Realitysux Posted July 24, 2020 Posted July 24, 2020 (edited) I have an issue and I don't know how to fix it. I had crushes but no.one I wanted to be with. I've had a different life and I will not get into details. I've only met one guy I liked and it turned into an obsession. Every since I was younger, I would like guys but not for long. This guy did not reciprocate and I respect that he has moved on and wish him well. I'm looking everywhere, in person and online. I am definitely not gay but I can't find a man I like. I don't even know what kind of man I do like. I just see them and get a feeling about them but I can't find that. What should I do? I refuse to go out with someone unless I have that but looking for it is such a waste of time. Edited July 24, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator off topic
Maldives Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 Wow that's interesting. You don't have a certain type your attracted to? For example athletic or a certain nationality type you go for? When you fantasize anything in particular that arouses you?
basil67 Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 13 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said: Wow that's interesting. You don't have a certain type your attracted to? For example athletic or a certain nationality type you go for? When you fantasize anything in particular that arouses you? @Goodguy05 I'm married and not the OP, but back when I was dating, I didn't have a type when it comes to looks. OK, I'd want someone who was averagely healthy and of a similar age (give or take)....but past that, it's all about emotional connection. @Realitysux do I understand correctly that you just don't find most men interesting? 1
Poutrew Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 Instead of looking for a 'type' of guy you would like, go the opposite route. What characteristics would a guy possess to be repellant to you? Don't like matted back hair? How about a 300 pounder? Bad teeth? Drooler? If you do this a few times, eventually you 'll develop a 'type' from the characteristics you have not included on you list... 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 (edited) On 7/24/2020 at 2:51 AM, Realitysux said: I've only met one guy I liked and it turned into an obsession. Every since I was younger, I would like guys but not for long. This guy did not reciprocate and I respect that he has moved on and wish him well. How long ago was this, and for how long? Edited July 25, 2020 by ExpatInItaly
IslandSanctuary Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 Your expectations are not grounded in reality. Good relationships aren't based off butterfly feeling first impressions. Personally I'm attracted to a persons good character. During my younger years I was hurt a lot by narcissistic types and I have learned to spot them a mile off. I discern good traits like authenticity and caring and the ability to go the distance in a relationship. 3
Author Realitysux Posted July 25, 2020 Author Posted July 25, 2020 4 hours ago, IslandSanctuary said: Your expectations are not grounded in reality. Good relationships aren't based off butterfly feeling first impressions. Personally I'm attracted to a persons good character. During my younger years I was hurt a lot by narcissistic types and I have learned to spot them a mile off. I discern good traits like authenticity and caring and the ability to go the distance in a relationship. Suit yourself, although I appreciate the advice. I built a very profitable company from scratch and have a very cozy life on my own. I am allowed to be picky and I will not date a man who doesn't make me tingle.
smackie9 Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 Hey I get it. How is your social life? You have lots of friends, go out on adventures? Have hobbies? interests? tell me about them. 1
kendahke Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 (edited) You asked: Quote What's wrong with me? 3 hours ago, Realitysux said: I am allowed to be picky and I will not date a man who doesn't make me tingle. Be prepared to enjoy that cozy life by yourself for a while. There's picky and then there's unrealistic. I'm picky, too... you have to be fine with being alone... or stop being picky. Edited July 25, 2020 by kendahke 1
Author Realitysux Posted July 25, 2020 Author Posted July 25, 2020 44 minutes ago, kendahke said: You asked: Be prepared to enjoy that cozy life by yourself for a while. There's picky and then there's unrealistic. I'm picky, too... you have to be fine with being alone... or stop being picky. Speak for yourself my friend. I am fine being alone
Fox Sake Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 I thought you’re into Hispanic men? You have said it a few times in other posts. I think the issue here is you’re looking for someone to take the pain away of how you’re feeling about your last relationship. You’re still hurting about everything from the past and although you want to move on , I can’t help but feel your searching for someone to bury some of that pain you have, in someone new. At this point you should just be dating and letting your hair down a bit. Searching for the “the one” is an incredible burden to bear. Expecting to find them straight off the bat of a failed relationship and messy breakup will not do you any favours and you’re setting yourself up for heartache. go out and date for a while , start to feel valued by the opposite sex again and not just for your body (something else you mentioned in a post) The right person will come along ! 1
