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Should I break up with my gf (30) for being a brat?

fly_five

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fly_five Member

fly_five

Posted
Posted

Okay so it’s my girlfriends 30th birthday in a few days and unfortunately my grandfather got really sick and my mom wants me to come home just in case he passes away. She’s back in the office full time so she can’t come with me. 

A little backstory, admittedly I haven’t been the best boyfriend. I’ll just get angry and shut down and won’t talk to her for weeks. Well I did this about a month ago. She called me to ask what sides she should bring to dinner. I don’t know why but I just thought she had attitude so I just hung up on her and didn’t talk to her for about 3 weeks.
 

I contacted her last week and I was asking her what she wanted for her birthday. Then I found out I would be missing her birthday because of my grandfather. I left yesterday morning  to go be with my family (they live several states away). Before I left she said, “you haven’t put any thought into my birthday have you? You’re asking me what I want days before so like everything else you just haven’t put in any effort.” I told her I couldn’t help that I can’t be here to which she replied, “she said it’s not that, you have to be with your family so you can’t help that. It’s that you disappeared for weeks so I expected you to have put in a lot of effort and if you’re asking me days before what I want that means you haven’t thought about this. It’s about effort.” 

She called me later to apologize saying that she’s harboring a lot of resentment but she shouldn’t have brought it up because I should be focusing on being with my family right now. 

I respect the apology but she was just a brat for getting upset about her birthday when I have someone that I care about dying. It was incredibly selfish. Now it has me questioning how things would be with her long term.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted (edited)
17 minutes ago, fly_five said:

respect the apology but she was just a brat

Nope... she wasn't being a brat. She was giving voice to her justified disappointment in you because you admit:
 

Quote

I haven’t been the best boyfriend.

I’ll just get angry and shut down and won’t talk to her for weeks.

I don’t know why but I just thought she had attitude so I just hung up on her and didn’t talk to her for about 3 weeks.

 

This is all emotional abuse.

You have more than dug your own grave with your immature antics. No one who actually respects and loves their girlfriend treats her like this.  You treat her like dirt and then have the gall to call her a brat when she speaks up for herself? 

I do agree that you need to break up with her. She deserves a mature, grown man who will love her and respect her and not play silly, childish games with her.

I refer her to my signature quote below:  

|  |

V V

Edited by kendahke
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fly_five Member

fly_five

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
3 minutes ago, kendahke said:

Nope... she wasn't being a brat. She was giving voice to her justified disappointment in you because you admit:
 

This is all emotional abuse.

You have more than dug your own grave with your immature antics. No one who actually respects and loves their girlfriend treats her like this.  You treat her like dirt and then have the gall to call her a brat when she speaks up for herself? 

I do agree that you need to break up with her. She deserves a mature, grown man who will love her and respect her and not play silly, childish games with her.

Yes, I’m calling her brat because why would she bring this up now? She couldn’t have kept that to herself until I got back from seeing my dying grandfather?

And how am I emotionally abusive?

Edited by fly_five
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted

Nope... still not a brat.

Still emotionally abusive.

  • Like 7
curlygirl40 Established Member

curlygirl40

Posted
Posted
25 minutes ago, fly_five said:

Okay so it’s my girlfriends 30th birthday in a few days and unfortunately my grandfather got really sick and my mom wants me to come home just in case he passes away. She’s back in the office full time so she can’t come with me. 

A little backstory, admittedly I haven’t been the best boyfriend. I’ll just get angry and shut down and won’t talk to her for weeks. Well I did this about a month ago. She called me to ask what sides she should bring to dinner. I don’t know why but I just thought she had attitude so I just hung up on her and didn’t talk to her for about 3 weeks.
 

I contacted her last week and I was asking her what she wanted for her birthday. Then I found out I would be missing her birthday because of my grandfather. I left yesterday morning  to go be with my family (they live several states away). Before I left she said, “you haven’t put any thought into my birthday have you? You’re asking me what I want days before so like everything else you just haven’t put in any effort.” I told her I couldn’t help that I can’t be here to which she replied, “she said it’s not that, you have to be with your family so you can’t help that. It’s that you disappeared for weeks so I expected you to have put in a lot of effort and if you’re asking me days before what I want that means you haven’t thought about this. It’s about effort.” 

She called me later to apologize saying that she’s harboring a lot of resentment but she shouldn’t have brought it up because I should be focusing on being with my family right now. 

I respect the apology but she was just a brat for getting upset about her birthday when I have someone that I care about dying. It was incredibly selfish. Now it has me questioning how things would be with her long term.

What the heck dude.   She should be ending things with you for being such a brat.   This is emotional abuse.   You don't talk to her for 3 weeks and then use the excuse about having to be with your family to say SHE is acting like a brat?    I can't believe she's still talking to you.    

