My boyfriend disappeared. what's going on?

[Powerpuffs]

I need some help please. My bf is 47. I'm 10 years younger. We have been dating almost 4 months. I met him in 2018 but never really took him serious until this year. We spend 3 to 4 days a week together  including some overnights. 

We spend every weekend together. I have met his sister (no family here for me) and communication has been superb! He always calls and text and vice versa. Buy me flowers, treats me to lunch and dinner and vice versa. And even has told me he loved me before I did. 

 

3 months into the relationship he tells me the girl he was seeing before me was pregnant. And he doesn't love her but wants to successfully co parent (according to him they dated for 3 months.. no relationship). Being that I had no doubts about how he felt for me.. I agreed to continue to see him. 2 weeks later.. all is fine.

Then this past Saturday through today i cant get ahold of him. His phone goes straight to vm. I panicked and filled a missing person request, called the local hospitals, and manage to message his sister on Fb who told me she thinks he went to work (they live together). I asked her to call me and it sounded as though she knew more than me. I'm so heartbroken because I literally have no clue why this happened. Please offer some advice about what i should do?

[FMW]

First, I would want to make sure he's ok.  If he lives with his sister she should know whether things are normal or if he's missing.  I would ask her just to tell me if she knows for sure he is ok, that she doesn't have to tell you more than that, but that you are worried.  

If he is ok, then he's apparently chosen a really bad way to distance himself from you either temporarily or for good. I know it matters to you why he would do that (if that's the case), but the bottom line is really doesn't matter.  The result is the same, he disappeared on you without the courtesy of an explanation.  In that case you will have to see the relationship as over and move on.  We don't always get to know why.  I know you've known him longer, but it's better that it happened after only 4 months of being together than further down the line.   

[Powerpuffs]

Thank u! I did explain I was worried and I thought he was dead or in jail or something. She sorta laughed and said no. I disconnected feeling confused and angry. There is still a part that feels like I'm missing something. 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 minutes ago, Powerpuffs said:

There is still a part that feels like I'm missing something. 

It sounds like there’s probably a lot missing, actually. 

How far along is this other woman into her pregnancy? 

[Wiseman2]

25 minutes ago, Powerpuffs said:

 We have been dating almost 4 months.3 months into the relationship he tells me the girl he was seeing before me was pregnant. message his sister on Fb who told me she thinks he went to work (they live together)

Sorry to hear this. He could have broken up rather than gotten back with his baby mama or whatever and just ghosted.

However you only invested 16 weeks and a month ago he tells you his other gf is pregnant. 

Stop contacting him or his people. He's fine and with his pregnant gf. 

[Powerpuffs]

6 months. He said he found out in May. I was told mid July.  

[Wiseman2]

Just now, Powerpuffs said:

6 months. He said he found out in May. I was told mid July.  

Why would you think he may have been in jail? You dodged a bullet. He was leading a double life. Clearly something happened in their relationship and his sister is covering for him. You don't need snakes like this in your life.

[Powerpuffs]

Missing persons said to contact the jail in our county. 

[smackie9]

Some guy tells me 3 months in he got some other girl pregnant....deal breaker. Baby is born and he's seeing her. Baby momma drama.

[stillafool]

Yeah, he's with his baby momma.  If this is his first child he may have taken one look at her belly and fallen in love.  Next him.

[Wiseman2]

23 minutes ago, Powerpuffs said:

Missing persons said to contact the jail in our county. 

Next time someone ghosts, just delete and block them. Hopefully next time there won't  be a pregnant gf in the picture.

[clia]

1 hour ago, Powerpuffs said:

Then this past Saturday through today i cant get ahold of him. His phone goes straight to vm. I panicked and filled a missing person request, called the local hospitals, and manage to message his sister on Fb who told me she thinks he went to work (they live together). I asked her to call me and it sounded as though she knew more than me. I'm so heartbroken because I literally have no clue why this happened. Please offer some advice about what i should do?

