Wiseman2 Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 (edited) Have you researched him? Court records, property ownership, addresses, marriages and any other available public records? Don't lie down and take it. Get your documentation together and sue him. Or contact the local police. You'll win and they can garnish and put liens on property, freeze bank accounts, etc. For example if he goes to sell his house, car, whatever he'll have to settle the debt. What he did is theft and fraud. It's a crime so you should do something. Edited July 21, 2020 by Wiseman2 1
chillii Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 Just wondering , how much just give or take has he spent on you and holidays and whatever ?
Author Remi5 Posted July 22, 2020 Author Posted July 22, 2020 9 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Have you researched him? Court records, property ownership, addresses, marriages and any other available public records? Don't lie down and take it. Get your documentation together and sue him. Or contact the local police. You'll win and they can garnish and put liens on property, freeze bank accounts, etc. For example if he goes to sell his house, car, whatever he'll have to settle the debt. What he did is theft and fraud. It's a crime so you should do something. Yes. i can contact his ex wife and family members... but I won’t. They are all on his social media, same name etc. The worst thing is he himself said he had lent a huge sum of money to a (wealthy) friend who didn’t pay it back despite being in a shared social circle. If this is true - why do the same? i have heard him on the phone (work related) talking to lots of people talking through details of matters. He is very good at that. For someone so through and full of integrity in his work life - how can he object so strongly to something that is owed? im satisfied he is who he says he is. I think given he has probably done this before, he will find a way out of this. i will give it a few days and then decide whether I want to pursue it formally.
Author Remi5 Posted July 22, 2020 Author Posted July 22, 2020 6 hours ago, chillii said: Just wondering , how much just give or take has he spent on you and holidays and whatever ? I calculated it as $2500
ExpatInItaly Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, Remi5 said: The worst thing is he himself said he had lent a huge sum of money to a (wealthy) friend who didn’t pay it back despite being in a shared social circle. If this is true - why do the same? i have heard him on the phone (work related) talking to lots of people talking through details of matters. He is very good at that. For someone so through and full of integrity in his work life - how can he object so strongly to something that is owed? Respectively: A) That might not be true at all B) You don't know how much of that integrity is sincere He compartmentalizes well, in any case. So even if he's great at his job, he can still be a con in personal life. He'll put on whatever mask he needs in the moment. He did it so smoothly with you that I promise you it's not the first time he's done this. He knows what to say to get people to open their wallets. You have obviously been able to verify some things about him, but I have the strong suspicion there is so much more you don't know - which would probably explain where exactly all his money goes, why he lies to take money from other people, why he doesn't pay it back, and why he freaks out and runs when anyone confronts him. You have dodged a huge bullet here. This dude is shady. Edited July 22, 2020 by ExpatInItaly 2
chillii Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 (edited) 47 minutes ago, Remi5 said: I calculated it as $2500 Ahh right , he might be thinking why should he pay you back then. l know it doesn't explain the rest of his fun and games , all that , and not even having money for the hospital , l mean that wasn't much for someone that's suppose to be wealthy , sounds like he's actually broke not wealthy.. Could be a wealthy closet gambler and actually be millions in debt or something. Somethings not right that's for sure. Edited July 22, 2020 by chillii 1
elaine567 Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 18 hours ago, balletomane said: There are plenty of wealthy con artists and swindlers out there. Just because they don't need to steal doesn't stop them from helping themselves to other people's money wherever they can. Exactly. 2
smackie9 Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 20 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Agree, simply take him to court, since it's clear it was a loan not a gift. In court they can attach his money. The loan has to be in writing, dated and signed by both parties before any judge will look at it. 3
smackie9 Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 You should google his image and see what comes up. I'm sure someone out there has posted about him. 2
schlumpy Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 4 hours ago, Remi5 said: im satisfied he is who he says he is. I think given he has probably done this before, he will find a way out of this. i will give it a few days and then decide whether I want to pursue it formally. Have you ever known people who own a really nice home but if you are ever invited inside you notice the furnishings are bare bones? You do realize that stage sets in movies are many times just a front with nothing inside? Same principle needs to applied to your BF. 1
Author Remi5 Posted July 22, 2020 Author Posted July 22, 2020 1 hour ago, chillii said: Ahh right , he might be thinking why should he pay you back then. l know it doesn't explain the rest of his fun and games , all that , and not even having money for the hospital , l mean that wasn't much for someone that's suppose to be wealthy , sounds like he's actually broke not wealthy.. Could be a wealthy closet gambler and actually be millions in debt or something. Somethings not right that's for sure. yes - i also find it very bad karma asking for money for hospital bills (in an emergency situation) - what if fate puts him in hospital for this? I wouldn't mess with these sorts of things... plain wrong...