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fly_five Member

fly_five

Posted
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Posted (edited)
2 minutes ago, curlygirl40 said:

What the heck dude.   She should be ending things with you for being such a brat.   This is emotional abuse.   You don't talk to her for 3 weeks and then use the excuse about having to be with your family to say SHE is acting like a brat?    I can't believe she's still talking to you.    

You don’t think she was wrong for bringing up how I’m not doing enough for her birthday when I have something major going on with family? How is that not selfish of her?

again, how is this emotional abuse?

Edited by fly_five
curlygirl40 Established Member

curlygirl40

Posted
Posted
Just now, fly_five said:

You don’t think she was wrong for bringing up how I’m not doing enough for her birthday when I have something major going on with family? How is that not selfish of her?

O.K yep you're right.   She is very selfish.  You should end it with her so she can find a better boyfriend.

I'm truly sorry about your grandfather.   But what you're failing to see is how badly you are treating her.    You don't treat people that way.    If you loved someone, you wouldn't go weeks without talking to them for petty reasons.    

  • Like 6
amaysngrace Established Member

amaysngrace

Posted
Posted

You both sound like brats.  You for ignoring her for weeks at a time and her for thinking of her birthday rather than what you’re going through. 
 

I bet the sex is hot though.

  • Like 4
poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
26 minutes ago, fly_five said:

again, how is this emotional abuse?

1.  Intentionally withholding affection and attention (disappearing for three f'ing weeks, come on dude, really?)

2.  Shifting blame/gaslighting (blaming her for speaking up when you were the one behaving like a shyt)

3 . Stonewalling (hanging up on her versus discussing issues ) 

ALL of which fall under the umbrella of "emotional abuse."  Google it if you don't believe me. 

I'm sorry about your grandfather, I'm sure your gf is too but she sounds completely fed up with your immature shenanigans and when someone becomes that fed up, I wouldn't expect much sympathy.

She may also think it's just an excuse to avoid her birthday, it would not be the first time someone has used a death in the family as an excuse to avoid.   As heartless as that might sound.  

Look within dude at your own behavior, that's my advice. Take or leave. 

 

 

 

Edited by poppyfields
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kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted (edited)
57 minutes ago, fly_five said:

I contacted her last week and I was asking her what she wanted for her birthday. Then I found out I would be missing her birthday because of my grandfather. I left yesterday morning  to go be with my family

But you've BEEN knowing when her birthday was coming, yet you spent all this time ghosting her for weeks on end. Your grandfather's illness was a curve that was thrown to you recently, but had he not taken ill when he did, the fact still remains you spent all this time punishing her over nothing but your selfish attitude and not being a good boyfriend, to which you have admitted.

People are like sponges: they'll take only so much until they reach their saturation point and then they can't take anymore and le déluge se produit.

Edited by kendahke
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Emmafive Established Member

Emmafive

Posted
Posted
10 minutes ago, amaysngrace said:

You both sound like brats.  You for ignoring her for weeks at a time and her for thinking of her birthday rather than what you’re going through. 
 

I bet the sex is hot.

Umm, yea no.

Like others have said...

3 minutes ago, kendahke said:

But you've BEEN knowing when her birthday was coming, yet you spent all this time ghosting her for weeks on end. Your grandfather's illness was a curve that was thrown to you recently, but had he not taken ill when he did, the fact still remains you spent all this time punishing her over nothing but your selfish attitude and not being a good boyfriend, to which you have admitted.

People are like sponges: they'll take only so much until they reach their saturation point and then they can't take anymore and le déluge se produit.

and this comment. 

11 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I'm sorry about your grandfather, I'm sure your gf is too but she sounds completely fed up with your immature shenanigans and when someone becomes that fed up, I wouldn't expect much sympathy.

 

 

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, fly_five said:

You don’t think she was wrong for bringing up how I’m not doing enough for her birthday when I have something major going on with family? How is that not selfish of her?

It’s not possible to hold that kind of resentment and not speak out. 

I agree, you are the person who behaved like a brat. You want to talk selfish... trying ignoring your girlfriend for weeks and then placing expectations on her - and getting upset when she doesn’t behave the way you think she should behave. That’s selfish. 

I wouldn’t have even answered your call after that kind of behavior... not cool.

Edited by BaileyB
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Ami1uwant Established Member

Ami1uwant

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, fly_five said:

Okay so it’s my girlfriends 30th birthday in a few days and unfortunately my grandfather got really sick and my mom wants me to come home just in case he passes away. She’s back in the office full time so she can’t come with me. 

A little backstory, admittedly I haven’t been the best boyfriend. I’ll just get angry and shut down and won’t talk to her for weeks. Well I did this about a month ago. She called me to ask what sides she should bring to dinner. I don’t know why but I just thought she had attitude so I just hung up on her and didn’t talk to her for about 3 weeks.
 

