(Minor) My gf said I should have been harsher in a grocery store today, but I think I handled it just fine

[Matthew8213]

My gf of two years and I were buying some food today, and got into the line at a grocery store, but it was awkwardly set up and had two different places where someone could get in line to pay for their items. Me and my gf seemed to be in an aisle, but the social distance circles were put in place within the aisle, signaling that was the actual spot in which you had to line up. We were behind a woman, and a man was also behind her (in the wrong spot), so when it was our turn to move forward as the woman in front went to pay, the man said to us “what makes you guys think you can cut in front of me?” 

I calmly told him that we were in the actual line, and was in the process of pointing out where the social distance circles were when my gf pointed the same thing out in a higher tone to the man. I didn’t know why she butt in the way she did, but once we paid & got out, she said I should have been meaner, to which I replied there was no point in doing anything other than being calm because I wasn’t going to let him cut in front of me regardless as I was in the right spot. She didn’t agree, and made it seem like I was being a wimp. The rest of the night was fine, but that really got under my skin. 

I wasn’t going to escalate anything, and I was clearly in the right, and wasn’t going to give my spot in the line up, as I was in the actual line. What do you guys think? 

[ExpatInItaly]

I would let it go. Your girlfriend sounds like she was agitated by the situation, but unless it is a pattern, then I think you're taking things a bit too personally. 

[basil67]

Honestly, I would have retorted with "I don't need to be rude to get things done.  You catch more flies with honey"

Edited July 22, 2020 by basil67

[Acacia98]

1 hour ago, Matthew8213 said:

I wasn’t going to escalate anything, and I was clearly in the right, and wasn’t going to give my spot in the line up, as I was in the actual line. What do you guys think? 

I think it's okay for her to be meaner if she wants (if the situation warrants it), but telling you how you should behave is a bit much. If it was a one-off, I'd let it slide. But if making comments that suggest you are inadequate is something she does regularly, well, that's another story.

[d0nnivain]

There is never a good reason to be meaner / harsher.  Diplomacy is better.  Your GF is a product of this zero sum dog-eat-dog world that has become so common.  Nobody can be kind or diplomatic anymore.  Yes, the man was wrong but it wasn't a fight worth having.  You handled it correctly.   

[basil67]

For what it's worth, one of my deal breakers was how people deal with those who they feel wronged by.   If they are mean or shouty, I know it's only a matter of time before they behave like that towards me.   @Matthew8213 be careful. 

Edited July 22, 2020 by basil67

[Timshel]

3 hours ago, Matthew8213 said:

We were behind a woman, and a man was also behind her (in the wrong spot), so when it was our turn to move forward as the woman in front went to pay, the man said to us “what makes you guys think you can cut in front of me?” 

 

To be clear, you both knew the man was there before you but since he was standing in the 'wrong' spot, you cut in front of him?  He may have been distracted and not seen the circle to stand in...I would have let the man go first without any argument at all.  People make silly mistakes all the time, it's gracious to not be petty and certainly to not make a scene about it.  

 

[FMW]

I don't think there was any need to be "harsh" at all.  Recently when I was getting in line at the grocery store I noticed a woman who was in the "wrong" place.  I got her attention and asked if she was in line (instead of cutting in front of her), she said yes, and then moved to the "correct" place and thanked me.

I can't imagine anyone feeling the need to be rude or harsh.  I'm sure that attitude affects other areas of your girlfriend's life, she doesn't sound like a pleasant person to be around. 

[elaine567]

I agree with Timshel, if the man was in front of you time wise, then you should have let him go first and abandoned the petty idea that he was in the wrong spot so you took priority.
I can see why some reasonable/rational men will back down and not choose to be mean  and cause a fight, as male on male fights can end up in violence.
Your gf on the other hand,  can be as harsh as she likes as usually a man will not hit a woman in the middle of a grocery store...
You were wrong, she was wrong, you both need to learn some manners and apply courtesy to others.

[schlumpy]

You handled it just fine. Banging your fist on the table should not be your first reaction.

