Ruby Slippers Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 2 minutes ago, poppyfields said: No man with any self respect would do this imho. No person with any self-respect does this. I've been 100% financially self-sufficient since age 17 and have NEVER ONCE asked a boyfriend for money. Nor will I. 2
poppyfields Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 5 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: No person with any self-respect does this. I've been 100% financially self-sufficient since age 17 and have NEVER ONCE asked a boyfriend for money. Nor will I. I hear ya, neither have I. Nor would ever. 2
notbroken Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 Sue him in small claims court anyway. Two years will go by regardless. You'll get your money back and a small amount of satisfaction. Send him a note telling you intend to file in small claims court but you will settle for 75% of it if he pays you within 10 days. If he does, consider yourself lucky. If he doesn't, you are still lucky he didn't rip you off for more. My guess is that this is a regular thing for him. Wouldn't surprise me if he didn't pay for your holiday/meals with someone else's credit card (Mom's?, another girlfriend, etc). This is a lifestyle for guys like that. 1
Fox Sake Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 3 hours ago, Remi5 said: Why would he give back some of the money if he was a scammer? Firstly what the hell! I’m really sorry you had to go put up with that I don’t think he’s a scammer. I think he’s just a low life with no respect for you or your financial situation. The only reason he’s offered or tried to pay anything back is to settle his own guilt and keep you off his back. The reason he gets angry is because he’s embarrassed and wants you to feel bad for bringing it up. Turning the tables round to make you feel like you’re the one at fault. You’re not. Not at all. You sound very sweet. It’s him who’s at fault. This guy is not honourable. And from my own experiences , when I have written of massive debts owed by friends (now ex friends) I look at it this way - “it cost me X-Y-Z to get rid of an awful person from my life” I would rather lose money than live another day of a totally false something-ship. 1
stillafool Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 31 minutes ago, notbroken said: Sue him in small claims court anyway. Two years will go by regardless. You'll get your money back and a small amount of satisfaction. I agree. Consider it money in a savings account that you'll get in 2 years. 1
kendahke Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 1 hour ago, Remi5 said: should I tell him what I think at least? Never. First off, he doesn't care what you think. If he did, he wouldn't have put you in the position to snatch him up a notch in the first place to the point where you have to straighten him out. Second, it's a waste of your time. The moment is far more dramatic and impactful as a fantasy. Maintain your grace. Quote I would like to think he will get his karma but that isn’t enough yet. He will get it in a way that you could never think of which will reach in far deeper than you could ever imagine and hurt him more than you could ever conjure up.
poppyfields Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 39 minutes ago, notbroken said: Send him a note telling you intend to file in small claims court but you will settle for 75% of it if he pays you within 10 days. Brilliant, are you a lawyer? It's what they typically do to avoid court fees etc. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. In this case, I don't think it will but it's worth a shot and would let him know she's no pushover and means business!
kendahke Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Remi5 said: Yes - so I just accept this all and “move on”? Are you strong enough to take him down? He's already shown you what he thinks of you and he doesn't fear you. You send him an email, text or phone call telling him off, he hangs up/deletes it without reading the dissertation. You show up, he calls the cops on a crazy woman who won't get off his property... the cops aren't going to do anything about him taking your money--you gave it to him. He just doesn't want to pay you back and that's a civil matter. Check with a lawyer about putting a garnish on his money or a lien on his property. Edited July 21, 2020 by kendahke 1
balletomane Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 OP, you say you've seen documents that suggest he's telling the truth, but I'd actually be even more suspicious of someone who showed me bank statements, his daughter's school papers, etc. when we'd known one another for such a very short time. This kind of oversharing is a sign of immaturity and poor boundaries at best, or a con at worst. Con artists go out of their way to seem honest, but there is such a thing as "protesting too much". As other posters have pointed out, paperwork can be forged, and even if those documents were genuine, it doesn't prove he came by the money honestly. And even if he did, it doesn't make him honest in all things. There are plenty of wealthy con artists and swindlers out there. Just because they don't need to steal doesn't stop them from helping themselves to other people's money wherever they can. You sound like a kind and well-intentioned person who just wanted to help, but with respect, I think you need to consider your own boundaries and sense of what is appropriate in a relationship. Are you someone who struggles to say no to people, for example? Do you often feel obligated to help others and guilty if you can't? 2