I contacted her last week and I was asking her what she wanted for her birthday. Then I found out I would be missing her birthday because of my grandfather. I left yesterday morning  to go be with my family (they live several states away). Before I left she said, “you haven’t put any thought into my birthday have you? You’re asking me what I want days before so like everything else you just haven’t put in any effort.” I told her I couldn’t help that I can’t be here to which she replied, “she said it’s not that, you have to be with your family so you can’t help that. It’s that you disappeared for weeks so I expected you to have put in a lot of effort and if you’re asking me days before what I want that means you haven’t thought about this. It’s about effort.” 

She called me later to apologize saying that she’s harboring a lot of resentment but she shouldn’t have brought it up because I should be focusing on being with my family right now. 

I respect the apology but she was just a brat for getting upset about her birthday when I have someone that I care about dying. It was incredibly selfish. Now it has me questioning how things would be with her long term.

 

 

This relationship is f***ed up....

 

why ignore her for 3 weeks?

 

how long have you bern dating?  Doing something for the others birthday is expected do you bring thus up comes off as an afterthought.

 

did you tell her about your grandfather? Did she know?

 

you coukd have said..I need to postpone celebrating your birthday because of my grandfather...

SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, fly_five said:

Should I break up with my gf (30) for being a brat?

Hold on:

 

Let me consult the Spongebob Magic 8-ball:

 

(it offered)

"You're My Hero"

 

 

 

Mystery4u Established Member

Mystery4u

Posted
Posted

She should have broke up with you after you were a brat and ignored her for 3 weeks.

The fact she didn't means you should be making extra effort to make up for your immaturity and show you appreciate her. Sounds like you don't.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

You need to grow up, OP. 

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snowboy91 Established Member

snowboy91

Posted
Posted

I'm sorry about your grandfather.

But how would you feel if someone you really cared about ignored you for 3 weeks? I mean, I'd lose it if my partner deliberately ignored me for a day! And this is over nothing more than asking what food to bring and you being so vague as to say she "had attitude", whatever that means. Why did you feel you had to ignore her for so long?

  • Like 1
assertives Established Member

assertives

Posted
Posted (edited)

If this is the same girl you posted about in December, about how you bailed last minute after agreeing to meet her family during Christmas and after they made alot of plans around it, and about how you hate her dog and wanted her to get rid of it, then yeah. I think you should absolutely end it already. You don't sound like you even like her that much. Why waste each others' time? Also, again if this is the same girl, her comment of you not putting in any effort again is probably in line to the series of "not putting in any efforts" that she felt you have been exhibiting in the whole relationship, as mentioned in your previous thread.

And yes, I do agree with others that ignoring someone who you supposedly love just because you didn't like how they were asking you for 3 weeks is emotionally abusive.

Edited by assertives
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Acacia98 Established Member

Acacia98

Posted
Posted

There is a visible pattern in the way you treat your girlfriend. You basically seem to think she shouldn't express her opinion at all, whether in good times or bad. That's not how relationships work. Communication is the foundation of any decent relationship. It should always or almost always be possible. If you close the door to communication during relatively good times, then that means the only time the other person can communicate with you is during crisis. If you create circumstances where she develops all these negative emotions and has no outlet for them, she's gonna express those emotions at the first opportunity. And that's what she did. Her other option is to shut up, of course. And if she does that, you can rest assured that, by the time it's socially acceptable to complain to you about her birthday, she will have lost all interest in being in a relationship with you.

I actually think she should have gone for the second option. This relationship doesn't seem to be adding any value to her life. And, based on your behavior, it's clear you don't want to be in a relationship with her, anyway.

  • Like 1
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
26 minutes ago, assertives said:

If this is the same girl you posted about in December, about how you bailed last minute after agreeing to meet her family during Christmas and after they made alot of plans around it, and about how you hate her dog and wanted her to get rid of it, then yeah.

Oh boy. I remember that thread now. 

OP, do this woman a favour and cut her loose. She can do better. 

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Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted

It seems like you like to play nasty games. It's amazing you're still together.

Blind-Sided Established Member

Blind-Sided

Posted
Posted (edited)

I'm not reading through all the responses, because I don't need to.  Your GF is NOT being a "Brat."   YOU are begin a ******. (edit for good taste) You are an adult.  You don't hang up on people, and you don't ignor someone you are supposed to be in love with for 3 weeks !!!!  You started the issues.  YES... family is first... but isn't your GF your extended "Family"?

So man up... apologize, and let her go. 

Edited by Blind-Sided
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Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

Posted
Posted
9 hours ago, BaileyB said:

I wouldn’t have even answered your call after that kind of behavior... not cool.

Same. If a guy who's supposed to be my boyfriend ignored me for weeks, I'd ignore him for life. 

  • Like 5
BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, assertives said:

If this is the same girl you posted about in December, about how you bailed last minute after agreeing to meet her family during Christmas

Oh my... but SHE is the brat. I don’t think so...

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fly_five Member

fly_five

Posted
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Posted
5 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Oh my... but SHE is the brat. I don’t think so...

How not? Isn’t bringing up something like your birthday during a time like this extremely inconsiderate and very bratty?

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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