3rd date and already don't like his habits?

July 15, 2020

I've gone on 3 dates with this guy. VERY HANDSOME MECHANIC, he really is. Ticks off all the boxes i'm looking for. He has a good, stable job, his own house just 5 minutes away from me, and likes to build and paint and workout as his hobbies, doesn't drink or smoke weed. I'm not a weed smoker so I don't like to date those who are. But, there's some... traits and habits I don't know if I'm entirely comfortable with.

But, I'd like to know... am I being too weird and picky??

On our first date, he was extremely quiet. But, he was very sweet. He asked a lot of questions about myself and seemed to be a good listener because he was so quiet lol. So, I gave him a 2nd date. He was a little bit more talkative but still kind of quiet. We drank so it was more comfortable.

On our 3rd date last night, I noticed some things I wasn't entirely comfrotable with. He has a very hard time maintaining eye contact. We were sitting outside on a coffee patio, he wouldn't make much eye contact, and it looked like he kept staring at cars where there were female drivers. He was HARDCORE STARING. And then he would look back for a second at me and then look back at the cars. I couldn't tell if he was looking at the women in the cars or if he just wasn't comfortable with eye contact?? Either way I was little bit uncomfortable with it.

He also kept making these weird jokes that didn't make a lot of sense. For example, I think I made a kissy face and puckered up to be funny and cute and he responded with, "Is that you firing my gun?"

And, I was confused and asked, "What? No, that's me making an exaggerated kissing face."

And he quietly laughed and said, "I was making a dirty joke, I guess you didn't get it."

It kind of weirded me out. I don't know, I kind of felt like it didn't really make sense for what I was doing but I moved passed it.

Next, we were at the park walking around and I think I was talking about possibly bike riding on our next date and in a weird, funny accent he shouted, "FUUU$&#!!!" Causing a few people to look our way, confused too.

I was also confused. And I go, "What was that?"

And, he quietly laughs and says, "Oh, it's just something I do sometimes to be funny."

Then literally, every 10 minutes he would shout "FUUUUU$&!" as a response. It didn't even make sense to what I was saying. I was talking about a hike I did with my dad a few weeks back and then he shouted that and then laughed to himself lol.

The eye contact thing, I can probably manage. But, the constant shouting of "FUUFFK" I don't know if I can get used to and the really weird sexual jokes that didn't make a lot of sense. Another joke he made was I talked about how I lost a tooth while biting into a piece of Starburst and he goes, "Damn, well that'll be good for me, am I right?"

I think I knew what he was trying to say with that last one but still doesn't make a lot of sense. If I lost ONE tooth, it would make it much worse for guys because I would totally be scraping their business lmaooo.

I've been told I run away from guys a little too fast so I really, really want to be open-minded about this guy. And, I already agreed for a 4th date. But, I wanted to see what others thought about this??

July 15, 2020

This guy checks all your boxes, he doesn't seem like a great catch to me at all.

July 15, 2020

The "traits and habits" sound weird and unattractive. He seems socially very awkward and inappropriate. The sexual innuendos/jokes were out of line.

Surely you can find a guy that ticks off all the boxes you listed AND who knows how to act.

July 15, 2020

He has a very strange sense of humour. I'm sure someone out there will get it, but that person isn't you.

July 15, 2020

My take on this - he either has Tourette’s, or lacks confidence, or was intimidated by your beauty (Hence the no eye contact ) and used himself as the bait for jokes.
When you made a kissy face he was insinuating he has a tiny wee penis the same goes for the missing tooth. I think he thinks he was being funny but just ended up being awkward. And embarrassing.
Give him another date to see if he chills out and relaxes a little.

Edited July 15, 2020 by Fox Sake

July 15, 2020

14 minutes ago, DelarosaKandy said:

I've gone on 3 dates with this guy. VERY HANDSOME MECHANIC, he really is. Ticks off all the boxes i'm looking for. He has a good, stable job, his own house just 5 minutes away from me, and likes to build and paint and workout as his hobbies, doesn't drink or smoke weed. I'm not a weed smoker so I don't like to date those who are. But, there's some... traits and habits I don't know if I'm entirely comfortable with.