Author Remi5 Posted July 22, 2020 Author Posted July 22, 2020 1 hour ago, chillii said: Ahh right , he might be thinking why should he pay you back then. l know it doesn't explain the rest of his fun and games , all that , and not even having money for the hospital , l mean that wasn't much for someone that's suppose to be wealthy , sounds like he's actually broke not wealthy.. Could be a wealthy closet gambler and actually be millions in debt or something. Somethings not right that's for sure. possibly - but why pay some and ask for my details again (after the argument) - why not go ghost or say "we are square now"
Wiseman2 Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 5 hours ago, Remi5 said: i will give it a few days and then decide whether I want to pursue it formally. Ok it sounds like you feel the money he spent on the vacations and the money you gave him evens the score.
Author Remi5 Posted July 22, 2020 Author Posted July 22, 2020 56 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Ok it sounds like you feel the money he spent on the vacations and the money you gave him evens the score. Not really because he made it clear those eyes on him. im probably going to “let it go” for my own well-being, which is precious to me.
elaine567 Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Ok it sounds like you feel the money he spent on the vacations and the money you gave him evens the score. Not really, because HE chose to spend the money on impressing the OP, and now she finds it was HER money he actually spent... But as the OP has kind of decided to let it go, it may indeed be the best option. Peace of mind is a valuable asset.
Author Remi5 Posted July 22, 2020 Author Posted July 22, 2020 It’s easier said than done. he has left me hurt and doubting myself whilst he gets away with it. very unfair.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 34 minutes ago, Remi5 said: he has left me hurt and doubting myself whilst he gets away with it. I agree with others about karma. Nobody really gets away with anything. Since you're being smart and separating yourself from this guy and his BS, you won't see the consequences that will come back to him. But you can rest assured that they will, eventually.
kendahke Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Remi5 said: he has left me hurt and doubting myself whilst he gets away with it. very unfair. Life isn't fair. This was a life lesson for you. Hopefully, when the same energy reappears in your life in a different body, you will know what to do to head them off at the pass. Unless you're going to go beat it out of him, kiss that money goodbye and in the future, direct them to the nearest bank if they need a loan, inform them that insurance is there for medical issues and be prepared to walk when someone tries to bully you into forking over your treasury. Edited July 22, 2020 by kendahke
Author Remi5 Posted July 22, 2020 Author Posted July 22, 2020 I have just remembered that 2 months in he was telling me about an “investment” opportunity. Urging me to contribute even a small amount. i told him that I don’t have extra money for that - firmly. He eventually backed off which made me think he wasn’t a scammer because a real scammer would disappear?
introverted1 Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 5 minutes ago, Remi5 said: I have just remembered that 2 months in he was telling me about an “investment” opportunity. Urging me to contribute even a small amount. i told him that I don’t have extra money for that - firmly. He eventually backed off which made me think he wasn’t a scammer because a real scammer would disappear? I think you are getting too caught up in the details of whether he is a "real" scammer or just a sleazy guy. Either way, he borrowed money he had (and has) no intention of repaying, under circumstances that are dubious at best, and then tried to spin things around to put you on the defensive when you rightfully asked to be repaid. Your focus now should be on lesson learnt and what action(s) you need to take to move forward from him. 2
stillafool Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 11 hours ago, Remi5 said: i have heard him on the phone (work related) talking to lots of people talking through details of matters. He is very good at that. For someone so through and full of integrity in his work life - how can he object so strongly to something that is owed? You don't know who he was talking to it could be a partner in crime who does the same thing to women to get money. Some of these guys are very good at this game.
stillafool Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 I don't understand why some women have such a time letting a guy go who has shown her who he is. Why do you want to hang on to him? Don't you think more of yourself? 2 2
Ruby Slippers Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 10 minutes ago, stillafool said: I don't understand why some women have such a time letting a guy go who has shown her who he is. Why do you want to hang on to him? Don't you think more of yourself? It's not that simple. You also had some great times with him, and you want to believe the bad stuff is out of character. Of course it's not, but it takes time for emotions to catch up to rational realities.
Author Remi5 Posted July 22, 2020 Author Posted July 22, 2020 33 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: It's not that simple. You also had some great times with him, and you want to believe the bad stuff is out of character. Of course it's not, but it takes time for emotions to catch up to rational realities. It’s very black and white for everyone else. I’m yet to process this. its actually made me ill, the stress of it. The shared plans which have gone just like that. im feeling a bit more relieved each day but I can’t help but feel sad and a sense of loss, despite agreeing with the majority of comments.
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2020 Posted July 22, 2020 There is a sense of loss. You had expectations. They did not come true because this guy ruined everything over being dishonest or at least miserly about money. It does sound like a classic scam but maybe it was the situation. It doesn't really matter. It is what it is & you lost money plus you lost the relationship. Even though you dodged the bullet, it would have been nicer if everything had turned out gloriously & you were happy in love. Instead you are disappointed, angry & you were taken advantage of. Look going forward you now know to stay away from people who ask for money early on. Maybe $20 is no big deal but over that . . .see the red flag for what it is. Don't beat yourself up too bad. I once made a car payment for a relatively new BF early on. I loved him for him & understood from the outset that I would have to be the laboring financial oar in that relationship. He contributed in other ways & we actually didn't break up over money but not every woman would have made the choice I did to be the bread winner.
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