Wiseman2 Posted July 30, 2020 Posted July 30, 2020 24 minutes ago, Physx said: she has C-PTSD and a long trail of narcissistic boyfriends (and mother). As such, she has a very pessimistic outlook on relationships. I also yet again agree that she is coming off as someone who seems very selfish. Don't try to be her therapist. There are way too many red flags. If she is too damaged to date, don't get sucked into a go-nowhere situation ending up hurt, burned out and with a heartache. 1
smackie9 Posted July 30, 2020 Posted July 30, 2020 white knight syndrome.....look it up. It's a form of codependency. You want to rescue her to win her over.....that had bad written all over it. 2
notbroken Posted July 30, 2020 Posted July 30, 2020 Don't 'date' anyone that makes you drop them off on a corner. Seems like that should be on a list of 'rules'. You'll waste lots of time on her. Find someone not so closed off where you actually stand a chance. Way too 'standoffish' to ever really get close to with less than a miracle.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 30, 2020 Posted July 30, 2020 1 hour ago, notbroken said: Don't 'date' anyone that makes you drop them off on a corner. Seems like that should be on a list of 'rules'. C'mon, tune-in. 2020 era WOMAN... meets some random guy for the first time EVER... and doesn't (yet) want to show him precisely where she LIVES. She's allowed THAT tiny degree of self-preservation without some clueless internet banter suggesting she was somehow wrong in any way. (potentially he could've hunted her down anyway, but her own outlook on the matter is arguably even more important than the actual degree to which she is relatively safe ) She did already trust him enough to get into a vehicle with him, but perhaps there were circumstances where her walking through whatever initial neighborhood it was, was more risky than would be riding in a vehicle with him. 1
Author Physx Posted July 31, 2020 Author Posted July 31, 2020 Thanks for all the feedback everyone. As far as the "white knight syndrome," not at all. I didn't make an effort to date her back in 2019 because I knew she wasn't ready. I thought since she asked me out this year, maybe she was ready. And who knows, maybe she is, but just needs to take things extremely, extremely slow. Either way, I don't do relationships where I try to fix the person. We all have some issues, and you either take them for what they are, or you don't. I know all too well not to "fix" in relationships, but I appreciate the feedback. Regardless, I'm done with her for other reasons... This evening as I was browsing FB, hers had a post about dating. In short, she made several comments on the original post going on and on about "accepting applications for the position (boyfriend)" along with multiple criteria. Two specific astrology signs (of which I am neither, let alone that I feel making astrology a priority is idiotic), and then multiple qualities that I don't have (beard, tattoos, etc.). It was too much. I took a screenshot and basically told her it stung after she just told me two weeks ago she is only looking for friends. Then, she goes on to say it was "just a joke" and that it was mostly to "annoy her ex that stalks her page." So clearly, she enjoys those games still, which further supports the notion that I need to walk away. Let alone the fact that even if it was to mess with him, clearly her ideal qualities in a man are not the ones I have. I deserve better than that, so I'm out. I appreciate all the feedback here. I really suck at this whole dating thing, so I need all the help I can get. 1
Mystery4u Posted July 31, 2020 Posted July 31, 2020 3 hours ago, Physx said: Thanks for all the feedback everyone. As far as the "white knight syndrome," not at all. I didn't make an effort to date her back in 2019 because I knew she wasn't ready. I thought since she asked me out this year, maybe she was ready. And who knows, maybe she is, but just needs to take things extremely, extremely slow. Either way, I don't do relationships where I try to fix the person. We all have some issues, and you either take them for what they are, or you don't. I know all too well not to "fix" in relationships, but I appreciate the feedback. Regardless, I'm done with her for other reasons... This evening as I was browsing FB, hers had a post about dating. In short, she made several comments on the original post going on and on about "accepting applications for the position (boyfriend)" along with multiple criteria. Two specific astrology signs (of which I am neither, let alone that I feel making astrology a priority is idiotic), and then multiple qualities that I don't have (beard, tattoos, etc.). It was too much. I took a screenshot and basically told her it stung after she just told me two weeks ago she is only looking for friends. Then, she goes on to say it was "just a joke" and that it was mostly to "annoy her ex that stalks her page." So clearly, she enjoys those games still, which further supports the notion that I need to walk away. Let alone the fact that even if it was to mess with him, clearly her ideal qualities in a man are not the ones I have. I deserve better than that, so I'm out. I appreciate all the feedback here. I really suck at this whole dating thing, so I need all the help I can get. It's good you finally woke up so you can stop wasting your time. I would have been out the moment she told me she was going on coffee dates with others while avoiding meeting you, and made a BS excuse that it was because their schedules matched. She was never that interested in you. 1
