Sexual connection than emotional ?

[June2017]

Quick background before we dated. I knew her since 2016 but was never attracted to her. Fell in love with another girl whom I was extremely attracted to and also had an emotional connection with that girl but I ruined it and we were never able to form a relationship. I still regret that to this day.

In late 2018, I met up with my now girlfriend and she helped me and i visited many places with her because I had moved to her country. She is the type of girl who wears extremeky revealing clothes, like showing off clevage, tiny shorts etc. However she's skinny as hell but I guess she's insecure so she stuffs her bras and wears super push up ones to create the cleavage. 

Like I said, I was frustrated after the debacle with the girl I really wanted and all these things attracted me to my gf. I was sexually frustrated as well because the level of sexual attraction I had with that girl was extremely intense. But we never got together nor we could have sex.

that was also a reason and my gf was showing off, helping me and my frustration and anger drifted me towards her. We started dating since late-2018 - early 2019 but we have largely been LDR. She lived in UK studying at the University (I was a student there too)  and I lived in Italy and we would visit each other.  We also don't really mind LDR and we both do things independently.

We also didn't stay together during COVID lockdown. We went to our home countries. Only now we have started meeting again.

However, our relationship is largely based on sexual nature as shes into eroticism, bdsm and sex etc. We clearly lack emotional and genuine deep feelings and I will admit that the level of attraction and feelings is not the same as I had for the previous girl.

We have met each others families and she has added my brother on Facebook.

Our only common points are a large group of mutual friends, political campaigns and sex. 

Is a sexual connection like this viable long term ? 

Edited July 28, 2020 by June2017

[d0nnivain]

2 hours ago, June2017 said:

Is a sexual connection like this viable long term ? 

You left out the most important pieces of the story that you have told over & over.

While the sex may be great, this woman doesn't even know the real you.  She doesn't know you are Jewish or your views on Israel.  You have heard her & her friends make various derogatory remarks yet you remain silent while they disparage your heritage.  

So no, the fireworks in the bedroom will never make this a plausible long term relationship.   

[June2017]

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

You left out the most important pieces of the story that you have told over & over.

While the sex may be great, this woman doesn't even know the real you.  She doesn't know you are Jewish or your views on Israel.  You have heard her & her friends make various derogatory remarks yet you remain silent while they disparage your heritage.  

So no, the fireworks in the bedroom will never make this a plausible long term relationship.   

She knows I'm jewish and like i said she added my brother so she knows our heritage. Since I keep silent she thinks I'm progressive jew and hard left like her

So thats why I'm asking 

Edited July 28, 2020 by June2017

[Emilie Jolie]

3 minutes ago, June2017 said:

Since I keep silent

I don't know your backstory so don't know the background to this; regardless, the above is a bad idea. Don't let her think that you are progressive when you're not and you know it may be a dealbreaker to her. She has a right to know, then she can decide how to play it.

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, June2017 said:

She knows I'm jewish and like i said she added my brother so she knows our heritage. Since I keep silent she thinks I'm progressive jew and hard left like her

You seem bright enough to realize the cleavage, tiny shorts etc. is clouding your judgement.

[June2017]

7 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said:

I don't know your backstory so don't know the background to this; regardless, the above is a bad idea. Don't let her think that you are progressive when you're not and you know it may be a dealbreaker to her. She has a right to know, then she can decide how to play it.

Anyone who does not demonize israel is not welcomed in our group. And she doesn't like listening to differing opinions.

[June2017]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You seem bright enough to realize the cleavage, tiny shorts etc. is clouding your judgement.

do you think this has to do with the issue with girl 1?

[Emilie Jolie]

17 minutes ago, June2017 said:

Anyone who does not demonize israel is not welcomed in our group. And she doesn't like listening to differing opinions.

Sorry, the double negative is a bit confusing - you mean you only have people who demonise Israel in your group? Either way, it's a very divisive issue so best to be upfront about your views and hers, and agree to disagree (or part ways) if you can't find common ground.

[June2017]

4 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said:

Sorry, the double negative is a bit confusing - you mean you only have people who demonise Israel in your group? Either way, it's a very divisive issue so best to be upfront about your views and hers, and agree to disagree (or part ways) if you can't find common ground.

Yes the group only has people who demonise israel. Others who hold the middle ground or speak in favour of israel are not tolerated .  I don't speak because I share a political campaign with them and any support or leaning towards Israel will make me lose all my friends. And of course she will also not be with me. 

[Emilie Jolie]

1 minute ago, June2017 said:

Yes the group only has people who demonise israel. Others who hold the middle ground or speak in favour of israel are not tolerated .  I don't speak because I share a political campaign with them and any support or leaning towards Israel will make me lose all my friends. And of course she will also not be with me. 

Are there other Jewish people in this group, and are you comfortable with her views? 

[d0nnivain]

37 minutes ago, June2017 said:

Anyone who does not demonize israel is not welcomed in our group. And she doesn't like listening to differing opinions.

 

10 minutes ago, June2017 said:

Yes the group only has people who demonise israel. Others who hold the middle ground or speak in favour of israel are not tolerated .  I don't speak because I share a political campaign with them and any support or leaning towards Israel will make me lose all my friends. And of course she will also not be with me. 

 

This is why your relationship with her -- no matter how good sexually -- will fail because you are LYING every day you aren't true to yourself, your views or what you believe.  