But, I'd like to know... am I being too weird and picky??

On our first date, he was extremely quiet. But, he was very sweet. He asked a lot of questions about myself and seemed to be a good listener because he was so quiet lol. So, I gave him a 2nd date. He was a little bit more talkative but still kind of quiet. We drank so it was more comfortable.

On our 3rd date last night, I noticed some things I wasn't entirely comfrotable with. He has a very hard time maintaining eye contact. We were sitting outside on a coffee patio, he wouldn't make much eye contact, and it looked like he kept staring at cars where there were female drivers. He was HARDCORE STARING. And then he would look back for a second at me and then look back at the cars. I couldn't tell if he was looking at the women in the cars or if he just wasn't comfortable with eye contact?? Either way I was little bit uncomfortable with it.

He also kept making these weird jokes that didn't make a lot of sense. For example, I think I made a kissy face and puckered up to be funny and cute and he responded with, "Is that you firing my gun?"

And, I was confused and asked, "What? No, that's me making an exaggerated kissing face."

And he quietly laughed and said, "I was making a dirty joke, I guess you didn't get it."

It kind of weirded me out. I don't know, I kind of felt like it didn't really make sense for what I was doing but I moved passed it.

Next, we were at the park walking around and I think I was talking about possibly bike riding on our next date and in a weird, funny accent he shouted, "FUUU$&#!!!" Causing a few people to look our way, confused too.

I was also confused. And I go, "What was that?"

And, he quietly laughs and says, "Oh, it's just something I do sometimes to be funny."

Then literally, every 10 minutes he would shout "FUUUUU$&!" as a response. It didn't even make sense to what I was saying. I was talking about a hike I did with my dad a few weeks back and then he shouted that and then laughed to himself lol.

The eye contact thing, I can probably manage. But, the constant shouting of "FUUFFK" I don't know if I can get used to and the really weird sexual jokes that didn't make a lot of sense. Another joke he made was I talked about how I lost a tooth while biting into a piece of Starburst and he goes, "Damn, well that'll be good for me, am I right?"

I think I knew what he was trying to say with that last one but still doesn't make a lot of sense. If I lost ONE tooth, it would make it much worse for guys because I would totally be scraping their business lmaooo.

I've been told I run away from guys a little too fast so I really, really want to be open-minded about this guy. And, I already agreed for a 4th date. But, I wanted to see what others thought about this??

It sounds like you are with this guy because you like the way he looks and he has a job. He obviously doesn't have the same sense of humor as you, and he seems awkward. And the couple blow job jokes he spat forth weren't even funny or clever. Also, if you got the vibes that he was checking out other women, he probably was. My suggestion is to find someone that you don't have awkward moments with. NEXT!

July 15, 2020

I agree with backinthesaddle, this guy seems awkward and I cringed at what you wrote about his behavior. It seems like the chances of you actually liking him in a long term sense are extremely low. I guess he has the desired-superficial-quality boxes are ticked off (which are important in their own right), but I doubt you are going to be happy with him long term.

July 15, 2020

I would pass. Way too much weirdness already.

July 16, 2020

Me personally especially with men I mean as in friends new people you meet that kinda oddball behaviour is not a good sign. In one case a guy I knew had deeper issues like a major gambling problem I'd be weiry

July 16, 2020

That's a lot of weird. Particularly for the first couple dates. Pass

July 16, 2020

Is it a kind of guy you would like to introduce to your family? "Ticks off all the boxes" is good but you have to look at the entire person is like. Sometimes, someone looks good on paper but in person, not so much.

July 16, 2020

24 minutes ago, enigma32 said:

This guy is an absolute douche.

That nicely sums it up - agree!