Acacia98 Posted July 31, 2020 Posted July 31, 2020 On 7/30/2020 at 2:52 AM, Ami1uwant said: You should date multiple peop,r. Everyone does. You are just cheating yourself. it takes about 3 dates to find out if this is something to even pursue. Nah. Not everyone does. I'm actually similar to OP in that I date one person at a time. It doesn't mean I commit to a relationship with that person. I go out on one or more dates and get to know the person. If we're incompatible, it becomes evident quickly and we stop dating. At that point, I can consider dating other people. It works for me because it's consistent with who I am. If it works for Physx, there's no reason for him to stop doing it. Physx, you're right. Dating this particular woman is setting you up for heartbreak. Either she's not ready for a relationship yet or she's not the right person for you. If you're gonna date someone who has a complicated past and has to navigate through emotional obstacles, then it should be someone who has enough self-awareness to recognize what her issues are, to seek help for them, and to communicate clearly and openly about them with you. And those issues should not be the type that turn you into an anxious, nervous wreck, uncertain about whether she wants to be with you. 1
chillii Posted July 31, 2020 Posted July 31, 2020 (edited) On 7/30/2020 at 10:07 AM, Physx said: No, certainly not everyone does. And honestly, I don't know how someone is ok with eventually settling down with someone knowing very well that when they first started dating them, they were out making out with, sleeping with, etc. other people. That's just not my thing. Me either it's bs , and notice anyone that does it seem to be long term single professional daters, lf your dating that many people then you have zero picker your just going out with anyone. Well unless your only looking for fun anyway. ps , unfortunately op , l really don't think it's going anywhere she's for whatever reason just not feeling it. Edited July 31, 2020 by chillii 1
dangerous Posted August 1, 2020 Posted August 1, 2020 Too much over-analysis and FB games. Like many here, I don't think she's into you (other than to "use" you as a support) and she is not healthy in herself. BUT if you want to find out, you should be direct, and TELL her what you want, and then you will know. But please stop the FB stuff and guessing, it just prolongs the uncertainty.
Author Physx Posted August 6, 2020 Author Posted August 6, 2020 Tying into your suggestion 'dangerous,' I did make it quite clear how I felt towards her after her FB posts. I explained my thoughts and feelings all the way from when I first started talking to her, up until now. I pretty much made it clear to her that ever since I started talking to her, "it has always been her." After I made that clear, no direct response from her. I originally thought it was just because her feelings weren't mutual. However... Since then, she still hangs around. She still goes onto my FB to like things. She tagged herself in one of my posts. She occasionally sends me links to stuff on FB and Instagram still. The only conclusions I can come to is she either does have feelings but is afraid of them, or she is desperate for attention. Considering her list of what she wanted on her FB had nothing to do with me, I am leaning towards the latter. As such, it is getting fairly annoying. Not sure of the best way to deal with it though. I feel bad for her, but it's starting to seem like a game on her part now, one that I feel is very inconsiderate of my feelings.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 6, 2020 Posted August 6, 2020 You need to block and delete her, OP. There is no future here, and you've wasted enough time on her. 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 6, 2020 Posted August 6, 2020 15 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: You need to block and delete her Agree, she does seem to just be looking for social media attention. Don't waste your time on people like that 1
Author Physx Posted August 11, 2020 Author Posted August 11, 2020 Just wanted to say thanks for everyone's advice. After calling her out on everything, I see now why she has no friends despite how attractive she is. She is extremely self-absorbed and socially inept, hence her acting the way she did. She definitely has serious psychological issues, and far more than the C-PTSD she said she had. Despite her claiming she has been the "victim" of narcissists all her life, she demonstrated multiple narcissistic tendencies herself. I was simply honest with my perception of everything and asked her to back off me for a few weeks to give me time to detach. She in turn made multiple assumptions, threw what could only be described as a sissy fit, and then blocked me on all social media. It's like the trash took itself out all by itself, lol. Figured I would just pop back on here and let you all know I took your advice and stepped away from it all. 1 1
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