smackie9 Posted July 16, 2020 Posted July 16, 2020 I suspect he was fishing an invite from you...you just met and he didn't want to impose...so he threw a line out there to see what you would say, but you sat there like stump instead of replying like "Hey if you wish to celebrate tonight with me, that would be great....I truly don't have anything planned." "Are you up for it?" "It's either you or a bucket of ice cream lol" 2
Backinthesaddleagain Posted July 16, 2020 Posted July 16, 2020 Just now, Lorenza said: I have been single for 4 years, so yeah, beauty is not all that. Especially if you struggle to find the depth and the connection you long for. Every guy I like doesn't act the way I'd like them to. But the ones I don't - no problem! They will schedule dates immediately, be super clear, super generous and leave no confusion... it is a struggle I hear you loud and clear. I've had a couple girls recently that were all into me but I just didn't feel the same. I do have a prospect on deck though that I really like so there is still hope lol
brokengirl85 Posted July 16, 2020 Posted July 16, 2020 6 minutes ago, Lorenza said: I don't have any friends in this city. I moved back to my home country after 12 years of absence, right before the quarantine started. At my new workplace I saw my collegues for entire 3 weeks until we all started working from home which we still do. Family members live on the other side of the country. I think it's understandable why I am alone in the middle of the working week on my birthday You don’t have to explain that to me! I understand but it doesn’t look good for someone you’re getting to know. It gets the wrong vibe. then, stating that “all weeks your birthday” implies that you’re expecting something from him. Id say, forget about him and next time he more careful. Try to be more mysterious and hard to get, my opinion.
Author Lorenza Posted July 16, 2020 Author Posted July 16, 2020 Just now, smackie9 said: I suspect he was fishing an invite from you...you just met and he didn't want to impose...so he threw a line out there to see what you would say, but you sat there like stump instead of replying like "Hey if you wish to celebrate tonight with me, that would be great....I truly don't have anything planned." "Are you up for it?" "It's either you or a bucket of ice cream lol" He was the one who was supposed to suggest the time, I asked him to do that he laughed and said "oh, dont you worry, i definitely will". To his suggestion this morning I responded with a "yes, please", if he still needs and invitation, then I don't know.
Acacia98 Posted July 16, 2020 Posted July 16, 2020 41 minutes ago, Lorenza said: I said "oh yes please! Its my birthday for the rest of the week haha ". But birthday talk aside, we said we should meet up today and that he will let me know which time, and he still didn't, birthday or not Hmmh... 25 minutes ago, Lorenza said: I didn't say you said that, lol just making sure posters know he said we should meet without the birthday context too... Cool. 5 minutes ago, Lorenza said: He was the one who was supposed to suggest the time, I asked him to do that he laughed and said "oh, dont you worry, i definitely will". To his suggestion this morning I responded with a "yes, please", if he still needs and invitation, then I don't know. I was initially considering two possibilities: the first was that he was joking but it was a bad joke. The second was that this was a variety of negging. Now that I've read more about your exchange, I think that he's basically a flaky guy and enjoys a bit of game playing too. So I'd say he doesn't sound particularly interested. 3
Author Lorenza Posted July 16, 2020 Author Posted July 16, 2020 1 minute ago, Acacia98 said: Hmmh... Cool. I was initially considering two possibilities: the first was that he was joking but it was a bad joke. The second was that this was a variety of negging. Now that I've read more about your exchange, I think that he's basically a flaky guy and enjoys a bit of game playing too. So I'd say he doesn't sound particularly interested. Yes, flaky and uninterested was what I though. I have met a fair share of guys who are all about winning you over for a date. But they are not looking for anything, just ego boosting 2
Alvi Posted July 17, 2020 Posted July 17, 2020 I only had two dates since the last September. Every single guy keeps cancelling on me few hours before the date. Why? No clue. They are the ones that seem to be overexited to meet. They tell me how great I am and how much honour it would be to meet me. And then, poof, they cancel. I am not rude or offensive online. So go figure. Same with your guy, who knows what's going on there. Maybe he is flaky, maybe went out with another woman, maybe... Doesn't matter. You are not wrong blocking him. Boy, ob boy, online dating is hard. Don't remember men being so flaky ten years ago.Guess too many choices available for them. Anyway, forgive me my rambling and Happy Birthday!