July 16, 2020

4 hours ago, ccas93 said:

I agree with backinthesaddle, this guy seems awkward and I cringed at what you wrote about his behavior. It seems like the chances of you actually liking him in a long term sense are extremely low. I guess he has the desired-superficial-quality boxes are ticked off (which are important in their own right), but I doubt you are going to be happy with him long term.

agreed. I think he ticks off the boxes on a list of what someone looks like or does, his basics. But from what you described and how you described it, how can you say he ticks off boxes for personality or chemistry with you or connection with you.

I think you could give him another date to see if he calms down (maybe he was nervous). But by then I think you should make your decision. Or you could do that now. Having ideal looks for your type or owning a house are not everything.

July 16, 2020

This guy sounds completely lacking in social skills. People make an effort to put their best face forward on the first few dates. Once he relaxes around you and REALLY gets comfortable, it will only get worse. You shouldn't go out with this guy again.

July 16, 2020

You dated him 3 times...move on.

if he had something like Tourettes he would have told you that.

I have a feeling he has some form of ASD giving shyness, lack of eye contact, talking some obsure topics or jokes.

July 16, 2020

Does he have Tourette Syndrome?

Some of that sounds very Tourette's. And then covering each time, claiming it was a joke.

Please don't laugh because it's cruel but Tourette's isn't always just screaming a swear word, it can also be really odd phrases. Anyway, the "don't laugh" part is, I once watched a documentary on it where the man's primary tic was saying, "I am the Polish prince of penis." He had NO clue why.

Movements or signals can be part of it too. Like the middle finger, a salute, tongue out or something. (Like that "gun?")

Making eye contact could make a person trying incredibly hard to suppress tics even more nervous.

Anyway, it's just a thought. Not saying that has to be it.

Edited July 16, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

July 16, 2020

He sounds very socially inept. The lack of eye contact is telling, if he's not just shy. And I don't get the sense that he is shy, really; this seems to be more about having poor social skills and not being able to read a situation well (ie. sexual innuendo)

Ialso wonder if he might have Tourette's and is trying to hide it by claiming he's making a joke. (with the loud swearing) Perhaps there's something else going on, but I wouldn't exclude that possibility.

So, while he might just be a strange guy, there could be something else underlying his behaviour. It's up to you whether you want to stick around and find out, or bow out gracefully.

July 16, 2020

I agree, there's probably a problem there. I assume if it was Toyrette's he would have apologised? You have the right to be picky by the way!

July 16, 2020

Well , the stuff you said you did like were just shallow superficial crap anyway , nothing to do with the right person as a person for you. Jobs and houses and handsome , is that all you can come up with , deep ! No wonder you didn.'t like his habits. Anyway he sounds like he's shy quiet and also has a bit of anxiety .

Edited July 16, 2020 by chillii

July 16, 2020

Lack of eye contact and being shy/awkward could sometimes change but the forceful jokes with sexual innuendos are just cheap, in my opinion. The fact that he has a house, likes working out, or that has a stable job are not personality traits - if those are your boxes then perhaps that's where the problem is. Your boxes should be about who he is, how he acts around you and other people, not what he possesses.

I think you know it, that's why you said you could get over the slight no-eye-contact shyness and so on, but the jokes probably went a over your boundary of what you would tolerate and your response seems spot on...

July 16, 2020

This screams Tourettes to me. And he's embarrassed and tries to cover. If you think you otherwise like him, give him 1 more chance. If he says something off color, call him on it & tell him that's crude. If he says that weird thing repeatedly, ask him point blank if he has Tourettes.

July 16, 2020

13 hours ago, DelarosaKandy said:

I've gone on 3 dates with this guy. VERY HANDSOME MECHANIC, he really is. Ticks off all the boxes i'm looking for. He has a good, stable job, his own house just 5 minutes away from me, and likes to build and paint and workout as his hobbies, doesn't drink or smoke weed. I'm not a weed smoker so I don't like to date those who are. But, there's some... traits and habits I don't know if I'm entirely comfortable with.

