Brokenandbeautifuldisaster Posted July 16, 2020 Posted July 16, 2020 (edited) I've always been on of those people who swore that I would never get involved with someone I work with... Never should have said never... Because here I am not only messing around with someone I work with, but falling for him. And that isn't the worst part I'm supposed to be in a committed relation So let me take this from the top. My partner and I have known each-other for over seven years about a year and a half ago we decided to stop messing around and try at a relationship. I was super happy about this because I have been in love with him for so long. But we have history, he had hurt me tremendously before, while we were dating (messing around) he got involved with someone and decided she was the one, and they were gonna start life together. This crushed me, had me wondering why her and not me? My self esteem took a nasty hit and hasn't quite recovered. It was a downward spiral for me, I was beside with self with hurt and feeling that I had somehow done something wrong I simply wasn't good enough... So after a while I was able to re-center myself, cleansed myself and started to get over him. This was no easy feat... Now fast forward a few years later, our paths cross, and we started talking and we became friends again. He's so easy to talk to, and little by little he pulled me in. I was hesitant knowing what happened the last time, self preservation kicked in and I ran fearing that this time if he broke my heart I wouldn't recover. He chased and caught me, and for a while he treated me right and flourish under the attention ensuring to return it. Several month later, he became reserved and I can't get through to him, he shut me out. But I do not know why, we all have our secrets and he doesn't have to tell me everything but I became lonely and the more he pulled into himself the more him shutting me out hurt. Now let insert "the driver" he friendly and smart and funny! We became fast friends, leaning on each other talking about every little thing. And I learnt he was going through a pretty touch time and the closer we got. It was all platonic at first as I don't date people I work with. He drives myself and other VIP staff around and we spend a lot time together, now after a pretty s***ty day I remember he pulled me into his embrace and kissed my forehead. And I like the way he felt, he's big and muscular yet surprisingly soft. Hugging when he dropped me off became the norm, a kiss on the forehead when I had a crappy day. Now here comes my birthday and my partner calls and tell me happy birthday and spends only 48 seconds with me on the phone. I don't have the words to express how this made me feel, so the day after my birthday on our way he stops and buys food and we sat in the vehicle eating and chatting. I opened up about how I felt about my partner's reaction to my birthday, and he put music on and pulled me into his embrace and we just sat there lost in our own worlds. But this time night I got more than head kisses, his lips brushed mine and I pulled away, and I could see the hurt in his eyes. We began avoiding each other as best as possible until I went MIA for a bit and he turned up at my house to check on me. "I was worried about you, haven't seen you in over a week" I was fine, but I wasn't I was confused about him, and worried and hurting over my partner. But I told him I was fine, I let him in and we became watching movies, this is now norm for us. When his time was up, he hugged me lifting me off the ground and kissed the daylights out of me, and this time I responded as I did actually like him like that but we work together. "You can fire me now, but you wanted me to kiss you as badly as I've wanted to touch, feel and taste you" I was surprised, but my heart was racing his words sparked something and soon enough there was a fire. He took me to bed that night, and I woke crying other the guilt of cheating and worried about sleeping with him. I assigned myself a new driver after the incident, but I missed him dearly and I still saw him briefly, but it wasn't the same. My new driver was out and it was him again, he was flirting with another coworker who came and told me, confiding in me that she had feelings for him, and that she was going for it. I cannot explain how much seeing her with him their banter hurt, I was jealous but I couldn't show. I was at work early one morning when I got a devastating call that one of my old team members I was close with almost died because of suicide. It shook me and I was crying at work, and he pulled up and saw me, lifted me in the vehicle and we went for a drive and we talked and talked and it was like old times. We decided to be friends again and it worked, until I had a party at home and he came to drop off something for me and my girl friends begged him to stay, that was the beginning of the "affair" we started sneaking around and it was fun, but now I have feeling and need to have a sit down with my partner and let him know I am not happy any more. But my period is late and I may be pregnant for the driver, I was upfront about it with him and we are both now at an impasse he's not ready for fatherhood and I do not believe in abortion. It's put a strain on our relationship and I am surprised at the intensity of the pain I am feeling over this. Would finding out that I am pregnant and not telling him be wrong? I refuse to force anyone into becoming a father before they are ready... What are the side effects of having an abortion. If I am not pregnant how do I make clean break from him? My partner is migrating next month, should I just break up with him now or leave things as they are? Edited July 16, 2020 by Brokenandbeautifuldisaster Duplicate sentence
