Zeren Posted July 31, 2020 Posted July 31, 2020 I dated my girlfriend for 5 years, we split 18 months ago. No affairs or anything, it just wasn't working for her anymore. Six weeks after this she moved in with someone (this didn't work out in the long term). I took this very badly and had a breakdown needing medication and she spent time with me to comfort me which was beyond sweet. I am over it now and we have stayed very good friends. We confide in each other and she is now happily with someone else. She has gone from my partner to someone I think of as my best friend. Last night I asked her why she never includes me with her other friends. She told me she holds a bit of resentment of me in that she feels her relationship immediately after we split up might have worked if she had more time to spend with him rather than with me. Because of how badly I reacted she doesn't want me to be around her friends and family in case I get in the way of her various relationships again. She asked me never to discuss this with her again and that it was a closed subject to her. She does trust me in many other areas, just not as part of her social circle and as far as she is concerned nothing has changed and she wants our friendship to stay the same and stay close. This is clearly a big shock for me because I had no idea she felt this way and have been thinking everything was fine. I can't decide whether I can continue the friendship knowing that she will never fully trust me and that she blames for her next relationship failing. I don't even know if I have a right to be hurt? I did apologised sincerely and she told me she appreciates that and recognises I was mentally ill at the time but she can't forgive it and isn't willing to. I have no idea what to do now.
TeddyBundy1993 Posted July 31, 2020 Posted July 31, 2020 (edited) That women doesnt trust you, moreover blames you for her failed relationship right after you split.. above all doesnt includes you with her other friends. Mate how much more insult can you take from this women ? Wake up and ask yourself is friendship worth with this women ? Already friendship with an ex is complicated subject, this women is turning you down wherever she can and she wants and cleverly making her look like formidable and helpful creep. Dont lower your confidence to this extent man. What she is giving you is sympathy in pieces not friendship. My strong advice cut her out of your life, before she cuts you out yeah she has moved on and it doesnt matters to you then cut her out. Be thankful to her for "friendship "and bid her a goodbye, dont let her see you with pity. Start ignoring her as soon as you can she will get the hint and get busy in her new "love" build your life without her. And another piece of word never give control of your life to someone else specially " grateful " people like this women. I feel really sad to read your situation. Hope you see the light soon reject this bulls*** women's friendship move on to happier and brighter side of your life friend. Good luck Edited August 1, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language
ExpatInItaly Posted July 31, 2020 Posted July 31, 2020 You are learning why trying to maintain a friendship with her isn’t good idea. Most people aren’t going to want their exes hanging out with them as part of their regular social circle. It’s just awkward for all kinds odd reasons. She has a very narrow slot in her life into which you squeeze, but you’re not friends as most would define friendship. Maybe she’s doesn’t trust you, maybe her current boyfriend doesn’t want you hanging around, maybe her friends know things about her/your breakup/her subsequent relationship that she doesn’t want inadvertently revealed to you. Whatever the case may be, take this as your cue to take real space away from her. It’s already not really working that well. Rather than try to fight it, I would take a huge step back and work toward really letting her go. It doesn’t sound like you’ve really done so yet. Consider that any new women you might date are probably also not going to be keen on your ex being a close friend, either. 2
d0nnivain Posted July 31, 2020 Posted July 31, 2020 Take a step back from the friendship. Having an EX as a best friend is never a great idea. It tends to interfere with new romances. Still be in contact but less so & find a new BFF. 1
kendahke Posted July 31, 2020 Posted July 31, 2020 You also have to consider that her new boyfriend may not want you around... and as her boyfriend, that's a perk he gets.
basil67 Posted August 1, 2020 Posted August 1, 2020 It's not so much that she blames you for her previous relationship failing, rather she recognises that the relationship failed because she prioritised you over her boyfriend. She knows she did the wrong thing and you're just part of the story. She's figuring out appropriate boundaries and where you fit in. If you have shared friends, then keep friendly but not best friends. If you have no shared friends, then it's time to move on. 1
Mystery4u Posted August 1, 2020 Posted August 1, 2020 She is completely right. And the idea that she is your best friend is just ridiculous. She is your ex. Staying any type of friends with an ex is a bad idea. And when you have a new girlfriend, she will become your best friend and you will be dropping your current 'best friend' like a hot potato. I'm surprised her current boyfriend is fine with her still being in contact with you.
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