spiderowl Posted July 17, 2020 Posted July 17, 2020 (edited) I think it's him not you. He sounds like the kind of guy who whips up enthusiasm about something then loses interest in it. He may well be very flighty and unreliable in that respect. A reasonably normal, decent guy would want to make things clear to you and not mess about with veiled sarcastic comments like 'I'm at a dance, you?'. He can't have forgotten his offer to you. I think it would be hard to trust this guy again - at worst, he is fickle and prone to a wandering eye, at best he is a poor communicator. Edited July 17, 2020 by spiderowl 5
Author Lorenza Posted July 17, 2020 Author Posted July 17, 2020 3 hours ago, spiderowl said: I think it's him not you. He sounds like the kind of guy who whips up enthusiasm about something then loses interest in it. He may well be very flighty and unreliable in that respect. A reasonably normal, decent guy would want to make things clear to you and not mess about with veiled sarcastic comments like 'I'm at a dance, you?'. He can't have forgotten his offer to you. I think it would be hard to trust this guy again - at worst, he is fickle and prone to a wandering eye, at best he is a poor communicator. Right? If a guy I was interested in said "so I didn't quite understand about tonight" I would answer something like "oh, I'm sorry! But how about I take you out on this exact day and this exact time?" instead of pretending I have no clue. I was a bit unsure, but I definitely think it's on him.
chillii Posted July 17, 2020 Posted July 17, 2020 (edited) 8 hours ago, Backinthesaddleagain said: Just imagine being a guy on OLD and only getting a few dates here and there. All the women I know personally that are on OLD have their inboxes full of messages and prospective dates! OLD for men is absolutely horrible... good luck anyways, and...... Happy Birthday! Read the womens post all over ls , goes both ways and ain't too crash hot for them either. My gf was on it 2 yrs said it was nightmare, she was disgusted with it and so was every woman l met back in the day . Some had been on it for yrs and gotten absolutely nowhere , as have most of the women around ls.. lt's hard for anyone , don't be fooled by the fluff. Edited July 17, 2020 by chillii
Author Lorenza Posted July 17, 2020 Author Posted July 17, 2020 20 minutes ago, chillii said: Read the womens post all over ls , goes both ways and ain't too crash hot for them either. My gf was on it 2 yrs said it was nightmare, she was disgusted with it and so was every woman l met back in the day . Some had been on it for yrs and gotten absolutely nowhere , as have most of the women around ls.. lt's hard for anyone , don't be fooled by the fluff. Online dating is soul crushing. I've been going on dates non stop (except 6 months before moving countries) since I was 27. I just turned 31 and nothing 1
Grey40 Posted July 17, 2020 Posted July 17, 2020 Analyzing like this after the fact when you have no intentions of seeing this person again is a waste of mental energy. You could come up with a dozen scenarios/reasons why things happened the way they did, I used to do it all the time. You’ll never know the full truth or reason, and in the time you spend wondering you could be meeting someone better. When you meet someone you click with and is really awesome and you guys get along and it flows and the interest is mutual, they’re not gonna do crap like this that makes you sit around and wonder what the hell is happening.
