself to become a better person. I was ghosted by my ex back at the end of March as well, whether I want him back or not is irrelevant. I wouldn’t take him back for the mere fact that I could never trust him again, and I honestly don’t even believe he cheated on me! So I don’t think there’s anyway your ex would take you back since you ghosted and cheated. Plus from your last post seems like you ghosted her twice! You’re a selfish guy, and so was my ex that’s why you both ghosted, you didn’t for one second think how that would affect your ex gf you were only thinking of yourself. Edited August 2, 2020 by Uptown182 2 2
Author avalon_guy Posted August 2, 2020 Author Posted August 2, 2020 I realize I am getting older, Which is why I got out of the no intercourse relationship. My hair may be white, and I did lose weight for this woman. I sound immature because I am young at heart...I have a Harley, go out dancing, and try to dress younger....I have a six figure job. After my horrible marriage, I was sick of paying for everything, because my wife was a stay at home mom. GF earned a decent salary and if she was offering to pay, I was not going to give up the opportunity. I know this infuriated her....she said to me “I am NOT anyone, I am the person you allegedly love. I am not going to have a server wait around for someone to pay!”. As for the birthday gifts/Valentines gifts, she was so picky, nothing fit, whatever. My wife did refer to me as a narcissist. I do not know why sex was painful for GF, my new woman is older and it is not painful. And I am thinking....this woman has had 2 husbands and one man who fathered another daughter. I do think she wants to get serious. it bothers me Ex is radio silent...not a peep, no trouble getting her off of the cell phone bill..no mention of the boxes I shipped as to what or was not included. I think she is totally done. Yes I may have broken her heart, but she was unrelenting about the cheating. And in the end her heart was good...this new one I am not sure of... In typing this, and reading all of the responses,I messed everything up.
snowcones Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 6 hours ago, avalon_guy said: I am a very sexual guy. I was dating someone for 6 years, and we stopped having sex, because it was painful to her. So last year I met a woman and we started having a relationship. I never told my GF, and one day she found out...this was about a year ago. New woman is not as attractive as old GF, but new woman dresses sexy and is open sexually. She will also go out wherever I want and we live much closer. i never told GF the truth, and led her to believe I had ended things with this woman....we tried to reconcile but GF was extremely angry about the cheating....she wanted me to cut all ties with this other woman...I pretended I did. She was always asking questions about this other woman. I stopped talking to GF in March and Started up with this other woman. In July we went public. I am embarrassed to say I never “ended it” with GF, and she probably found out by my Facebook pic.... she called me and I sent her her belongings, and recovered her from my cell phone plan. I also blocked her as I knew she would throw this in my face, stating I have no integrity, etc. To be honest, when I am alone, I realize it was wrong how I did end it. New GF is great, sex is ok, and she is affectionate in public. She takes a lot of pics & posts them on Facebook. We are in our mid 50’s. I do miss previous GF in a way. She helped me & dated me when I had little free time and was a single dad raising my son. I believe she truly loved me. New GF wants a man...and I happen to be there...I am better than her two previous husbands & the other man she had a child with.. I do not know what to do...GF1 had by back, always...this new one, I do not know, plus I am paying for EVERYTHING. Oh lord. Lol Were you happiest when you had them both and the GF knew nothing? 2
Redhead14 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 (edited) 10 minutes ago, avalon_guy said: 1) Yes I may have broken her heart, but she was unrelenting about the cheating. 2) And in the end her heart was good 3) In typing this, and reading all of the responses,I messed everything up. 1) What do you expect? How would you react to betrayal and being used? 2) Your's isn't 3) You are a broken person. You can expect to continue to mess everything up. Edited August 2, 2020 by Redhead14 3
Uptown182 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 (edited) 21 minutes ago, avalon_guy said: I realize I am getting older, Which is why I got out of the no intercourse relationship. My hair may be white, and I did lose weight for this woman. I sound immature because I am young at heart...I have a Harley, go out dancing, and try to dress younger....I have a six figure job. After my horrible marriage, I was sick of paying for everything, because my wife was a stay at home mom. GF earned a decent salary and if she was offering to pay, I was not going to give up the opportunity. I know this infuriated her....she said to me “I am NOT anyone, I am the person you allegedly love. I am not going to have a server wait around for someone to pay!”. As for the birthday gifts/Valentines gifts, she was so picky, nothing fit, whatever. My wife did refer to me as a narcissist. I do not know why sex was painful for GF, my new woman is older and it is not painful. And I am thinking....this woman has had 2 husbands and one man who fathered another daughter. I do think she wants to get serious. it bothers me Ex is radio silent...not a peep, no trouble getting her off of the cell phone bill..no mention of the boxes I shipped as to what or was not included. I think she is totally done. Yes I may have broken her heart, but she was unrelenting about the cheating. And in the end her heart was good...this new one I am not sure of... In typing this, and reading all of the responses,I messed everything up. See that’s what’s bothering you, I don’t know that it’s so much that you want her back, it’s that you miss the attention you got from her. I did the same with my ex who ghosted me, I went radio silent, and like you I know it bothered him. He tried to get my attention in various ways and it didn’t work, he even texted me in the beginning of July and I didn’t respond. Pretty sure your ex will react the same way if you attempted anything. Edited August 2, 2020 by Uptown182
Author avalon_guy Posted August 2, 2020 Author Posted August 2, 2020 Snow cones, Actually yes....I knew I could get rid of the summer woman by bringing up GF. I was also depressed at that time...I cannot tell any of my male friends about my depression, GF offered to help me when I told her how depressed I was, they are all married, I am living their dream. I absolutely feel wronged by life...my wife & I were in out of court during the separation, my attorney’s bill was sky high, I was left to raise a child, when alive she refused to work....then GF is so conceited, has more money than me, and she knew I knew. New woman will get on my Harley, plus we are from the same childhood town. I just wish COVID did not make me so lonely.... Yes. I am a broken person.
