CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 (edited) Hello, please check your emotions at the door, this is not an attack on anybody, but rather, just a simplification of the changing dating landscape and a forum for you to express your view point in a healthy and productive way. The thing about being an older woman, is that for the most part, you have what you need, even if you do not have a man, women are empowered today to provide for themselves as they see fit and this often leaves the older man at odds with himself; as an older man, you do not want to feel useless, but valuable... Simply put, your job as a woman, is to make your man feel valued... How can your man feel valued, when he isn't providing anything for you? Enter the young woman; she is on the come up, she is lacking resource and is probably looking for a stable provider... Simply put, the very nature of the young woman, leaves her desiring the older man and it leaves the man feeling valuable... Sure, it might not be forever, but nothing is, so why not enjoy yourself? Why... SETTLE... for being undervalued? As an older man, you want to feel valuable, you want to feel like you are providing... For most older woman, they are capable of meeting their needs or adjusting their lifestyle to suit their finances. If you are an older woman and you have a man in your life, why don't you share some of the things your man does for you that he enjoys, or something that you do with him to make him feel valued, if anything. Edited July 27, 2020 by CAPSLOCK BANDIT typo
thefooloftheyear Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 Here is the thing though.... Even though I am not that old, most of us "mature" men have been through the wars....Many of us carried entire families on our shoulders,....I'd say out of all my like aged colleagues/friends, we all made way more money than spouses and most of the women didn't even work at all during most of our kids lives...So the burden was/is heavy and the mules are tired... If its a second go round, then this need to be "depended on" as you say falls very low on the list of priorities for many men at this stage......So finding that same aged woman that isn't going to depend on a guy for anything is actually an ENORMOUS relief!! Woohoo!! Sure there are some guys out there who are never happy unless they have their head buried up some woman's ass and waits/dotes on her every need for some weird validation, I can tell you that it's not the case for many of us....we welcome not being the heavy,...we like being catered to instead of the opposite all the time,... Their job isn't to make us feel valued...heck that comes from all sorts of things including a man's sheer presence or just how he treats her....To think he has to be a donkey to have value in a woman's eye is nuts.... I mean, sure, I would imagine that younger women are programmed to want to be with providers.....This is not the case among the second go round..Not really from what I have seen....They want to be with a guy because its enjoyable, fun, rewarding, sexual, whatever.... Anyway, I just don't see this huge need to be "valued" by way of the things you mentioned... TFY 3
Ruby Slippers Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 I think there are all kinds out there. Most of the men I date have more than enough money to entice young gold diggers, but they want a loving connection that could last, and don't want to be treated like a walking wallet. What most people are really longing for is genuine, true love. There's just no substitute for real love. I'm in my 40s and get approached in real life and online by attractive men from 25 to 65. I generally only consider men my age and older, as I want something of depth. Now, there have been a few younger men who are truly exceptional who have made me think twice. I really don't care if some men go for younger women. If it makes them happy, more power to them. Plenty of men and women to go around. 3
Maldives Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 Man I would take the older more established woman over the not so established younger woman any day. I don't think men all think this way I certainly don't I find it stressful always having to pick up the tab and provide 3 2
Blind-Sided Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 (edited) You have a bunch of valid points. Men... by nature... want to feel like the anchor of the family. AND... I believe that most women want to be the caretakers. But this is in a standard situation where the couple met early in life, and then built a life together. If we are talking about people later in life, and are looking for a new partner... then it has nothing to do with being the provider. After my divorce... and I started to date a little... all I could think was... "How do I protect my stuff from a future relationship?" Heck... I don't want to be the provider any longer... besides... I still have my kids I have to support. So, when I started dating... I wasn't interested in a girl who wasn't working, and supporting herself. For disclosure... my current GF is much younger, and has a good job, and a house... and she pays for our dates quite often, and this is the way I like it. (now) As far as your post title.... "Why Older Men Are Drawn to Younger Women." That's simple. Youth brings physical beauty and energy. But don't get me wrong... just because someone is young and pretty, doesn't mean I would want to be with them if they were dumb, immature, rude, overly flirty, or a gold digger. So... if they have a good personality, and have youth on their side... it's very attractive. Edited July 27, 2020 by Blind-Sided 3
Fox Sake Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 (edited) Men and women mature at different rates. Older women I’ve dated (Only 2 of them) I have found are usually too mature for me and my sometimes childish and dirty sense of humour, or my outlook on life. Secondly , there’s something to be said for winning the affections of a younger woman when you’re getting older. It can make you feel like you’re still desirable! Bit for me anyways, it’s down to how fast we mentally mature Edit - my grandpa was 42 when he married my granny who was 20 years younger. They had a great relationship. that was my dads side. On my mums side, her parents were the same age. That granny definitely wore the pants in that relationship. Edited July 27, 2020 by Fox Sake Add an edit 1
lurker74 Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 (edited) I'm nearly 47. I've dated a range of 23 to 48 (48 when I was 45, so a bit older than me). Ignoring the person for a moment, there are numerous differences between older and younger women, some of which are advantageous and some of which are not. When I first got divorced (42), I dated women exclusively in their 20s. To be honest, some of it was ego boost and some of it was just the thrill of a younger body. But the biggest thing I got from dating much younger women was that their preferences were not fully hardened. When dating someone over 35, I found that they "knew" all of the preferences. Don't get me wrong - I want to know what you like and don't like. But at least as much interested in those things you didn't realize you liked so that we can explore the world together. But older women tended to be less flexible (as are many older men). On the other hand, it was extremely rare to find a woman in her 20s with whom I could have a great connection because we were just at different places in life. Great sex, lots of fun, and the joy of showing someone things they've never experienced (including, often, orgasms!) were great, but two months in it would start to wane. Now I am with someone a bit over 7 years younger than me, or what I would call age appropriate. And it's great. But do you know why it's great? Because of WHO she is, not her age. Edited July 27, 2020 by lurker74 3
