Should I break up with my gf (30) for being a brat?

[assertives]

Ok, we agree with you. Please do her a favor, break up and let her go so she can find someone else better suited for her.

[d0nnivain]

11 hours ago, fly_five said:

she was just a brat for getting upset about her birthday when I have someone that I care about dying. It was incredibly selfish. Now it has me questioning how things would be with her long term.

The best birthday gift you can give her is her freedom.  She needs to start her 30s with a caring man who can communicate not a guy who think's she's being a brat because she expected her BF to be thoughtful about a milestone.  She point blank said she understood that you had to be with your family.  She is not being bratty.  She was reacting to the fact that you were still asking about what she wanted rather then telling her that you had to cancel or postpone something you already planned.  You brought up the subject of her birthday.  She wasn't being bratty by asking.  She is allowed to be disappointed that you hadn't made any effort yet  

If you are not inclined to do the right thing here & break up with her,  in light of the fact that you blew her off for 3 weeks for having the audacity to ask you about side dishes & because circumstances now dictate that you must be out of state with your grandfather, you need to make a huge fuss.  By that I mean you should have a LARGE bouquet of flowers delivered to her office.  You also need to send her some really nice jewelry -- an expensive bracelet or earrings.  30 is often symbolized by pearls.  July birthstone is Ruby & August is Peridot.  Get shopping.  You should have been working on this for a while.  

Why is this woman still with you after you blew her off at Christmas, told her to get rid of her dog & then accused her of lying after your dog bit her?  

Edited July 28, 2020 by d0nnivain

[Ruby Slippers]

5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Oh boy. I remember that thread now. 

OP, do this woman a favour and cut her loose. She can do better. 

I can't believe she's still with you. She must have terrible self-esteem to think this is the best she can do.  

[kendahke]

50 minutes ago, fly_five said:

How not? Isn’t bringing up something like your birthday during a time like this extremely inconsiderate and very bratty?

YOU'VE BEEN KNOWING WHEN HER BIRTHDAY WAS COMING!!!

She didn't spring this on you the day you found out about your grandfather.  You even admitted as much.

Your excuses have so many holes in them that your credibility ran through it like Grant took Richmond.

What's sad is that this rhetoric is coming from someone over the age of 25... what will make it disturbing is if you're over the age of 30.

Edited July 28, 2020 by kendahke

[fly_five]

1 minute ago, kendahke said:

YOU'VE BEEN KNOWING WHEN HER BIRTHDAY WAS COMING!!!

She didn't spring this on you the day you found out about your grandfather.  You even admitted as much.

Your excuses have so many holes in them that your credibility ran through it like Grant took Richmond.

Knowing weeks before has no bearing on her timing. Why didn’t she wait until after I got back?

[kendahke]

5 minutes ago, fly_five said:

Knowing weeks before has no bearing on her timing. Why didn’t she wait until after I got back?

THE TIMING IS ON YOUR PART.  You could have had all of this set up by now, but you've been choosing to punish her instead for over 3 weeks of not talking to her and other abuses you have mentioned on other threads.  Had your grandfather not gotten ill, the fact remains you didn't have anything prepared for her birthday and she was right to call you out on it.

She didn't wait til you got back, most likely, because she intends on dumping you as this was probably her last straw. It won't matter once you get back because she will be gone.

YOU PROVOKED ALL OF THIS.  Don't take a 2x4 to a hornet's nest and then complain about getting stung.

Edited July 28, 2020 by kendahke

[d0nnivain]

7 minutes ago, fly_five said:

Knowing weeks before has no bearing on her timing. Why didn’t she wait until after I got back?

You brought her up birthday by asking what she wanted.  She responded to that. 

How is she being the problem when you started the discussion by admitting you still hadn't planned anything?  

[Wiseman2]

Yes end it.

[poppyfields]

OP, sounds to me like you are looking for some sort of justifiable reason to end the relationship without looking like the "bad guy" and feeling guilty.

So you concoct this absurd story that you're somehow the victim (boo hoo) and she is the evil witch who wasn't understanding enough, even though by your own admission you treated her like utter crap for a very long time. 

Bottom line is, you don't need a reason to end it!  This absurd story you are telling yourself is NOT necessary! 

