Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted July 29, 2020 Author Posted July 29, 2020 14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Don't give out your phone number to random guys . Isn't anyone you meet random before you get to know them?
5x5 Posted July 29, 2020 Posted July 29, 2020 26 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: So I pass. And I think you should pass on him as well, since what he did was pretty lame.
elaine567 Posted July 29, 2020 Posted July 29, 2020 21 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Don't give out your phone number to random guys . She met him off line so the phone I guess was the best option to keep in contact. The fact he decided to send some sleazy, cringe-worthy pic was the problem, not the fact she gave him her phone number. 2
Wiseman2 Posted July 29, 2020 Posted July 29, 2020 13 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Isn't anyone you meet random before you get to know them? Not some surf shop dude who wants your number for sexting but won't ask you for a date. Just delete and block the guy and be more discriminating next time.
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted July 29, 2020 Author Posted July 29, 2020 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Not some surf shop dude who wants your number for sexting but won't ask you for a date. Just delete and block the guy and be more discriminating next time. Sorry I don't agree. He did ask me for a date, that's why I gave him my number. The sexting was after that.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 29, 2020 Posted July 29, 2020 On 7/28/2020 at 2:15 AM, girlnextdoor2020 said: Last weekend I've met a guy at a local surf school, we talked for some time and then he asked for my number. So we started texting each other since then and I got some sexual vibes from him. He didn't say anything openly about it, but I can tell he is attracted, which is fine. He asked me out for a date and I asked him what is he looking for, if something potentially serious or just casual. He responded both, that it can start as casual and then become serious, who knows. I've used OLD before and heard many guys saying this too. I've never proceed to go on a date with them. So, what's up with guys that say this casual-that-can-become-serious thing? Are they just lying, wanting something just casual but don't have the courage to say so? Because it's what makes me feel. I am looking for something serious with the right person, and of course it takes time to become serious, but I don't plan to be involved with a guy, be intimate, etc, when his intentions were never serious. It makes me feel unsafe like stepping into dangerous waters. What do you think? Put concisely: Spicoli would like to bang you, and if he really likes banging you, then he would like to bang you steadily. Who knows? He could become a two-time Academy Award winner for Best Actor and marry Madonna.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 30, 2020 Posted July 30, 2020 It blows me away how many people these days have no long-term vision, have no idea how to heal from past disappointments and enjoy happy new developments, just go around like a hamster in a wheel trying to scratch the next itch. I'm learning to steer completely clear of these people. 1
elaine567 Posted July 30, 2020 Posted July 30, 2020 7 hours ago, enigma32 said: I've got a female friend now that cheated on her husband, left him, and is still somehow managing to rake him over the coals in the divorce. Yes and that is because adultery in many places is not taken into consideration, it is irrelevant. She has simply got her fair share. She has not "raked him over the coals". If she has, then he needs to blame his lawyer.
elaine567 Posted July 30, 2020 Posted July 30, 2020 28 minutes ago, enigma32 said: See, this is why some guys choose to just use some ladies for fun and walk away. A woman can cheat, walk away, still take "her fair share" and it's still somehow the man's fault. There is no fault, that is the "problem". Why is it his fault? The adultery is irrelevant to the divorce settlement. He feels aggrieved as she walked away with half. He feels she didn't deserve half , she should have been punished... BUT had he been cheating he would have walked away with half too. That is the bit that is often forgotten. 3
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted July 30, 2020 Author Posted July 30, 2020 (edited) 5 minutes ago, elaine567 said: There is no fault, that is the "problem". Why is it his fault? The adultery is irrelevant to the divorce settlement. He feels aggrieved as she walked away with half. He feels she didn't deserve half , she should have been punished... BUT had he been cheating he would have walked away with half too. That is the bit that is often forgotten. Ok after reading this thread I've decided to date 20 year olds who have never been married and have no trauma or need to heal from divorces or bad long term relationships. I'm joking but seriously, there's a difference between learning my lessons, healing and deciding I want so much better from a relationship next time (that comes from empowerment), and playing the victim as in poor me she did this to me and that so I'm going to close down to relationships and only be available for sex. That is victim mindset which I want to be miles away from. Edited July 30, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020 3
Grey40 Posted July 30, 2020 Posted July 30, 2020 Saying Casual and then hoping for something serious is the most common thing men will say, and it’s honestly the truth for both sexes. Guys feel they have to say that. If you say you want serious could scare some girls off that want to take things slow...and if you say you just want sex you’ll scare off women with self-respect. So it’s the safest answer. It’s really a dumb question though overall—both people ultimately want something serious and meaningful but the only way to get to that is to start casually dating and seeing how things go. women want to feel protected like they won’t get hurt and have their hearts ripped out but you can’t guarantee that in dating or life. Celibacy is the only way you avoid the risk of getting hurt. You need to put yourself out there casually and see where it goes or don’t bother.