Eventually you will have enough & these issues will destroy your relationship.  Or she will find out that you have a view different from hers & leave because she's not open minded or she will leave because she will lose respect for you because you have repeatedly failed to speak up for yourself.  

[mark clemson]

I agree that this is likely to have low viability long term due to the mischaracterizations, etc. Possibly if you stuck with her, her views would change over time, but really that makes no sense to attempt as right now you are essentially incompatible + she might stay "hard left" forever, who knows.

That said, while this is not for everyone and perhaps not for you, she sounds like she could be a fun FWB type arrangement. However, due to what you post, I'd suggest not letting it go on too LT. Developing feelings for someone who hates or (from your perspective) misunderstands your home country is likely to be a losing game and lead to distress down the road. If you're not interested in a FWB type relationship, then you should probably pass, as many are noting above.

[basil67]

Without knowing each other fully, the relationship has zero chance of long term success.   At this point, it doesn't even sound like you enjoy her company outside of sex.

[Maldives]

Nope 

[June2017]

7 hours ago, mark clemson said:

I agree that this is likely to have low viability long term due to the mischaracterizations, etc. Possibly if you stuck with her, her views would change over time, but really that makes no sense to attempt as right now you are essentially incompatible + she might stay "hard left" forever, who knows.

That said, while this is not for everyone and perhaps not for you, she sounds like she could be a fun FWB type arrangement. However, due to what you post, I'd suggest not letting it go on too LT. Developing feelings for someone who hates or (from your perspective) misunderstands your home country is likely to be a losing game and lead to distress down the road. If you're not interested in a FWB type relationship, then you should probably pass, as many are noting above.

She has just liked a BDS page and then added my brother. I just don't understand how this even works?

[Wiseman2]

30 minutes ago, June2017 said:

She has just liked a BDS page and then added my brother. I just don't understand how this even works?

You are mashing up centuries old middle eastern conflicts and politics with the hots for someone on the other side of the fence.

You know who she is and where she stands and her political extremism and you know about your own diametrically opposed extremist views.

Ok so you are sleeping with the enemy. Happens all the time. The existential crisis of forbidden lust. You just think it's new.

[June2017]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

You are mashing up centuries old middle eastern conflicts and politics with the hots for someone on the other side of the fence.

You know who she is and where she stands and her political extremism and you know about your own diametrically opposed extremist views.

Ok so you are sleeping with the enemy. Happens all the time. The existential crisis of forbidden lust. You just think it's new.

Based on what I wrote dobyou think she loves me or its just sexual lust? And she gets off on having a boyfriend whom she considers very attractive?

[Emilie Jolie]

2 hours ago, June2017 said:

She has just liked a BDS page and then added my brother. I just don't understand how this even works?

Why are you not focusing on your own behaviour, ie why are you attracted to her? She's evidently not antisemitic and her views on Israel are politically driven. There may be other progressive Jews in your group that think like her, so if she thinks you're one of them she may genuinely like you for you.

You are the one deceiving her, here. She is being transparent with you. Your views are not aligned with hers, yet you are making her believe they are by your silence. Are you doing a Ron Stallworth and infiltrating an 'enemy' group for your own political motives? Either way, you need to tell her what your actual views are or she'll (rightly) feel used.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, June2017 said:

 she gets off on having a boyfriend whom she considers very attractive?

Why can't you answer these rhetorical questions for yourself?

[mark clemson]

8 hours ago, June2017 said:

She has just liked a BDS page and then added my brother. I just don't understand how this even works?

People do all sorts of things that may appear arbitrary as they make their way through life, discover new things, etc. esp. when young. I wouldn't overthink things.

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, June2017 said:

She has just liked a BDS page

Why are you trying to slither politics into a dating forum when there are banners all over telling you to post in the politics forums for that.

[smackie9]

 on another site...started thread after thread. My recommendation is to stop feeding the bears.

Edited July 29, 2020 by smackie9

[June2017]

6 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said:

Why are you not focusing on your own behaviour, ie why are you attracted to her? She's evidently not antisemitic and her views on Israel are politically driven. There may be other progressive Jews in your group that think like her, so if she thinks you're one of them she may genuinely like you for you.

You are the one deceiving her, here. She is being transparent with you. Your views are not aligned with hers, yet you are making her believe they are by your silence. Are you doing a Ron Stallworth and infiltrating an 'enemy' group for your own political motives? Either way, you need to tell her what your actual views are or she'll (rightly) feel used.

Nobody thinks like her unless they are antisemitic. Her views aren't politically driven as she has no idea about what she talks about except hearing the media and anti israel groups. 

 

I also wrote my entire story on why I'm attracted to her which you haven't even answered or looked at.

And if she likes me why hasn't she been able to establish any emotional connection but only a sexual one?

Edited July 29, 2020 by June2017

[balletomane]

You've posted multiple threads about her and don't appear to have benefited from anyone's responses. There's nothing anyone can say that hasn't already been said.

If you think she's antisemitic, break up with her. It's that simple. Don't keep making new threads to ask the same questions.

[spiderowl]

You’ve pretty much said you liked another girl better and that your current girlfriend is effectively a rebound sexual relationship. 

Do you want to feel more for this girl? Are you asking if you are likely to feel more for her if you stay with her? It does sound as if you feel you are missing an emotional connection.

Are you into BDSM like her? I just get the feeling you see her as temporary until you meet someone you have more in common with. As she is starting to bring you into her family, you really need to figure out how strong your feelings are for her (or not).

Edited July 30, 2020 by spiderowl