truelyblue Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 i know this sounds crazy and obvious that if its over you should know..... take this as an example : two people jane and jack are friends and have been very close friends for years.......and then one fine day jack is not the same he is not there for jane not hanging out as they used to. jane gets all worked up keeps asking him what happened y cant you be who you used to be or is it me?..jack says ,"no its not u its me i need to get connected with myself"....anyhow due to many common friends jane and jack remain connected till one fine day jack starts being the same guy before the the chaos.... jane takes him back and they are friends agin till once more jack need to go to a diff country for studies ignores jane and once he is in the diff country starts mess and saying he is stupid and she is his closest friend now jane is weary of all this commotion tells him wot does he think treating her like a doormat and jack says "we are friends and m sorry"...... now he is busy with school and work and studies but ignores her even when a hello cud do the trick saying things like when i just call or say hi u want more when i dont call u say why did u not call........... so thts why i just dont call so my question here is 1)are jane and jack friends......... 2)are they holding on to the past 3)or is it over???? 4)or is jack/jane expecting too much figure this out please someone............its imp for me!!!!!!!
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 ....and then one fine day jack is not the same he is not there for jane not hanging out as they used to. jane gets all worked up keeps asking him what happened y cant you be who you used to be or is it me?.. That was the beginning of the end. Jack tried to back out and Jane made the relationship an obligation. Jack was probably thinking right away "I'm trapped in this now" and when someone feels the squeeze of an obligational trap, they struggle to get out. Guilt, nostalgia, and obligation can keep someone trapped for a while, but eventually they will make that final break after several attempts. Jack simply hasn't made his final break yet. I'm sure Jane's intentions were good, and not meant to 'trap' Jack in any way - and Jane can be the best friend in the world, but if Jack perceives it as a trap, something to escape from - then no amount of good intentions in the world will change his mind. Instead of this: jack says ,"no its not u its me i need to get connected with myself"... He should have just been truthful and said "Jane, I'm sorry but I think its time we go our separate ways". It would have saved them both a lot of trouble. Perhaps it would be best, since Jack lacked the nads - for Jane to initiate the break by acknowledging that things haven't been the same and that there is a greater chance for happiness for them both, if they go their separate ways instead of trying to cling to a relationship that died some time ago.
lindya Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 Perhaps it would be best, since Jack lacked the nads - for Jane to initiate the break by acknowledging that things haven't been the same and that there is a greater chance for happiness for them both, if they go their separate ways instead of trying to cling to a relationship that died some time ago. It's a hard thing to hear, but it's very true. The point about Jack perceiving the relationship as a trap is an excellent one. Fair or unfair, that perception becomes his reality...and there's not really anything Jane can do to change that. She can try to make the relationship feel like less of a trap, but perhaps Jack's view of her and the relationship is being affected by other things that are happening in his life. Things that can't be controlled by either him or Jane, and that indicate that he's moving onto a new chapter. If that's the case, then Jill might simply end up tolerating things that make her unhappy...and probably losing Jack in the long run anyway. I think that if Jane were to follow LB's advice here, in a year or so she'd be giving herself a congratulatory pat on the back for doing so.
Author truelyblue Posted October 11, 2005 Author Posted October 11, 2005 thanx i guess jane really needs to end it huh......life is tough but in the end she will be happy(i hope)....... there should be a course in high school about all of this so when we are finally in the world we understand how guys react......... was she clingy when she asked what was wrong and why he was not the same or is it ok to ask ur best friend that.what are the rules how much can or cant you ask or tell a guy best friend........o dont know anymore truth to the point of being blunt doesnt work does it............
Zaira Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 A true friendship is one that never ends. You're there for each other when you need to be, and you give space when it is needed. It appears to me that one person in this 'friendship' wants more than just friendship.
Author truelyblue Posted October 12, 2005 Author Posted October 12, 2005 hey zaira, even if between jane and jack someone wants more dont you think the other one if they have been such great friends should admit and tell the other tht that bothers them or else why keep coming back to square one in the friendship......... no i think wot LB said was right on track, its over and jack just doesnt wanna admit it. but if you have another theory i would like to hear it....
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