HeartSquash Posted July 26, 2020 Posted July 26, 2020 Hey all, Long time lurker here. I am 24M & she is 22F. Been broken up by my ex girlfriend of 3years when she initiated the break up during quarantine. She fell out of love/lost feelings and did not want the relationship anymore. Ever since then we met up once(after 26days of break up due to strict covid laws in my country) and returned each of our belongings back to each other, hug each other goodbye and since then I went fully NC (at June 26). Before she left, I wanted be friends but I said no and left it at there. Now it is close to 2 months of my breakup and I no longer in-love with her, removed her from pedestal and no longer care for her. I no longer want the relationship as I find both of us needs to grow as individual , be happy and content with ourself. I no longer have bad haunting nightmares and am slowly getting happy with myself and my life improving myself. If anything else I hated how she broke the bond and betrayed our loved we had. When things gets hard, instead of fixing it, she chose to bottle it up and run away With that said, I don't get why I am not over this yet and fully moved on as I don't love/care and want her anymore. Can anyone explain to me what is this I am having?
Mystery4u Posted July 26, 2020 Posted July 26, 2020 It's only been 2 months. Some people take longer to get over someone. My longest was one year. 4
Author HeartSquash Posted July 26, 2020 Author Posted July 26, 2020 29 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry to hear that. What was the breakup about? Her losing attraction towards me during quarantine phase. Also her bottling up problems and not tellinge anything for a good 10months. The problem that she mentioned was that I did not reciprocate her love back to her, or show her any affections. Her wants such as receiving gifts and all(her love language), which I would give her once awhile. But I did not know this is a huge problem as she did not communicate anything with me, like wanting this or that, or like sit me down and telling me that she is not feeling any love. She hinted me at best, but I could not catch the hints.
Author HeartSquash Posted July 26, 2020 Author Posted July 26, 2020 29 minutes ago, Mystery4u said: It's only been 2 months. Some people take longer to get over someone. My longest was one year. Even though, I have no desire to get back with her?
Wiseman2 Posted July 26, 2020 Posted July 26, 2020 Her "falling out of love" is on her. She seems too immature for you. Soon the heartache will heal and you will be even more happy you're free 1
Author HeartSquash Posted July 26, 2020 Author Posted July 26, 2020 6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Her "falling out of love" is on her. She seems too immature for you. Soon the heartache will heal and you will be even more happy you're free Yeah. Once I started NC and my rose tinted glasses fell off. I am like wow... She is totally emotionally immature and has more growing up to do. With that said, I am no saint myself as I am not perfect. No one is. I have my flaws. I definitely have more stuff to learn in that relationship and what to avoid and not to do and better myself. I will skip dating for a good 2 years now till more woman gets to a certain age of maturity and knowledge about relationship and love.
Author HeartSquash Posted July 27, 2020 Author Posted July 27, 2020 11 hours ago, Realitysux said: Is there complete NC? All ties cut Yeah. Total full NC. She does not deserve me anyway.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 Her tendency to bottle things up and run away has nothing to do with you. It's her own lack of maturity and possibly goes back to childhood dynamics. I just broke up with someone 6 weeks ago, I'm in my 40s, and I still run away when I get upset. Obviously I still have a lot to learn. Some people never evaluate their issues and get past them - others of us try and get better as we go. It's very normal to grieve love lost. That's the price of love. Just do whatever you can to feel good and be happy now, and you'll build momentum to move forward. 3
Author HeartSquash Posted July 27, 2020 Author Posted July 27, 2020 28 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: Her tendency to bottle things up and run away has nothing to do with you. It's her own lack of maturity and possibly goes back to childhood dynamics. I just broke up with someone 6 weeks ago, I'm in my 40s, and I still run away when I get upset. Obviously I still have a lot to learn. Some people never evaluate their issues and get past them - others of us try and get better as we go. It's very normal to grieve love lost. That's the price of love. Just do whatever you can to feel good and be happy now, and you'll build momentum to move forward. Thank you for your response! To be fair I was bedridden last year around June to this year end of march battling a sickness. I told her that I will prioritise my health over the relationship now as I am sick and the doctor told her not to srress me. So with that, she did not want to stress me and just kept all of our relationship problems to herself. I was much better at April and told her she could tell me if she had any problems. She did not once mention any problems till the breakup. When I confronted her as to why did she not tell me any of the issue back then she said she was not used to texting me after me being bedridden a long time and using my phone less as I am always and constantly resting. Its funny though, after breaking up she told me ALL the issues the relationship had which could had been easily resolve and fixed had she told me before breaking up. Talking about not used to texting me and slowly getting use to it, I find it funny.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 A lot of women have a tendency to be too giving and suppress their own needs while looking after the needs of others. My first big fight with my ex was about 2 months into the relationship. He had too much to drink, acted like a big jerk, and I ran away. When we talked again, I gave him a long list of my grievances. He said he had no idea I felt any of that, to him everything was peachy and my complaints came out of the blue. I realized I had been trying to be "the perfect woman," but once he totally screwed up, the jig was up and I let it all out. 2
Author HeartSquash Posted July 27, 2020 Author Posted July 27, 2020 2 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: A lot of women have a tendency to be too giving and suppress their own needs while looking after the needs of others. My first big fight with my ex was about 2 months into the relationship. He had too much to drink, acted like a big jerk, and I ran away. When we talked again, I gave him a long list of my grievances. He said he had no idea I felt any of that, to him everything was peachy and my complaints came out of the blue. I realized I had been trying to be "the perfect woman," but once he totally screwed up, the jig was up and I let it all out. She did mentioned about trying to be a "Perfect girlfriend" taking care of me and such. What I could not understand is her blaming me for our communication issues when I said you could tell me if anything is bothering you. I just could not tell that the relationship is having any issues and we were both happy in it.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 She probably tried in her own soft, subtle way to let you know what was bothering her but you didn't really hear her. So she tried to dismiss it and resentment started simmering, till it eventually boiled over. You live, you learn.
