struass Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 I’m so out of practice with dating that I’ve no idea what’s going on . So my neighbour that I’ve never spoken to Has been asking lots of people about my relationship status, to the point her cousin sent me her phone number. I made the effort to message her and we’ve been chatting a few days. Chats been good and a week bit flirty. We went a walk tonight for about an hour and had a good chat, lots of making fun of each other etc. We found out though she is 9 years younger than me.... that seemed to freak her out. Anyway afterwards she text me straight after with some chat, just general stuff. I thanked her for the walk and suggested a 2nd date where we could else. From there she never acknowledged that. Still chatted about other stuff but not about a 2nd daters I’m so out of practice that I don’t know what to do ?. My normal reaction would be to just leave it and let her ask me but I worry she might be too shy to do that given she wouldn’t just stop me in street to say hi . help?
Maldives Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 You could ask again no harm in pushing the renvolope a lil ..U could say something like "hey as I mentioned before we should go out again what do u think? or would you like to go out again and suggests place? That'll put the ball well and trully in her court and see how she responds. Just ask it gently don't insist.
smackie9 Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 Friend zoned. She thought you were attractive but the age thing may have stopped her in her tracks. She is diverting now and that's not a good sign. I myself remember getting into a situation like that, and avoiding the topic was what I did when I realized I was in over my head. Stop with the chat stuff, and ask her out on a proper date. If she says anything but a firm yes, you are out. 2
Author struass Posted July 27, 2020 Author Posted July 27, 2020 59 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Friend zoned. She thought you were attractive but the age thing may have stopped her in her tracks. She is diverting now and that's not a good sign. I myself remember getting into a situation like that, and avoiding the topic was what I did when I realized I was in over my head. Stop with the chat stuff, and ask her out on a proper date. If she says anything but a firm yes, you are out. This was indeed the worry! Is it just a case of waiting a few days then asking about a proper date?
d0nnivain Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 I think the age difference freaked her out. Be friendly. Maybe take another walk & ask for the proper date on the walk. If you don't get a yes, you are friendzoned Go back to being neighbors & nothing more. 2
Mystery4u Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 1 hour ago, struass said: This was indeed the worry! Is it just a case of waiting a few days then asking about a proper date? Wait a few days for what exactly? Ask her now. If she is going to say yes in a few days she will say yes today. 1
Author struass Posted July 27, 2020 Author Posted July 27, 2020 1 hour ago, Mystery4u said: Wait a few days for what exactly? Ask her now. If she is going to say yes in a few days she will say yes today. I guess I don’t know the answer to that. Agree, I should just grow a set. Doing it now
Mystery4u Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 13 minutes ago, struass said: I guess I don’t know the answer to that. Agree, I should just grow a set. Doing it now Good. Waiting a few days is just giving an opportunity to any other guy to ask her out. At least you will know one way or another where you stand. Let us know how it goes.
ccas93 Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 (edited) my filtering trick with this type is to just stop messaging them and see if they reach out at any point. Distance yourself and see how they respond. I don't play many games, but this one usually will either flesh out someone who is deep down actually interested, or weed out people who are breadcrumbing me. Edited July 27, 2020 by ccas93
Author struass Posted July 28, 2020 Author Posted July 28, 2020 Update - dodged again. Well and truly friend zoned as she chatted for ages via text. 1
Wiseman2 Posted July 28, 2020 Posted July 28, 2020 Try dating apps. Fix ups lead to messes like this. Now it's just awkward.