You're not feeling it, you want your freedom, would rather be on your own, going your own way, are all perfectly legit reasons to end a relationship.

What you are doing, creating this story that makes her a "brat" and you the "victim" of her brattiness so you have a reason to end it is cruel. Its mean.  It's unfair.  It's just plain wrong. 

Own your shyt man.  You were horrible to her!   Anyone reading this can see that.

Yes perhaps she could have been more sympathetic, but like we've been saying, she's spent.  Done. 

Just end this insanity dude.  And then reflect on your own actions, be a man and take some responsibility.

You seriously sound like a petulant 5 year old.  Grow up.

 

 

Edited July 28, 2020 by poppyfields

[Ruby Slippers]

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

By that I mean you should have a LARGE bouquet of flowers delivered to her office. 

This guy has obviously never done anything so thoughtful and romantic in his life and there's a 99.9% chance he never will. 

[Emmafive]

Even if her timing was off she called and APOLOGIZED to YOU. She recognized the ill timing and told you she only wanted you to focus on your family right now because she realized she had resentment. That’s a sign on maturity and introspection. Two incredibly necessary things for a healthy relationship.
 

You fail to realize we are human. People are going to mess up in relationships. How they handle the screw up is the important part, and she has handled everything with you like a saint. 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

13 hours ago, fly_five said:

“you haven’t put any thought into my birthday have you? You’re asking me what I want days before so like everything else you just haven’t put in any effort.”

RUN!!!!!!!!!!

[zawadi16]

Um someone wanted to throw a tantrum because of their birthday when I had a dying family and I needed to be with my family I’d consider breaking up with them too.

it shows that when crap hits the fan they’ll just think about themselves instead. NEXT.

[fly_five]

3 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

You brought her up birthday by asking what she wanted.  She responded to that. 

How is she being the problem when you started the discussion by admitting you still hadn't planned anything?  

No, you’ve got it wrong.

I told her I would try to be back for her birthday and take her to dinner (this was before she got upset with me). She said don’t feel obligated to come back and to spend as much time as I needed. I then asked her if she wanted me to give her cash for her birthday and she said, really cash? That’s when I kept asking her what she wanted. I then told her I had a gift for her that I’ve had for 3 years. I then gave her my aunt’s (passed away years ago) pearl necklace. That’s when she went into if you’re asking me days before that means you haven’t really put effort and that I’ve had weeks to try and that if I hadn’t disappeared we could’ve done something before I left.

I gave her pearls and told her I’d try to come back for her birthday to take her to dinner.
So how is she not a brat?

[Mystery4u]

4 minutes ago, fly_five said:

No, you’ve got it wrong.

I told her I would try to be back for her birthday and take her to dinner (this was before she got upset with me). She said don’t feel obligated to come back and to spend as much time as I needed. I then asked her if she wanted me to give her cash for her birthday and she said, really cash? That’s when I kept asking her what she wanted. I then told her I had a gift for her that I’ve had for 3 years. I then gave her my aunt’s (passed away years ago) pearl necklace. That’s when she went into if you’re asking me days before that means you haven’t really put effort and that I’ve had weeks to try and that if I hadn’t disappeared we could’ve done something before I left.

I gave her pearls and told her I’d try to come back for her birthday to take her to dinner.
So how is she not a brat?

You wanted to give her cash for her birthday? That's so lazy. You have no idea how to treat a woman.

You then gave her the pearls because you already had them, as you couldn't be bothered to actually put in any effort before that to get her something.

You're actually an embarrassment to the rest of us men.

You're still a boy. She deserves better. Grow up.

[Mrin]

37 minutes ago, Mystery4u said:

You're actually an embarrassment to the rest of us men.

You're still a boy. She deserves better. Grow up.

This X1000. 

This is truth. And the sad thing is you don't even see it. I hope one day you do. Come on dude! Grow up and be a man!

 

[JTSW]

Poor girl. 

You really treat her like crap.

You sound very immature and bratty op, time to grow up.

Read all the responses again. No one agrees with you. 

You are the one at fault.

She deserves so much better.

You should feel extremely ashamed of yourself for treating someone so disgustingly.

Stop being so pathetic.

[zawadi16]

6 minutes ago, JTSW said:

Poor girl. 

You really treat her like crap.

You sound very immature and bratty op, time to grow up.

