Author Blondegirl89 Posted August 9, 2020 Author Posted August 9, 2020 Yeah I’ve decided to just cut all contact with him. Best thing to do. On to bigger and better things now. would it be immature or childish to block him or should I just delete his number etc and move on? 1
Versacehottie Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 I do think moving on is your best bet. There isn't a ton of history so why keep him in your life as a reminder of what you can't have lol. Most everyone that comments on this forum will say block etc. I personally am not a blocker or really even a deleter---there's a big asterisk with that though, I can manage everything if I get contact from someone that i'm no longer close with (ie i apply this to all areas of life). I feel like it's either entertaining or knowledge is power. If a guy won't stop trying to reach me let's say, or some ridiculous telemarketer yeah then I block--that's a stalker situation If you don't trust yourself to be swayed by contact with him then probably you should block. I totally realize my way is not as conventional. You barely have any history with this guy so I think blocking is fine, especially on social media. I don't think it will do you any good to wonder what he's up to and have a social media reminder right there. Good luck & yes onto bigger & better! 2
Wiseman2 Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 13 minutes ago, Blondegirl89 said: Yeah I’ve decided to just cut all contact with him. Best thing to do. On to bigger and better things now. would it be immature or childish to block him or should I just delete his number etc and move on? Block and delete him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.
poppyfields Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 (edited) Agree with Versace, the general consensus on LS is to block. I've even suggested it! It has helped many people heal and move on. I'm not big on blocking myself though. I have found it makes me more anxious, wondering if he has tried to reach out, and I'd never know. I become obsessed about it! I'd rather just know either way and deal with it. Forcing myself to not think about him by blocking, dating other men, or other methods never really helped. I allow myself to feel the pain, disappointment, confusion, whatever emotions I'm feeling and just deal. What has helped me most is time. And acceptance. Anyway, do what works best for you. There is no one size fits all when it comes to healing and moving on.. Edited August 9, 2020 by poppyfields 2
Author Blondegirl89 Posted August 9, 2020 Author Posted August 9, 2020 Yeah I decided not to block but to delete all chats etc. I even treated myself to new running clothes, I’ll sweat out all the disappointment of it not working 3
Velvet teddy Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 (edited) On 8/8/2020 at 1:35 PM, Blondegirl89 said: So another update, I decided to take a step back and I asked him was he interested in anything with me and he said no. he said yes he’s having hook ups with Other girls but it’s just sex as he doesn’t want a serious relationship at the moment and the reason he won’t have sex with me is because it will become more than. I can’t figure out what “more than just sex” means. anyway I’ve decided not to become friends with him. I’ll be friendly of course but that’s about as far as I’ll go. I believe in taking a man for his word and he clearly doesn’t want a relationship with me so I’m fine by that. But I can’t understand why he wouldn’t want sex with me. I’m guessing the “more than just sex” is just a polite way of saying I don’t find you attractive. Surely most men would love to have a bit of fun with someone they like and in fairness I wouldn’t mind having a friends with Benefits situation either. Why would you even want fwb with a guy who doesn't even want to give you the bare minimum and is getting around quite a bit. Beyond me. Always set higher standards for yourself. Also block! I tend to go for blocking just incase the person will bother you again in the future. If he isn't right for you now he never will be. Edited August 9, 2020 by Velvet teddy
Realitysux Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Block and delete him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. For someone who posts as often as you do, why do you keep saying the same thing over and over again?
Fox Sake Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 No need to block unless you can’t control your feelings... It sounds like you’re already reaching the indifference stage , which is great news and means you don’t have to block to heal. If he reaches out again, just take as an ego boost for you. You don’t have to reply! You’re worth way better treatment and he blew his chance 2
Versacehottie Posted August 9, 2020 Posted August 9, 2020 2 hours ago, Blondegirl89 said: Yeah I decided not to block but to delete all chats etc. I even treated myself to new running clothes, I’ll sweat out all the disappointment of it not working Great idea! (bolded). Yeah i think delete all chats is great. That way you aren't holding onto what your hopes about it are & romanticizing things with him. Just be careful since you decided not to block that you aren't waiting for contact from him or a reaction or will crumble if/when he does contact. It's very likely he might. He might have some of his own doubt wondering if he made the right decision and also it sounds like you put no strings attached sex on the table as of your last conversation. If he does contact you, use it as reinforcement that you made the right decision in deciding not to look back. Almost anything he could say could be interpreted that way if you choose to look at what he says through that perspective. I think one reason I'm not personally into recommending the blocking aspect is from one perspective it's like a hiding, ashamed or not an active role in your own life. Like doing it confirms you are powerless and influenced by contact with the blocked person. It's a conventional approach because from the other perspective it works etc and helps for weak moments. IMO, if you are strong enough to rely on yourself and your choices, you can do leave unblocked. A lot of times what people reach out saying helps you feel really sure in your choice or how it ended up. Big BUT, you have to be sure that you are just taking the advice you like and suits the option of keeping the door open. Right now you might be a little heated so it sounds doable. But maybe in a few days your willpower will break and it will become a slippery slope. hopefully that doesn't happen; hopefully this is done where you won't be jerked around & even better are onto other things. Another alternative is you can toggle to blocking him in the the coming weeks if you feel weak. I see no reason why you couldn't do that. I would recommend putting the least amount of thought toward him and what you are going to do--that keeps you hooked in to the relationship and any attached outcomes. Part of the reason blocking is good is hopefully one does that and doesn't look back. As poppy said, a lot of time people do blocking out of anger, hurt or wanting to get a reaction (ie leaving one open way to contact yourself but blocking all the others knowing it will frustrate the other person), which just keeps you LOCKED IN waiting for that reaction or also in weak moments wondering if they've reached out. No guaranteed way is best. You just have to know yourself. And most importantly, rely on yourself. I think if you do RELY on yourself this relationship is a non-issue altogether. You move onto the next and onto bigger, better like you said. Believe that and live that. I tend to think that people who lowered their standards in midst of trying to hang onto a guy's (or girl's) attention don't rely on themselves. On some level I don't think they "know" and "believe" in their hearts that someone better for them is out there and potentially around the corner. That's why they are ok with the devalued, lesser treatment option--that might be easier in the short run if accepted (FWB with him if he had accepted) but harder in the long run (missed opportunities of every kind, person, and hurting your self-esteem which would then need to be rebuilt perhaps after a long while & many people in patterns like this). So I would recommend in the circumstances as you've described him not letting him back into your life. If you get a text from him. TBD if you should reply or not. If you can do it indifferently, that's key IMO. And no rush to IMO. Good luck
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