flutterpie777 Posted July 22, 2020 Share Posted July 22, 2020 Around May when we were in the middle of quarantine, I started texting with a guy from my high school. At first, it was really casual, helping each other with assignments and questions. I forced myself not to dwell on the fact that I was interested in him because it’s quarantine after all, and starting something then just didn’t seem like a smart idea. Now, this guy is someone I’ve been attracted to for a while now, but I pretty much put it off and never really thought of any possible relationship with him besides just being friends. This is because we go to a pretty competitive school in NYC and many of us are preoccupied with school to consider dating. However, things really changed when quarantine happened. Fast forward June. School is pretty much over. He and I started talking more and more. This time, about other, more personal topics. We grew pretty close, and understood each other a lot more. I started to like him more than a friend again through our conversations. One day he kind of popped the question if I ever liked him. And so we started sharing our attraction for each other. As I got to know him more and more, I opened myself to him more. Even telling him secrets I kept so deeply hidden from everyone else. We started doing some... things. Sexual acts. It started with texting about sexual topics. Then, we starting sexting. One thing led to another and we FaceTimed, showing each other a lot. I trusted him greatly to show him so much. And I’m very confident that this will remain between us only. Since we used SnapChat, we took at extra precaution to make sure neither of us screenshotted anything. He asked me to do things I was previously hesitant about, and I do not regret it one bit. It was fun, enjoyable. I felt safe with him. Everything seems to be going great, but this is the part that has me worried. Despite sharing so much of ourselves, everything is still so uncertain. We haven’t seen each other in person for months now, and who nows how long until we can see each other again, especially with NYC quarantine. I asked him what he thought of our relationship. He said that to him, this is experimenting and nothing is for certain yet (this is true). He doesn’t want to go into a relationship so quickly and he’d rather wait until we see each other in person. He also suggests that it’s alright for each of us to flirt with others in the mean time. He’s also asked me about having a non-dating casual sex relationship (still monogamous). However, I don’t want that. To me, I want to have sex with someone who I am dating, I want there to be that kind of bond. And I don’t quite appreciate the idea of him seeing other girls in an attractive way while he’s sexting with me. His reasoning is that dating is too much work and commitment, especially when currently there are bigger matters in our respective lives that we need to dedicate our time and efforts to. That being said, he doesn’t completely disregard the idea of dating and that it could be a potential situation. But he’s still quite hesitant about it. I am really conflicted about how to proceed with our current circumstances. I want to continue “experimenting” with him, but also I get a feeling that if I continue down this path, I’ll get hurt if it doesn’t work out. I don’t think I can meet his preferences of a casual sex relationship, but I’ll miss what we have and what we could become if I end it. Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted July 22, 2020 Share Posted July 22, 2020 (edited) Is there a question here? Your assessment of his intentions is correct. He wants to have sex with you without any dating or commitment. If you're happy to do that, then go for it. If you're not, you'll get hurt. Guys who are into you and have any intention at all of dating you, don't make excuses as to why dating is a bad idea and wouldn't work, whilst suggesting casual sex and non-monogamy. Guys who are just out for some fun will throw you a bone in the form of 'not completely ruling out' the possibility that you guys could end up dating. Which of the above do you think fits here? Edited July 22, 2020 by Andy_K 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 22, 2020 Share Posted July 22, 2020 (edited) Your images can go viral in a nanosecond, don't kid yourself. He's just randy and doesn't want to date you. Edited July 22, 2020 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2020 Share Posted July 22, 2020 Oh honey. This post broke my heart. For a student at a competitive NY HS you are failing Life 101. Never ever have sex or do sexual things with boy you are not dating exclusively. Certainly never do that before you have so much gone on 1 date. Also Snap Chat & the internet in general are not secure. I fear this boy is using & exploiting you. I'm so sad that you left yourself vulnerable to him by telling him secrets & doing these sexual things with him. You were not in a point where he could be trusted yet you blindly trusted. I hope he proves worthy of that trust but I have serious concerns. In relationships the default always goes to the one who wants out. Since he was never in, you are left with nothing except the beginnings of a bad / easy reputation. You have to stop experimenting with him. It's not a matter of you possibly getting hurt, you are already damaging yourself. Sex needs to be preserved for a committed loving relationship. Read through threads abound here about the people who will forever discount you as a viable partner later in life because you behaved in a promiscuous manner here. Don't kid yourself. This may be 2020, but the double standard is alive & well. This boy is right about one thing. You two have more important things to worry about then dating. You have to navigate getting into college & what that looks like in this new world. Don't screw up your future over a boy who has already rejected you even though he remains willing to use you for his own gratification 5 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 22, 2020 Share Posted July 22, 2020 Tell your parents. If you are under 18 it's child pornography. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 22, 2020 Share Posted July 22, 2020 4 hours ago, flutterpie777 said: I asked him what he thought of our relationship. He said that to him, this is experimenting and nothing is for certain yet (this is true). He doesn’t want to go into a relationship so quickly and he’d rather wait until we see each other in person. He also suggests that it’s alright for each of us to flirt with others in the mean time. He’s also asked me about having a non-dating casual sex relationship (still monogamous). However, I don’t want that. You say you don’t want a non-dating casual sex relationship, and yet - that’s exactly what you are doing. You have made it possible for this guy - who says he doesn’t want a relationship - to have a sexual relationship without even having to leave his home or take you out on a date. What’s not to like about this situation, from his perspective. If you want to have a healthy relationship with a man, you will need to raise your standards... Best wishes. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 22, 2020 Share Posted July 22, 2020 You're definitely going to get hurt here. He doesn't want to date. He wants to be single, have fun, and not limit himself to one girl. If you're looking for a boyfriend, this isn't your guy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JRabbit Posted July 22, 2020 Share Posted July 22, 2020 I hate to break it to you but hes using you for emotional and physical support while hes bored and horny. I refuse to share nudes with anyone but someone I am dating for this reason exactly. Many guys will get women to do this, because it's more fun to them than watching porn. It's like a free virtual porn sesh. He has made it very clear a relationship is NOT on the table. My advice is to cut contact and never look back especially if you feel yourself falling for him. Remember that people can take pictures of their phone, nothing is safe or private on the internet. Nothing. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted July 22, 2020 Share Posted July 22, 2020 Do not ever expose yourself online to anybody for any reason... There are whole websites dedicated to hosting compromising pictures of women. Nothing wrong with having sex, but if you plan on having a relationship with the person, definitely want to be in a relationship before you have sex. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 22, 2020 Share Posted July 22, 2020 7 hours ago, flutterpie777 said: He also suggests that it’s alright for each of us to flirt with others in the mean time. He’s also asked me about having a non-dating casual sex relationship (still monogamous). He's made it clear what he wants right here. Sexting and camming with a guy is not going to get him to like you as more than a sexting and camming buddy. You've put yourself in the category of just another internet sex object. Hopefully you've learned a lesson from this. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 22, 2020 Share Posted July 22, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: Sexting and camming with a guy is not going to get him to like you as more than a sexting and camming buddy. This. You are sexting with this man hoping that he will change his mind and decide to date you. Unlikely, he has already told you what he wants. At which point, you are doing this only to get whatever you can from this man on whom you have developed a crush... And I would respectfully suggest, you can do so much better and you should not settle. You can get what you want (a relationship), just not with this man. And it will feel so much better than anything you experience sexting with this man... Edited July 22, 2020 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2020 Share Posted July 22, 2020 Debasing yourself by being willing to do things with a guy outside of a committed relationship plants the seed in the guy's mind that you do this with every man & are therefore not worth having because he is no longer special. You think this is the way to hook the guy. In fact it almost always has the opposite effect & you reduce your own allure. The guy ends up liking you less. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 22, 2020 Share Posted July 22, 2020 He has absolutely no reason to change what he's doing. He's said he doesn't want to date and he's not in the mindspace for a relationship. What you and he have, for him, is a distraction from the boredom of quarantine... some sexy play with someone he doesn't have to answer to. That's basically what this is. If you don't want to end up hurt, stop having sexting sessions with him---and that will mean he stops contacting you so much because this is all he really wants right now. And you don't know what he's doing on his end with your videos, so I'd advise to never, ever allow anyone to record you in a compromising position. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted July 22, 2020 Share Posted July 22, 2020 What everyone else said. And also, be very very careful about sexting or putting out images of yourself..... don't kid yourself into thinking you can trust him or that he couldn't have screenshotted anything. Those images could be out there forever and you never know where they could end up. Careers are ruined over stuff like this. Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted July 22, 2020 Share Posted July 22, 2020 He's made it clear that you will not be the only person he intends to become intimate and engage in sexual activity with, whether it be visually or physically. Experimenting can only be done so much in this regard, and it seems that it has run its course now. 14 hours ago, d0nnivain said: Don't screw up your future over a boy who has already rejected you even though he remains willing to use you for his own gratification Re-posted for emphasis @d0nnivain Link to post Share on other sites
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