Author struass Posted July 29, 2020 Author Posted July 29, 2020 More updates . text tonight asking me to go a walk with her. Again, plenty of playful banter and a few serious conversations. I’ve either been friend zoned or she’s just trying to get to know me. should I just play it out as is and see what happens. Worst that could happen is I have a new friend 1
ShyViolet Posted July 29, 2020 Posted July 29, 2020 A 9 year age difference is not a big deal at all..... unless maybe you guys are very young. How old is she and how old are you? 1
spiderowl Posted July 30, 2020 Posted July 30, 2020 (edited) Just see how it goes, carry on being friendly and fun. If you feel she’s being a bit flirty, and that continues for a meet or two, then ask her on a date. Make it clear it’s a date by using the word, but do it in a lighthearted way so that she can decline casually if she wants to. To be honest, guys that I have dated have usually asked more than once, and they’ve been willing to wait and see before asking again. I think that’s pretty brave actually. She does like you and seems to want to get to know you. Only time will tell as to whether it is more than friendship. Insisting on ‘dating’ someone from the start puts them on the spot. They might still be figuring out whether it could be a romance or not. Give her time to get to know you. Edited July 30, 2020 by spiderowl
Author struass Posted July 30, 2020 Author Posted July 30, 2020 7 hours ago, ShyViolet said: A 9 year age difference is not a big deal at all..... unless maybe you guys are very young. How old is she and how old are you? I’m 41 and she is 32. I have been out the dating game a very long time. 1
elaine567 Posted July 30, 2020 Posted July 30, 2020 8 hours ago, ShyViolet said: A 9 year age difference is not a big deal at all..... It can be, and remember she did actually "freak out" on discovering that.
Grey40 Posted July 30, 2020 Posted July 30, 2020 (edited) Eh when you’re out of your 20s the age gap is really not a big deal. She probably was just surprised might not be a deal breaker. You should be more specific when you ask her out though...instead of “hey want to go for a walk again?” Just say “hey want to take a walk again on Thursday at 6?” If she doesn’t answer the question but changes the topic, dont respond. Edited July 30, 2020 by Grey40
Wiseman2 Posted July 30, 2020 Posted July 30, 2020 5 hours ago, struass said: I’m 41 and she is 32. I have been out the dating game a very long time. Just be neighbors and friends. Date elsewhere.
elaine567 Posted July 30, 2020 Posted July 30, 2020 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Just be neighbors and friends. Date elsewhere. I agree. Awkward for when you split up. Do you really want to be next door when her new bf comes to pick her up? or they end up living together in her house. BUT if you are determined to date her then grasp the nettle and ask her out for a proper date. Worst that can happen is she says no. You are not fighting the Taliban...
ShyViolet Posted July 30, 2020 Posted July 30, 2020 10 hours ago, struass said: I’m 41 and she is 32. I have been out the dating game a very long time. That age difference is nothing. Not a big deal. If the fact that you are 41 made her "freak out" then she is immature. 1
Author struass Posted August 18, 2020 Author Posted August 18, 2020 Well this is moving like a yoyo!! So, we ended up meeting each other the other weekend, drinks and a laugh. Lots of kissing and a really deep conversation. I left thinking, great we are going to get to know each other. Agreed we’d have a proper date but she made it clear work was really busy over next few weeks and it be hard to tie her down. That’s cool as well. The issue, if it is an issue, is the lack of general chat whether that be on the phone or text. Should I just leave it and wait for her to reach out?
basil67 Posted August 18, 2020 Posted August 18, 2020 (edited) Is it really cool that she won't spare even a few hours for you over the space of a few weeks? Honestly, I'd write off a guy if he told me this. Edited August 18, 2020 by basil67 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 18, 2020 Posted August 18, 2020 What is a lack of general chat? Do you want to date her? She seems to be dodging you in person with the busy signal. That's what you need to pay attention to.
Author struass Posted August 18, 2020 Author Posted August 18, 2020 10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: What is a lack of general chat? Do you want to date her? She seems to be dodging you in person with the busy signal. That's what you need to pay attention to. Yeah, I want to date her. Do I genuinely believe she is having a crazy time at work? Yeah I do. With lack of general chat, she responds to any message I may send but nothing that suggests she wants to get to know me. Guess I’ll just need to pass on this one. If she’s interested she’ll chase me again.
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