Read all the responses again. No one agrees with you. 

You are the one at fault.

She deserves so much better.

You should feel extremely ashamed of yourself for treating someone so disgustingly.

Stop being so pathetic.

Actually, I agree with OP.

If someone wanted to throw a tantrum because of their birthday when I had a dying family and I needed to be with my family I’d consider breaking up with them too. 

it shows that when crap hits the fan they’ll just think about themselves instead. NEXT. How is this seen as okay behavior by the gf?

[Ruby Slippers]

59 minutes ago, Mystery4u said:

You have no idea how to treat a woman.

I think most men who have no idea how to treat a woman will never learn. It must be a deep-seated thing from childhood, culture, environment. Then they'll meet the woman of their dreams and fumble her away. No woman will ever truly love a guy like this.

I'd love to be a fly on the wall when this woman finally realizes how dissatisfied she is with this guy and tells him off once and for all.

[poppyfields]

16 hours ago, fly_five said:

I contacted her last week and I was asking her what she wanted for her birthday. Then I found out I would be missing her birthday because of my grandfather. I left yesterday morning  to go be with my family (they live several states away). Before I left she said, “you haven’t put any thought into my birthday have you? You’re asking me what I want days before so like everything else you just haven’t put in any effort.” I told her I couldn’t help that I can’t be here to which she replied, “she said it’s not that, you have to be with your family so you can’t help that. It’s that you disappeared for weeks so I expected you to have put in a lot of effort and if you’re asking me days before what I want that means you haven’t thought about this. It’s about effort.” 

She called me later to apologize saying that she’s harboring a lot of resentment...

Read her words here^^, in bold and underlined.   Can you do that, put yourself in her shoes and at least try to understand her feelings?  

Good lord, no offense mate but you cannot be this obtuse.  Or emotionally detached.  

Or maybe you are in which case yes, definitely break up with her.   You lack the necessary emotional tools to navigate a healthy successful relationship.

 

Edited July 28, 2020 by poppyfields

[Acacia98]

6 hours ago, fly_five said:

Knowing weeks before has no bearing on her timing. Why didn’t she wait until after I got back?

Why should she follow social etiquette when you don't? 

[JTSW]

3 hours ago, zawadi16 said:

Actually, I agree with OP.

If someone wanted to throw a tantrum because of their birthday when I had a dying family and I needed to be with my family I’d consider breaking up with them too. 

it shows that when crap hits the fan they’ll just think about themselves instead. NEXT. How is this seen as okay behavior by the gf?

I'm guessing you are the op on another account because you have the exact same pathetic attitude. 

[d0nnivain]

4 hours ago, zawadi16 said:

Um someone wanted to throw a tantrum because of their birthday when I had a dying family and I needed to be with my family I’d consider breaking up with them too.

it shows that when crap hits the fan they’ll just think about themselves instead. NEXT.

Before the OP found out about his grandfather he told his GF that he had not planned a thing for her birthday.  He actually offered her cash as a gift.  How thoughtless. 

Then after he had already gone to see the grandfather, she had a double disappointment.  She did say that she understood he had to go.  She also didn't throw a tantrum.  She expressed frustration that even before his grandfather fell ill, her BF did nothing to prepare in advance for her milestone birthday.  

Later she even called to apologize because she hadn't handled things well.  Not everybody says the perfect thing when they are shocked & hurt.  She further acknowledged that she had anxiety & resentment building up.  How could she not?  If you read prior posts you will learn that the OP blew her off at Christmas; despite making plans now they did not move in together; he was mean to her about her dog; and he accused her of lying.  

One of the people in this relationship only thinks about himself but it's not her. 

[zawadi16]

20 minutes ago, JTSW said:

I'm guessing you are the op on another account because you have the exact same pathetic attitude. 

No.

if she acts like this during a painful time how is she going to be in the future? I’m not saying OP is a good boyfriend, however, I’m saying she was very wrong in this situation.

if your partner acted like that wouldn’t you be put off too?

[d0nnivain]

Just now, zawadi16 said:

if she acts like this during a painful time how is she going to be in the future? I’m not saying OP is a good boyfriend, however, I’m saying she was very wrong in this situation.

if your partner acted like that wouldn’t you be put off too?

She called him back to apologize.