emmab219 Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 What would you do if you'd been dating someone for a month, and things were going super well....but then they left your house the day after sleeping over/spending the day together and went to someone else's house and hooked up with them? Like we're not official, and haven't really talked exclusivity yet, so I feel like I have no right to be upset about it. And a month isn't that long. We've talked about how much we like each other, and how this seems like it could be something, etc etc. Obviously, he can do whatever he wants at this phase. I'm not his girlfriend. It just kinda made me go "huh". Disclaimer: I'd really rather not get into how I know this happened. It's a long story, but boils down to we have a mutual friend we did not know was a mutual friend.
smackie9 Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 I would stop seeing them because that isn't what I'm looking to be....someones bootie call or FWB. I have a rule...monogamy before sex. We ain't exclusive, we ain't sleeping together. 5
schlumpy Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 Pretty clear signal as to how he feels about you. Do need pictures? 1 1
Maldives Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 I'd be upset that stuffs nonesense "oh but we're not exclusive" question is how did it make you feel? s*** right
Author emmab219 Posted July 25, 2020 Author Posted July 25, 2020 Okay, I'm just making sure my feelings are valid. Because it was a friend who said 'well you're not official'. Obviously, I'm not going to continue to see him now that I know this...puts a bad taste in my mouth and soils the whole thing. I think I just wanted to make sure I'm not crazy for feeling this way lol 1
Author emmab219 Posted July 25, 2020 Author Posted July 25, 2020 4 minutes ago, smackie9 said: I would stop seeing them because that isn't what I'm looking to be....someones bootie call or FWB. I have a rule...monogamy before sex. We ain't exclusive, we ain't sleeping together. My thoughts also. Thankfully, he showed his true colors after a month so I didn't have to waste anymore time. Also-- grateful to have a good friend who was willing to have the awkward conversation and tell me. 5
Andy_K Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 Official or not, if you've been seeing someone a month and then they go hook up with someone else, then they're either not that keen on you, or they see exclusivity as a 'penalty' for getting into a relationship rather than a desirable scenario to work towards. Either way, I'd move on. The 'we haven't had the exclusive talk' is an agenda which has been successfully pushed by sociopaths to justify hurting people's feelings and absolve themselves of any guilt or responsibility. 2
nibelheim89 Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 Personally I'm not sleeping with someone who is sleeping with other people so it would be a hard pass for me.
Fox Sake Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 If I really liked the person and felt a connection It would make me feel second rate. It would also make me question the connection and the value of what they told me about their reciprocated feelings. Finally I would call them out on their BS and then walk away in disgust. looks like you’ve already made your decision tho, so good on you. Never make anyone a priority who only makes you an option.
kendahke Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 1 hour ago, emmab219 said: What would you do if you'd been dating someone for a month, and things were going super well....but then they left your house the day after sleeping over/spending the day together and went to someone else's house and hooked up with them? Like we're not official, Leave them alone. You're both free to see others. Do that.
stillafool Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 I would know that the sex we had didn't mean that much to him and was not going to evolve into a relationship therefore I wouldn't see him anymore. Delete and block. 1
Giovane Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 1 hour ago, Andy_K said: The 'we haven't had the exclusive talk' is an agenda which has been successfully pushed by sociopaths to justify hurting people's feelings and absolve themselves of any guilt or responsibility. If the OP's guy seriously needed an explicite "exclusivity talk" in order to understand that something is off about his behaviour, then he lacks emotional intelligence.
BaileyB Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, emmab219 said: What would you do if you'd been dating someone for a month, and things were going super well....but then they left your house the day after sleeping over/spending the day together and went to someone else's house and hooked up with them? How do you build a relationship with a man who is having sex with other women? How do you ever trust him after this? I would be out. So sorry. Edited July 25, 2020 by BaileyB
BaileyB Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 9 minutes ago, Giovane said: If the OP's guy seriously needed an explicite "exclusivity talk" in order to understand that something is off about his behaviour, then he lacks emotional intelligence. Otherwise known as - good old common sense...
BaileyB Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 1 hour ago, emmab219 said: Thankfully, he showed his true colors after a month so I didn't have to waste anymore time. Amen to that!