BaileyB Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 (edited) 40 minutes ago, avalon_guy said: It bothers me Ex is radio silent...not a peep, no trouble getting her off of the cell phone bill..no mention of the boxes I shipped as to what or was not included. I think she is totally done. Yes I may have broken her heart, but she was unrelenting about the cheating. And in the end her heart was good...this new one I am not sure of... Women of this age have enough life experience to know that they don’t generally need to put up with a cheating man. There is nothing tying you to her, she is not dependent on you financially and she doesn’t have young children. She knows she can stand on her own and it sounds like she has no problem doing that. Good on her, at a certain age you shouldn’t have to put up with this kind of stuff... You sound a lot like my father, as the years grow he is intent on living his life and very motivated to prove to everyone that he is still young and vital. He too has struggled with loneliness and depression since the death of my mother. To a certain extent, it is important to live your life and do what you enjoy because tomorrow is not promised to anyone... but, there is a line where you begin making poor choices out of fear or some misguided attempt to prove something that doesn’t actually have to be proven... Edited August 2, 2020 by BaileyB 1
BaileyB Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 (edited) 10 minutes ago, avalon_guy said: Yes. I am a broken person. With kindness, you sound lost, and lonely, and depressed. AND, you’ve made some poor decisions. Have you considered counselling to deal with the depression and help you to figure out what you really want for your life... because, I would suggest that a woman who will ride your Harley, comes from the same childhood town, and will put out are not the most important things to consider when choosing a relationship partner... Edited August 2, 2020 by BaileyB 3
Redhead14 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 You are wasting time by throwing yourself a pity party. Life is tough on everyone sometimes. You can use the hard times to learn from and become a stronger/better person, the good times to learn to be more appreciative of what you have, when you have it and to recognize what's really important in life. By this point in your life you should have the wisdom to recognize what's not working for you and to leave it behind before it blows up in your face. You're in your 50's but you aren't a grown up. You say you have a son? What's your relationship like with him? I suspect it's not a good one. I hope I'm wrong. If its not good, maybe you should focus on repairing that. If it's a good one, maybe you should be leaning on that a little more during this period of loneliness.
Author avalon_guy Posted August 2, 2020 Author Posted August 2, 2020 (edited) BaileyB... I was in counseling...I feel they are getting paid to pretend to care...and honestly if GF would have moved closer and taken HRT, none of this would have happened. She did not need to point out to me their differences....we actually had intense discussions of retiring together. GF and I had a great sex life, but once I had custody of my son, it all stopped...not due to her, due to my son needing me...but I cannot be blamed for that. Most guys in my profession, have their house paid off by this age...they are set..but they also have sexless lives...some days I wish I just would have used a sex worker for the intercourse, and stayed with GF...there was some type of sex life... my father really upset me when I turned 55, mocking me about being an AARP candidate...I will never be able to afford the extravagant vacations new GF takes with her family. I am afraid the daughters will see right through me...I have reread the posts and on paper this sounds very unbecoming to say the least. Edited August 2, 2020 by avalon_guy Addition
balletomane Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 2 hours ago, avalon_guy said: My GF was never supposed to find out...but she did last August. She was very angry and was swearing at me, so cruel. This sounds too over the top to be real.
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