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted July 30, 2020 Author Posted July 30, 2020 17 minutes ago, Grey40 said: Saying Casual and then hoping for something serious is the most common thing men will say, and it’s honestly the truth for both sexes. Guys feel they have to say that. If you say you want serious could scare some girls off that want to take things slow...and if you say you just want sex you’ll scare off women with self-respect. So it’s the safest answer. It’s really a dumb question though overall—both people ultimately want something serious and meaningful but the only way to get to that is to start casually dating and seeing how things go. women want to feel protected like they won’t get hurt and have their hearts ripped out but you can’t guarantee that in dating or life. Celibacy is the only way you avoid the risk of getting hurt. You need to put yourself out there casually and see where it goes or don’t bother. Agree, but dating casually is very different from casual sex.
Wiseman2 Posted July 30, 2020 Posted July 30, 2020 1 minute ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Agree, but dating casually is very different from casual sex. Semantics.
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted July 30, 2020 Author Posted July 30, 2020 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Semantics. Absolutely not. Dating casually means going out together and getting to know each other at all levels to see if you are compatible for anything serious. Casual sex is just that, sex, with no interest to get to know each other or go on proper dates. VERY different mindset, goals and where you are in life. Edited July 30, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020 6
kendahke Posted July 30, 2020 Posted July 30, 2020 10 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: I've decided to date 20 year olds who have never been married and have no trauma or need to heal from divorces Palimony is a thing...
salparadise Posted July 30, 2020 Posted July 30, 2020 11 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Dating casually means going out together and getting to know each other... Have you flip-flopped on the judgement of his initial response –– casual, hopefully leading to serious? I actually thought it was as good a response as you could hope for. Surely you didn't expect him to say he'd decided to marry you... or that he was wifey shopping and hoped to be married within a year, or something as inane as that, did you? @d0nnivain nailed with her excellent response on the first page. I'd suggest that you never ask that question again when a guy has just asked you out. It's the most cliché question on the world's worst dating site (POF), and I immediately suspect scammers when I am asked that. You don't really think you're going to get an honest answer either, do you? They aren't going to say so if they're looking to smash, and they aren't going to say they're wifey shopping either. All you're doing is forcing them to come up with something vague and non-offensive while telling you nothing. Dating is a bit like a poker game in the beginning––it's your job to figure out what the other guy is holding, and he's never going to show his cards just because you ask. You have to be in the game and see it through. As for all the talk about sex... you have to understand that dating implies sex. That doesn't mean you have to sex him up on the first few dates, but if you get along and the attraction is there, the assumption is that it will lead to sex. If it doesn't, men are going to cut their losses and move along. Especially true for confident, good-looking guys you'd meet in a surf shop. And as someone else said already, we're all looking for something serious, but you always have to start at the beginning. And no, we're not going to remain celibate for several months or a year while trying to loosen her up. We want someone who enjoys it as much as we do. If the sex is good and you get along well and are compatible, then you start thinking about being serious. Yea, there may be exceptions, but you probably need to find that guy at church rather than at the surf shop. 3
Ruby Slippers Posted July 31, 2020 Posted July 31, 2020 On 7/30/2020 at 4:15 AM, girlnextdoor2020 said: Ok after reading this thread I've decided to date 20 year olds who have never been married and have no trauma or need to heal from divorces or bad long term relationships. I'm joking but seriously, there's a difference between learning my lessons, healing and deciding I want so much better from a relationship next time (that comes from empowerment), and playing the victim as in poor me she did this to me and that so I'm going to close down to relationships and only be available for sex. That is victim mindset which I want to be miles away from. Amen, sister. The thing these bitter guys fail to realize is that as long as they're dragging around all that bitterness, they're keeping their heart sealed shut from truly loving or being loved. The ongoing rotation of flings may provide some shallow thrills, but nothing that's going to be there for them when times get tough. Easy come, easy go. Also, in general people don't consider that it takes two to tango and they played their part. If you married someone and feel they screwed you over, ask yourself why you picked that kind of person, what was your side of the story, how did you contribute to the downfall of the relationship? 2
Woggle Posted July 31, 2020 Posted July 31, 2020 Until more women get raked over the coals in divorces where they did nothing wrong they will never understand the way some men feel. There are things that men will never understand about a woman's experience as well so but I wish women would at least try to understand why some men are guarded. I fully and completely trust my wife with all my heart but getting to that point did not happen overnight. 1
mortensorchid Posted August 1, 2020 Posted August 1, 2020 If someone says that in a daring profile or to me directly, I don't hold my breath on it. Once hears ago I met this guy who I would end up getting together a grand total of 6 times. I asked him what he was looking for and he said "I need something to do other than play cards with my buddies on the weekends". That was disappointing to hear to say the least. Well, he got something other than that which was 6 dinners with me (I chose the places and times). He never even bothered to tell me his last name and he never asked me mine. So... It's kind of pointless to think that this guy is going to change his mind on being casual or not. Chances are he will be aggressive about something that he wants to do but doesn't approach this situation seriously.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 1, 2020 Posted August 1, 2020 4 hours ago, Woggle said: I fully and completely trust my wife with all my heart but getting to that point did not happen overnight. This is why you have such a great second marriage. If you had continued guarding your heart and assuming your current wife was going to do you wrong in whatever ways your ex-wife did, she never would have married you. You wouldn't have loved and been loved unless you'd dropped the bitter baggage and taken the leap, as we all have to if we want to truly love and be loved. 1
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