This past Saturday as in two days ago?  Is it possible you are overreacting a little bit?  How was your last communication with him?

[d0nnivain]

1 hour ago, Powerpuffs said:

 I panicked and filled a missing person request, called the local hospitals, and manage to message his sister on Fb who told me she thinks he went to work (they live together). I asked her to call me and it sounded as though she knew more than me. I'm so heartbroken because I literally have no clue why this happened. Please offer some advice about what i should do?

Holy moly. . .. what an overreaction.  I can't believe the missing person's people took you seriously.  

You have to assume that he's back with the baby mama & that he has ghosted you.  There is no mystery nor was there cause for all the sleuthing you did.  

Just be done with him.  

[Powerpuffs]

Yes this past Saturday. Everything was fine. Wednesday he came over and spent the night. I ordered a new bed and he brought his tools and put it together. Thursday was fine. Friday he text me saying he loved and missed me. Saturday until today nothing. 

[lurker74]

Other than filing a missing person's report, I don't think it's an over reaction. If you are used to spending time with someone and used to open communication, then 48 hours of no communication is concerning.

There may be an explanation but the most likely answer is that he was always planning on being with his baby momma. I would say there is a high chance he was with her while also being with you. Ultimately, you deserve some answers but you might not get them. Assuming you left a voicemail (multiples) and assuming he isn't in trouble, then your relationship is over.

Moving on will feel perplexing but remember that no contact is the best option. None. The longer you can handle that the easier it gets.

[kendahke]

He's probably ashamed of himself and can't face you or the look on your face right now... the fact that he's going around having unprotected sex at his age is troubling---I'd go get an STD test to make sure you're not dealing with any of her flora.

This sounded like a "too good to be true" sort of whirlwind. The fact that his sister is keeping mum tells me that his ex has been featuring a lot more prominently these past few months than he's let you know.

[FMW]

His sister seems to think he's just fine, he isn't initiating contact or responding to yours.  I think you just have to work on letting it go and move on.  

Having this child with another woman is a huge impediment to the chances that you and he could sustain a happy relationship.  You're free now to be receptive to better opportunities.  I think it's probably best to not get too invested in any relationship until at least 6 months, probably even further along.  This was a painful but valuable experience for future relationships. 

[BaileyB]

If his sister says he is fine, you need to assume that he has decided to get back with the woman who is pregnant with his child. He obviously didn’t have the courage to tell you... 

[Snow_Queen]

Agree with the others that he most likely ghosted on you. I’m willing to bet he was already with this other woman and had to bail when things became serious.

Edited July 27, 2020 by Snow_Queen

[kendahke]

2 hours ago, Powerpuffs said:

I met him in 2018 but never really took him serious

I'm curious as to why?  Your gut knew something back then--what was it?

[Powerpuffs]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I'm afraid that maybe he did go back to her. I haven't been in a relationship for 2 years so he was a breath of fresh air. So that's why its perplexing. We went to the beach, I mean every weekend we were together. No matter the time or day I called he would answer.. it was rare if he didn't. 

But other things are making sense. He was never on his phone around me. I attempted to book a trip to the mountains and he was a bit hesitant. But he still came and spent the day and night with me. He asked me to take him seriously and to love him. So I opened my heart. I just wished he would have told me instead of treating me like this. 

 

58 minutes ago, clia said:

This past Saturday as in two days ago?  Is it possible you are overreacting a little bit?  How was your last communication with him?

 

[Powerpuffs]

6 minutes ago, kendahke said:

I'm curious as to why?  Your gut knew something back then--what was it?

I was fresh out of a relationship with my ex and I was still in love. 

[stillafool]

Maybe you can get your ex back.

[Powerpuffs]

I guess his sister  Convinced him to call me basically hes going to stay with the girl and I guess they are going to try to be a family quiet reply babo

[BaileyB]

I’m not surprised. It was a precarious position to be in if another woman is expecting his child... I’m sorry, but it’s probably best to just let it go.

Edited July 27, 2020 by BaileyB