Ellener Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 3 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: It's very normal to grieve love lost. That's the price of love. I divorced my husband over a decade ago and still love him. He just couldn't love me.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 In some universal way I still love pretty much everyone I've loved. Sorry your marriage went that way. (((hug)))
Author HeartSquash Posted July 27, 2020 Author Posted July 27, 2020 5 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: She probably tried in her own soft, subtle way to let you know what was bothering her but you didn't really hear her. So she tried to dismiss it and resentment started simmering, till it eventually boiled over. You live, you learn. So this is my fault that it ended up this way? That she is not able to communivate effective as a young adult and instead blamed me for not catching her hint? Hmmm.. i will be worried for ny future marriage with her then if that is the case.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 I didn't say it's your fault. Just sharing my point of view on female weak points around assertiveness. You're both very young, not long beyond your teenage years. Like I said, 20 years later, I'm still figuring this stuff out. I tell you in hopes you might be able to learn something from my mistakes. 1
Author HeartSquash Posted July 27, 2020 Author Posted July 27, 2020 3 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: I didn't say it's your fault. Just sharing my point of view on female weak points around assertiveness. You're both very young, not long beyond your teenage years. Like I said, 20 years later, I'm still figuring this stuff out. I tell you in hopes you might be able to learn something from my mistakes. Ahh... Make sense. Thanks for sharing your story. I just did not want to blame myself knowing it is not my fault this ended and her falling out of love.
Author HeartSquash Posted July 27, 2020 Author Posted July 27, 2020 Sorry what I mean is I have some part to be blamed for the relationship to come to an end. I am by no mean any saint, just did not want to be fully blamed as what my exgf said its totally my fault it ended. Took me way too long to figure out it takes 2 persons to make a relationship fail and realising her part causing the rs to end.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 12 hours ago, HeartSquash said: To be fair I was bedridden last year around June to this year end of march battling a sickness. I told her that I will prioritise my health over the relationship now as I am sick and the doctor told her not to srress me. So with that, she did not want to stress me and just kept all of our relationship problems to herself. The problem that she mentioned was that I did not reciprocate her love back to her, or show her any affections. Her wants such as receiving gifts and all(her love language), which I would give her once awhile. But I did not know this is a huge problem as she did not communicate anything with me, like wanting this or that, or like sit me down and telling me that she is not feeling any love. She hinted me at best, but I could not catch the hints. Seems pretty clear that because of your health issues, you were in no position to be a present, loving boyfriend. She tried to hang in there for you while you were sick, but after it was over, she realized it was a one-way street. She didn't say much because it doesn't make sense to ask someone to love you or show you love. They either do or they don't. She eventually realized she was giving a lot and not getting much back, so moved on.
Author HeartSquash Posted August 1, 2020 Author Posted August 1, 2020 Hey all, It's been a few days. Just wanna asked if I should get back my laptop from my ex. The laptop is kinda old maybe 4-5 years of age and I have 0 idea if it is working. The problem is the last time we exchange out stuff I forgot about my laptop and I suddenly rmb about it. And she also said not to contact her anymore as she wants to move on, also she is very disrespectful, rude and being kind off a b*tch that makes me hate her so much. When I msg her I have nothing but major hatred, disgust and high resentment towards her. Should I get back my laptop or just forget about it?
Author HeartSquash Posted August 1, 2020 Author Posted August 1, 2020 18 minutes ago, schlumpy said: Use a neutral third party. To communicate and retrieve? 1
d0nnivain Posted August 1, 2020 Posted August 1, 2020 If you really want the laptop back & she won't communicate, asking a mutual friend to get it for you seems to be the way to go. 1
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