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 (edited) So, essentially you say "We are not exclusive" Should be end of thread right there, but you go on to say how "Even though were not exclusive, he was not exclusive to me" My eyes just panned to your thread title, "Been dating a month"... and it occurred to me, that you believe this is the first time, in this month, that he has done this... That he was somehow sated with you and wouldn't immediately be back on a dating app after having sex with you? Some men do not treat women like people... They are treated like trophy objects, to be mounted on the wall and then cycled out for the next piece. Even though there are some men that do this, there are many more women who do this, because our society is a gynocentric society and there is no push back like there is when a man does it.... But here is the thing that a lot of women seem to forget, is that a great many men are raised by single mothers today and because these men are raised by single mothers, they believe with a passion that they are free to do whatever a woman can... Once men with 2 parents see single men acting dishonorably, of course those other men begin to adopt the dishonorable behavior as well. You are a trophy. Your friend is a trophy... The funniest part is now you and your mutual friend are wondering who the trophy is of the two of u, lol, its both of u. Its amazing when you watch the consequences of these issues come full circle and people try to blame it on this or that, try to say that men are all pigs, lol, its great. Edited July 25, 2020 by CAPSLOCK BANDIT
Wiseman2 Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 Stop talking to him. Instead find someone you like and have the exclusive talk before intimacy. Get tested for STDs if he runs around. 6 hours ago, emmab219 said: left your house the day after sleeping over/spending the day together and went to someone else's house and hooked up with them?
Gaeta Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 How often you saw each other face to face during that month? If you saw him 12 times then dump him. If you saw him 1-2 times then you should have minded your business. Normally people don't know these details early on and relationships still form. 5
poppyfields Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 (edited) Dump him AND the friend for telling you that.. she's no friend. Friends care about each other and don't want to see them get hurt, official or not. "We're not official" or "we haven't had 'the talk' yet" are two of lamest excuses for banging others this side of the Pacific Ocean. And you don't need to justify your feelings about it to anyone. Feelings are never right or wrong, they just are, they're yours and you are entitled to them. NEXT!! Edited July 25, 2020 by poppyfields 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 9 hours ago, emmab219 said: Okay, I'm just making sure my feelings are valid. Because it was a friend who said 'well you're not official'. Obviously, I'm not going to continue to see him now that I know this...puts a bad taste in my mouth and soils the whole thing. I think I just wanted to make sure I'm not crazy for feeling this way lol It isn't about your being "crazy"... it's about your clearly being "unfair" to your own situation. You have zero say over his social life until you are exclusive with him.
Uptown182 Posted July 26, 2020 Posted July 26, 2020 If a man is really into you he’s not going to go run and sleep with someone else right after sleeping with you. Typically before I sleep with someone i make sure we agree we’re not sleeping with anyone else. 3
introverted1 Posted July 26, 2020 Posted July 26, 2020 23 hours ago, emmab219 said: What would you do if you'd been dating someone for a month, and things were going super well....but then they left your house the day after sleeping over/spending the day together and went to someone else's house and hooked up with them? Like we're not official, and haven't really talked exclusivity yet, so I feel like I have no right to be upset about it. And a month isn't that long. We've talked about how much we like each other, and how this seems like it could be something, etc etc. I don't think the technicality of exclusivity matters here. If his behavior doesn't align with what you are looking for... next! To me, this would reflect incompatibility in core values.
Author emmab219 Posted July 27, 2020 Author Posted July 27, 2020 On 7/25/2020 at 5:31 PM, Gaeta said: How often you saw each other face to face during that month? If you saw him 12 times then dump him. If you saw him 1-2 times then you should have minded your business. Normally people don't know these details early on and relationships still form. We saw each other five times. So about once a week during that month. I also wasn't out looking for this info at all. A friend approached me with it and let me know.
Author emmab219 Posted July 27, 2020 Author Posted July 27, 2020 On 7/25/2020 at 7:59 PM, SincereOnlineGuy said: It isn't about your being "crazy"... it's about your clearly being "unfair" to your own situation. You have zero say over his social life until you are exclusive with him. Right, he can do whatever he wants and I can choose to date someone else now.
Vitaminka Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 He is not a good long term relationship material. It sucks, for sure. Better you found out now, when you have less invested, then two years from now. Don't know what else to say.
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