Author Lamron300 Posted January 8, 2021 Author Posted January 8, 2021 4 hours ago, trident_2020 said: Takes two to argue. Stop triggering so much and take the high road when she gets defensive. True. She’s highly sensitive person as a diagnosis apparently. So little things can make us argue. She’s a vegetarian and I was making food and I said haha it would be easier if you ate meat as I can’t finish these chilli fries..she started to cry.
Author Lamron300 Posted January 8, 2021 Author Posted January 8, 2021 3 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: Anytime I have a boyfriend who's a fitful sleeper, I make sure we work on improving the situation together because I know how important sleeping together is for bonding. With both people committed, it's always improved pretty quickly so we're able to get a good night's sleep together - along with all the awesome cuddles and intimacy that comes with it. Thank you! I’ll definitely try the YouTube. I have bought Nytol snoring solution to see if it helps with snoring. The other issue is the dog. He just won’t settle at night. I can’t stand my girlfriend when she’s tired and grumpy so I just try keep the peace. I feel incidents are minor but my triggers are justified. I need to really get over it fast as sometimes I feel angry for no reason. Like she is scrolling through photos on her iPad and I think I might see an ex and get angry. Hasn’t happened but I obsess over the scenario.
trident_2020 Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 3 minutes ago, Lamron300 said: So little things can make us argue. You’re half of the equation 1
ShyViolet Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 I'm only going to comment on the first issue... the jealousy and arguing. You are the one who overreacted and made an issue out of nothing. The fact that you've had bad experiences in the past with your previous relationships is not HER problem, it's YOUR problem. Don't carry those issues into your current relationship. You got all jealous and insecure just because someone messaged her "merry christmas." Seriously? And then you think it's ok to snoop on her Facebook account? You were being irrational and controlling. If you want to destroy this relationship, this is a great way to do it. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 (edited) 12 minutes ago, Lamron300 said: The other issue is the dog. He just won’t settle at night. I can’t stand my girlfriend when she’s tired and grumpy so I just try keep the peace. Put the dog in another room or find a solution. Animals should never rob humans of sleep. I have an energetic kitten who can't calm down at night, so right before bedtime he goes in his room until I get up in the morning and let him out. Science has shown that people who are underslept are in much worse shape that well-slept people in a number of areas. It's also bad for your long-term health. It's not until deep sleep is reached that deep cellular healing begins. So if you're regularly cutting yourself short on sleep, you're seriously interfering with your health. I'm almost useless the next day if I don't get enough sleep, so I'm very strict about quality sleep. Edited January 8, 2021 by Ruby Slippers
dangerous Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 My ex was great when she was great, but she had a bad side too. Cycles good & bad/ love and arguments regularly until eventually we broke up. I have been alone during lockdown and she has been living with her new partner... Yes, I miss her love, but I am fully grateful for not having the arguments. Ultimately, maybe you have a similar decision to weigh up, OP?
Noproblem Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 I am sorry I am not gonna tell you to fix anything, you two seem like a not an ideal match or good match, so why stay together?
Watercolors Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 (edited) 6 hours ago, Lamron300 said: True. She’s highly sensitive person as a diagnosis apparently. So little things can make us argue. She’s a vegetarian and I was making food and I said haha it would be easier if you ate meat as I can’t finish these chilli fries..she started to cry. I'll fix your situation for you. Keep the dog. Dump the girl. She sounds like a royal pain in the arse. She sounds very entitled and my gut tells me she has some secrets on her FB page, like your previous ex-g/f does. How old is she? Early 20s? You need to date a woman who eats meat, who can sleep through a tornado, who loves dogs, who has a great sense of humor, who doesn't hide anything from you, and I mean, ANYTHING, and she needs to not be so entitled and antagonistic and nitpicky as your current girlfriend. Yikes. If she were a guy, I'd dump him in a flash if he behaved that way with me. Sorry I can't offer you any relationship advice. I just don't see it being useful since you and she don't seem very compatible. Your constant bickering with each other has ZERO to do with lockdown, I'm afraid. It has everything to do with you two just aren't yin-yang good for each other. You need to be with someone else. New year. New gal. That's my advice. Edited January 9, 2021 by Watercolors
basil67 Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 On 7/21/2020 at 4:56 AM, Lamron300 said: What has ruined dating/talking stages for me in the past is people who CANNOT let go of the past. On 12/3/2020 at 9:00 PM, Lamron300 said: As I said I lived with someone for a year in the past and they were being dodgy behind my back the whole relationship. I always used to wonder why she would log off facebook on her phone every time she used it. I later discovered it was because she was messaging her ex and didn't want me to see. This experience and others has made me hypersensitive. While it sounds like your girlfriend is no picnic, have you considered how much your own behaviour stems from you being unable to let go of your own past? Her mentioning an ex's name in passing pales in comparison getting angry and triggered at her due to your past experiences with someone else. In December, talk was made about you seeking therapy for what you describe as jealous and paranoia. Have you been successful in seeking help?
Author Lamron300 Posted January 9, 2021 Author Posted January 9, 2021 5 hours ago, basil67 said: In December, talk was made about you seeking therapy for what you describe as jealous and paranoia. Have you been successful in seeking help? Thank you for your response. I’m up at 8.36am UK time thinking for this. I’m down on a therapy waiting list (Cognitive behavioural therapist) and I have a psychologist at the hospital (although pain management related). Because of the confidence I’ve got from this forum last night I was able to bring up the mentioning ex issue with her. We were having a lovely evening and then we started talking about headphones and then she said she regrets giving headphones to her ex. I told her I don’t like her mentioning ex’s (especially as she counts 4 dates as an ex, so we’ve been together for 7 months how can that be same status as 4 dates). At first she got angry and said why are you so insecure, do you feel threatened? Then I explained it why I hate it and she said she understands and will try not to and if she does she will apologise straight after. However, all I feel is resentment after sleeping on it due to her initial reaction saying ‘ I have a past, why are you unreasonable’. She said if it was the other way round it wouldn’t bother her as she feels very comfortable and secure in the relationship with me. Well I’m glad she feels that way, but I don’t. It lingers with me for days. I really need help as it’s making me physically weak and ill.
Wiseman2 Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 You may have to get your physical and mental health in better shape. Are you on controlled substances for pain? How does the chronic pain affect your sleep, moods, quality of life, etc.? All that petty bickering sounds exhausting. Take a breather. Get some space from this. You two seem incompatible. She's too touchy, you seem grouchy. This doesn't seem like too much fun. Maybe you're both just lonely and bored or this is better than nothing. Try spending less time together. 1
basil67 Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Lamron300 said: However, all I feel is resentment after sleeping on it due to her initial reaction saying ‘ I have a past, why are you unreasonable’. She said if it was the other way round it wouldn’t bother her as she feels very comfortable and secure in the relationship with me. Well I’m glad she feels that way, but I don’t. It lingers with me for days. I really need help as it’s making me physically weak and ill. Indeed. All things considered, her response to your expectations of never mentioning any ex was rather mild. We all have pasts and for most people, mentioning them casually is considered perfectly reasonable....especially as our past experiences combine to make us what we are today. I'm glad you're seeking therapy, it may help you learn to leave your own trauma behind. Edited January 9, 2021 by basil67
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