Was he just trying to flirt or is he a stalker?

[ohso]

Guy older than me approached me on a street in the middle of a day trying to have a conversation with me by commenting on my clothes. I wasn't interested so I ignored him and moved on. 

As I got into a shopping mall, he got in there too and I saw him looking at me from the distance acting like he is shopping or whatever. 

I got out of there and went home. I looked behind me in case he is following me. I didn't see him. 

When I was near my house he appeared out of nowhere and asked me for my name, gave me compliments and so on. I looked away and ignored him. 

But he was persistent so I got mad and told him to get away from me. He didn't like it and started asking me why I am being like that and so on. 

Since I didn't know how to get rid of him, I run away because I got scared.  

Was that an attempt to flirt or does it seem off? 

By the way,  I  try not to draw attention to myself with clothes and so on. So why do I keep attracting creeps? I have a history of men stalking me and new situations like this trigger me. I even feel guilty for being rude to him in case it was all just in my head from past trauma.

Any advice or anything is appreciated. Like, how was I supposed to handle this?

 

 

Edited July 16, 2020 by ohso

[Realitysux]

16 minutes ago, ohso said:

Guy older than me approached me on a street in the middle of a day trying to have a conversation with me by commenting on my clothes. I wasn't interested so I ignored him and moved on. 

As I got into a shopping mall, he got in there too and I saw him looking at me from the distance acting like he is shopping or whatever. 

I got out of there and went home. I looked behind me in case he is following me. I didn't see him. 

When I was near my house he appeared out of nowhere and asked me for my name, gave me compliments and so on. I looked away and ignored him. 

But he was persistent so I got mad and told him to get away from me. He didn't like it and started asking me why I am being like that and so on. 

Since I didn't know how to get rid of him, I run away because I got scared.  

Was that an attempt to flirt or does it seem off? 

By the way,  I  try not to draw attention to myself with clothes and so on. So why do I keep attracting creeps? I have a history of men stalking me and new situations like this trigger me. I even feel guilty for being rude to him in case it was all just in my head from past trauma.

Any advice or anything is appreciated. Like, how was I supposed to handle this?

 

 

Why are you questioning yourself. It was stalking and you should have been more firm at the shopping mall with several people around and witnessing. 

[Legatus]

Remember that silence never helps you. If you just ignored him, I wouldn't be surprised if an awkward guy like that took it for what it was. I think creeps are everywhere but what you can do is to give it to them straight, from the very beginning, that you're not interested - sometimes even more loudly than normal if there are other people around. They can interpret silence the way they want but there's less ambiguity with you words. 

Of course he can still be a bit off and do his own thing but at least you made it clear from the beginning, which would ease your anxiety about being rude.

Don't worry about your clothes. Anybody can come up to anybody and compliment their fashion style. You can say thank you and walk away. If they can't read the fact you didn't start longer conversation then there's probably not a lot more you could do.

[Fox Sake]

52 minutes ago, ohso said:

Guy older than me approached me on a street in the middle of a day trying to have a conversation with me by commenting on my clothes. I wasn't interested so I ignored him and moved on. 

As I got into a shopping mall, he got in there too and I saw him looking at me from the distance acting like he is shopping or whatever. 

I got out of there and went home. I looked behind me in case he is following me. I didn't see him. 

When I was near my house he appeared out of nowhere and asked me for my name, gave me compliments and so on. I looked away and ignored him. 

But he was persistent so I got mad and told him to get away from me. He didn't like it and started asking me why I am being like that and so on. 

Since I didn't know how to get rid of him, I run away because I got scared.  

Was that an attempt to flirt or does it seem off? 

By the way,  I  try not to draw attention to myself with clothes and so on. So why do I keep attracting creeps? I have a history of men stalking me and new situations like this trigger me. I even feel guilty for being rude to him in case it was all just in my head from past trauma.

Any advice or anything is appreciated. Like, how was I supposed to handle this?

 

 

This is actually scary ... if you felt like he was a creep then he probably was. For him to follow you home is some next level creepyness. 
If someone can’t take a hint by the fact you ignored them or didn’t take them up at the first attempt and they persist , then you have every right to feel uncomfortable. 
It was both an attempt to flirt and incredibly off. The fact he got offended and then tried to quiz you on it  worry’s me. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

Holy crap, girl!

Scream and run.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, ohso said:

Was that an attempt to flirt or does it seem off? 

Yes, without a doubt, this is off. Way off. 

This has happened to me a couple times, and I was very direct and told these men that I am not interested. Period. When one of them approached me again in a different place days later, I told him in no uncertain terms to leave me alone. I never saw him again. 

Don't be afraid to use your voice when silence doesn't give them a strong enough hint. Don't get confrontational, as you don't know how someone is going to react to that, but be clear and firm that you are not interested. And don't engage any further. 

[healing light]

This reminds me of a situation I was once in. I worked at a major private university that I had previously attended, so I lived adjacent to it and walked to work. One day, a man in colored sunglasses popped out of nowhere and complimented me, tried to get info from me, get my name, etc. and followed me a few blocks. At first I was nice but vague and then I tried to politely decline his requests as I crossed the street onto campus. 

A day or two later on my walk to work, this man popped out from the damn bushes (!!) on my block as I walked past (you can't make this crap up, haha), telling me he had been waiting for me. Again, I tried to politely reject his advances (telling him I wasn't interested) and quickened my pace (I'm not very good at being forceful even in creepy situations).

Anyway, this time a co-worker saw it on her way to work. It must have signaled some kind of alarm in her mind because she paid attention to the car he got into after I left. The next day, I changed my route to work so it significantly took me out of the way (like 15-20 minutes more of walking). She let me know that for 2 whole weeks, she spotted his car there waiting for me. He must not have ever discovered my new path to work, thankfully.