Author Realitysux Posted July 25, 2020 Author Posted July 25, 2020 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Fox Sake said: I thought you’re into Hispanic men? You have said it a few times in other posts. I think the issue here is you’re looking for someone to take the pain away of how you’re feeling about your last relationship. You’re still hurting about everything from the past and although you want to move on , I can’t help but feel your searching for someone to bury some of that pain you have, in someone new. At this point you should just be dating and letting your hair down a bit. Searching for the “the one” is an incredible burden to bear. Expecting to find them straight off the bat of a failed relationship and messy breakup will not do you any favours and you’re setting yourself up for heartache. go out and date for a while , start to feel valued by the opposite sex again and not just for your body (something else you mentioned in a post) The right person will come along ! I had a few hours in the spa this morning and coffee with a beautiful couple and their son joined us. He is coaching me through some fitness and rejuvenating myself after the last seven years. I actually am able to talk to them about this and they are really supportive of me. They gave a dry wall contractor a reference for my taping. I'm going to work on my personal life and try not to let what others on here are saying to close to my heart. The facts are that a man who was 46 years old, had no interest in me after two months, strung me along. Used other people to clean up the mess and had no interest in my well being. I'm going to enjoy being single again for a few months before I start dating and I'm going to move on a bit further before I do because I may get triggered and think back to him and his relationship. I'm using television to distract me and I have tons of videos to watch for work. I'm changing my routine and depending on the connections I made in real life to help me power through. Edited July 25, 2020 by Realitysux
Author Realitysux Posted July 25, 2020 Author Posted July 25, 2020 3 hours ago, smackie9 said: Hey I get it. How is your social life? You have lots of friends, go out on adventures? Have hobbies? interests? tell me about them. I built my own business and I'm busy with that as I do typically put in 44 hours of work myself. I work out, I go to salons and spas, network via coffee and drinks with people I work with. More so when I'm not working on fitness because you can't really drink and train. I go to church but for the wrong reasons!! I don't enjoy church before anyone gets the wrong impression here. I meet men but none I am interested in yet to name a few!!!
Wiseman2 Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 Ok, do you desire sex, dating and relationships? Because wanting them but not pursuing them is different than being asexual, having a low libido, having other medical conditions or psychosocial situations such as avoiding close interpersonal interactions. Start with a full checkup with a doctor. General health endocrine, mood disorders, etc. then a referral to a therapist to explore some of this. 8 hours ago, Realitysux said: I am allowed to be picky and I will not date a man who doesn't make me tingle.
Author Realitysux Posted July 25, 2020 Author Posted July 25, 2020 12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Ok, do you desire sex, dating and relationships? Because wanting them but not pursuing them is different than being asexual, having a low libido, having other medical conditions or psychosocial situations such as avoiding close interpersonal interactions. Start with a full checkup with a doctor. General health endocrine, mood disorders, etc. then a referral to a therapist to explore some of this. Let's talk about therapy. I spent three days talking to different therapists and one denied me services because I was coming from too much complexity for his small firm. Others wanted money more then to help me. I spent 7 years obsessing over a man who fed it. He wanted me to remain in the obsession with him. He humiliated my by having other people in my city participate. That's on him! I did my absolute best to not allow parts of myself to be lost in this and that's why I'm able to move on with more ease. I am trying to meet men in person but I have not found one I want to connect with. I did find one man who I was interested in but he was involved in this game.
basil67 Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 (edited) 10 hours ago, Realitysux said: Suit yourself, although I appreciate the advice. I built a very profitable company from scratch and have a very cozy life on my own. I am allowed to be picky and I will not date a man who doesn't make me tingle. Of course you're allowed to do this. But when you ask for critique on where you're going wrong, expect to receive thoughts on where you're going wrong. Edited July 25, 2020 by basil67 4 1
Blind-Sided Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 15 hours ago, IslandSanctuary said: Your expectations are not grounded in reality. Good relationships aren't based off butterfly feeling first impressions. 10 hours ago, Realitysux said: Suit yourself, although I appreciate the advice. I built a very profitable company from scratch and have a very cozy life on my own. I am allowed to be picky and I will not date a man who doesn't make me tingle. OK.... I see the problem. Islandsanctuary is spot on. A good solid relationship is with someone you can trust, and rely on. AND... is attractive enough to make you want to look at them. (LOL) The problem is... you ask for advice, but then you "Poo-poo" on the realistic advice. You only want to hear what you already have set in your mind. I'm guessing the men you have been attracted to have picked up on that also. Now... you are absolutely, 100% correct. You can be picky. And to be honest... I wouldn't ever tell someone to lower their standards. But if the bar is set too high... or you are looking for that "School Girl Crush" feeling for all of time... then you will be disappointed. I wish you luck and happiness in moving forward. 5 1
