contel3 Posted July 28, 2020 Posted July 28, 2020 Hi guys! I have been dating someone for about two months now and everything is going quite well. He makes me happy every time we meet and we seem very compatible so far. He is funny and empathetic and has a lot of qualities I value. I think this might go somewhere. I am however a bit confused about my feelings. I am usually the type to just jump head first into toxic relationships. In the past, I have been really infatuated in a matter of days, with people who were absolutely awful for me. This time, I know I really like him, I am attracted to him, but I am very aware I have only known him for a short time. While I make sure to treat him the best I can, I still put other things as a priority. We are exclusive, but I still find myself really attracted to one of my female friends. While I feel attracted to him in a "I really like you" way, when I am around my female friend it is more of a magnetic, sexual kind of attraction. I am wondering if this is normal, or if this is a sign I do not have strong enough feelings for him?
Maldives Posted July 28, 2020 Posted July 28, 2020 U mention female friend correct? Maybe you need to figure out your sexual preference?
FMW Posted July 28, 2020 Posted July 28, 2020 If you're really attracted to someone else, I would say you aren't ready to be exclusive, whether it's because of any lack with him or that you're just not ready to just see one person.
d0nnivain Posted July 28, 2020 Posted July 28, 2020 If you are really attracted to someone else but you know from past experience that level of attraction lands you head 1st in a toxic relationship, you probably need to stay away from her & give him more of a chance. 1
schlumpy Posted July 28, 2020 Posted July 28, 2020 Is he aware of your proclivity towards the same sex?
smackie9 Posted July 28, 2020 Posted July 28, 2020 (edited) You've been in many toxic relationships, so you should know when you see one by now. If you can't see past the sexual intensity, you need to avoid them or history will repeat itself. Edited July 28, 2020 by smackie9
Author contel3 Posted July 28, 2020 Author Posted July 28, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, schlumpy said: Is he aware of your proclivity towards the same sex? Yes. I've been open about it from the start. He doesn't mind. Edited July 28, 2020 by contel3
Author contel3 Posted July 28, 2020 Author Posted July 28, 2020 3 hours ago, d0nnivain said: If you are really attracted to someone else but you know from past experience that level of attraction lands you head 1st in a toxic relationship, you probably need to stay away from her & give him more of a chance. I really like him so I really do want to give him a chance. Im just wondering if its normal not to be fully invested after 2 months. I have always had relationships that started quick but also ended up in flames. With him it feels more calm and I feel really at ease.. Im sure I like him, Im just not sure in the way Im supposed to?
Weezy1973 Posted July 28, 2020 Posted July 28, 2020 Two months is too short a time to know. It takes awhile to know someone well enough to know if it’s a long term fit. And often there will be a deal breaker at some point. Generally you want to wait at least a year before making any kind of real commitment (moving in together, marriage etc.).
Wiseman2 Posted July 28, 2020 Posted July 28, 2020 9 hours ago, contel3 said: I know I really like him, I am attracted to him, but I am very aware I have only known him for a short time. I still find myself really attracted to one of my female friends. While I feel attracted to him in a "I really like you" way, when I am around my female friend it is more of a magnetic, sexual kind of attraction. Figure out your sexuality and you'l figure out if you are dating the right person.
d0nnivain Posted July 28, 2020 Posted July 28, 2020 4 hours ago, contel3 said: Im just wondering if its normal not to be fully invested after 2 months. I have always had relationships that started quick but also ended up in flames. It's totally normal to not be fully invested in such a short time. Your past experience where you get attached too quick is the bad way. You should have learned that because those relationships end up in flames. Slow is better. Now relax 1
gaius Posted July 29, 2020 Posted July 29, 2020 If you're normally attracted to people who are awful for you it would make sense you wouldn't have the same type of visceral attraction to someone who might be a healthier, more comfortable choice. That's pretty normal I think. At this point it's really up to you whether you want something potentially more healthy and stable or to just continue to indulge in toxicity and the high it brings.
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