temelkov Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 Hi guys, My head is so messed up that I've turned to complete strangers on the internet for comfort and advice!!! Where do I start. Me and my wife of nearly five years are both 23 (I know but it was love of first sight). We had a great marriage, She was me and I was her. The love and care was endless and we meant the world to each other. Suddenly about a week ago I discovered that she has feelings for someone and he has the same feelings for her. After debates and discussions, she made me aware that she still loves me with all her heart and will always do but she wants to follow up and explore her options with him. We still live together (AS HOUSEMATES) for the time being until we get things organised. The thing is that she is very confused and as soon as I start pretending that I possess any degree of acceptance about our separation, I can feel that she starts to want me. Every time we spend time together the love comes through and she starts doubting the break-up. But then all of a sudden she goes and sees HIM and all her feelings and emotions get masked by him. I hope she just could take some time by herself and think it through because if this happened I'm sure I'll come out a winner. Last night for instance, she stayed at home and we talked and she shared that she thinks she's doing the wrong thing for all of us - Why do it then? As I love her more than anything in my life, I am willing to forgive, forget and put up with anything she throws my way as long as I get our life back. Can anyone tell me how I can get her back????
ReluctantRomeo Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 My head is so messed up that I've turned to complete strangers on the internet for comfort and advice!!! Welcome aboard! And actually the comfort and advice given here on Loveshack can be pretty good. as soon as I start pretending that I possess any degree of acceptance about our separation, I can feel that she starts to want me. Well, what do you think I'm going to recommend? Moreover, I don't think you should have much patience with someone who is making you her backup plan. Don't hang around as her safety net while she gets to have 2 guys at her beck and call. Being willing to forgive and forget is great. But that's for when she is willing to come back to you. Right now, let her go. Tell her you still love her, but you can't face her while she's doing this. I'd even suggest you leave the house or kick her out, whichever seems more practical. Then get on with your own stuff, as far as you can. I'm sorry man. This sucks.
darkknight Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 Hi guys, My head is so messed up that I've turned to complete strangers on the internet for comfort and advice!!! Where do I start. Me and my wife of nearly five years are both 23 (I know but it was love of first sight). We had a great marriage, She was me and I was her. The love and care was endless and we meant the world to each other. Suddenly about a week ago I discovered that she has feelings for someone and he has the same feelings for her. After debates and discussions, she made me aware that she still loves me with all her heart and will always do but she wants to follow up and explore her options with him. We still live together (AS HOUSEMATES) for the time being until we get things organised. The thing is that she is very confused and as soon as I start pretending that I possess any degree of acceptance about our separation, I can feel that she starts to want me. Every time we spend time together the love comes through and she starts doubting the break-up. But then all of a sudden she goes and sees HIM and all her feelings and emotions get masked by him. I hope she just could take some time by herself and think it through because if this happened I'm sure I'll come out a winner. Last night for instance, she stayed at home and we talked and she shared that she thinks she's doing the wrong thing for all of us - Why do it then? As I love her more than anything in my life, I am willing to forgive, forget and put up with anything she throws my way as long as I get our life back. Can anyone tell me how I can get her back???? Okay my friend, here goes...... First of all she is not you, YOU are otherwise it is just identity fraud. This is a very important first step. Take the power back Second, she doesn't seem confused, she has confused you. Don't listen WATCH actions speak louder than words. Third, move out NOW. Living in the same house in this situation is very VERY unhealthy. Moving out removes you from the day to day heartache. Another positive is it stops you from crowding her, this is a very bad thing in the female perspective. And it is a strong action, which leads to respect. Fourth, get to the gym LOTS. Physiologically this is beneficial in making you feel better due to release of natural anti-depressants. Also it makes you look damned good which will benefit your confidence and turn a few heads. You will also look like a strong man in her eyes because you are getting on with your life. Finally, SAY NOTHING, until she is really REALLY keen to talk, otherwise you are wasting your time. Positive challenge is what it is all about at this point. You have got to be the man that is your role. That is your part of the deal. PC is relaxed, quietly in touch with their emotions, concise, self-contained and happy in own skin and most importantly single-minded about their own happiness. You should be really pi**ed off by the situation. Move away and continue to do so until she is ready to plead for mercy. If she doesn't do that then find happiness in your own actions. How would she be if you were shag*ing another girl. Would she be understanding of your "confusion"? THINK NOT
Falcon554 Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/postlist.php?Cat=0&Board=UBB34&page=0 Head here ask the same question, and get ready for some work if you want to save this.
Drivetildriven Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 Have you tried counseling? It sounds like you both need it, especially her, and I'd say that's critical. Also, you've got to put your foot down. What she is doing is completely unacceptable. Let her know that. Did she forget that you two are married? If you or therapy, or any amount of communication doesn't work, use the last resort and move the hell out.
jt5165 Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 I went through a similar situation last December. Thats when I first found this place. We werent married, but living together and dating for four years. Then she found someone else. We still lived together (when she was home). But while I was sitting home crying and trying to figure out how to get her back, she was out with another guy. I was miserable and she was getting everything she wanted. She could go see this other guy, then come home to me and of course I was so happy to have this time with her, I did everything she wanted. I just KNEW I'd be with her in the end, when she realized what she really wanted. But as long as I let her walk all over me and treat me like that, she did. I moved out in February. We still talked. I missed her everyday and everything inside me wanted her back.But you shouldnt have to share the person that you love with another man. I can't tell you what the outcome will be, but you've got to leave. When I first came here and everyone kept talking about little or no contact, I thought it was impossible for me. I swear to God it works. Im not saying forget her, just go on and let her figure out what it is that she wants. She cant have both. If she wants you, she has to give the other guy up so you can work things out. If she wants him, I think you need to know that.Either way, I think you have alot to deal with and you guys probably shouldnt be living together. All this isnt going to make you feel any better, but its been 10 months for me since I found out about him. 7 months ago, I decided I needed to let her go completely. I haven't even spoken to her. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life and I still miss her sometimes, but Im okay.
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