wvd Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 Hi, I can only talk to pretty girls when I drink. I know the physical chemistry is between us when I don't drink, but I'm just too shy. After I get comfortable with a girl though, like maybe after 30 minutes of awkward touch-and-go and uninteresting 1on1 talking I can be funny and hold interesting conversations. But I can't ever really get that 30 minutes in because I say hardly anything during it. Any way for me to fix this? I'm 20...
xXSURFAGEXx Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 You might be nervous about talking to girls.Practice on the mirror.This will help you with how to cope with women.
ReluctantRomeo Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 The single most important conversational technique is the ability to ask questions, listen, be interested and ask follow up questions as appropriate. This one will work for you even if you're shy, since the other person will be doing more of the talking. The best way to practice conversation is on female friends and other female contacts where you don't have romance in mind. Practising with guys wouldn't hurt, either. Try asking colleagues how their weekend was, how people know the host at a party, etc... bounce on after 3 minutes of chat, saying you have to be going/getting on with work/circulating, but it was great chatting/meeting them. These 2 tips should take you far.
lindya Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 After I get comfortable with a girl though, like maybe after 30 minutes of awkward touch-and-go and uninteresting 1on1 talking I can be funny and hold interesting conversations. But I can't ever really get that 30 minutes in because I say hardly anything during it. Don't worry about being boring... 95% of small talk IS boring. Listen to popular radio shows where there's lots of chat. Pay attention to trivial news about celebrities you don't really care about. If there's a tv programme that's taking the country by storm, make sure you catch a couple of episodes. One of my basic rules in life is, can I cope with a three hour hair appointment without both myself and the hairdresser falling asleep? If not, then I need to stock up on a bit of gossip and trivia as well as stay aware of more serious news items. Ultimately small talk, gossip, insults and flattery are just the noise people make as they're socialising and establishing pecking orders. Start off light, give yourself time to gauge the girl's reactions to what you're saying. If she starts talking about a particular female celebrity who has the same colour of hair that she does, comment casually on "a resemblance between the two of them" (provided it's not utterly ridiculous to do so) then move on to talk about something. Let the odd compliment fall like a snowflake....so light she's barely aware of it. Also, although I hate to be the bearer of bad news.... women do smell fear, and the brutal truth is that most of us find it a bit off-putting. For one thing, a 20 year old woman-fearer will all too often develop into a 30 year old woman-hater. It's therefore imperative that you develop the knack of being at ease in female company. In order to make this breakthrough, you might want to start focusing your attentions on some of the more confident, outgoing girls who will be more at ease as you talk to them. If you talk to someone who's a quivering wreck, then it's just going to make matters worse....so leave the quivering wrecks for the more confident guys to deal with. Some of the more outgoing girls might be bitchy, some of them might choose to humiliate you (in order to draw everyone's attention to the fact that they're getting attention). It might all be a bit horrible at first, but you'll get through it. A bit like being a novice skier tackling a black run. You might well fall flat on your face a few times, and feel like the saddest person on the slopes - but going out of your comfort zone is the fastest way to get better at doing something. All the best
slubberdegullion Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 Lose the booze. It will only make you slur, look like a fool, and what self-respecting chickie wants to be approached by a drunk? (Then again, maybe self-respecting girlz aren't your thing... I can respect that ) Try something different. Pick up a book on sleight-of-hand (magic tricks) at your local library for a couple of weeks and practice three or four tricks. Get them down so you can do them in your sleep - practice, practice, practice. That's a good icebreaker.
lindya Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 Try something different. Pick up a book on sleight-of-hand (magic tricks) at your local library for a couple of weeks and practice three or four tricks. Get them down so you can do them in your sleep - practice, practice, practice. That's a good icebreaker. Or fire-eating Then if you can't think of anything to say, you can blame it on the fact that you've got a sore throat.
slubberdegullion Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 Or fire-eating Then if you can't think of anything to say, you can blame it on the fact that you've got a sore throat. That's ok if you don't mind losing your eyebrows. Don't ask me how I know this.
