Author Conflicted2020 Posted July 23, 2020 Author Posted July 23, 2020 Well, I am hoping to not call him, and when he does call for something, since we do work together, I will keep it to work and not care if he doesnt ask me personal questions.. I hope.. lol 1
Fox Sake Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 1 minute ago, Conflicted2020 said: Well, I am hoping to not call him, and when he does call for something, since we do work together, I will keep it to work and not care if he doesnt ask me personal questions.. I hope.. lol Good lass I believe you can do it. You got this!
ExpatInItaly Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Conflicted2020 said: Im just looking for more appreciation, caring.. This also an unrealistic expectation from a married man. Because at the end of the day, what does it really get you? It doesn’t bring you closer to him. It doesn’t make your affair more legitimate. You’re looking for appreciation and caring from a man who can’t give it to you the way you want. If it’s true that you don’t want him to leave his wife for you so you can have a real relationship with him, what is the point of continuing? Edited July 23, 2020 by ExpatInItaly 1
Versacehottie Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 2 hours ago, Conflicted2020 said: I never said I was looking for that, not at all. Im just looking for more appreciation, caring.. I think you are absolutely, unequivocally100% fooling yourself. You can already tell from your wording on this thread that you are trying to elicit a reaction from him that you cannot get otherwise. This is bad.
Versacehottie Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 2 hours ago, Conflicted2020 said: its just so damn complicated. lol It's not complicated. You are making it complicated. It feels like you want to believe this is something "fated" and that remaining friends is necessary. If you go to the other woman forum, you sound like every other woman on there. This is definitely not anything special. 1
BaileyB Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 3 hours ago, Conflicted2020 said: He originally flaked on even being friends for like the first 4 months, off and on, because he was developing feelings, now we are basically just at the very close friends stage, which I am ok with. There is a lot to be said for knowing when to keep your dignity and walk away... Why do you want this relationship? What does it bring to you that’s positive?
DarrenB Posted July 24, 2020 Posted July 24, 2020 The purpose of 'NC' is for personal closure and should not be done as an attempt to reconcile or anything similar, 9 times out of 10 it doesn't work and typically people will often resort to even more desperate measures in order to elicit a response from the other person
BaileyB Posted July 24, 2020 Posted July 24, 2020 17 hours ago, Conflicted2020 said: When we do have these conversations, it's always him reminding me he knows I am more than he deserves, he doesnt want to just walk away, and he will try harder. I NEED him to call me more and talk to me more to even feel secure in our friendship. I mean, I know its because deep down, Id like to be with him. No, it’s because there is something missing inside of you that makes you look to this married man for validation, comfort, and reassurance. It’s obvious in everything you say and by the fact that despite all evidence to the contrary, you continue to try to create a relationship with a disinterested married man. No contact in the way you want to use it is just plain manipulative. If you have to manipulate a man into talking with you, telling you that he cares about you, telling you that you have value... well, that’s not a relationship worth keeping. OP, you need to look inward to find these things for yourself. You should be able to find these things in your marriage. You will never find these things from a man who is committed to another... It’s just not possible, it’s not sustainable.
Author Conflicted2020 Posted July 24, 2020 Author Posted July 24, 2020 (edited) 7 minutes ago, BaileyB said: No, it’s because there is something missing inside of you that makes you look to this married man for validation, comfort, and reassurance. It’s obvious in everything you say and by the fact that despite all evidence to the contrary, you continue to try to create a relationship with a disinterested married man. No contact in the way you want to use it is just plain manipulative. If you have to manipulate a man into talking with you, telling you that he cares about you, telling you that you have value... well, that’s not a relationship worth keeping. OP, you need to look inward to find these things for yourself. You should be able to find these things in your marriage. You will never find these things from a man who is committed to another... It’s just not possible, it’s not sustainable. Thank you. I wonder why it seems like women in these situations always see them as some romeo and juliet type of thing and that it's just fate. *eye roll* I am so cynical of things, yet I cant see my issue right in front of my face! But the more advice I read, the more embarrassed I feel that I keep pushing.. and hes not interested... but at least I can blame a little on him for still dangling something in front of me by telling me he wants to try harder and not give up lol makes me feel a little like its not my fault completely. Edited July 24, 2020 by Conflicted2020
introverted1 Posted July 24, 2020 Posted July 24, 2020 21 hours ago, elaine567 said: Conflicted, I note what you wrote on another thread, is this guy a MM? 19 hours ago, Conflicted2020 said: yes. unfortunately. Oh boy. Not sure you can expect a whole lot from a MM, conflicted. If he had any sense or character, he wouldn't be stepping out on his WIFE. You've already shown that you will settle for breadcrumbs, by virtue of agreeing to be his mistress. He has no reason to up his game with you. Rather than going NC as a ploy to manipulate him into increased contact, why not end things with him and go NC for real so that you one day meet and date a man who can be 100% yours? Isn't this what you want for your life? 3
BaileyB Posted July 24, 2020 Posted July 24, 2020 (edited) 50 minutes ago, introverted1 said: Rather than going NC as a ploy to manipulate him into increased contact, why not end things with him and go NC for real so that you one day meet and date a man who can be 100% yours? Isn't this what you want for your life? She’s already got one, she is married. She says happily, to an amazing husband. But women who are happily married to amazing men don’t generally get themselves into situations where they are looking for attention and validation from married men... Its the standard advice on this forum OP, but counselling would be a better idea than an extramarital affair. You have a lot to discover about yourself and I hope you get to a better place... best wishes. Edited July 24, 2020 by BaileyB 1
introverted1 Posted July 24, 2020 Posted July 24, 2020 6 minutes ago, BaileyB said: She’s already got one, she is married. She says happily, to an amazing husband. But women who are happily married to amazing men don’t generally get themselves into situations where they are looking for attention and validation from married men... Whaaaattt? OP, so you are married and your "bf" is married and you are looking for ways to get him to be more engaged with you? 1
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