That your GF castigated you for it deserves more thought. I think she has an image of you that is not very flattering. I don't know if it's from experience or just because she wants to see it that way. Did she want you to escalate a minor argument in public to a fist fight? For what reason I have to wonder.

This could be a red flag in your relationship so I recommend you keep your eyes and ears open. 

 

[Gaeta]

You handled it just fine. If the people in the wrong line were there before you then I would have let them cut in front of me. Be kind to people, makes a much better world to live in. Keeping your cool shows strength of character. 

One day I was waiting in line at the grocery store and my 15 year old cut in line to be with me, she had gone grab something she wanted. The woman behind us started yelling at my kid not knowing we were together. Who you think looked stupid? We kept our cool, I told the lady to calm down but she was out of control ! then people around started to tell her to shut up! 

[Ruby Slippers]

If you have a choice to be kind or to be right, always be kind. 

[rjc149]

Curious— how does your gf treat waitstaff? 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

See, this is why we can't have nice things.

[smackie9]

This is a difference in personalities is all and your GF needs to shut it. I myself just let it go because it's better to be calm, patient and kind......or is that the just Canadian in me lol.

But seriously, you are the bigger person for keeping your kool. Calling out a stranger is taking a risk that may result in someone getting assaulted.

True story: a woman stood up to a man on a bus that was spewing racial slurs to two Muslin women. When she called the guy out, he assaulted her so badly she had permanent nerve damage in her face. Another person almost got stabbed to death doing the same thing.

So I'm on your side OP you did the right thing. It was just someone butting in line, not someone threatening your life.

[kendahke]

15 hours ago, Matthew8213 said:

What do you guys think? 

your girlfriend's mouth is going to write a check your body is going to have to cash one day..

You did the right thing. Unless she was going to take him down in the store, she needs to get on some chill pills.

[ShyViolet]

It's never a good idea to get into an argument with a stranger in a grocery store or anywhere else.  That's a great way to end up in a viral video or something.  You have no idea of that person's background, issues, or whether they may be crazy.  The smart thing to do is just de-escalate the situation, don't say anything.  Is it really a big deal if the guy goes first?  What difference does it really make in the grand scheme of your life?  She sounds really immature to be honest, the way she was suggesting that you should have engaged in a fight with a stranger over something completely petty.

[OnlyHonesty]

That is a very telling comment from your gf. I know nothing of your history, or anything else. But I'm going to make some big assumptions here...and assume she'd rather be with less of a nice guy. Perhaps even spend time with a guy that creates a bit more drama, is louder, more brash, and less mild tempered. There are many women that see calm behavior as weak behavior. I wonder what her previous partners were like.

As I said, maybe I'm jumping so far ahead of the gun...

[Realitysux]

It's not worth it. If they want to but in line then arguing in the middle of the grocery store will make you look like you are crazy too. Step aside and usually when that happens, other people notice and say what a jerk or something. They can have that attention if they want it. I don't want that attention in a grocery store. 

[lana-banana]

Your girlfriend is in the wrong. As others have said, it's literally never a good idea to escalate a conflict and especially not on public property. Safety and common sense aside, what is the value in "being mean" to a stranger? How is it ever worthwhile or fulfilling to be unkind to someone else? Any momentary satisfaction (and there usually isn't much) will immediately give way to the realization that, hey, you were kind of a d-ck.

You sound like an eminently sensible person. If your girlfriend is looking for somebody who picks fights and snarls, remind her that's not who you are. It's up to her to come to terms with that.

Edited July 23, 2020 by lana-banana

[basil67]

9 hours ago, Realitysux said:

It's not worth it. If they want to but in line then arguing in the middle of the grocery store will make you look like you are crazy too. Step aside and usually when that happens, other people notice and say what a jerk or something. They can have that attention if they want it. I don't want that attention in a grocery store. 

And even if those other people say nothing, the silent shared eye rolling do give a certain level of satisfaction

[dispatch3d]

Pretty much what timshell said - You should have let him go first, being "meaner" isn't a good thing, I don't get the girlfriends logic at all. I also wouldn't like being called a "wuss"