Jayhawks Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 I know people who are the opposite, they can carry on a 15 minute conversation but beyond that they have a slow meltdown. It is rare you meet someone who you can converse with for hours. Many people have a few conversation starters and then they run out of gas. Let your shyness work for you. Tell a gal that although you are shy you just had to come over and talk to her because you felt this attraction to her and needed to let her know how you felt. Women will eat it up. If she feels likewise she will help you with the conversation and when you are enjoying each others company it really doesn't matter what you say. Don't use alcohol as a crutch. No one likes a drunk.
darkknight Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 The single most important conversational technique is the ability to ask questions, listen, be interested and ask follow up questions as appropriate. This one will work for you even if you're shy, since the other person will be doing more of the talking. The best way to practice conversation is on female friends and other female contacts where you don't have romance in mind. Practising with guys wouldn't hurt, either. Try asking colleagues how their weekend was, how people know the host at a party, etc... bounce on after 3 minutes of chat, saying you have to be going/getting on with work/circulating, but it was great chatting/meeting them. These 2 tips should take you far. I thought the single most important ability in communication was the ability to talk their language. This may sound like a trite statement but think about it. Women are very good communicators but a vast amount of their communication is via body position and gesture, not out of the hole below the nose. As a consequence they are much more attuned to picking up and acting on body language. My advice my friend is embrace ALL women young old, attractive and not so attractive. Learn the SKILL of confidence by communicating with every woman you meet. Be casual but be confident. THAT WILL make things easier and confidence will become second nature to you.
elijahBailey Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 My advice my friend is embrace ALL women young old, attractive and not so attractive. Learn the SKILL of confidence by communicating with every woman you meet. Be casual but be confident. THAT WILL make things easier and confidence will become second nature to you. exactly. a guy who's new to the dating scene would usually only talk to women that he finds attractive. Don't. The more women you talk to, the more confident and natural you become. Start with women you're not attracted to. And set yourself a daily goal of talking or flirting with a few women every day. Even if you aren't interested in someone, you can still talk to her as a friend. You'll be surprised how much you stand to gain in the long run.
darkknight Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 and woman u are not attracted to have REALLY HOT friends He shoots he scores.
loony Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 One of my basic rules in life is, can I cope with a three hour hair appointment without both myself and the hairdresser falling asleep? Uhoh, three hours? And you're with your hairdresser for three hours? Mine takes half an hour and I'm glad she's not bugging me for more of my time. (Not that she's not nice, au contraire.) Start off light, give yourself time to gauge the girl's reactions to what you're saying. If she starts talking about a particular female celebrity who has the same colour of hair that she does, comment casually on "a resemblance between the two of them" (provided it's not utterly ridiculous to do so) then move on to talk about something. Let the odd compliment fall like a snowflake....so light she's barely aware of it. I'm so glad you're a woman. With more "dirty" tricks of this kind you'd be such a ladykiller. For one thing, a 20 year old woman-fearer will all too often develop into a 30 year old woman-hater. Sounds very true! wvd, relax, I've been there too and it's not that difficult to get to a level of comfort when conversing with people of the opposite gender. Practice being a good listener and ask questions as was suggested before and you will get really far. If you manage to listen well, the girls will line up to be with you (trust me, this method works really well with getting a girl hooked up... )
ReluctantRomeo Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 I thought the single most important ability in communication was the ability to talk their language... body language. Yeah, that will work. Just got up to a girl, don't talk at all, just do body language for 5 minutes Hey, don't mind me, Dark. Just teasin'
megabit15 Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 The single most important conversational technique is the ability to ask questions, listen, be interested and ask follow up questions as appropriate. This one will work for you even if you're shy, since the other person will be doing more of the talking. The best way to practice conversation is on female friends and other female contacts where you don't have romance in mind. Practising with guys wouldn't hurt, either. Try asking colleagues how their weekend was, how people know the host at a party, etc... bounce on after 3 minutes of chat, saying you have to be going/getting on with work/circulating, but it was great chatting/meeting them. These 2 tips should take you far. So true. A really good book on this is Conversationally Speaking: Tested New Ways to Increase Your Personal and Social Effectiveness by Alan Garner. Lots of good tips there on the types of questions to ask. But like Romeo mentioned, you do have to practice with lots of people, not just women that you're interested in....
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