Sooooo, long story short, try to change up your routine. Don't drive straight back to your residence if you see him again if you can help it so you don't lead him to where you live. Drive a different way, etc. Mix things up so he can't easily track you. This isn't normal behavior. Carry something on your personhood (like pepper spray) until you're confident you're not going to see him again.

Edited July 16, 2020 by healing light

[Erik30]

Yup, he's definitely a creep. A normal person would've stopped after that first attempt. Don't feel guilty for being rude, I mean this guy actually followed you home This situation goes way beyond flirting and cold approaches

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, healing light said:

This reminds me of a situation I was once in. I worked at a major private university that I had previously attended, so I lived adjacent to it and walked to work. One day, a man in colored sunglasses popped out of nowhere and complimented me, tried to get info from me, get my name, etc. and followed me a few blocks. At first I was nice but vague and then I tried to politely decline his requests as I crossed the street onto campus. 

A day or two later on my walk to work, this man popped out from the damn bushes (!!) on my block as I walked past (you can't make this crap up, haha), telling me he had been waiting for me. Again, I tried to politely reject his advances (telling him I wasn't interested) and quickened my pace (I'm not very good at being forceful even in creepy situations).

Anyway, this time a co-worker saw it on her way to work. It must have signaled some kind of alarm in her mind because she paid attention to the car he got into after I left. The next day, I changed my route to work so it significantly took me out of the way (like 15-20 minutes more of walking). She let me know that for 2 whole weeks, she spotted his car there waiting for me. He must not have ever discovered my new path to work, thankfully.

Sooooo, long story short, try to change up your routine. Don't drive straight back to your residence if you see him again if you can help it so you don't lead him to where you live. Drive a different way, etc. Mix things up so he can't easily track you. This isn't normal behavior. Carry something on your personhood (like pepper spray) until you're confident you're not going to see him again.

What!!!! That is the Michael Myers-est thing I've ever heard!

[balletomane]

2 hours ago, healing light said:

This reminds me of a situation I was once in. I worked at a major private university that I had previously attended, so I lived adjacent to it and walked to work. One day, a man in colored sunglasses popped out of nowhere and complimented me, tried to get info from me, get my name, etc. and followed me a few blocks. At first I was nice but vague and then I tried to politely decline his requests as I crossed the street onto campus. 

A day or two later on my walk to work, this man popped out from the damn bushes (!!) on my block as I walked past (you can't make this crap up, haha), telling me he had been waiting for me. Again, I tried to politely reject his advances (telling him I wasn't interested) and quickened my pace (I'm not very good at being forceful even in creepy situations).

Anyway, this time a co-worker saw it on her way to work. It must have signaled some kind of alarm in her mind because she paid attention to the car he got into after I left. The next day, I changed my route to work so it significantly took me out of the way (like 15-20 minutes more of walking). She let me know that for 2 whole weeks, she spotted his car there waiting for me. He must not have ever discovered my new path to work, thankfully.

I had an almost identical experience, only unfortunately for me, I was wearing a name badge round my neck. When I wouldn't give the guy my name, he grabbed the badge and peered at it. When I told him to leave me alone, he acted offended. "Hey, I was just being friendly, it's rude if I don't even greet you by name!" Thankfully we were very close to the hospital where I work, so I ignored him and ducked in a side entrance. I didn't think anything more of it until a puzzled member of the admin team told me that a man had been at main reception, insisting he had an appointment with me. Reception had been suspicious, as he couldn't tell them what department I was in (that info is on the badge but thankfully he didn't register it) and when they looked me up on the computer they saw that I don't do outpatients. When they asked to see an appointment letter and proof of ID he said he'd left them in his car and practically ran out. It made me jumpy for a while. Definitely change your routines, OP, and don't hesitate to report him to police if you see him again. Even telling him you'll report him might have the desired effect.

[Velvet teddy]

4 hours ago, ohso said:

Guy older than me approached me on a street in the middle of a day trying to have a conversation with me by commenting on my clothes. I wasn't interested so I ignored him and moved on. 

As I got into a shopping mall, he got in there too and I saw him looking at me from the distance acting like he is shopping or whatever. 

I got out of there and went home. I looked behind me in case he is following me. I didn't see him. 

When I was near my house he appeared out of nowhere and asked me for my name, gave me compliments and so on. I looked away and ignored him. 

But he was persistent so I got mad and told him to get away from me. He didn't like it and started asking me why I am being like that and so on. 

Since I didn't know how to get rid of him, I run away because I got scared.  

Was that an attempt to flirt or does it seem off? 

By the way,  I  try not to draw attention to myself with clothes and so on. So why do I keep attracting creeps? I have a history of men stalking me and new situations like this trigger me. I even feel guilty for being rude to him in case it was all just in my head from past trauma.

Any advice or anything is appreciated. Like, how was I supposed to handle this?

 

 

That's  stalking behaviour. Its not normal.

 

 

 

Edited July 16, 2020 by Velvet teddy

[poppyfields]

Agree with others but where do you live that shopping malls are open?  

Malls have been shut down for almost four months in my city/state, most of USA and UK due to covid. 

I want to move where you live!  Lol

Yeah he was stalking you, run away and inform a police officer in the mall, guy could be very dangerous.

Kidnap you or something, for sex trafficking, don't dismiss that possibility, it's very real.

Edited July 16, 2020 by poppyfields

[mark clemson]

No, you definitely don't want anything to do with this guy.

The song linked below is intended as humor, but it's certainly NOT funny when it happens to be you...

 

 

[Ami1uwant]

This seems to be stalking...

 

remove his talking to you from thus...if you happen toseen the same person it’s possible he isn’t stalking you but lived in the same neighborhood.  He could have stared at you thinking..where have I seen her before.