Ami1uwant Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 (edited) 5 hours ago, Remi5 said: Yes - I see that now. It’s a comfort in a way because I was hurting over the time we spent together. I should hurt over the money not him. Lesson learnt. i feel stupid but I saved myself from being more stupid. Its unfortunate.. i fussgree with others on scam. It’s one thing if the bring this up on date 2 or 3... it’s another if this comes up say 6 months in and a bunch of personal stuff unexpected comes up. What if if it was the other way around? The problem was he didn’t repay you...when you asked he got ballistic. That shouldn’t have happened. Edited July 21, 2020 by Ami1uwant
mortensorchid Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 When he asked to borrow money, that's an automatic red flag. Men borrow money from banks, not women. Cut your losses and move on. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 2 hours ago, Remi5 said: I saw his bank statements, company accounts, daughters school papers and I have been to his office and home. I verified his name with official records, I think he genuinely has money from his expensive stuff (yes it could be scammed money) but it would take a lot of scamming to have a property in his name, which I have checked, And how did you manage to see all of this? Was it something you asked for, did he voluntarily show it to you, was it lying around, or..? The property might indeed be his, but you have no real way of knowing where he's gotten other income from. My guess is that the the money he swindled from you is money he used to pay another debtor. This guy is likely up to his eyeballs in debts and who knows what else. You could tell him what you think, but I doubt it's going to make any difference. He knows he scammed you. He knows you're pissed about it. And yet, he still did it and continues to blame you. I also wouldn't bother calling his mom. You don't know how infuriated that might make him, and I would err on the side of caution and not provoke him. I would either kiss that money goodbye, or wait it out in court.
Author Remi5 Posted July 21, 2020 Author Posted July 21, 2020 14 minutes ago, balletomane said: OP, you say you've seen documents that suggest he's telling the truth, but I'd actually be even more suspicious of someone who showed me bank statements, his daughter's school papers, etc. when we'd known one another for such a very short time. This kind of oversharing is a sign of immaturity and poor boundaries at best, or a con at worst. Con artists go out of their way to seem honest, but there is such a thing as "protesting too much". As other posters have pointed out, paperwork can be forged, and even if those documents were genuine, it doesn't prove he came by the money honestly. And even if he did, it doesn't make him honest in all things. There are plenty of wealthy con artists and swindlers out there. Just because they don't need to steal doesn't stop them from helping themselves to other people's money wherever they can. You sound like a kind and well-intentioned person who just wanted to help, but with respect, I think you need to consider your own boundaries and sense of what is appropriate in a relationship. Are you someone who struggles to say no to people, for example? Do you often feel obligated to help others and guilty if you can't? he didn't show me the documents. I saw them, when i was in his place. You could say he left them there or that he wasn't hiding anything. I accept that they could be forged and everything else but I think they were genuine. I think he is a person that can turn on the charm at work etc and has a good persona to get things done, in his personal life he is a con.
Author Remi5 Posted July 21, 2020 Author Posted July 21, 2020 8 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: And how did you manage to see all of this? Was it something you asked for, did he voluntarily show it to you, was it lying around, or..? The property might indeed be his, but you have no real way of knowing where he's gotten other income from. My guess is that the the money he swindled from you is money he used to pay another debtor. This guy is likely up to his eyeballs in debts and who knows what else. You could tell him what you think, but I doubt it's going to make any difference. He knows he scammed you. He knows you're pissed about it. And yet, he still did it and continues to blame you. I also wouldn't bother calling his mom. You don't know how infuriated that might make him, and I would err on the side of caution and not provoke him. I would either kiss that money goodbye, or wait it out in court. it was left lying around. I didn't snoop. The property is his, I checked the official records. His family has money and he grew up privileged. He is a wealthy con artist. Maybe this is how he makes his money. i only wanted to call his mum because he puts on such a nice sweet attitude to his family, maybe a woman would understand another woman's pain. In reality, i know this is a step to far.
