avalon_guy Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 I am a very sexual guy. I was dating someone for 6 years, and we stopped having sex, because it was painful to her. So last year I met a woman and we started having a relationship. I never told my GF, and one day she found out...this was about a year ago. New woman is not as attractive as old GF, but new woman dresses sexy and is open sexually. She will also go out wherever I want and we live much closer. i never told GF the truth, and led her to believe I had ended things with this woman....we tried to reconcile but GF was extremely angry about the cheating....she wanted me to cut all ties with this other woman...I pretended I did. She was always asking questions about this other woman. I stopped talking to GF in March and Started up with this other woman. In July we went public. I am embarrassed to say I never “ended it” with GF, and she probably found out by my Facebook pic.... she called me and I sent her her belongings, and recovered her from my cell phone plan. I also blocked her as I knew she would throw this in my face, stating I have no integrity, etc. To be honest, when I am alone, I realize it was wrong how I did end it. New GF is great, sex is ok, and she is affectionate in public. She takes a lot of pics & posts them on Facebook. We are in our mid 50’s. I do miss previous GF in a way. She helped me & dated me when I had little free time and was a single dad raising my son. I believe she truly loved me. New GF wants a man...and I happen to be there...I am better than her two previous husbands & the other man she had a child with.. I do not know what to do...GF1 had by back, always...this new one, I do not know, plus I am paying for EVERYTHING.
d0nnivain Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 You chose sex over companionship. Literally you made this bed so now you get to lie in it. You can dump the current GF if you like but it won't get your EX back. Between the cheating, the lying & your failure to be straight with her, humiliating her by making her find out that you dumped her without telling her, she has no reason to ever speak to you again. Even at 50 I hope you learned some compassion from this & will be upfront with the next women you break up with 13
Author avalon_guy Posted August 2, 2020 Author Posted August 2, 2020 New GF is a great companion, but I do not think I am able to keep up going out each night of the weekend year round. New GF suggested us posting pics of us together as our profile pics...Prior GF never would have done that.. prior GF was texting & calling me for 3 months asking what was going on...I just could not tell her... I am 56 and just saw my sex life slipping away.
stillafool Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 Well you've made your choice so you have to roll with it. Stop comparing your new gf to your old one. They are different people. At least you're now getting the sex you wanted. Speak up and ask her to share expenses if that is what you need. Also if you don't like your pictures posted tell her that also. Start communicating. It's doubtful after what you did to your ex that she would want you back so leave her alone. She'll never feel the same about you at this point anyway. 5
Author avalon_guy Posted August 2, 2020 Author Posted August 2, 2020 I am not comparing, I just loved prior Gf differently and we had a commitment. I know I broke her heart with the cheating. I know that if I had ED, she would have been accepting, this one, I really do not know. Plus I feel the new one is going to rush me into a commitment. When I think of the beginning with old GF, she was just as exciting....during the time I was raising my son, I did not have the means or time to do the same things... I never really gave her a chance.
BaileyB Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 You are comparing as if you still have an option. You probably don’t. You cheated and broke her heart, that door is probably closed. Time to make the best of it with the new girlfriend and if it doesn’t work out, you’ll be back on the market again... 9
Author avalon_guy Posted August 2, 2020 Author Posted August 2, 2020 I do not even know why I ended it this way.....it was cowardly, which I am sure she will be happy to point out. The Facebook pics were too much, for me...I do not care whatbGF does not her profile, but I was forced to do it on mine.... Prior GF never contacted me after I sent her the belongings. New GF is forcing me to keep her blocked, etc. do you really think she would never come back to me?
