Author Remi5 Posted July 21, 2020 Author Posted July 21, 2020 2 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: I'll never understand why people loan people they're dating money. I hope you learned a lesson and never loan a boyfriend money again. It’s easy to say you wouldn’t do this. I have said similar when watching tv shows about similar - you’re underestimating how good these manipulators are. 2
Author Remi5 Posted July 21, 2020 Author Posted July 21, 2020 54 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: What paperwork did you see? Your mistake was trusting a guy you hardly knew, and forking over money to begin with. As the other posters have already pointed out, he more than likely has done with this with plenty of other people in his life. He doesn't have the money you think he does. A bounced cheque and millions of excuses to not give it back are your clue. The smartphone scam was just that. A scam. There never was a smartphone coming your way. He could easily have swindled other women out of the money he used to take you on vacation with, too. I don't believe for a hot minute you went on vacation on his dime, and his alone - that was probably at least partly (unwittingly) funded by someone else. You seem kind, but too trusting. You're not going to see the rest of your money, but take it as an investment in an important life lesson. I saw his bank statements, company accounts, daughters school papers and I have been to his office and home. I verified his name with official records, I think he genuinely has money from his expensive stuff (yes it could be scammed money) but it would take a lot of scamming to have a property in his name, which I have checked, I also have his mothers telephone number, I was close to calling her and telling her what her son does. i went away with him, you can pack a lot more into a relationship when you go away with someone.
d0nnivain Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 Calling his mother is not the answer. this isn't the 4th grade. He may have money but he keeps his money by using other people's money & not repaying them 3
Wiseman2 Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 5 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Calling his mother is not the answer. Agree, simply take him to court, since it's clear it was a loan not a gift. In court they can attach his money.
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 His defensive reaction says it all... People who have money, do not get defensive about money and certainly do not let money destroy their relationships... This story is all too common, I have this, I have that... You have to understand, houses can be rented, vehicles can be rented, illusions can be created and maintained. Any guy who is not keeping to his word the first time around, more than likely has no intention or had no intention of keeping their word... We men understand what it looks like when we go against our word, a man who can lead you down a path of maybes and I dont knows is a con artist, plain and simple.
Author Remi5 Posted July 21, 2020 Author Posted July 21, 2020 4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Agree, simply take him to court, since it's clear it was a loan not a gift. In court they can attach his money. I wouldn’t - I thought about it as a way to get the money quicker. Current court waiting times are 2 years.
Author Remi5 Posted July 21, 2020 Author Posted July 21, 2020 (edited) 8 minutes ago, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said: His defensive reaction says it all... People who have money, do not get defensive about money and certainly do not let money destroy their relationships... This story is all too common, I have this, I have that... You have to understand, houses can be rented, vehicles can be rented, illusions can be created and maintained. Any guy who is not keeping to his word the first time around, more than likely has no intention or had no intention of keeping their word... We men understand what it looks like when we go against our word, a man who can lead you down a path of maybes and I dont knows is a con artist, plain and simple. Yes - I agree. even if he wasn’t a pure scammer/con artist per say - why do I have to keep asking for the money and each time he said “you will get it on weds “ or similar. i feel that he needs to know all of this as he got away lightly. All the emotional blackmail over the ill relative (I did see an official invoice for that payment) and the bounced cheque YET I hung on .. partly for the money and partly because cause I wasn’t willing to internally accept I was being conned. Edited July 21, 2020 by Remi5
stillafool Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Remi5 said: It just seems a lot of effort for money (we talk a lot, I stayed over, he took me to his office etc). Not really. When you factor in the sex he also got out of the deal. He is definitely a scam artist and this isn't his first time. He gave you just enough money back and a promise to keep you from suing him. Soon he will block you and you'll never hear from him again. Lesson learned, right? Oh and documents can be created to look like one has money. Edited July 21, 2020 by stillafool 2
Author Remi5 Posted July 21, 2020 Author Posted July 21, 2020 Just now, stillafool said: Not really. When you factor in the sex he also got out of the deal. He is definitely a scam artist and this isn't his first time. He gave you just enough money back and a promise to keep you from suing him. Soon he will block you and you'll never hear from him again. Lesson learned, right? Yes. Just trying to process it all and all these replies are really helping me with that. should I tell him what I think at least? I would like to think he will get his karma but that isn’t enough yet.
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 4 minutes ago, Remi5 said: Yes - I agree. even if he wasn’t a pure scammer/con artist per say - why do I have to keep asking for the money and each time he said “you will get it on weds “ or similar. i feel that he needs to know all of this as he got away lightly. All the emotional blackmail over the ill relative (I did see an official invoice for that payment) and the bounced cheque YET I hung on .. partly for the money and partly because cause I wasn’t bleeding to internally accept I was being conned. I would check to see if the invoice is even real, he might of forged it or something, idk.
d0nnivain Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 If you want to tell him, go ahead. It won't change anything. He won't hear you & he certainly won't change his ways. But if you feel better, go ahead.