kamani Posted July 26, 2020 Posted July 26, 2020 (edited) OP how old are you? Do you have male friends? Are you introvert and reserved type of person, who doesn't want friends or company, male attention that much? I was all of the above person. I had certain dream model in my mind when I was young but never met him. Even if I met someone like that they were not interested in me, I never felt a 'crush'. Just moved on. But I was craving for love and intimacy with a partner so badly. I didn't have male friends, not many female either. I felt only 2 crushes by the age of 30. I never felt 'love at first sight'. I think scenario would have been different if I could get a lot of male attention and if men pursued me with interest. Things began to change after I got married and had a kid. I developed strong feelings for one of my male colleagues who was not like my young 'dream model' . I developed feelings for some other men after getting to know them and having some deep conversations. They were taken, I was taken as well. May be you don't feel attraction or develop feelings till you get to know him very well. May be you need to click with him with other levels to feel a emotional connection and sexual desire. That was the case with me. I didn't realise till I was in my late thirties sadly because not having enough social connections with people, specially opposite sex. Hope this helps. Edited July 26, 2020 by kamani
Author Realitysux Posted July 26, 2020 Author Posted July 26, 2020 My dad was really mean to me growing up. He would push me aside when I was walking up the stairs and he wanted to use them and one time I had good marks and I told him,he just slapped me across my face. I used to be so depressed from my home life that I would dodge elementary school mid day and I barely attended school fr grade 4 and on. I just made enough marks to get me through the day. My teacher in grade 7 didn't care as he didn't like me at all. I used to cause too many problems in class and made all the boys laugh lots specifically at other people. I used to take tampons and hide them under people's desks to make it look like they dropped them and after a while, I had a bad rep for being as mean as I was. I was mean and looking back, it was to hide my pain from home. I had a best friend but I controlled her and if her parents bought her something and I wanted it, I would make her think it was so ugly so she threw it out. If a guy said my friend was pretty, I would lie so he would stop liking her and she would not have a boyfriend and leave me. I had other friends and I tortured this one wen Kathleen so bad she left the province. I kicked a dent in her door cause she talked back to me. To this day, she won't talk to me on Facebook or ad me. She has never gotten over it. I had such an affect on her. I was a very mean person. I still am like this in many ways. Do you think that is what makes me single? 1
chillii Posted July 26, 2020 Posted July 26, 2020 l have no idea how someone your age could possibly not know what they like. Buttttt, maybe that doesn;t really matter anyway for you, maybe you'll just know him when you meet him. When your looking around and see someone or someone asks you out you must know whether you like them or not and you must know whether you'd be interested in them romantically or not. Or say you were on a date site , you must know as you browse the differences when you see someone you could really be interested in as apposed to all the rest. Really the rest should take care of itself anyway , it's prettywell impossible to miss the feelings of being into someone even at a glance
Author Realitysux Posted July 26, 2020 Author Posted July 26, 2020 32 minutes ago, chillii said: l have no idea how someone your age could possibly not know what they like. Buttttt, maybe that doesn;t really matter anyway for you, maybe you'll just know him when you meet him. When your looking around and see someone or someone asks you out you must know whether you like them or not and you must know whether you'd be interested in them romantically or not. Or say you were on a date site , you must know as you browse the differences when you see someone you could really be interested in as apposed to all the rest. Really the rest should take care of itself anyway , it's prettywell impossible to miss the feelings of being into someone even at a glance I like being single .. I never wanted to get married or have a serious relationship and I thought that was fine until I read this forum. There are a few people like me on the planet. We just got used to being alone that being in a relationship doesn't feel natural.
dangerous Posted July 26, 2020 Posted July 26, 2020 On 7/25/2020 at 1:18 PM, Realitysux said: Suit yourself, although I appreciate the advice. I built a very profitable company from scratch and have a very cozy life on my own. I am allowed to be picky and I will not date a man who doesn't make me tingle. There is your problem. You come across as prickly, self entitled, and I deduce still suffering from past experiences. If I feel this after just one post, how do you come across on dating sites or on real life dates? . 4
ExpatInItaly Posted July 26, 2020 Posted July 26, 2020 On 7/25/2020 at 2:18 PM, Realitysux said: I built a very profitable company from scratch and have a very cozy life on my own. I am allowed to be picky and I will not date a man who doesn't make me tingle. Then what exactly is the problem? It seems like you already have the answer, so I am not sure what advice you are seeking. 1 1
Author Realitysux Posted July 26, 2020 Author Posted July 26, 2020 4 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Then what exactly is the problem? It seems like you already have the answer, so I am not sure what advice you are seeking. I love your advice .. I just thought maybe something was wrong with me for not having that yet? I really don't have that. I have the house to myself and no one to call since I haven't found one I'm interested in yet. I do really like your advice a lot
Author Realitysux Posted July 26, 2020 Author Posted July 26, 2020 (edited) 15 minutes ago, dangerous said: There is your problem. You come across as prickly, self entitled, and I deduce still suffering from past experiences. If I feel this after just one post, how do you come across on dating sites or on real life dates? . I wouldn't say I come across like this in real life but online I know I do. I was extremely hurt and suffering tremendously. It affected my entire being and this 46 year old men was stroking the pain consistently until I blocked him. I didn't really mind blocking him but so many other people partook in my pain. I was very defensive and I wasn't being very nice. I'm sorry to have offended you Edited July 26, 2020 by Realitysux
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