BaileyB Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 8 minutes ago, avalon_guy said: Do you really think she would never come back to me? Has she given you any indication that she wants to talk with you or see you again? A man who I love and have raised children with chooses another woman for sex, cheats on me, and leaves me for that woman... No, I would never take him back. You made your choice. 9
ShyViolet Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 You're acting like you have the choice whether to stay with your current GF or go back to your ex. From what you've said, I doubt that your ex would take you back. You pretty much ruined that relationship. So just look forward. If there are things in your current relationship that bother you, talk to your girlfriend about it and see if you can fix those things. 3
Fox Sake Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 56 minutes ago, avalon_guy said: I am a very sexual guy. I was dating someone for 6 years, and we stopped having sex, because it was painful to her. So last year I met a woman and we started having a relationship. I never told my GF, and one day she found out...this was about a year ago. New woman is not as attractive as old GF, but new woman dresses sexy and is open sexually. She will also go out wherever I want and we live much closer. i never told GF the truth, and led her to believe I had ended things with this woman....we tried to reconcile but GF was extremely angry about the cheating....she wanted me to cut all ties with this other woman...I pretended I did. She was always asking questions about this other woman. I stopped talking to GF in March and Started up with this other woman. In July we went public. I am embarrassed to say I never “ended it” with GF, and she probably found out by my Facebook pic.... she called me and I sent her her belongings, and recovered her from my cell phone plan. I also blocked her as I knew she would throw this in my face, stating I have no integrity, etc. To be honest, when I am alone, I realize it was wrong how I did end it. New GF is great, sex is ok, and she is affectionate in public. She takes a lot of pics & posts them on Facebook. We are in our mid 50’s. I do miss previous GF in a way. She helped me & dated me when I had little free time and was a single dad raising my son. I believe she truly loved me. New GF wants a man...and I happen to be there...I am better than her two previous husbands & the other man she had a child with.. I do not know what to do...GF1 had by back, always...this new one, I do not know, plus I am paying for EVERYTHING. Being sexual doesn’t make you cheat. Being a bad person is what does that. Sorry but that’s a part of your past you need to accept and work on and not make excuses like “I’m a sexual guy” cos that doesn’t wash. . And before you judge me in that comment, I would just like to say I’ve made that mistake too before. I didn’t cheat physically but I did emotionally and start window shopping elsewhere, and that’s just as bad. You already messed up with GF1... if she has any self respect she would not get back with you, nor entertain the idea. Rightfully so. You need to forget about that. Furthermore , if she did get back with you again by some random miracle- she wouldn’t EVER trust you again fully. So, where does this leave you now? Well, it leaves you to learn a valuable lesson. And it leaves you weigh up the pros and cons of your current relationship that was brought about by getting your sexual gratification...which is a shame because it doesn’t even sound like it was worth it , with the way you speak of Gf2 and your sex life etc. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh , but you need to reflect a little deeper and see what life is trying to teach you. You may have 20+ years on me , but no one is ever too old to learn. Now , enough of grilling you. If you want to start taking positive steps forward on your life , first you need to accept that what you did was downright awful. Then you need to forgive yourself for it and try your best to see what life is telling you. I’m not going to tell you to break up with GF2 , but I think in time you’ll end up with your own conclusion of why you’re still together. All is not lost by the way. There are plenty of other people out there for you to meet, and chances are you’ll find someone you’re really compatible with. The reason I say this is because, if you and GF1 were meant to be then you would still be together. See her as the warm up, with a heartbreaking lesson for you to learn the value of someone’s true love for you a little more. See it as a blessing in disguise and take everything positive from it all that you possibly can 5
Wiseman2 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 Sorry to hear that. It doesn't seem like GF1 wants anything more to do with you. You'll have to deal with whatever guilt on your own. You'll also have to make the best of the GF2 situation or break up.
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 1 hour ago, avalon_guy said: New GF is a great companion, but I do not think I am able to keep up going out each night of the weekend year round. New GF suggested us posting pics of us together as our profile pics...Prior GF never would have done that.. prior GF was texting & calling me for 3 months asking what was going on...I just could not tell her... What your problem is, is that you don't communicate. If you had talked openly about things, then you wouldn't find yourself like this. 3
Author avalon_guy Posted August 2, 2020 Author Posted August 2, 2020 Previous GF had an issue with my lack of honesty. She wanted us to communicate better....but while I was “trying to reconcile with her “, I was in contact with new GF. I think new GF does certain sexual things because she is trying to keep me. The Facebook pic was a rude way of ending it with someone I knew for 10 years. I have ex blocked because new one wants zero contact...although she dresses sexier, and is overtly sexual out in public, she knows ex was a size zero. I loved how young ex looked....new gf tries, but it is genetic. Does everyone feel as if I lacked integrity by “ghosting” ex? I think I let my penis rule me..