Author Remi5 Posted July 21, 2020 Author Posted July 21, 2020 24 minutes ago, kendahke said: Are you strong enough to take him down? He's already shown you what he thinks of you and he doesn't fear you. You send him an email, text or phone call telling him off, he hangs up/deletes it without reading the dissertation. You show up, he calls the cops on a crazy woman who won't get off his property... the cops aren't going to do anything about him taking your money--you gave it to him. He just doesn't want to pay you back and that's a civil matter. Check with a lawyer about putting a garnish on his money or a lien on his property. im not. He is very manipulative and he gave me the first amount in cash. I have evidence when the cheque bounced, as his name and account shows up. I'm pretty sure he would find a loophole or drag it out to make me suffer. I don't think he is worth that much of my energy.
kendahke Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 1 minute ago, Remi5 said: maybe a woman would understand another woman's pain. If you two were the same age, probably... but you're coming to her about her son and she may not appreciate you talking mess about her child. 1
Author Remi5 Posted July 21, 2020 Author Posted July 21, 2020 14 minutes ago, mortensorchid said: When he asked to borrow money, that's an automatic red flag. Men borrow money from banks, not women. Cut your losses and move on. he didn't ask, he gave me a story and emotionally pleaded. I felt very uncomfortable and under pressure but still did it. 1
Author Remi5 Posted July 21, 2020 Author Posted July 21, 2020 41 minutes ago, kendahke said: He will get it in a way that you could never think of which will reach in far deeper than you could ever imagine and hurt him more than you could ever conjure up. this is what i need....
kendahke Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 Just now, Remi5 said: this is what i need.... it will happen when the time is right, not on anyone's timetable. 1
OatsAndHall Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 As others have suggested, I would cut my losses and move on. It doesn't matter whether he's a scam artist or not as the likelihood of you seeing that money again is minute. He borrowed money from you and then became angry when you asked that he repay it; that certainly isn't the sign of a good partner in life.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 24 minutes ago, Remi5 said: it was left lying around. I didn't snoop. The property is his, I checked the official records. His family has money and he grew up privileged. He is a wealthy con artist. Maybe this is how he makes his money. Yes, what I meant was that the property being his is no indication of where he gets other money from. He can own property and still defraud people. And yes, some scammers are wealthy. My partner is a lawyer who sometimes works on cases like this, representing people who have lost money to rich scammers. You would be surprised to learn how many people make the mistake of assuming that just because someone "seems" rich means they won't try to con them. My guess is he is actually nowhere near as wealthy as you think. If he were, he sure wouldn't need to borrow $900 from you for medical care. That would be a drop in the bucket for someone with a sizable disposable income. He might be making decent money from a legitimate job or have family wealth, but he's evidently not hanging on to much of it at all. Why? Significant debts (to either decent or bad people), a hidden addiction, all sorts of possibilities there. I have a bad feeling there is a lot you don't know about him. 1
FMW Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 This was an unfortunate and expensive lesson for you. Don't beat yourself up over it, we all make our own mistakes in many different ways. The important thing is to not let it eat at you, but to learn the lesson so that it never happens to you again. Wanting him to feel remorse or embarrassment or really anything at all about it is just going to keep you tied up in a knot. As far as telling his mother - for all you know, he may have learned his ways from her. 1
DarrenB Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 Typical traits of a con-man. It's disgusting behavior to be honest... confidently lying about bereavement on top of just being a damn right manipulative swine. The only 'illness' this guy has is toxicity. Please do not contact this poor excuse of a human again, but keep his number unblocked in the very slight probability of it being returned.
stillafool Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 1 hour ago, kendahke said: it will happen when the time is right, not on anyone's timetable. ....and most likely you'll know nothing about it because it will come from someone else.
Author Remi5 Posted July 21, 2020 Author Posted July 21, 2020 16 minutes ago, DarrenB said: Typical traits of a con-man. It's disgusting behavior to be honest... confidently lying about bereavement on top of just being a damn right manipulative swine. The only 'illness' this guy has is toxicity. Please do not contact this poor excuse of a human again, but keep his number unblocked in the very slight probability of it being returned. Yes I’m feeling pretty wounded tbh. he sold me a dream of a life together, gave me keys to his place etc. All part of the con.
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