ExpatInItaly Posted August 15, 2020 Posted August 15, 2020 1 minute ago, elpandillero said: she is 28 and I am 30 but really I don’t get why she would tell me all that, do you have any idea? It's something I might have done when I was 18 and thought it was cool to be drunk and "crazy". Not at 28. She either thinks she's being funny, or she's trying to make you jealous, or she was already very drunk and didn't think any of it through before messaging you. Or some combination of all three. Since you hardly know her either, it's anyone's guess. You will have to ask her.
Author gringoloco Posted August 15, 2020 Author Posted August 15, 2020 3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: It's something I might have done when I was 18 and thought it was cool to be drunk and "crazy". Not at 28. She either thinks she's being funny, or she's trying to make you jealous, or she was already very drunk and didn't think any of it through before messaging you. Or some combination of all three. Since you hardly know her either, it's anyone's guess. You will have to ask her. that’s the thing, if I was drunk I wouldn’t even bother texting her i m just wondering what she is trying to prove to me with that kind of banter. It’s not making her gain any points, on the contrary it would tend to make her lose some in my eyes. probably trying to make me a bit jealous since she knows i m going on holidays with friends including several single girls and I could tell it was making her feel nervous
ExpatInItaly Posted August 15, 2020 Posted August 15, 2020 Why don't you just talk to her directly and ask? You (and we) can speculate all day, but you won't really get anywhere unless you address it with her.
Author gringoloco Posted August 15, 2020 Author Posted August 15, 2020 15 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Why don't you just talk to her directly and ask? You (and we) can speculate all day, but you won't really get anywhere unless you address it with her. Because she s away so we re texting and I don’t really want to have these kind of conversations over text. It can be misinterpreted Seems to me like the best I can do is to avoid infatuation at all costs at this stage. I am trying to learn how to do that, it is not easy
schlumpy Posted August 15, 2020 Posted August 15, 2020 See if you can look at her girlfriends social media for more intel. It could be pain shopping but it doesn't look like you will get any worse then you are now.
Author gringoloco Posted August 15, 2020 Author Posted August 15, 2020 1 hour ago, schlumpy said: See if you can look at her girlfriends social media for more intel. It could be pain shopping but it doesn't look like you will get any worse then you are now. I won’t be able to it’s all private. What is abnormal is that I shouldn’t feel like that I should be way more distant and care much more less I know I have no issue attracting a lot of women, so I really don’t get why I have trouble trusting myself like that
ExpatInItaly Posted August 15, 2020 Posted August 15, 2020 4 minutes ago, elpandillero said: What is abnormal is that I shouldn’t feel like that Again, this is because you're trying to force yourself to trust someone who you don't really know. You can see that it doesn't usually work. Now, you have to ask yourself what you're going to do with the current thoughts swirling around in your mind. Since you can't exactly have a conversation about it right now, how do you intend to manage your anxiety until she returns?
Author gringoloco Posted August 15, 2020 Author Posted August 15, 2020 6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Again, this is because you're trying to force yourself to trust someone who you don't really know. You can see that it doesn't usually work. Now, you have to ask yourself what you're going to do with the current thoughts swirling around in your mind. Since you can't exactly have a conversation about it right now, how do you intend to manage your anxiety until she returns? I don’t trust her though. As you said, I don’t know her enough to do so. But she is the one reaching out all the time, so it’s like she always remind me of what she is doing. The first few times we met, she was the one showing a very vulnerable side because she was thinking about exclusivity 24/7 + she litterally told me that every time i was contacting her she was worried i was going to tell her i had found someone else.... as for how i m going to manage, i hope i ll chill out once i m with my friends mid week
Author gringoloco Posted August 16, 2020 Author Posted August 16, 2020 do you think i should stop texting her for a while? just to create some distance and have a better idea of where I am at?
ExpatInItaly Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 5 minutes ago, elpandillero said: do you think i should stop texting her for a while? just to create some distance and have a better idea of where I am at? Meaning what, exactly? Not texting for a few hours, or are you talking a few days? If it's the latter and you expect this fledgling relationship to continue, bad idea. Creating distance would be counter-productive and send her the message that you aren't interested. If you genuinely want to step back, you need to say so and not just stop communicating. But again, if you feel compelled to do this, you really need to re-examine whether you should be dating anyone at all right now.
