Weezy1973 Posted July 19, 2020 Posted July 19, 2020 And really not to offend but @Ruby Slippers is still searching. Not successful when it comes to her relationships. Taking advice from people who haven’t succeeded is not always the best idea, even though it can feel comforting to know others are going through the same thing. People that have succeeded in finding happiness in a long term relationship will often have better advice even if it doesn’t resonate. If you’re in a failure cycle it’s usually because doing the things needed to succeed is really hard for you to do. So the advice you should be heeding won’t sound “right” in your head. This is a long way of saying that I think @basil67 has some good advice. The problem with envisioning the “perfect” partner is that perfect doesn’t exist. Nobody will measure up.
Author Hopeful30 Posted July 19, 2020 Author Posted July 19, 2020 2 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said: And really not to offend but @Ruby Slippers is still searching. Not successful when it comes to her relationships. Taking advice from people who haven’t succeeded is not always the best idea, even though it can feel comforting to know others are going through the same thing. People that have succeeded in finding happiness in a long term relationship will often have better advice even if it doesn’t resonate. If you’re in a failure cycle it’s usually because doing the things needed to succeed is really hard for you to do. So the advice you should be heeding won’t sound “right” in your head. This is a long way of saying that I think @basil67 has some good advice. The problem with envisioning the “perfect” partner is that perfect doesn’t exist. Nobody will measure up. Ruby Slippers is in a longterm relationship and expecting her first child )) also, be careful not to put words in my mouth. No where in my posts did I use the words "perfect". Simply daydreaming about the pleasures of how things unfold (emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc). 1
Weezy1973 Posted July 19, 2020 Posted July 19, 2020 1 minute ago, Hopeful30 said: Ruby Slippers is in a longterm relationship and expecting her first child )) also, be careful not to put words in my mouth. No where in my posts did I use the words "perfect". Simply daydreaming about the pleasures of how things unfold (emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc). She’s not. And yes, you don’t in this post but in the past you’ve said things to the effect of comparing potential mates to your perfect (in your eyes) father. That’s a hurdle nobody will meet.
Author Hopeful30 Posted July 19, 2020 Author Posted July 19, 2020 Just now, Weezy1973 said: She’s not. And yes, you don’t in this post but in the past you’ve said things to the effect of comparing potential mates to your perfect (in your eyes) father. That’s a hurdle nobody will meet. Yes, this is true. My dad set the bar pretty high. I don't compare anyone to him though. I understand that finding a man to his caliber is unrealistic. Gosh, a girl can't even dream anymore (( 1
CLS63AMG Posted July 19, 2020 Posted July 19, 2020 13 hours ago, Hopeful30 said: According to the law of attraction, daydreaming and fantasizing is healthy. You're basically visualizing a reality you want, therefore are more likely to attract it. However in my dating experiences, this always leads to disappointment. I envision having great chemistry, great date, awesome sex, but when the time comes, it's nothing like how I imagined. Am I setting myself up for disappointment every time I fantasize about how great things can be with a guy? It could explain why I always lose interest after having sex. Stop texting for days/weeks before meeting, this leads to fantasizing and reality will NEVER meet it. Meet right away, then the fantasy can write its own book - and will. 1
Versacehottie Posted July 19, 2020 Posted July 19, 2020 8 hours ago, Hopeful30 said: Yes, this is true. My dad set the bar pretty high. I don't compare anyone to him though. I understand that finding a man to his caliber is unrealistic. Gosh, a girl can't even dream anymore (( lol you can dream & should & do visualizing and ALSO be realistic within you day to day real life. maybe perfection fantasies are what is blocking you. I think you would do well with visualization AND action in your day to day that OPEN you up to the possibilities. I think if you do that you might find him. Also as far as sending the "wrong message to the universe" and the wrong message in day to day real life, feeling like you can't find a guy creates a feeling of "what's wrong with me/lack of/am I good enough" that is transmitted while you are searching and becomes the BLOCK. You need to keep reminding yourself in your visualization that you are enough, you will be fine with or without a guy, you are not desperate because you enjoy your life now, that you are content. And you need to do that in day to day actions so that "not desperate" vibe is transmitted to those you come in contact with too. It's much more magnetizing One of the reasons that visualization works (i think it's the biggest reason) which bring together both sides of the argument (fantasy vs real life) is that by focusing on your dreams and what they would look like, your brain comes up with solutions and how you would function in IDEAL circumstances that it works through & then is easier to apply in real life. You're putting yourself in a mind state where you've already worked out how to conduct yourself in the real world--which is why it is successful. I would guess the reason you are struggling to find success with only the romantic part of your life is that you are not operating that part of your visualization & real life actions with the concept of ABUNDANCE....but rather "lack of", which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you set off on this journey of wanting a guy but the undertone in your visualization and in YOUR REAL LIFE is that you don't have him, that is what is likely to follow because it is the focus. I would say that is the undertone I've seen (sorry--just trying to help you bust through the block). Even if you don't believe in this stuff a shred, in the real day to day life, I think the majority of us would agree that a desperate vibe/searching for mr right vibe is a bad thing and not conducive to finding what you want. How about trying the vibe in your mind, OP, that you are MRS RIGHT and leave the rest to the universe & some realistic effort of putting yourself out there socially, and some dating. Socially is the key IMO though. I think too often girls that only socialize to meet guys and are really forcing it but would rather not be doing that--it's beyond transparent and a turnoff. No guy wants to be caught like bait in a trap. Basically that goes for much in life--people don't want to solve your problems, be their solution. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted July 19, 2020 Posted July 19, 2020 I'm not searching, and in my book I'm successful. All things considered, I'm happier and more fulfilled than many coupled people. Certainly I must be in a better state of mind than some rude, judgmental married guy who calls me a failure because I'm single. If that's "success," I'm relieved and thankful that's not me.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 19, 2020 Posted July 19, 2020 @Hopeful30, ignore the haters. Those content with mediocrity are often bothered by those who strive for and reach the divine. This is one good reason that in a way, it's not so hard to find those dream scenarios - most people are too scared to go for it, so there's not a lot of competition.
