Ruby Slippers Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 I'm sure. Breakups are always hard. Add in betrayal and I'm sure it's even more painful. (((hug)))
FMW Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 The reality of what he was and what happened is a jolt to your system. It takes a little while to process the shock, but you will come through it. It just takes some time to come to terms with it - but you will.
Wave Rider Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 (edited) 12 hours ago, Remi5 said: I calculated it as $2500 Why would he spend $2500 to make $1400? Sounds like a pretty lousy con artist to me. And if he is a con artist, he has his sights set pretty low because he put in a lot of work to create an elaborate scam to make a measly $1400. Certainly a mastermind con artist would have gone after a bigger sum of money. I'm thinking he's just incompetent. Incompetent with money and incompetent with relationships. I can't imagine that an evil genius would trade a loyal girlfriend for $1400. He ripped you off, but I'm thinking that maybe it wasn't an elaborately planned scam. He just screwed up and didn't know how to fix it. Edited July 23, 2020 by Wave Rider 2
Author Remi5 Posted July 23, 2020 Author Posted July 23, 2020 3 hours ago, Wave Rider said: Why would he spend $2500 to make $1400? Sounds like a pretty lousy con artist to me. And if he is a con artist, he has his sights set pretty low because he put in a lot of work to create an elaborate scam to make a measly $1400. Certainly a mastermind con artist would have gone after a bigger sum of money. I'm thinking he's just incompetent. Incompetent with money and incompetent with relationships. I can't imagine that an evil genius would trade a loyal girlfriend for $1400. He ripped you off, but I'm thinking that maybe it wasn't an elaborately planned scam. He just screwed up and didn't know how to fix it. I think the move was the big scam, not sure how...but when it came down to details of moving in he became hostile and impatient and urgent. Also he mentioned moving in very early on. i think he hadn’t factored in that I would continually ask for the debt. I did this (despite the awkwardness) because I wanted him to fix this. he needs a dumb working women to rip off but intellectually that wouldn’t work. So he is at odds with himself.
stillafool Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 15 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: It's not that simple. You also had some great times with him, and you want to believe the bad stuff is out of character. Of course it's not, but it takes time for emotions to catch up to rational realities. I realize that but I would be so filled with anger at getting conned by him that anything I felt previously for him would be squashed. It's easy for me to let people go when I know they don't have my best interest in mind. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted July 23, 2020 Posted July 23, 2020 1 hour ago, stillafool said: I realize that but I would be so filled with anger at getting conned by him that anything I felt previously for him would be squashed. It's easy for me to let people go when I know they don't have my best interest in mind. Yeah, in a case like this, I'd go pretty cold as well. But then I'd never loan a boyfriend money, so I'd never be in this situation. I think someone who would loan a bf/gf money has weaker boundaries around money and isn't going to have such black and white feelings about it. 1
Author Remi5 Posted July 23, 2020 Author Posted July 23, 2020 I’m very careful with money due to my lack of it! In this situation I fell for it twice because he was allowing me into his life and home etc. I didn’t distrust him at all. I take responsibility for lending him money the second time. what I object to is his reaction and the way he s*** me off with a final lie of texting me to send the money and collect his key. He refused to acknowledge his lies.
Author Remi5 Posted July 24, 2020 Author Posted July 24, 2020 i received a text from him - just a comment on my profile picture (a joke one). A bit strange....
