Uptown182 Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 Ok so I know online dating isn’t exactly easy during Covid, but these guys make plans to meet up with me, the when the day rolls around to meet up they cancel. Today I had a fourth guy cancel on me, this has never happened to me before! Yes prior to the pandemic there’d be someone who flaked here and there, but this is the 4th guy in a row! I’m just getting super discouraged. I’m not sure if it’s the pandemic or what, but then why make plans if you feel unsure about meeting during a pandemic? The infection rate is pretty low where I am and we’ve been our reopening phases for the last month and a half. Our state is doing pretty well compared to other states. Anybody else experiencing this?
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 From what I understand, this type of thing actually happens to both sexes, I think its because people are searching for the best medium/vehicle to get what they want through... Point blank, there is no way you guys are having sex at the coffee shop, so point blank, this guy has no problem blowing you off. Also, good looking men have never been in higher demand than right now, which means they have a lot of options, which means you are just an option, most of the time. I imagine this behavior will only escalate more and more, guys will dedicate their time to 3-4 different women and then try to pick based on the profiles who is more likely to bang him... Or, before your date, he has sex and loses his drive, this can happen to a lot of guys as well, when we are really horny we have a very high drive to do whatever for a woman, but after we nut, its back to gaming hehe 2
Author Uptown182 Posted July 22, 2020 Author Posted July 22, 2020 2 hours ago, smackie9 said: what was their excuse? They were mostly bogus excuses. The from one today said it totally slipped his mind and he has “prior engagements” then he asked to push it to this weekend, I told him I already have plans
Ruby Slippers Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 I definitely think a lot of people are in a weird mental state right now due to the pandemic - but I'm sure there are some people out there who are serious with clear thinking. When I was doing online dating, it was extremely rare that anybody flaked on me, as I had a strong filter upfront against flakiness. Establish a good connection before meeting. The first clue that he's serious and interested is him being assertive and clear with initial messaging. The next clue is that he asks in the first couple of exchanges to talk on the phone or meet. Always have at least one good phone call before meeting, to get a sense of compatibility and his degree of stability. If he's interested and serious, he'll ask you on that phone call to meet. You'll agree on a time and it's fine to figure out exactly where you'll be meeting later. If there's any flakiness whatsoever around any of these steps including meeting for that first date, just delete him and move on. A man who isn't competent enough to plan a date and follow through is a complete waste of your time. 1
Wiseman2 Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 Unfortunately there may be a backup in meeting people that people were communicating with during confinement. Now that things are opening in your state people may be meeting others, but in no particular order. Nonetheless, it's rude to cancel last minute. But if you are interested, take a rain check rather than use a preemptive strike stating you're too busy. Try to confirm the day of.
poppyfields Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 (edited) Spontaneous last minute first meets get a bad rap around here, there was an entire thread devoted to the subject. How disrespectful they are, how they only see you as an option (which you are before a first meet), etc etc but what happened to you Uptown is precisely why spontaneous first meets can be a great idea... imo. No time to overthink, no time to be become anxious, essentially no time to flake! You're having a great chat, so you can say - "hey, you busy? Let's me now! Or in about an hour if you're not ready." Then you're so busy getting ready and being excited, you have no time to overthink your way right out meeting and flaking! I truly believe this is why people flake. That or someone "better" came along from between when you planned to meet and the day of the meet. Meet later that day or evening and no time for that to happen either. I was so anxious and stressed the day I was supposed to meet my now bf, I nearly threw up. If it wasn't for my very best friend in the world, I would have ghosted him, flaked. My anxiety was that high. Anyhoo, just my $.02, I highly doubt my opinion will change how folks feel about this - so let the flaking continue. I'm sorry Uptown. Edited July 22, 2020 by poppyfields 2
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 39 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Spontaneous last minute first meets get a bad rap around here, there was an entire thread devoted to the subject. How disrespectful they are, how they only see you as an option (which you are before a first meet), etc etc but what happened to you Uptown is precisely why spontaneous first meets can be a great idea... imo. I don't know that spontaneous gets a bad rap. That thread was about a woman who had child care responsibilities who had already told the OLD match that she could only do mornings. He asked for a spontaneous afternoon meet because he happened to be in the area. His failure to hear her when she previously explained her situation was the problem. Spontaneous is also discouraged by the concept of The Rules, which advocated that a woman turn down a weekend date if the man doesn't ask on Wednesday. If he asks earlier he's too eager & needy. If he asks later, that signals she is his 2nd choice or that he just expects her to be home waiting on him. That book was written before the advent of OLD, probably before cell phones were the norm. As to why 4 people cancelled, I can't say. That does sound high. You do have to account for the occasional flake but 4, I don't know. I guess my only advice is keep plugging. Be happy you were told in advance before you actually left your house & wasted effort to go meet them. Small silver lining but better then being stood up.
smackie9 Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 Ya I would suspect they found another option they preferred. Online dating: You are an option in a sea of other opportunities. 1
poppyfields Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 (edited) I agree d0innvain but I'm talking about first meets, which to me is different a formal date which is what "The Rules" referred to. I understand the woman who created the previous thread had child care responsibilities. To me the issue wasn't that the meets were spontaneous, those two guys didn't even bother reading her texts saying she was only available in the morns. But yeah, for actual dates after the first meet, best to ask in advance although some of my best dates were spontaneous last minute. First meets are extremely anxiety provoking and stressful for many people; you're meeting a stranger versus a date where it is assumed you've met before. With first meets, strike while the iron is hot as they say, I wish I had done it that way. Even though it worked out. I dunno JMO. Edited July 22, 2020 by poppyfields
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 First meets are different from 1st dates. But just like anything else, different strokes for different folks. I certainly don't think the ask is bad. 1
poppyfields Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 3 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: First meets are different from 1st dates. But just like anything else, different strokes for different folks. I certainly don't think the ask is bad. Amen to that. 1
DarrenB Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 I suppose it's just poor luck of the draw - a dry spell if you will. Maybe take some time away from the online dating world for the meantime and inherit that time into something more beneficial
Ami1uwant Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 5 hours ago, Uptown182 said: They were mostly bogus excuses. The from one today said it totally slipped his mind and he has “prior engagements” then he asked to push it to this weekend, I told him I already have plans This is biased... sometimes.. 1 people forget 2 something else has come up thst they need to fo 3 they are sick or kids dick 4 work called or delayed thrm he asked about rescheduling this date..he didn’t just no show you. dont try and read a trend thst isn’t there.