Author gringoloco Posted August 16, 2020 Author Posted August 16, 2020 2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Meaning what, exactly? Not texting for a few hours, or are you talking a few days? If it's the latter and you expect this fledgling relationship to continue, bad idea. Creating distance would be counter-productive and send her the message that you aren't interested. If you genuinely want to step back, you need to say so and not just stop communicating. But again, if you feel compelled to do this, you really need to re-examine whether you should be dating anyone at all right now. More like a few days. I haven’t texted her since she sent me these drunk messages stuff. I have shown her that I was interested though, so she knows that. I know she’s partying this weekend with « friends » til 4/5 am. They are 9 people in a house and she told me she only really knew 1 of them. Trust issues apart, I’m kind of tempted to just let things happen and see what comes out. If she really is into me, she’ll end up circling back right? I don’t wanna feel like I have to text something to retain her attention and stop her from cheating. Because that would be my current intent for texting If she doesn’t reach out, then maybe I m saving myself from future torments by doing so
Wiseman2 Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 21 minutes ago, elpandillero said: do you think i should stop texting her for a while? just to create some distance and have a better idea of where I am at? What for? Just end it if you are not interested
ExpatInItaly Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 (edited) 7 minutes ago, elpandillero said: More like a few days. I haven’t texted her since she sent me these drunk messages stuff. I'm with Wiseman, if you want to end it, just man up and tell her. Going radio silent is not cool and will tell her you don't care. It's not a mechanism to test her attraction to you, which is what you seem to be trying to do. And no, she might well not "circle back" to you if you pull this crap. She is going to be hurt, confused and angry at you for creating unnecessary drama. Just break up and be done with it already. Edited August 16, 2020 by ExpatInItaly 2
Author gringoloco Posted August 16, 2020 Author Posted August 16, 2020 5 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I'm with Wiseman, if you want to end it, just man up and tell her. Going radio silent is not cool and will tell her you don't care. It's not a mechanism to test her attraction to you, which is what you seem to be trying to do. And no, she might well not "circle back" to you if you pull this crap. She is going to be hurt, confused and angry at you for creating unnecessary drama. Just break up and be done with it already. You all seem to assume that I want to break up with her but that’s not the case at all at this point I am just asking myself a lot of questions about her But when I am with her, I DO enjoy the time we have a lot
ExpatInItaly Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 Just now, elpandillero said: You all seem to assume that I want to break up with her but that’s not the case at all at this point Because I can just about guarantee that is what she will assume if you randomly go silent for a few days. You don't seem to understand how that sort of behaviour is not reflective of your intentions.
Author gringoloco Posted August 16, 2020 Author Posted August 16, 2020 2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Because I can just about guarantee that is what she will assume if you randomly go silent for a few days. You don't seem to understand how that sort of behaviour is not reflective of your intentions. so you think i should keep sending texts everyday for the next 15 days that i won’t see her? She’s with friends though, I don’t wanna look like i’m running after her. I just want to see what comes out of it naturally If she thinks about me she’ll text me, and then i ll be enthusiastic with my answers to make sure she knows i m interested
Author gringoloco Posted August 16, 2020 Author Posted August 16, 2020 3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Good grief, man, you are difficult. yes that I know lol.... The experiences I have had have shown me that when I am too present in someone’s life too quickly, I tend to lose them, whereas the girls i have shown the less interest in (/ borderline disrespected) have gone crazy about me and were contacting me for sex even when they had boyfriends It’s sad but that’s how it has played out for me so far...
Wiseman2 Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 Stop buying into the pick up artist rubbish if thinking you'll get more women by being a jerk
Author gringoloco Posted August 16, 2020 Author Posted August 16, 2020 13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Stop buying into the pick up artist rubbish if thinking you'll get more women by being a jerk I wish, but it is exactly what happened before my eyes... i ve never gotten anything out of a woman by acting like the « nice guy » i m far from a jerk (actually i am a nice guy), but when i was genuinely disinterested in a woman was when she was pursuing me like crazy
Fletch Lives Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 I haven't read this whole thread but in answer to the opening post - 8 weeks of dating is long enough to fall in love and if she has integrity she'll be monogamous. Why are you so worried about cheating? Have you been cheated on in the past, do you have trust issues?
Author gringoloco Posted August 16, 2020 Author Posted August 16, 2020 20 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said: I haven't read this whole thread but in answer to the opening post - 8 weeks of dating is long enough to fall in love and if she has integrity she'll be monogamous. Why are you so worried about cheating? Have you been cheated on in the past, do you have trust issues? I don’t know her enough to know if she has integrity, especially when drunk, that s why i m so puzzled. She keeps telling me she is acts « crazy » when drunk and I don’t get why she’s telling me that... I don’t know if i ve ever been cheated on, but my ex was still in touch with a former f*** buddy who was supposed to be « just a friend » and i found out by snooping into her phone...i just had that gut feeling
Wiseman2 Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 1 minute ago, elpandillero said: i found out by snooping into her phone...i just had that gut feeling Agree snooping through phones is a lack of integrity and consistent with paranoid, controlling and insecure behavior. It doesn't sound like you will do well with someone independent or self assured. You'll be better off with some damaged goods you can treat like crap and they'll chase you for it. 1
Author gringoloco Posted August 16, 2020 Author Posted August 16, 2020 37 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Agree snooping through phones is a lack of integrity and consistent with paranoid, controlling and insecure behavior. It doesn't sound like you will do well with someone independent or self assured. You'll be better off with some damaged goods you can treat like crap and they'll chase you for it. i m glad i did snoop though, otherwise i would have lost even more time with her.... i ve been with a woman for 3 years, never ever doubted her or felt the need to check anything. i knew she had strong morals it’s all about how you carry yourself this girl, by telling me she gets « crazy » and with « low inhibition » when drunk, doesn’t exactly inspire trust..... i might be wrong though, that s why i m trying to find out by playing stupid games
schlumpy Posted August 16, 2020 Posted August 16, 2020 I don't see how you are going to find out anything for moment unless you spend some money and time. You either to hire a PI or fly there yourself. Next time she tells you she gets crazy, ask if you will have to polygraph her when she gets home. Note the reaction. How great is your need to know? Much easier to end it and move on or use it as a self-test as to how much you like this girl. You could spend your time investigating her background. Run her name through several online services that look for information on people. Talk to any friends she has nearby and see if they will tell you some stories of her past exploits. I am sympathetic. I understand exactly how you feel. I've been there but so have many other people. The question is what are you willing to do about it?
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