Calmandfocused Posted July 16, 2020 Posted July 16, 2020 (edited) Crikey, what an absolute mess! I know you’re in a bad place right now but what are you thinking? This is more drama than a soap opera. I think you need to get a understanding of yourself and why you’re addicted to this drama queen lifestyle. However that can come later. First you’ve got to get your ducks in a row. Finish with your partner ASAP. This was doomed from the start and clearly he is not making you happy and vice versa. What are you waiting for? This relationship dynamic that you have going on between you both is toxic and you know it. Take a pregnancy test and find out if you are indeed pregnant. Do you know who the father is? Could it be either the driver or your partner? Do you want the child? If you are indeed pregnant you will need to figure all this out ... and potentially take a DNA test in the future. And yes you do need to tell the potential father(s). By the way if you are pregnant with your partners baby, this does not mean you should be together. You two are clearly a disastrous car crash. Do not contemplate subjecting any child to that sort of dynamic. If you like the driver and want to be with him, why aren’t you? Stop playing games, work out what you want and take the appropriate action. And stop cheating on people! There is no excuse for this. If your eye wanders finish with the person you’re with first. The drama needs to stop and you need to work out what it is about you that finds this utter chaotic lifestyle desirable. If you are going to be a mother this needs to happen ASAP. Edited July 16, 2020 by Calmandfocused
Author Brokenandbeautifuldisaster Posted July 16, 2020 Author Posted July 16, 2020 27 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said: Finish with your partner ASAP. This was doomed from the start and clearly he is not making you happy and vice versa. What are you waiting for? This relationship dynamic that you have going on between you both is toxic and you know it. Take a pregnancy test and find out if you are indeed pregnant. Do you know who the father is? Could it be either the driver or your partner? Do you want the child? If you are indeed pregnant you will need to figure all this out ... and potentially take a DNA test in the future. And yes you do need to tell the potential father(s). By the way if you are pregnant with your partners baby, this does not mean you should be together. You two are clearly a disastrous car crash. Do not contemplate subjecting any child to that sort of dynamic. If you like the driver and want to be with him, why aren’t you? Stop playing games, work out what you want and take the appropriate action. And stop cheating on people! There is no excuse for this. If your eye wanders finish with the person you’re with first. The drama needs to stop and you need to work out what it is about you that finds this utter chaotic lifestyle desirable. If you are going to be a mother this needs to happen ASAP. Yes... But how? How do you end a relationship... Isn't it just easier to let him leave without ever knowing. (Don't like confrontation) I am not trying to play games... I've left the driver alone a million times in my head, I've walked away from it. It isn't healthy. But then when we see each other, it's a whole different thing. Believe me when I tell you, I find no joy being so lost and having no one to share it with because of who I am. I am a good person who always tries to do the right thing by me and everyone else involved. I have done the pros and cons and I know the relationship has run it's course, and I know I should have enough respect for him and myself to call it quits.... But how do I give up on the dream I've always wanted. Because the driver is happily committed to his partner (Talk about soap opera_) Thank you for not bashing me...
kendahke Posted July 16, 2020 Posted July 16, 2020 If your boyfriend wrote this to us, what would you want us to tell him? 1
Backinthesaddleagain Posted July 16, 2020 Posted July 16, 2020 1 hour ago, Brokenandbeautifuldisaster said: Yes... But how? How do you end a relationship... Isn't it just easier to let him leave without ever knowing. (Don't like confrontation) You have to be strong and be an adult, and just let him know it's over and you are done. If a man up and left you with no explanation or anything, don't you think that would really hurt you? No one likes ending a relationship... I am not trying to play games... I've left the driver alone a million times in my head, I've walked away from it. It isn't healthy. But then when we see each other, it's a whole different thing. Buy you are playing games. Knock it off. Believe me when I tell you, I find no joy being so lost and having no one to share it with because of who I am. I am a good person who always tries to do the right thing by me and everyone else involved. You may be a good person in other areas, but this behavior is awful and is something you need to address right away. A "good person" doesn't do this. Just end it with your guy and move on. And not with the driver!!! He has a relationship that he needs to end also and appears to make poor choices too. I have done the pros and cons and I know the relationship has run it's course, and I know I should have enough respect for him and myself to call it quits.... But how do I give up on the dream I've always wanted. The dream you've always wanted??? This isn't about "your dream"!!! You are playing with someone else's emotions and life. Don't be so selfish. You are ruining the lives of you and your BF, and the lives of the driver and his girlfriend. Grow up. Because the driver is happily committed to his partner Obviously he isn't that happily committed, and he is someone that you shouldn't date anyways. Move on. (Talk about soap opera_) Thank you for not bashing me... I'm not taking the high road as I've been through this myself. Sorry for the tough love, but someone needs to tell you. See above bold responses.
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