Wiseman2 Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 11 hours ago, deepthinking said: I see a red flag - does he really equate you, his girlfriend, with a stranger in a bar? Like you are interchangeable? If you wanted to be a lap-dancer you'd be one by now. Agree. Break up, he's bad news. Let him pay for it. 2
d0nnivain Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 The fact that your 1st relationship is an LDR is problem all unto itself. Especially if you have low self esteem, you need something more conventional & local. The fact that you hide this aspect of yourself from him is contributing to the problem. He doesn't know the real you & thus he doesn't know who he's dating. Yes, at the beginning you need to put your best foot forward but as time goes by you need to reveal your true self which includes your fears & flaws. When you reveal this to him now, he's not going to believe you. You can't have meaningful discussions about sensitive subjects via text. Even over the phone isn't ideal. If your BF is repeatedly dismissive of your concerns, then you need to get rid of him. In a good healthy relationship, partners support each other. They don't tear each other down. If you are not of the mind to just get rid of him, do try the sexy dancing with him (not for him) when you see him again. Maybe that way you two can find a compromise so you are both happy
smackie9 Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 Since this is your first relationship, I'm going to tell you right now your BF is treating your poorly...he is just plain mean. Seriously he is not being nice to you. When you are in this kind of situation, you dump them. You are not the problem, he is. There is nothing wrong with you and you are not doing anything wrong. He's rude, insensitive, and it's all about him. You need a kind gentle soul that won't put demands on you. 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 12 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Since this is your first relationship, I'm going to tell you right now your BF is treating your poorly...he is just plain mean. Seriously he is not being nice to you. When you are in this kind of situation, you dump them. You are not the problem, he is. There is nothing wrong with you and you are not doing anything wrong. He's rude, insensitive, and it's all about him. You need a kind gentle soul that won't put demands on you. Yes! This! 1
Backinthesaddleagain Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 46 minutes ago, michelana said: Hello guys My boyfriend has asked me many times to do lap dance for him, but I kept telling him "next time" and still didn't do it because I wasn't feeling sexy enough and not feeling comfortable with myself and my body (I want to mention that I have low self-esteem). Yesterday he got angry because he said that he has asked me something he really wants and I didn't do it. Even that I didn't want to, I told him that I didn't feel comfortable and sexy with myself (He knows by the way that I havw had before low self esteem). I told him that I know I'm wrong, because he might ask somone else to do that. Then he said that he is not happy with me, " Yes, I will ask someone else to do it, I won't cheat on you, I won't kiss anyone, I'll just go to a strip club and pay someone to dance." He said "I have asked you many times to do that and you did nothing, I don't want it anymore. Even if you don't find yourself sexy, to me you are sexy, but if you don't do this for you boyfriend so I can't expect bigger things." He also thinks that I might be cheating and that is why I don't want to do it for him. I don't know what to do. I feel terrible that I told him in some way that I don't feel sexy but I had to. And I also don't know how to do the lap dance for him while I don't like myself. I feel like I'd look stupid dancing that way, just because of insecurity. I'll play the devil's advocate here and say that he might not be such a jerk as others have said. This is something that is important for you AND your man's sexuality. He is telling you that he thinks you are sexy and he wants you to be confident about it. I was with a girl who I really liked but she was painfully shy and reserved. I couldn't get her to open up and it killed the relationship. If the insecurity and issues go on for too long, the spark will die and so will the intimacy. But looking at things with a fresh set of eyes, it just seems like you two may not be sexually compatible. It happens.
smackie9 Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 I agree there is incompatibility. But there are better ways to make a woman feel more comfortable, than guilting her out and purposely making her feel bad. 2
NuevoYorko Posted July 21, 2020 Posted July 21, 2020 Yes, you are sexually incompatible. He can't be happy without lap dancing, and lap dancing is not something that you feel comfortable with, much less get turned on by. If you had a sense of trust with this dufus you would come to a point where it would be a pleasure to do this for him, even if it's not your cup of tea. This can never happen if you are coerced into doing a sexual act that you don't feel good about because of threats. This is never going to be a healthy situation. 4
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