Wiseman2 Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 1 minute ago, Remi5 said: I would like to think he will get his karma but that isn’t enough yet. When he gets the court papers that he is being sued for the return of the loan. That's "his karma". 1
Author Remi5 Posted July 21, 2020 Author Posted July 21, 2020 Just now, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said: I would check to see if the invoice is even real, he might of forged it or something, idk. How could you pretend to live in an endive area? He would have to pay rent even for a scam - that’s a lot of money. also on the weekend away he spent more than the “loan” x3
Author Remi5 Posted July 21, 2020 Author Posted July 21, 2020 1 minute ago, d0nnivain said: If you want to tell him, go ahead. It won't change anything. He won't hear you & he certainly won't change his ways. But if you feel better, go ahead. Yes - so I just accept this all and “move on”?
stillafool Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 1 minute ago, Remi5 said: Should I tell him what I think at least? I would like to think he will get his karma but that isn’t enough yet. He doesn't care what you think. There are women prior to you who are waiting on him to get his karma but as you can see he just got more money - from you. Why are you even caring one bit about what he thinks at this point? 2
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 Just now, Remi5 said: How could you pretend to live in an endive area? He would have to pay rent even for a scam - that’s a lot of money. also on the weekend away he spent more than the “loan” x3 Honestly, you would be freaking amazed at the balls of some of these con artists out here, they do really wild and outlandish s*** sometimes because they know how unbelievable it can sound, but at the end of the day, you are probably gonna have to wait the 2 years for court, so in the mean time, tugging on any available thread, why not?
schlumpy Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 39 minutes ago, Remi5 said: It’s easy to say you wouldn’t do this. I have said similar when watching tv shows about similar - you’re underestimating how good these manipulators are. Is he really good looking Remi?
stillafool Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Remi5 said: How could you pretend to live in an endive area? He would have to pay rent even for a scam - that’s a lot of money. also on the weekend away he spent more than the “loan” x3 Who knows whose money he is spending on this stuff. It isn't your concern. Go to court and get your money back and stop wishing he were someone he isn't. Edited July 21, 2020 by stillafool
d0nnivain Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 1 minute ago, Remi5 said: Yes - so I just accept this all and “move on”? You could sue him but like you said that will take 2 years. What else is there? If you give him a piece of your mind, what do you think will change? You need to learn from this. Vow that it will never happen to you again. Hope your story saves somebody else & let karma do it's thing. 1
stillafool Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 3 minutes ago, Remi5 said: Yes - so I just accept this all and “move on”? Yes, unless you want to get conned out of more money. 1
ShyViolet Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 Please don't ever lend anyone money again. It's a really bad idea. I'm afraid this guy might have dumped you just because he doesn't want to pay this money back.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 41 minutes ago, Remi5 said: It’s easy to say you wouldn’t do this. I have said similar when watching tv shows about similar - you’re underestimating how good these manipulators are. Sorry, I didn't mean to be judgmental with that comment. We all have our weak points. I just happen to be extremely firm on this one. You see threads like this over and over - both from women and men who got bilked out of money by some con artist they're dating. And every time, I just shake my head. In my book, one of the cardinal rules of dating is this: Do not ever loan a boyfriend or girlfriend money. Reconsider whether you want to be involved with a girlfriend or boyfriend who would even ask you to loan them money. If you have the means and want to GIVE your gf/bf money to help them through a difficult situation, I suppose it's your business. I think this is questionable as well, unless you're OK providing ongoing financial support to someone who obviously can't support him/herself. Personally, I have zero attraction to a man (and am pretty sure I'd have zero attraction to a woman, were I a man) who cannot financially support himself. This is an adult we're talking about, not a child. I have no attraction to financial codependency or being somebody's sugar mama or savior. There are a hundred ways one can get money in a pinch other than asking your gf/bf to loan it to you. Get a cash advance on a credit card, get a side job and work your butt off till you pay it back quickly, sell some stuff on eBay, ask family and long-time friends. ANYTHING except asking the person you're freaking dating. If I were involved with a man who was so financially troubled that he'd ask me for money, I mean, how could I go any further with this guy? What's the point? For me, this is one of the biggest turn-offs and giant red flags I can imagine. 3
Author Remi5 Posted July 21, 2020 Author Posted July 21, 2020 2 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: Please don't ever lend anyone money again. It's a really bad idea. I'm afraid this guy might have dumped you just because he doesn't want to pay this money back. Yes that would make sense.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 As to how to move forward, I love the idea of suing him in small claims court. Who cares if it takes two years? The point is when he gets that paperwork in the mail, he'll get the message that you're not a sucker and not just every woman will lie down and take the con job. If you don't want to do that, then block his ass into oblivion, reflect on your part in all this, and then let it go. 4
poppyfields Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 (edited) Wow where do you live that it two years to get a hearing date in small claims court? I believe you, I just never heard of that, seems like an awfully long time. I worked in legal and the courts for years! Probably not worth it, just chalk it up to big lesson learned. Red flag: When guy you're dating for a mere five months asks for money, dump him. No man with any self respect would do this imho. No one can manipulate you unless you allow them to. I'm sorry. Edited July 21, 2020 by poppyfields 2
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