stillafool Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 Personally, maybe it's because I'm older, I don't care if men go for younger women or if women go for younger men. Most older women could care less these days. Both do it for different reasons but as long as they aren't hurting anyone else live life and be happy. 4 1
smackie9 Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 (edited) It varies. Everyone has an ego, and where and how they get there ego boost varies too. Even women want to feel valued, and have others be impressed at their catch, whether it be money, looks or a young buck. people are just being people. Now that women are independent, have control over if or when they have children, have careers, sleep with whomever they want, etc....it now leaves a more level playing field. If there are older men who so desire young women, there will be older women who will desire younger men. Traditional roles are being tweaked for over a century now, to suit this transition. It's been going on since women fought to have the right to vote. Some misogynistic men would call that opening a Pandora's box. Edited July 27, 2020 by smackie9 3
mark clemson Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 (edited) There are a lot of variables in this, both for the man and the younger or older woman. For example: speaking generally a young woman with mild insecure attachment tendencies or who is not that good looking and has been passed over and lonely will "value" the older guy (or presumably most any guy) more, or at least more obviously than a very attractive party girl with an avoidant attachment style who could "have any man she wants" and so values men less in general. Or, a rich or quite well-off divorced guy who really likes being a dad might be happy to be with a younger woman and potentially marry or start a new family. Meanwhile a divorced regular guy who felt parenting was a burden and who's trying to help his kids afford college may have little interest in being a "provider" a 2nd time around. So perhaps he'd prefer a mature woman where he feels there wouldn't be pressure to do that. So, it's all going to vary IMO. Edited July 27, 2020 by mark clemson 1
Allupinnit Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 There are so many threads on this subject alone. I wonder why it's such an interesting topic for men on LS. Just because someone is attracted to something doesn't mean they're entitled to it, though. Most people end up with their equal. 2 1
Author CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted July 27, 2020 Author Posted July 27, 2020 3 hours ago, Allupinnit said: Most people end up with their equal. This is what I am saying
Author CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted July 27, 2020 Author Posted July 27, 2020 16 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said: If its a second go round, then this need to be "depended on" as you say falls very low on the list of priorities for many men at this stage......So finding that same aged woman that isn't going to depend on a guy for anything is actually an ENORMOUS relief!! Woohoo!! Is it though?
Author CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted July 27, 2020 Author Posted July 27, 2020 3 hours ago, Allupinnit said: There are so many threads on this subject alone. I wonder why it's such an interesting topic for men on LS. It is an interesting topic, because when you are married for 20 years, that is 20 years that you haven't spent in the dating game... I've literally spent my last 20 years in the dating game, been out here on these streets since I was 10... Sometimes it feels like i'm talking to a 10 year old when its some 45 year old guy just trying to use a dating app. I will say, dudes who successfully have a marriage, they are the pimps of the world, its a hard thing to constantly reinvent yourself... I think you give yourself less credit than you deserve @thefooloftheyear Keeping these women entertained today is not an easy task by any stretch, especially when they know all your tricks.
Snow_Queen Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 I’m older than my husband but I look younger. You could argue that’s the main reason he’s with me but there’s so much more to it. He tried dating much younger but the maturity levels of these women were far behind his. Ultimately, he loved the fact I was intelligent, grounded, and well established in life. What makes him feel valued is I show my appreciation for him each and every day. He does the same for me. We are definitely equal in that aspect.
nibelheim89 Posted July 28, 2020 Posted July 28, 2020 (edited) As a 30 year old guy that has always dated older women (not on purpose, just naturally happened) I've always found the idea of needing to be a provider for a woman slightly weird, it gives off a father-daughter vibe. If I had a daughter I'd have no problem going to town with my credit card, but with a partner? If she wants something she can get a 9-5.. Edited July 28, 2020 by nibelheim89
hippychick3 Posted July 28, 2020 Posted July 28, 2020 5 hours ago, Snow_Queen said: I’m older than my husband but I look younger. You could argue that’s the main reason he’s with me but there’s so much more to it. He tried dating much younger but the maturity levels of these women were far behind his. Ultimately, he loved the fact I was intelligent, grounded, and well established in life. What makes him feel valued is I show my appreciation for him each and every day. He does the same for me. We are definitely equal in that aspect. I could have written this same post word for word. Same exact situation/scenario with my younger fiancé and me.
Author CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted July 28, 2020 Author Posted July 28, 2020 14 hours ago, nibelheim89 said: As a 30 year old guy that has always dated older women (not on purpose, just naturally happened) I've always found the idea of needing to be a provider for a woman slightly weird, it gives off a father-daughter vibe. If I had a daughter I'd have no problem going to town with my credit card, but with a partner? If she wants something she can get a 9-5.. I myself also date older women and if you did as well, in my mind, you would understand where I am coming from here, but strangely, there seems to be a disconnect, let me explain. Provision is not just something of the material world... A provision can be literally anything, even just your presence socially. Whether you know it or not, you are a provider and if you believe you are not, you definitely need to have a better look at the situations you have been a part of, or likewise, if you have not been providing, its not a mystery why those situations did not continue.
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