mortensorchid Posted July 31, 2020 Posted July 31, 2020 I was thinking but something that had happened to me on more than one occasion in the past. This is not a pity party by any means, but I think this is a rather foolish cop out by anyone to do or say to someone. Years ago, I was in a LDR as well as a LTR (the second was the love of my life who broke my heart but that's another story). Both of them said in their break up speech to me "I just had a crush on you but now that it's worn off, I realize I was wrong." Wrong? That's brutal to say to someone. Both of these guys were completely full of s***. The one I was in the LDR with was depressed and guilt ridden, the second? Well he reacted like a stereotypical guy - he was all happy and excited when he broke it off but after six months he showed up at my door crying more than once.
basil67 Posted July 31, 2020 Posted July 31, 2020 The problem with honesty about our feelings in breakups is that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. If you're honest how you feel, you're seen as an arse and if you make up some fluff, the dumpee gets mad at that too. Perhaps ghosting is better? No point dwelling in the past. 9 1
Gaeta Posted July 31, 2020 Posted July 31, 2020 Yes it happenned to me, they were men freshly out of relationships. They fell infatuated toward me and once that infatuation subsided they realized they were not ready to settle yet and moved on. I was told many things during break up, my favorite was that I was too logic, yep! He told me a story about him being a duck with a broken leg and he felt he'd fit better if he'd meet another duck with also a broken leg, I was not broken enough for him. Then the next one that comes to mind is this guy that picked me up for brunch and afterwards told me all the butterflies he had been feelings were gone all of a sudden so he was moving on. 1
Blind-Sided Posted July 31, 2020 Posted July 31, 2020 As said already.... no reason to dwell in the past. BUT..... These guys were being honest. What more could you want? Would you have wanted to get married, have kids, and built an entire life... then THEN hear that?? (along with the divorce, and BS that goes along with it) Honest communication is always best in life. It's just not the easy thing to do sometimes. 1
regine_phalange Posted July 31, 2020 Posted July 31, 2020 Did they explain to you what was that changed their mind?
Ruby Slippers Posted July 31, 2020 Posted July 31, 2020 I've never heard that, but I agree it's rude and unnecessary. 1
kendahke Posted July 31, 2020 Posted July 31, 2020 11 hours ago, basil67 said: If you're honest how you feel, you're seen as an arse and if you make up some fluff, the dumpee gets mad at that too. Perhaps ghosting is better? well said.... no matter how you cut it, letting someone go is going to be painful to the one who didn't want to be let go.
smackie9 Posted July 31, 2020 Posted July 31, 2020 Not sure why you are up set...these guys were $%^# shows. You dodged two bullets. 1
Versacehottie Posted July 31, 2020 Posted July 31, 2020 (edited) 12 hours ago, mortensorchid said: I was thinking but something that had happened to me on more than one occasion in the past. This is not a pity party by any means, but I think this is a rather foolish cop out by anyone to do or say to someone. Years ago, I was in a LDR as well as a LTR (the second was the love of my life who broke my heart but that's another story). Both of them said in their break up speech to me "I just had a crush on you but now that it's worn off, I realize I was wrong." Wrong? That's brutal to say to someone. Both of these guys were completely full of s***. The one I was in the LDR with was depressed and guilt ridden, the second? Well he reacted like a stereotypical guy - he was all happy and excited when he broke it off but after six months he showed up at my door crying more than once. I don't know why you are correlating these two similar results. Maybe it is just the truth? Also if they are losing interest in you, it doesn't subsequently mean they are full of sh*t because they are honest with you about it. The way I would see it is that the common denominator is you if you are looking for a correlation. Sorry. I just hate to see you years down the road here doing exactly the same things without looking at the real root of what likely has been going on and ways you can actively resolve it or at least work on it. It seems like you avoid that. Edited July 31, 2020 by Versacehottie 3