Author Hopeful30 Posted July 19, 2020 Author Posted July 19, 2020 32 minutes ago, Versacehottie said: I think too often girls that only socialize to meet guys And how else would you meet potential partners? Other than visiting friends, whenever I go out in the city, it's not because I want to (I don't like cities, I prefer country and cottage towns). I go out to 'expose' myself to people with the hopes of meeting someone. Otherwise, I would gladly spend my weekends watching documentaries, doing some gardening, hiking with the dogs (which I always used to do, until I realized I'm already in my 30s). That's the truth, though. I don't like spending time out late. I don't like crowds or large events. I don't enjoy driving in traffic and struggling to find parking. My only motivation is that it increases the likelihood of meeting a man. Otherwise I would spend the rest of my life doing what I love, which doesn't really involve people. There is nothing wrong with putting yourself out there. How else do we meet people? Certainly not by doing solitary activities and spending your life working/studying.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 19, 2020 Posted July 19, 2020 I haven't done anything social other than visiting family lately, I'm not on any dating sites, but still have men trying to get to know me online - right now via messaging on Pinterest and Meetup. They ask for my #, but so far I'm only messaging, as I haven't been single long and am in no hurry. On Friday I wrote down a desire for a little sweet, romantic attention, spent a few minutes focusing on it and dreaming. On Saturday, poof, this cute single civil engineer appeared out of the blue in my inbox with a sweet compliment. Law of attraction, baby 1
Versacehottie Posted July 19, 2020 Posted July 19, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, Hopeful30 said: And how else would you meet potential partners? Other than visiting friends, whenever I go out in the city, it's not because I want to (I don't like cities, I prefer country and cottage towns). I go out to 'expose' myself to people with the hopes of meeting someone. Otherwise, I would gladly spend my weekends watching documentaries, doing some gardening, hiking with the dogs (which I always used to do, until I realized I'm already in my 30s). That's the truth, though. I don't like spending time out late. I don't like crowds or large events. I don't enjoy driving in traffic and struggling to find parking. My only motivation is that it increases the likelihood of meeting a man. Otherwise I would spend the rest of my life doing what I love, which doesn't really involve people. There is nothing wrong with putting yourself out there. How else do we meet people? Certainly not by doing solitary activities and spending your life working/studying. wooo ok.....you have completely misunderstood at least that part of my post. I am saying a person should socialize. and be genuine about it. Not single-mindedly so. Of course, likely they will meet guys in the process but it's obvious when girls are out ONLY to meet guys and it doesn't go with their natural things they would choose to do. You don't like all that stuff and sounds like you can't even be bothered because it won't take you to your goal. I would suggest you don't do it then because you won't be able to hide your attitude toward it. You should try to do those activities you like and creating a social life and social circle involving them. Just being real it will be harder though not impossible if your activities are more solitary and are with a smaller group of people but try to do what you like to get what you want. This is the opposite of what I said. You do need to put yourself out there but don't be false about it. If you are going against the grain of who you are: going into the city, dealing with parking, etc JUST to try to meet a guy it's going to be unproductive. Idk, maybe try to genuinely meet up with those city friends without the alternative agenda of meeting a guy. Try to be open in general and less angry that this person hasn't come along. Edited July 19, 2020 by Versacehottie
mark clemson Posted July 20, 2020 Posted July 20, 2020 (edited) 14 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: @Hopeful30, ignore the haters. Those content with mediocrity are often bothered by those who strive for and reach the divine. This is one good reason that in a way, it's not so hard to find those dream scenarios - most people are too scared to go for it, so there's not a lot of competition. Perhaps those who've striven for and had some glimpse of the divine (or happened upon it, or had it draw them to it), while appreciating it's benevolence, don't see it as a vending machine for handing out specified goodies. However, if I suppose if things are working a certain way for you and Hopeful30 there's no reason to stop trying. I suspect that, to the extent you're appearing to receive specific things you've requested, you're actually getting life lessons, that have the potential to help you grow as a person, or perform some useful role in society and/or help others in a way suited to your talents, rather than simply receiving what you asked for. Which is probably as it should be. Perhaps one of the ultimate life lessons IS that you have to work for what you want. Even that Abraham character writes a lot of books and hosts a lot of boat parties from what I understand. Nor is "mediocrity" necessarily something to be shunned or looked down upon. Before enlightenment: chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment: chop wood, carry water. Edited July 20, 2020 by mark clemson
Ruby Slippers Posted July 20, 2020 Posted July 20, 2020 I'm a very hard worker. Nobody said ALL you do is dream. But nothing fires me up to give something my all like a beautiful vision of what I'm working for. And for everything I receive, I give back that much and then some. Not trying to brag, but every man I get involved with raves about the wonderful time we have together, says he's never felt such happiness. It's obvious. Yes, they'd agree I have high standards... but so do they, or they wouldn't be drawn to me. I also often dream/visualize/pray for other people - not just my family and friends, but people I barely know and humankind in general. 3
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