Author Uptown182 Posted July 23, 2020 Author Posted July 23, 2020 3 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: This is biased... sometimes.. 1 people forget 2 something else has come up thst they need to fo 3 they are sick or kids dick 4 work called or delayed thrm he asked about rescheduling this date..he didn’t just no show you. dont try and read a trend thst isn’t there. 1. To me, forgetting is not an excuse. Time is precious and if I make plans with someone I am respectful of their time and I don’t just forget we had plans. 2. Yes things come up, but i don’t think that was the case here as he said he had “prior engagements” 3. This guy doesn’t have kids. 4. This guy was a teacher so he’s on summer vacation, it wasn’t work related. In my experience when rescheduling for a genuine reason usually the person will offer an alternate day, not just some ambiguous “let’s push it to this weekend” and either way I really do have plans, I didn’t just say that to stick it to him...it was the truth 1
basil67 Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 Regarding forgetting.....it can be the truth that they forgot. And perhaps they forgot because they were a bit so-so about it. 1 1
Fox Sake Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 (edited) 13 hours ago, Uptown182 said: They were mostly bogus excuses. The from one today said it totally slipped his mind and he has “prior engagements” then he asked to push it to this weekend, I told him I already have plans Prior engagements! Wow... not even a suitable explanation if you’re considering dating someone for more than just sexual gratification. That’s not a great start. Communication is 99% of the work required before , during and after dating. Otherwise it’s just an awkward meeting with some random. Personally I prefer to make someone feel comfortable and if we can speak openly and honestly about things then that’s a good sign. 5 hours ago, basil67 said: Regarding forgetting.....it can be the truth that they forgot. And perhaps they forgot because they were a bit so-so about it. This is exactly right. If you really like someone , you put in 100% effort and count down the days and hours until the date. Edited July 23, 2020 by Fox Sake 3
Acacia98 Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 (edited) 8 hours ago, Ami1uwant said: This is biased... sometimes.. 1 people forget 2 something else has come up thst they need to fo 3 they are sick or kids dick 4 work called or delayed thrm he asked about rescheduling this date..he didn’t just no show you. dont try and read a trend thst isn’t there. All true. But, even in perfectly legitimate circumstances, the way someone talks to you about having to cancel can tell you how considerate he or she is. And if being with someone considerate matters to you, then it is certainly possible to notice a trend or to decide that meeting someone is a waste of time. Edited July 23, 2020 by Acacia98 2
Author Uptown182 Posted July 23, 2020 Author Posted July 23, 2020 5 hours ago, Acacia98 said: All true. But, even in perfectly legitimate circumstances, the way someone talks to you about having to cancel can tell you how considerate he or she is. And if being with someone considerate matters to you, then it is certainly possible to notice a trend or to decide that meeting someone is a waste of time. Yup I had a guy genuinely ask to reschedule our first meet up about a month ago. It was the first week of businesses reopening here and he had extra work to do which to me was totally understandable so we met at the end of the week. You know in your gut when it’s genuine and when it’s bs
Ami1uwant Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 1 minute ago, Uptown182 said: Yup I had a guy genuinely ask to reschedule our first meet up about a month ago. It was the first week of businesses reopening here and he had extra work to do which to me was totally understandable so we met at the end of the week. You know in your gut when it’s genuine and when it’s bs No you don’t..gut is biased.
Ami1uwant Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 13 hours ago, Uptown182 said: 1. To me, forgetting is not an excuse. Time is precious and if I make plans with someone I am respectful of their time and I don’t just forget we had plans. 2. Yes things come up, but i don’t think that was the case here as he said he had “prior engagements” 3. This guy doesn’t have kids. 4. This guy was a teacher so he’s on summer vacation, it wasn’t work related. In my experience when rescheduling for a genuine reason usually the person will offer an alternate day, not just some ambiguous “let’s push it to this weekend” and either way I really do have plans, I didn’t just say that to stick it to him...it was the truth Teachers arent off in summer. With school boards meeting and teachers meeting how to handle the start of school there is a lot of prep work. people might have forgotten about a meeting or it got changed last minute. He doesn’t know you so why explain all the details. you said you moved a date b for..but you are imposing your biased experiences on to others.
Author Uptown182 Posted July 23, 2020 Author Posted July 23, 2020 1 minute ago, Ami1uwant said: Teachers arent off in summer. With school boards meeting and teachers meeting how to handle the start of school there is a lot of prep work. people might have forgotten about a meeting or it got changed last minute. He doesn’t know you so why explain all the details. you said you moved a date b for..but you are imposing your biased experiences on to others. I didn’t move a date, the guy did but I knew it was for a genuine reason. There are no school board meetings going on right now, due to Covid. I know it wasn’t work related, most people would state that when they’re canceling last minute and If they don’t have the consideration to do that, then it’s probably not someone I’d want to go out with anyway.
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