Hollywood-Tourist Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 Has anyone else experienced this either in a current relationship or previous relationship? Basically, my ex girlfriend would literally like to cuddle into me/cling when we were in bed and particularly trying to sleep. She would wrap her arms around me that firmly that I sometimes struggled to breath at a comfortable rate. I tried telling her this bothered me but she got a bit moody about it. Is it just me or is this a little odd behaviour for her to do this every night?
d0nnivain Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 It was normal for her. It's best to find a compatible sleeping partner. DH & I stay connected at the ankle. We might snuggle more as we fall asleep or during that 10 minute snooze when the alarm goes off but the octopus thing your GF was doing would cause me to get no sleep. 2 1
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted July 23, 2020 Author Posted July 23, 2020 1 minute ago, d0nnivain said: It was normal for her. It's best to find a compatible sleeping partner. DH & I stay connected at the ankle. We might snuggle more as we fall asleep or during that 10 minute snooze when the alarm goes off but the octopus thing your GF was doing would cause me to get no sleep. I didn't consider that to her it was normal. I just took it at face value that what she did was cling and that was it, to heck with how I feel. Of course that was her way of expressing affection when trying to wind down and sleep, but I found it to be a little odd and needy and I wasn't entirely comfortable with it. It did cause me to get no sleep or certainly broken sleep, it's like even in that situation she had to be there with me at any cost.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 I would not be able to sleep with someone glued to me constantly, all night, every night. And yes, I dated someone like this for a while. I was happy to cuddle up with him while falling asleep or for a little bit in the morning while just waking up, but it's not a position I can comfortably maintain all night. I explained this to him, and he too got a little huffy. I wound up telling him that he needed to also respect my need to sleep, or I would not be able to share a bed with him. He unglued after that. 1 1
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted July 23, 2020 Author Posted July 23, 2020 2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I would not be able to sleep with someone glued to me constantly, all night, every night. And yes, I dated someone like this for a while. I was happy to cuddle up with him while falling asleep or for a little bit in the morning while just waking up, but it's not a position I can comfortably maintain all night. I explained this to him, and he too got a little huffy. I wound up telling him that he needed to also respect my need to sleep, or I would not be able to share a bed with him. He unglued after that. Very similar situation to me EIA. Don't get me wrong, it's nice at the start etc but after a short time it does grate on me and my 'freedom' in bed feels restricted. To me, there are ways of expressing affection in bed other than literally having to hang onto your partner in order for them to feel fulfilled and needed.
Mystery4u Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 When I sleep with a girlfriend I always make sure we are touching somewhere, even if its just our legs crossed over each other, or my hand on her hip, or holding her hand etc. We are not clinging on to each other tightly so we can still sleep, but are connected to make it intimate. Maybe suggest this to your girlfriend.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 4 minutes ago, Hollywood-Tourist said: To me, there are ways of expressing affection in bed other than literally having to hang onto your partner in order for them to feel fulfilled and needed. I feel the same way as you; however, I recognize that nobody shares that view. To each their own. This is why I tried to find a compromise with the man in question before I had to be firm in stating my own boundary. 1
balin Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 Sounds lovely to fall asleep like that but I get too hot to get to sleep.
Tonk Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 I had a girlfriend who, on occasion, would lean into me and actually fall asleep with her lips on mine. Was nice, but not all the time! 1
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted July 23, 2020 Author Posted July 23, 2020 16 minutes ago, Tonk said: I had a girlfriend who, on occasion, would lean into me and actually fall asleep with her lips on mine. Was nice, but not all the time! Now I feel much better in comparison to you!!!
Wiseman2 Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 58 minutes ago, Hollywood-Tourist said: My ex girlfriend would literally like to cuddle into me/cling when we were in bed and particularly trying to sleep. Is that why you broke up? Incompatible sleeping styles can cause real problems.
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted July 23, 2020 Author Posted July 23, 2020 22 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Is that why you broke up? Incompatible sleeping styles can cause real problems. No, we broke up because she invited a male colleague to hers for a movie/drinks night whilst we were on a break.
regine_phalange Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 My other half and I usually sleep with tangled arms and legs. Sometimes we drift away though! But in the middle of the night we might hold hands or he might hold a bit of my hair (when it's long). I love it and I don't mind the slightly worse sleep quality. 1
deepthinking Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 Light sleeper here. Do not touch me when I am trying to sleep. Please. Only in movies does this seem wonderful. But then, they never show snoring either …. 1 3
Ruby Slippers Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 Some people are cuddlers in bed and some people aren't. I'm not really content with a non-cuddler. It feels so cold. I loved my nightly ritual with my ex. He'd always snuggle up against me from behind, put his hand up my nightie, and grab my boob right before we fell asleep. So hot and sweet! Eventually we'd drift apart, and at some point in the night I'd snuggle up behind him. He liked it when I'd grab his hmmhmm and sleep like that If someone's cuddliness is too much for you, you can always try to find a happy medium. I think a total cuddler isn't gonna be happy with a total non-cuddler, though. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 1 hour ago, Ruby Slippers said: If someone's cuddliness is too much for you, you can always try to find a happy medium. I think a total cuddler isn't gonna be happy with a total non-cuddler, though. Happy mediums are good but it really is all about compatibility. 1 1
ShyViolet Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 Ugh, no way, I would definitely not be able to sleep like that. And she gets "moody" when you try to talk to her about it? That's not cool. She's being selfish and inconsiderate, not caring about your comfort or ability to sleep. 1
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted July 23, 2020 Author Posted July 23, 2020 7 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: Ugh, no way, I would definitely not be able to sleep like that. And she gets "moody" when you try to talk to her about it? That's not cool. She's being selfish and inconsiderate, not caring about your comfort or ability to sleep. As soon as I turn to sleep she would wrap herself around me holding me tight. I would immediately say to her that I couldn't quite breath fluently and she would roll over and sulk about it - very childish way of dealing with it. Thank you for your lovely supportive reply, I agree that she is being selfish and inconsiderate.
Mystery4u Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 2 minutes ago, Hollywood-Tourist said: Thank you for your lovely supportive reply, I agree that she is being selfish and inconsiderate. Isn't she your ex? Why do you even still care or think about it? Selfish and inconsiderate like you were when you had every excuse under the sun why you didn't want to visit her?
Snow_Queen Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 It probably hurt her feelings when you addressed it as an issue. It can be seen as a form of rejection to some. Not saying it’s wrong you find it uncomfortable but that may be why it upset her. Seems irrelevant now (considering she’s your ex), unless you’re just curious because it seemed odd by your standards
smackie9 Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 Another light sleeper here.... don't touch me, especially now with middle age night sweats/hot flashes. Snuggle watching a movie fine, keeping my cold butt warm sleeping in a tent camping ya ok, but in my own bed...nope. I have a horrible time trying to get to sleep, and staying asleep, always have. No distractions please!
smackie9 Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 Come up with a compromise. Figure out a way/position that isn't so intrusive.
Gaeta Posted July 24, 2020 Posted July 24, 2020 14 hours ago, smackie9 said: don't touch me, especially now with middle age night sweats/hot flashes. Boyfriend and I used to snuggle all night long, how I miss those nights! Now I sleep on top of the covers with the Air/C full blass and he sleep burried under the covers. 3
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