elaine567 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 You lacked integrity full stop in this whole situation. Quote Integrity: the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles. 1
kendahke Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, avalon_guy said: New GF is a great companion, but I do not think I am able to keep up going out each night of the weekend year round. New GF suggested us posting pics of us together as our profile pics...Prior GF never would have done that.. prior GF was texting & calling me for 3 months asking what was going on...I just could not tell her... I am 56 and just saw my sex life slipping away. You have buyers remorse now. You're going to have to figure out what's more important to you and what you cannot live without: sex or your ex. Your ex most likely isn't going to want you back and even if she does allow you back, the vessel that was your previous relationship with her has been smashed into a million pieces and there isn't a strong enough glue to restore it back to its pristine, former condition. She's never going to be the unaffected person she's now become--you can't unring a bell. My advice would be to have a serious talk with this woman you're with now and get her together on her wanting to be out in the streets all weekend with you. The wanting to post pictures on social media comes with relationship territory these days, as is not having communication with your ex, so just get used to it. Self discipline and communication would have had you right where you wanted to be. Your took a pass on it... where you find yourself is the result. This is the bed your actions (unforced errors) made---it's time for you lay in it. Edited August 2, 2020 by kendahke 3
kendahke Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, avalon_guy said: Plus I feel the new one is going to rush me into a commitment. If she does, you tell her you're not here for that and that you still have feelings for your ex that you aren't ready to get over on her timetable. What she's asking isn't out of the realm of reasonable. You've had 5 months and you're 56, not 26. You had to know by now that she was going to head in this direction eventually. If she takes away the sex, then you go find someone else to bang---or put Richard on ice til you can get the notion of what you want out of a relationship together. Edited August 2, 2020 by kendahke
kendahke Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 1 hour ago, avalon_guy said: do you really think she would never come back to me? Highly unlikely. If she was under the age of 40, perhaps... but if she's around your age? Very highly unlikely.
BaileyB Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 6 minutes ago, kendahke said: Your ex most likely isn't going to want you back and even if she does allow you back, the vessel that was your previous relationship with her has been smashed into a million pieces and there isn't a strong enough glue to restore it back to its pristine, former condition. She's never going to be the unaffected person she's now become--you can't unring a bell. This. IF she ever agreed to take you back, your relationship will simply never be what it once was... She will never love you or trust you the same way again. A woman just does not forget being cheated on and left for another woman. 2
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 If you really care about your ex, you will just leave her alone so she can heal. You made your bed, now lie in it. 5 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 1 hour ago, avalon_guy said: I think I let my penis rule me.. Have a talk with the guy. Better yet get to a doctor and deal with the middle aged changes.
Redhead14 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Have a talk with the guy. Better yet get to a doctor and deal with the middle aged changes. He means that he was thinking with his little head. It was working fine apparently. 1 1
poppyfields Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 2 hours ago, Fox Sake said: Being sexual doesn’t make you cheat. Being a bad person is what does that. Sorry but that’s a part of your past you need to accept and work on and not make excuses like “I’m a sexual guy” cos that doesn’t wash. . And before you judge me in that comment, I would just like to say I’ve made that mistake too before. I didn’t cheat physically but I did emotionally and start window shopping elsewhere, and that’s just as bad. You already messed up with GF1... if she has any self respect she would not get back with you, nor entertain the idea. Rightfully so. You need to forget about that. Furthermore , if she did get back with you again by some random miracle- she wouldn’t EVER trust you again fully. So, where does this leave you now? Well, it leaves you to learn a valuable lesson. And it leaves you weigh up the pros and cons of your current relationship that was brought about by getting your sexual gratification...which is a shame because it doesn’t even sound like it was worth it , with the way you speak of Gf2 and your sex life etc. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh , but you need to reflect a little deeper and see what life is trying to teach you. You may have 20+ years on me , but no one is ever too old to learn. Now , enough of grilling you. If you want to start taking positive steps forward on your life , first you need to accept that what you did was downright awful. Then you need to forgive yourself for it and try your best to see what life is telling you. I’m not going to tell you to break up with GF2 , but I think in time you’ll end up with your own conclusion of why you’re still together. All is not lost by the way. There are plenty of other people out there for you to meet, and chances are you’ll find someone you’re really compatible with. The reason I say this is because, if you and GF1 were meant to be then you would still be together. See her as the warm up, with a heartbreaking lesson for you to learn the value of someone’s true love for you a little more. See it as a blessing in disguise and take everything positive from it all that you possibly can This^. Foxy, you're on fire today man! 2
BaileyB Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 5 minutes ago, Redhead14 said: He means that he was thinking with his little head. It was working fine apparently. Apparently... Now that he’s not thinking so much with his little head he is thinking that he made a mistake... 2
Redhead14 Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 Just now, BaileyB said: Apparently... Now that he’s not thinking so much with his little head he is thinking that he made a mistake... Its a difficult reckoning for a man, I'd say, to realize that women have value beyond being a sex partner . . . 4 2
poppyfields Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, avalon_guy said: Does everyone feel as if I lacked integrity by “ghosting” ex? I think I let my penis rule me.. Nevermind us, do you? Do you think you may be a sex addict? Similar to a drug addict or alcoholic who uses drugs and alcohol, you allowed your penis to drive your ship, and essentially sink it. I can't say you lack integrity in general, however in this case, you certainly did. Explore the possibility you may be a sex addict. As it appears sex (and the validation you receive from it) is the driving force in the choices you make, very poor choices that hurt not only others but yourself. Edited August 2, 2020 by poppyfields
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