Author Lorenza Posted July 17, 2020 Author Posted July 17, 2020 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Grey40 said: Analyzing like this after the fact when you have no intentions of seeing this person again is a waste of mental energy. You could come up with a dozen scenarios/reasons why things happened the way they did, I used to do it all the time. You’ll never know the full truth or reason, and in the time you spend wondering you could be meeting someone better. When you meet someone you click with and is really awesome and you guys get along and it flows and the interest is mutual, they’re not gonna do crap like this that makes you sit around and wonder what the hell is happening. That's what I'm thinking - the right one won't make me wonder! But I get so much crap from my mom and my best friend who are convinced I cut men off too fast and for the smallest of reasons. When I told my mom this story she was like "you do this again! You just don't want to be with anyone, do you?". So I doubt my judgement a lot... Edited July 17, 2020 by Lorenza 1
Grey40 Posted July 17, 2020 Posted July 17, 2020 17 minutes ago, Lorenza said: That's what I'm thinking - the right one won't make me wonder! But I get so much crap from my mom and my best friend who are convinced I cut men off too fast and for the smallest of reasons. When I told my mom this story she was like "you do this again! You just don't want to be with anyone, do you?". So I doubt my judgement a lot... No way. Your instincts are good. You knew this was rude. Actions speak louder than words and he didn’t stand behind his words with actions. He specifically said you guys would meet up the next day and hang out, and then he just totally ignored it. A date who is really into you isnt going to just totally blow you off like that with no reasoning or excuse and then pretend that he didn’t even remember the conversation. If I was into a chick I would Definitley be canceling dance lessons to see them if I knew we couldn’t again for an entire week. Bottom line. The reasoning of why he did it really doesn’t matter at all, he blew you off without an excuse and it just shows he doesn’t care or value you enough. 2
Author Lorenza Posted July 17, 2020 Author Posted July 17, 2020 3 minutes ago, Grey40 said: No way. Your instincts are good. You knew this was rude. Actions speak louder than words and he didn’t stand behind his words with actions. He specifically said you guys would meet up the next day and hang out, and then he just totally ignored it. A date who is really into you isnt going to just totally blow you off like that with no reasoning or excuse and then pretend that he didn’t even remember the conversation. If I was into a chick I would Definitley be canceling dance lessons to see them if I knew we couldn’t again for an entire week. Bottom line. The reasoning of why he did it really doesn’t matter at all, he blew you off without an excuse and it just shows he doesn’t care or value you enough. Thanks, it's nice to know that I'm not crazy for having standards for myself. Feels like my circle of people just wants me to get a man asap and sets me up for having low standards
Grey40 Posted July 17, 2020 Posted July 17, 2020 2 minutes ago, Lorenza said: Thanks, it's nice to know that I'm not crazy for having standards for myself. Feels like my circle of people just wants me to get a man asap and sets me up for having low standards They just want you to be happy and find someone, but they aren’t involved in the circumstances and they don’t feel what you feel. You didn’t like his behavior and how he handled it and that’s really all you need to know. It’s good to have standards and put your foot down. I think people who can do that are not only more successful in life but also don’t settle and end up getting what they want. You don’t want to consider dating a guy who’s going to act this way, it would only get worse. You also don’t want a guy who’s admitting you’re out of his league. He’s already coming from a negative mindset and will always be worried he’s not good enough or that you’ll leave when the next shiny dude comes along. 2
Versacehottie Posted July 17, 2020 Posted July 17, 2020 11 hours ago, Lorenza said: I'm guessing he went out with someone from the dances and there was no need to meet up anymore, so he kinda pretended he doesn't know why I'm confused I think that is exactly what he is doing which is really messed up to take you on a roller coaster ride of emotions by saying he would take you out for your birthday. He suggested it and then flaked. You did the right thing. Happy Belated Birthday! 1
Weezy1973 Posted July 17, 2020 Posted July 17, 2020 2 hours ago, Lorenza said: That's what I'm thinking - the right one won't make me wonder! But I get so much crap from my mom and my best friend who are convinced I cut men off too fast and for the smallest of reasons. When I told my mom this story she was like "you do this again! You just don't want to be with anyone, do you?". So I doubt my judgement a lot... I think things should improve as you’ve moved back to your home country from a country where you weren’t attracted to any of the men there. At least now you’re finding some men that are attractive to you. Just have to be patient to find the right match...