FMW Posted July 31, 2020 Posted July 31, 2020 Most guys would probably do the slow fade or completely ghost, so as has been noted, these guys at least bothered to say something, even if it came off as insensitive. I don't think they were full of s*** just because of what they said. Using the word "wrong" is a little strange wording, but nonetheless, crushes come and go. Surely you've experienced that yourself - you feel really interested in someone but then for whatever reason once you spend some time with them you realize you don't feel the same. Doesn't mean there is anything wrong with either you or them. I agree with Versacehottie, don't dwell on these kinds of things and judge all the men in your past to be jerks and jacked up simply because things didn't work out with them. Maybe see if there's anything you can learn about yourself from the relationship to help with future relationships, otherwise don't revisit the memories. You'll only build up more resentment about men in general and build up your walls higher until no one will ever have a chance to get in. 2
Uptown182 Posted July 31, 2020 Posted July 31, 2020 (edited) 36 minutes ago, FMW said: Most guys would probably do the slow fade or completely ghost, so as has been noted, these guys at least bothered to say something, even if it came off as insensitive. I don't think they were full of s*** just because of what they said. Using the word "wrong" is a little strange wording, but nonetheless, crushes come and go. Surely you've experienced that yourself - you feel really interested in someone but then for whatever reason once you spend some time with them you realize you don't feel the same. Doesn't mean there is anything wrong with either you or them. I agree with Versacehottie, don't dwell on these kinds of things and judge all the men in your past to be jerks and jacked up simply because things didn't work out with them. Maybe see if there's anything you can learn about yourself from the relationship to help with future relationships, otherwise don't revisit the memories. You'll only build up more resentment about men in general and build up your walls higher until no one will ever have a chance to get in. I think that may hold true for new relationships that are maybe less than 3 months. But I don’t think most men ghost or do a slow fade in a LTR, so I don’t think she has to thankful for them not ghosting her. Sounds to me like they were trying to say the spark was gone. I think there are two types of people when it comes to dating, those who need insane chemistry and spark and once that fades which it usually does they think the relationship is over and try to find that new spark and chemistry with someone else. Then there’s those that understand that you may not always feel intense chemistry with your partner and that with time it can take other forms and these people tend to stay in more long term relationships and take things slower. The former tends to jump from relationship to relationship chasing that initial high you get when you first meet a potential love interest. OP sounds like those two guys might have been the guys who jump from relationship to relationship. IMO, LDRs don’t really work so I can’t blame the guy. The second guy sounds like he couldn’t find anyone better and so he came crawling back (which is usually what happens). Edited July 31, 2020 by Uptown182
nospam99 Posted July 31, 2020 Posted July 31, 2020 OP, let me get this straight. The 'love of your life' broke up with you and then, starting six months later, wanted you back more than once? How did you respond to his attempts at reconciliation?
Phallacy Posted August 3, 2020 Posted August 3, 2020 Newsflash, most of the guys you sleep with will not propose to you. 1
Phallacy Posted August 3, 2020 Posted August 3, 2020 There’s that saying that all is fair in love and war. This online dating hardens you. You learn to keep your heart in check. I’ve learned that the one that cares the least wins. Sad but true. Most of these thingy situationships simply reveal 2 incompatible people. The interest is very rarely mutual. Women don’t know who to boink and men who to ‘go all in’ 2
OatsAndHall Posted August 3, 2020 Posted August 3, 2020 No, but I've been honest with every woman I have split up with. Although I would certainly be more well-spoken: "I had a crush that wore off" is exceptionally boorish. .
Noproblem Posted August 3, 2020 Posted August 3, 2020 (edited) Maybe they loved you from afar thinking you are someone that you are really not. Like you might have two images that you portray to others. One that is sweet, polite and cute and once they get to know you, you show your other self. mean, rude, and no longer cute! or maybe you look arrogant, tough and hot, but once they get to know you better, you appear to be humble, weak and let go of your attractiveness. My advice would be, always show your true self. I have seen this a lot, many of people do this we have two persona, 1 persona for public and 1 persona only close ones see it and these two personas have a stark difference that can't be overlooked. Edited August 3, 2020 by Noproblem 2
basil67 Posted August 4, 2020 Posted August 4, 2020 I was thinking the same as @Noproblem Sometimes when one ends a relationship, it's because they lost all respect for the person they were dating. And many will not bother finding nice words if they are fed up or otherwise no longer care. 2
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