But, I'd like to know... am I being too weird and picky??

On our first date, he was extremely quiet. But, he was very sweet. He asked a lot of questions about myself and seemed to be a good listener because he was so quiet lol. So, I gave him a 2nd date. He was a little bit more talkative but still kind of quiet. We drank so it was more comfortable.

On our 3rd date last night, I noticed some things I wasn't entirely comfrotable with. He has a very hard time maintaining eye contact. We were sitting outside on a coffee patio, he wouldn't make much eye contact, and it looked like he kept staring at cars where there were female drivers. He was HARDCORE STARING. And then he would look back for a second at me and then look back at the cars. I couldn't tell if he was looking at the women in the cars or if he just wasn't comfortable with eye contact?? Either way I was little bit uncomfortable with it.

He also kept making these weird jokes that didn't make a lot of sense. For example, I think I made a kissy face and puckered up to be funny and cute and he responded with, "Is that you firing my gun?"

And, I was confused and asked, "What? No, that's me making an exaggerated kissing face."

And he quietly laughed and said, "I was making a dirty joke, I guess you didn't get it."

It kind of weirded me out. I don't know, I kind of felt like it didn't really make sense for what I was doing but I moved passed it.

Next, we were at the park walking around and I think I was talking about possibly bike riding on our next date and in a weird, funny accent he shouted, "FUUU$&#!!!" Causing a few people to look our way, confused too.

I was also confused. And I go, "What was that?"

And, he quietly laughs and says, "Oh, it's just something I do sometimes to be funny."

Then literally, every 10 minutes he would shout "FUUUUU$&!" as a response. It didn't even make sense to what I was saying. I was talking about a hike I did with my dad a few weeks back and then he shouted that and then laughed to himself lol.

The eye contact thing, I can probably manage. But, the constant shouting of "FUUFFK" I don't know if I can get used to and the really weird sexual jokes that didn't make a lot of sense. Another joke he made was I talked about how I lost a tooth while biting into a piece of Starburst and he goes, "Damn, well that'll be good for me, am I right?"

I think I knew what he was trying to say with that last one but still doesn't make a lot of sense. If I lost ONE tooth, it would make it much worse for guys because I would totally be scraping their business lmaooo.

I've been told I run away from guys a little too fast so I really, really want to be open-minded about this guy. And, I already agreed for a 4th date. But, I wanted to see what others thought about this??

Give him a fourth date. But it should be a make or break. Whereby you decide to see him again or discontinue.

When you mentioned lack of eye contact, i thought maybe hes shy etc or intimidated and it would improve. But all the crass jokes ( which you didn't get) and the shouting in public odd phrases, i would have nexted the guy by then.

July 16, 2020

13 hours ago, Fox Sake said:

My take on this - he either has Tourette’s, or lacks confidence, or was intimidated by your beauty (Hence the no eye contact ) and used himself as the bait for jokes.
When you made a kissy face he was insinuating he has a tiny wee penis the same goes for the missing tooth. I think he thinks he was being funny but just ended up being awkward. And embarrassing.
Give him another date to see if he chills out and relaxes a little.

Why is a tiny penis funny? Justify your mockery.

Edited July 16, 2020 by deepthinking

July 16, 2020

Are you of the same culture? Same native language? Some cultures consider direct eye contact as disrespectful, and again you seem to not understand often, is it a language thing?. Other than that you don't have the same sense of humor. I think you've seen enough and you should pass.

Edited July 16, 2020 by Gaeta

July 16, 2020

1 hour ago, deepthinking said:

Why is a tiny penis funny? Justify your mockery.

It reminded me of a scene from Borat! Or maybe it was The Dictator. One of Sasha Barren Cohen’s other movies. And seeing as I think in pictures and not words, remembering the scene made me laugh. That’s all there is to it. Don’t take it personally.

edit - sorry if I offended you!

Edited July 16, 2020 by Fox Sake
Forgot to apologise

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3rd date and already don't like his habits?

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