chillii Posted July 17, 2020 Posted July 17, 2020 (edited) 5 hours ago, Lorenza said: Online dating is soul crushing. I've been going on dates non stop (except 6 months before moving countries) since I was 27. I just turned 31 and nothing Yeah right , sorry it's panned out that way but yeah that's it. It is , it's hard for everyone. Thing is it might not be that likely but that special person could just be on there going through all the same stuff too, it happened to us , and some others around too. So personally l still think it is worth trying for anyone if they can be bothered with it though, because you just never do know. PS , and you def; let him know you were open to doing something no prob about that. Sounds like he was sort of saying these things but not taking them that seriously at the time type thing and then just acting that way later bc he effd up. Edited July 17, 2020 by chillii
Velvet teddy Posted July 17, 2020 Posted July 17, 2020 18 hours ago, Lorenza said: I have already unmatched this guy, so no going back (not gonna track this one down Facebook). But I wonder if I was right about this. We met yesterday and had a good date, it streched out until quite late and he didn't seem to want to end it. I really liked him too. He walked me home and we said we will meet today again, because both will be unavailable until the next week. He texted yesterday right after we parted and continued texting during the day today as well. In the morning he wrote "so maybe it's time to make you a birthday celebration tonight" (I revealed yesterday, that it happened to be my birthday) and I thought he's gonna invite me somewhere cause he proceeded to ask me about my favorite cuisine etc. But the evening came and there was no plan and no invitation. I was quite confused and asked him "so I didn't quite understand - what about tonight?". He didn't answer for more than an hour and came back with "What did you not understand? (Smiley face) I, for example, was at the dance lessons, and you?". Nothing more. I got upset and unmatched him. It felt really confusing and almost rude. It's weird to say you'll text someone to make plans, mention meeting up the next day and then suddenly act like you don't know what's up, isn't it? I don't like men sending me mixed messages. I feel like if he changed his mind he should have rescheduled asap. In any case, if a guy doesn't immediately reschedule, it feels like low interest to me. Or am I overreacting in such cases? I feel like I might be cutting people out too fast sometimes... at least my mom thinks so Could be a number of things. But its hard to tell because your text exchanges are confusing ( both yours and his). Also misunderstandings happen via texts, therefore be direct and clear and concise. One option is there was a misunderstanding. The other is he was up for meeting and changed his mind or something, so a lack of interest. The last option is hes gaslighting you and is narcissistic. Trying to get you all excited for a date and then acting like he has no clue what you're one about. 1
Author Lorenza Posted July 20, 2020 Author Posted July 20, 2020 He actually found me on facebook the very same evening I unmatched him and asked me why I did that. I lied that the app glitched and deleted my account, lol (which did happen to me once for real). So we started chatting a bit, still no invitation to date nr 2, asking a lot of questions, but taking a while to answer actually. He was away for the weekend, so I thought if he doesn't ask me out once he's back, I'm not gonna bother chatting, it's just lame. Monday came, still no asking out, so I said "you know what, you and I are looking for different things, as I am not looking for a penpal, unfortunately". Super lame
poppyfields Posted July 20, 2020 Posted July 20, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Lorenza said: Monday came, still no asking out, so I said "you know what, you and I are looking for different things, as I am not looking for a penpal, unfortunately". Super lame Why is not looking for a penpal unfortunate? I think your discovering who he is now is very fortunate! Lorenza, I've seen your pic, you're very beautiful. And as such, I think he likes you but is intimidated and insecure and wanted you to chase. May have gotten that from some PUA website or something. I don't blame you for not wanting to take that route. We all get insecure sometimes but when it affects a man's ability to show proper interest and pursue a woman (you!), it's so not worth it. Did he respond? Edited July 20, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Author Lorenza Posted July 20, 2020 Author Posted July 20, 2020 41 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Why is not looking for a penpal unfortunate? I think your discovering who he is now is very fortunate! Lorenza, I've seen your pic, you're very beautiful. And as such, I think he likes you but is intimidated and insecure and wanted you to chase. May have gotten that from some PUA website or something. I don't blame you for not wanting to take that route. We all get insecure sometimes but when it affects a man's ability to show proper interest and pursue a woman (you!), it's so not worth it. Did he respond? Aww thanks, Poppyfields! When I wrote that we're probably not looking for the same thing, he answered "well, that's an interesting thing to say... buuuut ok (smiley face)". Then I specified that I'm not looking for a penpal and he left it at read. I was in a relationship with someone who was insecure and wanted me (and other women) to chase him, so definitely not gonna take that route again
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