How do you deal with a different sleeping patterns/needs

[Vitaminka]

I moved in with my fiance almost a year ago. We wet along great but there is one problem. I am a very light sleeper and need at least 7-8 hours of sleep every night.  Him on the other hand, is different. He goes to bed at 2 AM and wakes up at 6:30 in the morning. He needs three alarm clocks to wake him up. Of course I wake up as well. He constantly tosses and turns all night long, which causes me to wake up as well. Once I wake up, I usually cannot go back to sleep. Because of all that, I am constantly so very tired,  overeat, cranky, feel sick. I don't want to end the relationship but don't know for how long I can go on like that. He usually sleeps till late noon during the weekend to catch up on his sleep but I have to work early in the morning during Saturday and Sunday.

We talked few times about our different sleeping needs. Came to compromise  where he would go to bed earlier and there would be one alarm clock. I would go to bed a later. But the earliest for him is 12 AM. He is often tired during the day,  can hardly talk at times because he works a lot with almost no sleep, which affects our relationship somewhat, but doesn't want to change that much. He admits to wanting to go to bed earlier, tries for a while but after few days, it goes back to as before.

Has anybody been in the same situation? 

[d0nnivain]

If everything else about the relationship works, just sleep in different beds & share one for pleasure.  

If there are other relationship problems then splitting might be for the best

[Happy Lemming]

Yes... I sleep on the couch when my girlfriend comes over.  Recently, the doctor gave her a stronger CPAP machine and it keeps me awake.  I'm a very light sleeper and I just can't get used to the noise that thing makes.

My couch is quite comfortable and if my girlfriend needs me in the middle of the night, she knows where to find me.

Maybe you guys can take turns on the couch??

[ShyViolet]

You should just sleep in different rooms.  

[smackie9]

Ya a lot of couples sleep separately for those and other reasons. The choice is more common than you think.

[BaileyB]

When my partner goes through phases of insomnia, we sleep separately. Honestly, his sleep, or lack thereof, is the hardest part of our relationship. 

[taharazoom]

I think we should start normalising couples sleeping in separate beds more. It’s traditionally been seen as the sign of a dying marriage, but I don’t see why it has to be. 
You can still share a bed when you can/want to, of course. But there is absolutely no point in both of your sleeping patterns being effected by each other’s. If anything, it adds unnecessary stress to an otherwise healthy relationship. 

[Wiseman2]

Separate bedrooms. Visit each other as needed or find time for sex other ways. Perhaps moving in was premature since you didn't know that about him.

[MissBee]

On 8/13/2020 at 6:47 AM, taharazoom said:

I think we should start normalising couples sleeping in separate beds more. It’s traditionally been seen as the sign of a dying marriage, but I don’t see why it has to be. 
You can still share a bed when you can/want to, of course. But there is absolutely no point in both of your sleeping patterns being effected by each other’s. If anything, it adds unnecessary stress to an otherwise healthy relationship. 

This.

I definitely think it should be normalized and people should do what works best for their lives and relationship. 

Sleep in different beds and if you want to be intimate you can come together, but for sleeping purposes only, sleep separately. This will likely save your sanity and relationship versus trying to change his habits or forcing yourselves to synchronize your sleeping patterns.