Wiseman2 Posted July 24, 2020 Posted July 24, 2020 2 minutes ago, Remi5 said: i received a text from him - just a comment on my profile picture (a joke one). A bit strange.... Interesting... "glib and superficial charm" as well as "shallow affect" is on the "Hare Psychopathy Checklist" (<-Google it) along with these traits: pathological lying cunning and manipulativeness lack of remorse or guilt failure to accept responsibility for own actions 2
Author Remi5 Posted July 24, 2020 Author Posted July 24, 2020 6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Interesting... "glib and superficial charm" as well as "shallow affect" is on the "Hare Psychopathy Checklist" (<-Google it) along with these traits: pathological lying cunning and manipulativeness lack of remorse or guilt failure to accept responsibility for own actions he fits 50% of those traits
Wiseman2 Posted July 24, 2020 Posted July 24, 2020 11 minutes ago, Remi5 said: he fits 50% of those traits Delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps. You don't need anyone like this in your life. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 10 hours ago, Remi5 said: i received a text from him - just a comment on my profile picture (a joke one). A bit strange.... He either wants to sweeten you up so you don't report him, or so that can eventually con you again. This is exactly what people like him do, OP. It's part of the manipulation. 1
kendahke Posted July 25, 2020 Posted July 25, 2020 17 hours ago, Remi5 said: i received a text from him - just a comment on my profile picture (a joke one). A bit strange.... Text him back "B betta have my money" 3
Author Remi5 Posted July 25, 2020 Author Posted July 25, 2020 I agree. The damage is done. he could have at least got in contact to sort out the only issue left between us the money but instead he is just messing about.
Author Remi5 Posted July 27, 2020 Author Posted July 27, 2020 he wants to meet up. no mention of the money. i asked him why he wants to meet if he is cutting contact (his words). He emphasized the cutting of contact... if there is no mention of money and he wants to cut contact - why meet? has he read this forum?
Wiseman2 Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 1 hour ago, Remi5 said: he wants to meet up. no mention of the money. Did you mention you would like your money back?
Author Remi5 Posted July 27, 2020 Author Posted July 27, 2020 12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Did you mention you would like your money back? no - i want to know how to do this... should i ask straight out or is it better face to face this meeting thing is giving me the creeps and i think its a trap of some sort.
Wiseman2 Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 Don't meet in person. Just ask what he wants and tell him you want your money back (if you do but you don't seem to want it) 3
Author Remi5 Posted July 27, 2020 Author Posted July 27, 2020 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Don't meet in person. Just ask what he wants and tell him you want your money back (if you do but you don't seem to want it) i do want it. i don't think a meeting is necessary. We can discuss anything outstanding on the phone. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 3 minutes ago, Remi5 said: i do want it. i don't think a meeting is necessary. We can discuss anything outstanding on the phone. Tell him all of the above. 1
stillafool Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, Remi5 said: no - i want to know how to do this... should i ask straight out or is it better face to face this meeting thing is giving me the creeps and i think its a trap of some sort. Money should be the only thing you're talking to him about at this point. "should i ask straight out"? Yes say, "where's my money and when will I get it"? After that there's nothing more to talk about. You can do that by phone or text. Edited July 27, 2020 by stillafool 3
smackie9 Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 He's knows this won't work by phone or text, but might if you meet personally, he shows up with a gift, pay for a nice dinner to win you over. 3
Vitaminka Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 6 hours ago, Remi5 said: he wants to meet up. no mention of the money. i asked him why he wants to meet if he is cutting contact (his words). He emphasized the cutting of contact... if there is no mention of money and he wants to cut contact - why meet? has he read this forum? Strange indeed. Do not meet him. Tell him that whatever he wants to discuss has to be over the phone. And ONLY talk about the money matters. Nothing else at all. Or if you do decide to meet, bring someone with you. Like a family member or a friend. Someone who could look out for you and your best interest. Or better yet text him: " No need to meet or to talk. Just give me the rest of my money back. If you do not, you will give me no choice but to sue you." You don't need to discuss money matter in person with him. Over the text or the phone is sufficient enough. 3
Ruby Slippers Posted July 27, 2020 Posted July 27, 2020 2 hours ago, stillafool said: Money should be the only thing you're talking to him about at this point. "should i ask straight out"? Yes say, "where's my money and when will I get it"? After that there's nothing more to talk about. You can do that by phone or text. Exactly. Text or phone only, and no discussion of anything whatsoever except the loan repayment. If you meet this guy, you're just signing up to have more of your precious time and energy wasted. 2
Author Remi5 Posted August 1, 2020 Author Posted August 1, 2020 Time has given me more perspective. Despite suggesting to meet, he didn't follow up. Now he is asking to meet again, with no mention of the money. Totally unreliable. I haven't read the message, and don't intend to reply. I'm just annoyed that he thinks he can "test" the water after so many days. I am now struggling to remember his good bits! 1
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